Gurl-Speak, or the hidden "distaff" code, or ...

[azraelle]

(This is meant, mostly, for the rather enlightened and liberal-minded women in/on this board)

Pardon my possible paranoia, but I saw a word here on this board the other day(http://www.hhplace.org/hhboard/viewtopic.php?t=1051) that I have only heard used in conversation as an adjective once before in my nearly 50 years--both times by women to describe feminine behavior in a guy. The word is "girly". In normal conversation "girlish" might be heard occasionally, but "girly"?

This got me to thinking that there might be some hidden language consisting of words, cues, etc., that only girls generally know and use, similar to some fictional stories by Orson Scott Card, Fritz Leiber, and others.

My question is, Is There?? And if so, would you be willing to share some of it?

Just curious...

[AndyB]

Intentionally blank.

[Laurieheels]

Girly would really be "traits that reflect a usually feminine point of view" Az, yes, there is a hidden language women use, and no, I'm not going to tell you a darn thing about it. That would be an unfair advantage for you. But it is more that females can have an understanding, and that we can communivate this understanding between one another in ways men do not see. I am sure men can do the same thing. Estrogen. It's powerful stuff. Therein lies the difference.

[Bob]

Mmm... estrogen is powerful stuff, and men have it in their blood too! And yes, I can understand girly talk, even though i'm a bloke! Not all your female wiles escape all us guy's you know

[Dr. Shoe]

Girly would really be "traits that reflect a usually feminine point of view"

Az, yes, there is a hidden language women use, and no, I'm not going to tell you a darn thing about it. That would be an unfair advantage for you.

But it is more that females can have an understanding, and that we can communivate this understanding between one another in ways men do not see. I am sure men can do the same thing.

Estrogen. It's powerful stuff. Therein lies the difference.

I think this is more to do with body language than actual words. Men are generally crap at reading the signals and taking hints whereas, women tend to rely on body language far more than we do, both to "speak" and to "listen". This is why some men are excellent salesmen, they have learnt to communicate with body language.

Many a time Ruth has said that a women fancies or hates me when I never noticed despite talking to them for half an hour!

[Bubba136]

Body Language! I think most men notice, but ignor it (especially when their wives are close by). Except when they're on the "prowl"

[Dr. Shoe]

I think it all depends whether it's subtle signs or overt flirting.

[Laurieheels]

It's far more complex than you'll ever realise, boys, and I an not willing to explain it to you. There are words, tones, gestures, a full range of subtle means that men miss, and even if they say they can, believe me, they don't get all of it. On the other hand, men can be quite obvious when doing the same thing. I know that one of the security guards in our downtown office has a thing for me, and I know it has a lot to do with my shoes, and despite the fact that he has seen Chris and myself being, well, quite passionate in the building's atrium (just kissing, people, relax) he still exhibits the little things that are so easy to read. Chris, don't hurt him too bad, okay? Now, for the other way around, I think women have a whole scheme of skills they can use. Maybe men have these between one another, I am not sure, but really, it is a total package that women use to convey things to one another. And when we can't, we go to the bathroom in groups. Yes, be worried when you see this! We're plotting! It is exactly as you expect!

[Yamyam]

And when we can't, we go to the bathroom in groups. Yes, be worried when you see this! We're plotting! It is exactly as you expect!

Oh, we knew that bit. It was the rest that had us worried

[azraelle]

And when we can't, we go to the bathroom in groups. Yes, be worried when you see this! We're plotting! It is exactly as you expect!

This brings to mind a delightful recent movie named "The Sweetest Thing"; but I'm sure that you didn't have THAT particular scene in mind when you wrote this Laurie.

Your first answer was disappointing, though expected. Not even a private e-mail or something?? It's not as though you can find an internet tutorial onthis sort of thing you know. Oh well.

[Laurieheels]

I am quite the fan of the movie "The Sweetest Thing". My sister went as far as to download a certain song from it off of the internet, and spent a lot of time trying to find it. Still, no hints, clues, or anything that would otherwise negate this advantage we have.

[azraelle]

re: internet tutorials (tongue-in-cheek):http://uber.nu/2000/05/25/

by Andrea Spencer.

And this lengthy tidbit:

This is for men to be able to understand what women really mean when they speak! Translating "*Girl Speak*" (a guide for men)

Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so feel that it's an even trade.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days.

"Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay," means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing."

[Laurieheels]

There are certain North American sub cultural groups, generally based on a more popularized item of culture, in which the word fine can be a compliment, when pronounced a certain way. Women would not take such a pronounciation as an insult if they are in tune with the particular verbal interplay of that sub cultural group. Some of them are good, close, some are not, but one is extremely close. Nothing Nothing means something, but it does not mean there has to be an argument, unless the man takes "nothing" to mean that there is no problem. Nothing is generally said when one wishes to talk about something, but does not wish to initiate the conversation. So, the one hint I will give here, is that when a woman does say "nothing" and you know it is something, be gentle, talk, try to offer comfort and support. Because she will want to talk, and you will be expected to listen at that point. Chris, maybe you could post the point scoring list to offer some humour and insight to this subject?

[Dr. Shoe]

An elderly man had lived a pure and virtuous life all his 86 years when God sudddenly appeared flanked by a legion of Angels. "My Son!" he said, "You have life a virtuous life and have never sinned. Tell me what you would like and I will give it to you!" The old man thought for a bit and he said: "All my life I have wanted to go to New York. I have heard so much about it that I would love to see it before I die. The trouble is, I suffer from terrible sea sickness so going across on a ship is out and I am scared of flying. Could you build me a road bridge so that I could drive across in my car?" God considered this for a moment and said: "I'm sorry my son, but that is out of the question for others who do not deserve will abuse it and others will wonder where it came from and it could cause theological and political chaos. Perhaps there is something else?" The old man thought for a few seconds then said: "I have never been able to understand women, perhaps you could bestow on me an enlightenment or something?" It was God's turn to think for a moment then he said: "Tell me about this bridge again. Is it two lanes or four you wanted?"

[Firefox]

Az's list sound like one of those from men's magazines where they try and have a bit of fun with gender stereotypes. I think it's impossible to make generalisations, and the language varies widely with culture, as has been pointed out. Men can be incredibly cryptic too, so I take this whole topic with a pinch of salt

[azraelle]

Actually, fox, I began the topic in all earnestness and seriousness, but didn't reckon with the continuing (from all previous centuries) aggressive defensiveness of the 21st Century Woman. Especially on this board.

[Laurieheels]

Now, Az, you are prying into something women keep secret and use to full effect. You would have had to expect some resistance. Magicians do not like to reveal how they perform their tricks, so this is going to be somewhat similar.

[Firefox]

There was an article in Elle magazine (or was it Company?) this month entitled "why your man can't dance". I rest my case. It all reminds me a bit of those "justification of modern art" debates. There are those which form the cognescenti and those that do not. You're just going to have to live with it Az

[azraelle]

In other words, there are those who have "class" and those who don't, ay? A little off topic, but my 17 yr old son asked me earlier today what the new "LOrd of the Rings (Two Towers)" movie was like--I got to go to an advance showing. I said it was better than the first one. He then asked if it had more of the "scenery, you know the girly stuff, or guy stuff--blood, guts, and gore?"

[WarrenB]

I must understand my wife well. I can recognise all of them.