dr1819

WELL SAID

However, I would like to add that as a leather crafter I am often called upon to tool belts. Except for the sizes and the buckles used, there is no real difference between a man's belt and a woman's belt. But for some reason that I still am unable to fathom, men invariably ask for very plain dowdy colors whereas women want really bright colors. If I only tooled for men I doubt if I would ever need more than 6 different stains or colors.

Ah, now, JMC, I'd have to differ. Perhaps my brain is wired differently. Perhaps those of artists and photographers past are similar, but I distinguish no less than 1 in about 30,000 shade difference. Then again, I'm a semi-professional photographer. No painter, but I writer, too. I'm a prolific writer (in case you haven't guessed).

Nevertheless, a recent study noticed that women, in general, preferred, brighter, and more pastel colors than men. Since this multi-cultural study showed similar results throughout the world, I suspect it's the result of a hormonal wiring of the brain.

Ok, that's fine! I like subdued colors, in both clothes and heels, even in my skirts. Then again, I'm a man...

Dr.1819 I really like your letter. Very straight to the point but sensitive. It's a hard decision. My insticts are screaming what you are saying with the whole he is struggling with telling me.

How does a person know when its the right time to bring something like this up? What if I do it too soon and he freaks and runs? Do I wait until he is ready? What will that do to me? Ladies who have gone through this, any advice? Why cant men just talk? Especially with a person they know is 100% devoted and in love with them. Do you mind if I keep your letter? I think I could use it for support for myself. Maybe I should just take the plunge.

Thank you, Ruby. My example was intended to be short, simple, non-confrontational, supportive, kind, loving, sweet, to the point, and, at the end, deflective.

Then again, I'm a lay marriage and family therapist with our church, so you'd expect nothing else?

I think if you lay it out as stated, and he freaks and runs, then he's a few issues of his own to work out that you're not a part of now, nor were you a part of when they became issues, and that he should work those out. It would be time to wait. Not back off, just be supportive and give him room to adjust.

As for men just talking, I'm a man, and I can talk. Then again, I'm 40+, and have unlearned old falsehoods so I can pretty much talk about anything.

I would ask you this - why can't women talk? Just tell him that you know. That's talking, so talk to him. If he doesn't know where you're coming from, he'll conjure up all kinds of things. Neither men nor women live and love well in a vaccuum, so communication is critical. Keep it simple: "I love you. I am committed to you. I could care less what you like to wear, be it heels or hose. I love you. I am committed to you..."

I'd like to say it takes a village, but he's beyond that, and like all young men, working through his own issues.

Give him room, but give him hope, and given him a reason to stick around.

Uncertainty isn't hope, so let him know.

The Fair Acoustic Version is really a different style of guitar playing and I really enjoyed it. The electric versions, alas, were not my style.

I wish it'd been longer - sounded interesting.

I had a roommate when I was a freshman in college who'd studied classical guitar for 11 years. Many a night I fell asleep to his practice, and have loved classical guitar ever since. He could play anything, and would have put this guy to shame, as he could play entire flamenco dance riffs with one hand (although he preferred both due to the richer sound). He never did 12-string or electric - he was dedicated to the 6-string acoustic and could make it do pretty much anything he wanted it to. At least once a month he played with one philharmonic orchestra or another, and was never absent during any local concert.

In later years, I thanked him for his dedication and he said that after I fell asleep my snores were so regular he adjusted his timing to play in accordance with them, as playing against them sucked. He said several times he opened the door and played as hallmates listened to my snoring and his playing. I do have one recollection of waking up briefly to some of them laughing, not knowing what it was about, and falling asleep, and it's probably during one of those moments.

Ahhh... College days.

So long as you approach increasing heights very gently (I recommend anything over three inches in quarter-inch increments no more often than once a quarter), AND you routinely wear lower heels and flats (ie, you wear heels less than half the time), I think you should be able to wear the equivalent of a three-inch heel on a size 8 (US) foot without any problem. Payless has a great size/length conversion you can use to find your own ratio. Any higher than that, however, and some men and women have had problems, mainly bunions, a very painful and abnormal development of the ball of the big toe.

