Lets put our thinking minds together

[heels910]

Let me introduce myself, I have been lurking here for a long time. I have been street heeling more times than I can count. The reactions, as many here have reported, are mixed. I have not received the positive responses many of you have, mostly what I encounter, I would classify as amusement, shock, and disbelief. I have never had anyone actually stop me or pay me a compliment. I had one woman give me, what I took as a smile of approval. What I wish we could do, is figure out some way to get our fashion choices to be acceptable. I know there are many of you out there that feel the same way. It has been suggested to let our choices be known to manufacturers, designers, etc. Some feel this might work and others disagree. Unfortunately there are not enough of us showing the public our choices to make a difference. I guess I am appealing to anyone that has advertising experience, is to get the word out. It is amazing how a campaign can catch on very quickly when there are the right minds working on it. I like to wear stilleto boots and wish I could do so, knowing that it is accepted. After all, no matter how much we are willing to deny or admit it, we all want to be accepted. Obviously, because I have done it so many times, I know I have the right to do it, and can do it, but it is about wishing that men had the same fashion freedom that women have. You would think living in Southern California, that many choices would be accepted. Everyone thinks that it is the "Do as I want, freedom place." From reading the posts here, I think those of you that live in Europe, maybe more specifically London, have more acceptability that we do. What can we do to make this a fashion choice that men in all parts of the world have?

[Dr. Shoe]

Firstly a warm welcome to you. The only way to get fashions accepted is to do it in the same way that trousers became acceptable for women, they went out there and wore them. Having said that, the war helped them along a bit but in WWI women still wore skirts and corsets to work in factories. Regarding "freedom" southern California, I have been there several times and found it to be the most overlegislated and restrictive place I have ever visited! It seemed to me that most of the people seem to be either neurotic or suffering from depression! Except in and around San Fran and perhaps in the more avant garde parts of LA anyone doing anything unusual is regarded as a freak. Mind you, it's much like that round here.

[Shafted]

It has been my experience that it only takes one confident guy in high heels to make a difference in a given area. Just exchanging pleasantries with others and other NON heel related chit-chat goes a long ways towards acceptance.

[dr1819]

Having been casting votes for larger sized heels for the past three years, I've had the greatest success in writing to shoe makers found on Zappos. Surprisingly, the number of heels in my size has increased from just 16 in 1999 to nearly 1,800 in 2006. This is in part due to my numerous requests to manufacturers, and is also in part due to the increasing number of wares offered onlne. Keep the steady flow of requests going, and I'm sure you'll eventually see the showing!

[sscotty727]

It all depends on how you define "acceptance". If your expecting people to come over and make a fuss or congratulate you on wearing heels, you might as well hold your breath until you pass out. It probably never will happen. If your talking about "tolerance" of being able to wear your heels out without fear of being arrested or retailiation, then just wear them (and stay away from unsafe areas). I think we are all making too much of trying to push a "cause". There is no cause. You didn't see a "cause" when men wanted to wear earrings, they just got them and wore them. In the beginning the first few got labelled as freaks but then over time as more and more people just wore them, they became common place. I even see guys at work wearing ear rings (I will never get one, just my preference, but more power to those that do). You didn't see guys marching anywhere, having "earring meets" or such. You didn't see articles written trying to push an earring wearing agenda. You just saw guys getting them that liked them. The first few were labelled queer or strange, but they just wore them. There are still people that have negative reactions to men in earrings just as I am sure there are still guys out there that are negative about women wearing jeans. Heck, over 50 years after WWII we have people idolizing Hitler. There will ALWAYS be hate and negativilty in this world over EVERYTHING. So my reply is the only "acceptance" you need is yourself. Just do it. Stop pushing an agenda. Stop trying to push for acceptance of men in the general public. "Acceptance" will come by people just wearing them over time. Just my 2 cents worth. Scotty

[Shafted]

It has been my experience that it only takes one confident guy in high heels to make a difference in a given area. Just exchanging pleasantries with others and other NON heel related chit-chat goes a long ways towards acceptance.

Having noted that you said you'd like to wear stiletto heels, thats precisely what I do wear in public. You'd be surprised the amount of tolorance, and in some cases even acceptance you can garner if you just go about your business as if you were wearing a pair of sneakers.

[HeelD]

It all depends on how you define "acceptance". If your expecting people to come over and make a fuss or congratulate you on wearing heels, you might as well hold your breath until you pass out. It probably never will happen.

If your talking about "tolerance" of being able to wear your heels out without fear of being arrested or retailiation, then just wear them (and stay away from unsafe areas).

I think we are all making too much of trying to push a "cause". There is no cause. You didn't see a "cause" when men wanted to wear earrings, they just got them and wore them. In the beginning the first few got labelled as freaks but then over time as more and more people just wore them, they became common place. I even see guys at work wearing ear rings (I will never get one, just my preference, but more power to those that do). You didn't see guys marching anywhere, having "earring meets" or such. You didn't see articles written trying to push an earring wearing agenda. You just saw guys getting them that liked them. The first few were labelled queer or strange, but they just wore them.

There are still people that have negative reactions to men in earrings just as I am sure there are still guys out there that are negative about women wearing jeans. Heck, over 50 years after WWII we have people idolizing Hitler. There will ALWAYS be hate and negativilty in this world over EVERYTHING.

So my reply is the only "acceptance" you need is yourself. Just do it. Stop pushing an agenda. Stop trying to push for acceptance of men in the general public. "Acceptance" will come by people just wearing them over time.

Just my 2 cents worth.

Scotty

Well said that there man!

One thing I've learnt this weekend is our biggest obstacle is ourselves, and when we overcome that then anything's possible.