I am able to walk about 10 steps before the agonizing pain fells me to the couch. I guess that will just take some time to master.

Woah! Heels are supposed to be fun, not "agonizing!"

If you want "agonizing," consider modifying non-essential body parts without anesthetic.

But if you'd like to walk normally past, say, 40 or 50, lay off agnonizing one of the most critical body parts known to mobility - the foot. And as the foot goes, so does the ankle, then the knee, hip, and back.

A couple of summers ago I worked up to wearing 5" heels, beginning with 3.5" heels, even though I often wore a four inch heel. I used the same "interval training" we used in track:

Mon: 2"

Tue: 3"

Wed: 3.5"

Thu: 3"

Fri: 3.5"

Sat: 3.75"

Sun: 2.5"

Mon: 3.5"

Wed: 4"

Thu: 3"

Fri: 3.5"

Sat: 4"

Sun: 3.75"

Mon: 4.5"

Tue: 3"

Wed: 4"

Thu: 4.5"

Fri: 3.5"

Sat: 4"

Sun: 4.5"

Mon: 5"

It's an undulating cycle that allows for tendon/flexor recovery, and the above schedule is very abbreviated - the original one was two months long, because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt myself.

That's just stupid.

On the other hand, the human body is capable of adapting, provided one takes things slow, and never goes beyond the pain factor (muscle soreness isn't pain. Cramped toes in a too-tight boot is pain).

Pain is your friend. It tells you when you're doing something wrong.

So listen to it, and don't do it.

Unless you're really hell-bent on walking with a lot of pain in about ten to twenty years. If that's the case, indulge, but my Mom's got bunions the size of walnuts, all because she pushed too hard, too fast, and for too long.

Another thing to consider - tight, pointy-toed, high-heeled boots are the worst Rx for your feet. Period. I believe the podietrists are in league with the manufacturers, as nearly all of the shoes available today, despite two decades of warning, are pointy-toed.

Your toes need to spread out, in part to distribute the weight, and in part to ensure proper circulation.

Let them.

Many ultra-sexy high-heeled shoes and boots have been built in your size that are anatomically correct. I buy from Zappos because they have the largest selection of 3+" heels in my size. I usually send back about 75% of my orders because they don't fit.

As cute as they are, it doesn't sound like your boots fit. Your ankles never developed when you were growing up to over-rotate like that, and your toes didn't develop to be highly compressed bearing 240% of the normal weight they hold into a tiny compartment that's not at all shaped like your foot.

Let me lay it out for you - Pleaser Sucks. All they want is your money. If the top fashion were round-toed boots, they'd give you round-toed boots. But that's not the top fashion today, and they could care less about your health and welfare. They just want the money.

My advice: Step back, check out the several quite awesome custom shoe and boot makers out there who build anatomically correct footwear. Work with them. Visit them if you can. You may pay $300 for a pair of boots, but that one pair will be quite high, but extremely comfortable, and will last you several years - well worth the investment.

My favorite pair of 4" heels are to die for - so much so that I find myself saving them for special occasions when I know I'll be on my feet all day. There's absolutely no pinching in the toes (although they're comfortably snug, there and everywhere else). The 4" heels are high enough that I'm at my limit of comfort, but not crossing into my threshold of discomfort. The lace-up styling with the side zipper means I can adjust them as they wear in, yet get them on and off in a hurry. And the fact that they're leather with a lining means that if I wear them with at least hose, if not a thin sock, they'll last a long time. They'll probably last me 10 years, as I've had then 2-1/2 years, already, with minimal signs of wear and only break-in adjustments. Then again, I paid $350 for them, with two sitting/fittings, so I tend to respect the craftsmanship of the maker.

They're my favorite pair, and because of the personal sittings/initial fittings, entirely well worth the expense.

My second favorite pair of boots are made of leather, have a 3" block rubber heel, side zips, and simply fit quite well while being very stealthy yet comfortably high - great for nightlife.

A whopping $30 on eBay, shipping included.

However, as I've only routinely worn one in five shoes I've purchased one eBary, that comes to around $50 per pair of valid heels, and the construction isn't as nice, generally, as the shoes found in the mall (which are too small anyway...).

Custom heels, gents - do it right, find a cobbler willing to work with you, and if you listen to him (he's been fitting people a lot longer than you've been wearing), you'll wind up with a pair of heels that'll be well worth the additional expense.

I'm not a fan of wedges, either, particularly the cork ones. However, there was a really cute pair that I just had to get for lounging around the house:

Sadly, it didn't come in my size, so I purchased one that's almost identical, but with cork sides (yech) and thick horizontal straps, one across the toes, the other across the instep.

Fortunately, I found some magic in a bottle of black shoe polish, and turned the cork into pitch black, so the shoe now looks a lot more like one in the picture.

The cool thing about the cork, however, is that it's ultra quiet, which is why I decided to walk to a restaurant nearby, wearing these, and my usual long jeans. It was dark, and the area around here isn't lighted all that well, so I didn't mind it if I were spotted, as about all they'd see is that I was wearing some sort of a sandal. It's doubtful anyone would spot the heel or the fact I was wearing a wedge.

I arrived at the restuarant and asked for a table near the back, and sat down. I thought things were fine until the waiter returned with my credit card slip. She'd written, "Nice shoes!" on it with a little smiley-face. Without moving, I peeked under the table to discover that when I'd sat down, my pants rode up to my ankle, exposing the entire shoe and my foot in it. The shoe almost disappeared in the dark beneath the table, but my white foot, the two black leather straps, and the fact that my foot was clearly in the "I'm wearing a high heel" position was clear for the world to see.

Fortunately, the only "world" at the time consisted of my waitress, so I was glad she had the good sense to humor me, and as I left the restaurant, she gave me a "bye, now - come again" sendoff and a little wave.

I'll bet they are! But probably not as loud as a blue pair of high-heeled boots being worn by a man!

I have the part time fetish thing for heels too. Mostly I just enjoy wearing them in the sense that they're pretty and fun to walk in, but if I'm in the right frame of mind it can be sexually exciting. I wouldn't worry about it, as Dr1819 said loads of guys are turned on by heels, if you enjoy wearing them as well as seeing women in them then it's just crossing over a bit.

Chris

Thanks, Chris - I appreciate your candor.

One must remember that shrinks take their cue from society. If the society as a whole thinks cannibalism is ok, then it wouldn't be listed in the DSM-IV. As mentioned in another thread, caftans, pareos, and sarongs are all MEN'S clothing in most parts of the world, but are marketed exclusively to women in the Western world. As such, most people in the Western world think a man wearing a sarong, for example, is cross-dressing, but it's not, as more men wear sarongs throughout the Pacific islands than women do throughout the Western world.

As for heels - invented in Europe by men, for men, worn by men between around 1500 (and clear evidence exists several thousand years earlier in other cultures) and the mid-1800s, at least half of the last 500 years.

Cross-dressing?

Sorry, but no - I just don't buy it, and rail against the idiots who wrongly believe it is.

The place i live isnt really big enough. you are bound to meet someone

Sounds like it's time to take a Saturday train to a larger city...

I must confess I hit a bit of a rut myself; caused amongst other things by observing some really creepy, furtive, pervy looking old men (well, they probably weren't much older than me) browsing the ladies sales racks recently. My instant reaction was OMG how awful, followed by a period of reflection that I must look like that to some people.

I daresay I'll get over it.

Glad to hear it!

While riding my bicycle Saturday, I stopped by a shoe store that's always got some of the best looking hh shoes, boots, and sandals. It's a local German store. The thing that's always scared me away were the prices (between 100E and 250E).

I walked in, and after furtively looking at the men's shoes until the current customer left, I asked the lady if they carried any larger sizes, and stated my size. Germans are funny - very direct and willing to let you know their opinion, yet fairly open-minded.

She said, "for you?" When I replied, "Yes, please," she responded by saying, "That is different." Then she said, "Just a moment," went into the back to check her stock and when she returned, she said, "I'm sorry, no. But we can get them in larger sizes if you would like."

She then said, "what kind of shoe are you interested in?" and when I showed her a couple of the ones on display, including stacked-heel (about 3.5") lace-up oxford (withOUT the stupid pointy toes... but with a nice toe that looks just like most men's business shoes), a pair of plain, round-toed granny boots with a three-inch riding heel (perfectly concealable under any long pair of pants), and a pair of thick-strappy sandals with adjustable buckles with a 3.5" heel, she said, "You have good taste - all are very good shoes. Well made." She then added, "I will call my suppliers and see if they have any in your size. I'm sure they do. Please come back tomorrow."

Well, that was yesterday, and I forgot to stop by today, so I'll try and remember to do it soon and let you know.

I do hope iloveboots hasn't exhausted his collection! That's some of the most stellar combinations I've seen to date.

It was MEN who first wore skirts, ruffles and lace, high heels, and much more that is now considered the domain of women's fashion. (Talk about a propaganda snow job.) So who, exactly, are the real crossdressers?

GREAT QUESTION!!!

Of course it's the women!

Consider the current styles marketed to women:

Gauchos - the cropped, flaired pants that are still worn by cowBOYS of the same name in Brazil.

Ponchos - High Plains Drifter. Clint Eastwood. A pullover worn by MEN in Peru. Need I say more?

Caftans - A MALE garment worn by MEN in the Middle East. Yes, today, and by most men, there.

Kimono - A loose, wide-sleeved robe, fastened at the waist with a wide sash, worn by men and women in Japan, and yes again, by many Japanese men.

Sarong - A length of brightly colored cloth wrapped about the waist and hanging as a skirt, worn by both men and women in Indonesia, the Malay Archipelago, and the Pacific islands. (From the Malay word for sheath or covering), and yes, by most men there.

Pareo or pareu - Tahitian word for a rectangular piece of cloth worn by Polynesian men and women as a wraparound skirt or loincloth, and still worn by most men there.

Tunic - A gown-like outer garment, usually around knee-length, either short-sleeved or sleeveless, and sometimes belted at the waist. Robin Hood. Need I say more? Today’s “tunics” are not true tunics, however, as the “tunic” is an outer garment designed to cover one from the neck to the mid-thigh. The remainder was covered under tights. And yes, by men, even if it were originally under the guise of doublets (hose worn by men and women that tied around the waist).

ALL of these garments are MALE garments in their countries of origen, with only three of the seven being worn by both sexes; the rest were/are worn exclusively by men. So, yes - WOMEN are the CROSSDRESSERS, not men!

Kilt - Kilts are skirt-like garments, traditionally worn by men in the Scottish Highlands. Kilts are NOT skirts, but try to find one through Macy's, JC Penneys, or the like. Unless you're looking in the women's section... So make that four ways women are currently crossdressing in Western fashion circles.

Yet kilt wear is on the rise - in the last decade, more than 30 thriving online shops have spring up that sell both traditional and, more commonly, contemporary kilts for men, and perhaps half that many shops have been marketing skirts for men. Not frilly things, but manly skirts, that look like they were made for men.

Some of the contemporary kilts are pleated, some are nothing more than skirts of the same general length as kilts. A kilt is a pleated wrap, while some of these "kilts" are fasted or even zippered and belted like any other skit, and quite a few models available don't have pleats at all. A zippered, non-pleated unbifurcated garment is a SKIRT, not a kilt. But hey - if calling it a kilt gains more sales, I'm all for it. The more men showing up in unbifurcated clothing the better for everyone. It's all about freedom, baby, and I'm not talking about the freedom to wear what you want to - I'm talking about freedom for the pair, which, by God's design, need a cooler climate than is afforded by a pair of jean pants. Think about it - why, really, is the birth rate throughout the western world declining, as sperm motility rates throughout the Western world drop through the floor? I'm no Einstein, but if the biologist say they need to be at 93 degrees or less, and I'm corralling them into a 98.6 degree sweatbox, it's not rocket science to figure out that releasing them into the vented enclosure of a skirt is probably the best thing for them. For that matter, I sincerely doubt that Monostat 7 would have been invented if women had kept to skirts, as it's largely been cited that the confines of pants greatly exacerbates this problem.

As for me, I have one true kilt (bought used, as they're very expensive), and about six skirts, ranging in length from mini (worn only around the house on very warm, muggy days) to mid-thigh, knee-length, calf-length, lower, and two that are truly ankle-length. To date I've worn only three of my skirts in public - the mid-thigh (because it really looks exactly like my pair of men's Columbia shorts, except for the number of openings at the bottom), my full-length black cotton twill ankle skirt (because in a dark tavern it pretty much disappears), and my Macabi skirt, which is actually made for men, and which I've worn while hiking (that's what it's made for).

Of course I've worn the kilt in public. It is, after all, a MAN'S garment! I wasn't all that fashionable, wearing it with my rugby shirt and hiking boots, but heh - I'm a man - who expects me to be fashionable?

As far as my skirts go, the flies on all of them open to the right (like men's pants), and when I wear them in public, it's with my black leather Levi's MEN'S belt. Most I wear on the hips, like jeans, but my black ankle-length skirt is too long, so I wear that one at my waist. I rarely mix skirts and heels, except at home, but there I'm often spotted by neighbors getting a log off the woodpile wearing my jeans skirt and my black leather boots with 4" heels. They all know, having seen me going to/from my car, etc., and since the friendships started first, they really don't care. No big deal. They still say hi, let me hold their kids, or even babysit once in a while (I do it for free - kids are tons of fun). In fact I play cards with the couple two houses down at least once a month and I do so wearing my black ankle-length skirt and a pair of "women's" black leather toe thong sandals (but they're so masculine with wide stripes they look like they could easily be men's sandals). Twice, though, I've worn my 4" cork and leather-strap sandals (two thick straps - looks just like a man's sandal, except for the cork wedge heel and 1/2" platform). Worn with my black jeans, they didn't say a thing, even though they saw the sandal clearly whenever I crossed my legs (the pants largely hid the heel, but even then it was still noticeable).

I've worn Franco Sarto black leather 4" tapered-heel boots to the movies, to renew my driver's licence, to get gas, to etc., numerous times. I've worn lots of heels, lots of times, and really, nobody gave a damn. I'd have attracted 100 times more attention wearing a pink tutu. Same goes for skirts - nobody cares. They see a man in a skirt, and most people think, "he's from another country," particularly when the skirt is fairly masculine.

They don't care.

Nobody cares.

Except, of course, self-righteous and self-appointed fashion police and others who continue to rant, "that's not the way we do things now."

That's not the way WHO does things now? Those in your family? Your community? Look around, Butch, 'cause men in your community, no matter how small, are violating YOUR rules (while adhering to the rules of what men have worn for between 500 and 50,000 years - duh). Men have always worn heels. For perhaps 100 times that length of time, they've worn skirts and robes - unbifurcated garments. Grow a brain! (if you can - most can't, so I'm not holding my breath).

Bottom line: Follow Nike. Just do it.

Let the rest of society fall where it may.

Your life is YOUR LIFE!!!

Live it to the fullest. Don't let society tell you how to live your life. It's not their life. It's YOUR life.

Make it a good one, enjoy it well, hang with the people that matter the most to you, avoid those who try to change you for no other reason than because they're pathetically narrow-minded, wear whatever the hell you want to wear (but do obey the laws, because it's not worth the fines, jail time, your time, etc.), and HAVE A GOOD TIME!

I love the Golden Apples book. I don't know if that's the exact title, but my Mom had it on the table a long time ago. It talks about holding hands while crossing the street, and a bunch of other golden oldies. Great book! Nowhere does it talk about fashion choices, but many times it mentions how to live one's life to the fullest, and I think inherent in that is that everyone should purpose and follow through on doing what they feel is right, just, and moral. Since men have worn skirts for more than 50,000 years, I have absolutely no qualms about wearing skirts. Since men have worn heels for at least half of the 500 years since heels were invented (and many men have worn them anyway, in or out of style), I have absolutely no qualms about wearing heels. Since robe-like dresses are common to many of the places I've lived or visited, I have no qualms about wearing them.

Key points (and if you're of a different opinion, I'm perfectly fine with that - whatever floats your boat):

1. I'm not into trying to pass.

2. I don't wear feminine attire - only masculine attire (regardless of cut).

3. My choice in heels is primarily masculine, as the feminine cuts just don't do it for me. I like heels, yes, but I'm not into "women's shoes."

4. Skirts and other unbifurcated garments have been the historical norm for more than 2,000 times the amount of time they have not, and modern medicine says pants are the problem behind immotility, so.... DUH!!! Who the hell is stupid enough to continue wearing pants? And if you're so stupid, you deserve to have less children!!!

FMs, all.

Out.

I know alot of people will not agree with me... But I believe that the Bible is a fiction novel that has aquired "cult" status.

Please don't flame me... it's just my opinion.

And respected! By the way, I took a ton of pictures of the house Abraham was raised in. It's located in Southern Iraq.

If you're interested, I'll post some for you to view.

In the meantime, I've been amazed over the years how many heeling men are believers. I think it's at least half of us. That would be an interesting poll...

Keep the faith!

I may be grasping at thin air, here, Ruby, but it really sounds like he's struggling with this, and is possibly contemplating telling you, but what's holding him back is that he thinks you might bolt. Guys are like that, and will torture themselves for months before telling a new love something that may not be well-received. Just tell him: Dear John: I love you and am committed to our relationship, so please don't freak out about the fact that I've known for quite some time about your enjoyment of heels and hose. I'm ok with that, really, and am learning more about it. I don't think you're weird, strange, or that it's somehow wrong. Unusual, yes, but not wrong. If you'd like to talk about it, I'm here for you. If you feel uncomfortable about it, that's fine too - just know that I love you. Love, Ruby PS: Let's go out tonight!

When I clicked on the link, I got a message saying "you do not own this playlist", but thankfully, I just had to search for "thighbootguy" and I found the video here instead. VERY nice video! I enjoyed it immensely! Thank you TBG!

I've loved Pachabel's Canon ever since I saw the movie To Fly at the National Air and Space Museum when I was in high school.

Here's a few more!

Personally, I think JerrC does the best job, but none of them hold a candle to another one I came across a couple week back - the guy was in his mid-late thirties and was about twice as fast and accurate as any of them.

dr1819 -

"reasons of support" ?? Whats going on?

Twisted my ankle slightly. Wearing heels didn't hurt, but the boots provide a lot of support.

Funny! Reminds me of one Halloween in college, when I borried a pair of 70's-style wooden sandals from my girlfriend's roommate. I didn't shave my legs, but did the boob, dress, wig, nails, and makeup routine. My girlfriend was quite tall (basketball player) so she went as the man, suit and tie. The problem was, my features were girlish enough that I was quite passable, and some folks thought I was really a girl and that the costume was a European woman as my legs weren't shaved. It was supposed to be "70's chick," as I had the heels, the mini-dress, hairdo, bangles, and all.

For 10,000 Euro, I'm quite sure I could have run 100m in 12s flat.

Good luck!

Win massive points with your wife by lowering the heels and taming down the image of you in heels, as well. You'd be a fool to do otherwise.

I've got a pair of 4" knee-high black leather knee-high boots from Gabrielle Rochelle. I'm wearing them now for reasons of support, and have worn them out numerous times betwen now and when I got them during the early Fall of 2005.

Certainly too expensive for me!

Yes, well, in the spirit of Christmas, I've... ...ungh!... ...pulled my 4" tapered-heel black leather boots out of the closet and put them on. Matches my ankle-length khaki skirt quite well, although I'd never be caught dead wearing both (until social mores change). Perfect for the weather we've been having over hear in Germany, eh, Micha?

Francis really came up with a good one for this topic - it's been most enjoyable.

Yes, I can see someone charging a wheel clamper for grand theft auto. All they would have to do is prove that the clamper denied rightful access for any significant period of time (under US law).

It would be an interesting trick, however, to run it through the courts, which are prone to give wheel clampers the benefit of the doubt. One would have to prove they were legitimately parked.

So - if true Scotsmen wear nothing but freedom under their kilts, what do priests wear under their cassocks?