[heels910]

What I meant by acceptance is that nobody wants to be looked at as strange. Yes, you are right, we have to go on doing it, no matter what the reaction is. I guess I just can't help but wish that this would catch on sooner. I have been street heeling for ten years or so, off and on. I can't do it everyday, I feel I have to go a little away from home. As it stands, there would be reprisals, if I got caught close to home...that is another story. I am not afraid of being laughed at, etc., been there, done that, got over it quickly. I just wish there was some way that we could accelerate the acceptance.

[sscotty727]

What I meant by acceptance is that nobody wants to be looked at as strange.

Sorry, but you will ALWAYS have someone look at you as being strange, perverted, gay, whatever. As I said above, there are people still look at men wearing earrings as gay. There are people that still look at women in jeans and loafters as dykes. Predjice is an ugly part of humanity you have to just live with. You can't please everyone.

You can be happy with yourself though. The more you are happy and accept yourself, the more confident you are and the less you worry about what others think.

Let me tell you a little story. Back when I went to college (and it was in western PA where tolerance of others isn't a big thing) there was this guy from Chilie. His name was Roul and he seemed to be on the life time college plan, he was there before me and was still there after I left. This guy would dress about the same year round. Button down shirt open half way down his chest and he wore clogs. I am not talking male clogs (which didn't exist back then) I am talking female wooden clogs. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE laughed at him and made jokes about him. When they would talk to him it was in a sarcastic way to make him think they were being nice but laughing at him behind his back.

During the time I was there I too thought he was very strange and just kept my distance from him. Looking back, I can see he was a happy go lucky person who didn't care who thought what and kept his style to what he liked and didn't care if anyone else liked it or not. I never saw him without a smile on his face or a positive attitude.

Anyway, my point is, if your waiting for the world to embrace you wearing heels your in for a long wait. However, just wear them and wear them confidently and over time people will just accept the fact you wear heels and come to expect that is how you will dress. Sure, along the way you will have the a-holes and jerks. Ignore them. I've found out that those are the people who are actually less secure and have to gain confidence in themselves by putting down others. The less you show your bothered by it the less power they have and the more the end up looking like the jerk they are.

[heels910]

What I mean by acceptance is that it is no big deal for a woman to wear jeans, it is no big deal for a man to wear ear rings. I just wish, even if it was considered a little on the edge, that it would be an everyday sight. I know that there are and will be people that are stuffy and don't like anything but the stereo-typical roles for male and female. I just wish that it was 'more' accepted.

[heels910]

I was just reading some posts of some youngsters that have to hide their shoes, and some have fear of GF/Wives finding out. How can we get it to where it is "out of the closet"?

[xaphod]

Briefly, .... the phrase I have used before is 'begrudging acceptance' for the attitude of most people to guys wearing heels. Xa

[sscotty727]

What I mean by acceptance is that it is no big deal for a woman to wear jeans, it is no big deal for a man to wear ear rings. I just wish, even if it was considered a little on the edge, that it would be an everyday sight.

I know that there are and will be people that are stuffy and don't like anything but the stereo-typical roles for male and female. I just wish that it was 'more' accepted.

The two you stated above are common sights because lots of women wear jeans and lots of men NOW wear earrings. Years ago it was very uncommon to see a guy wear an earring, so they got just as many odd looks as men wearing heels now.

Unfortunately, having more guys wear heels isn't something you can force or push. Guys will or will not wear them based on how comfortable they feel in them. Until alot of guys do wear them on a regular basis, you, me, and the rest are going to be "on the edge".

All I am saying is for you, me, and the rest, just wear them as if they were a normal part of your outfit and over time people (atleast ones who see you on a regular basis) will find it less and less odd ON YOU.

[heels910]

Something else that I have thought of, is how can we reach those that perhaps want to wear heels and let them know that they can. I am sure there are a lot of guys like us, that secretly want to wear heels and don't know that there are guys that will do so, and in public, no less. There are doubtless many guys that think about this and are afraid of doing so. If there was some way to let them know that there are many that do wear heels and that it is okay, then they might start and then the trend can start to catch on. Does this make sense?

[sscotty727]

Again, I think you are over analyzing it. Just wear them and those that see you and are thinking about it will do it. I wouldn't worry about trying to get a message out there that "it's ok to wear heels" just as you didn't see any special message to guys saying "it's ok to wear earrings". Rather they saw over time and either jumped in or just said it's not for them.

[dr1819]

It all depends on how you define "acceptance". If your expecting people to come over and make a fuss or congratulate you on wearing heels, you might as well hold your breath until you pass out. It probably never will happen.

If your talking about "tolerance" of being able to wear your heels out without fear of being arrested or retailiation, then just wear them (and stay away from unsafe areas).

I think we are all making too much of trying to push a "cause". There is no cause. You didn't see a "cause" when men wanted to wear earrings, they just got them and wore them. In the beginning the first few got labelled as freaks but then over time as more and more people just wore them, they became common place. I even see guys at work wearing ear rings (I will never get one, just my preference, but more power to those that do). You didn't see guys marching anywhere, having "earring meets" or such. You didn't see articles written trying to push an earring wearing agenda. You just saw guys getting them that liked them. The first few were labelled queer or strange, but they just wore them.

There are still people that have negative reactions to men in earrings just as I am sure there are still guys out there that are negative about women wearing jeans. Heck, over 50 years after WWII we have people idolizing Hitler. There will ALWAYS be hate and negativilty in this world over EVERYTHING.

So my reply is the only "acceptance" you need is yourself. Just do it. Stop pushing an agenda. Stop trying to push for acceptance of men in the general public. "Acceptance" will come by people just wearing them over time.

Just my 2 cents worth.

Scotty

My GOD, Scotty! Calm down!

Just kidding, Scotty - it's just that I've never seen you up in arms, before - quite humorous!

I agree with you about following Nike's advice to "just do it." The sooner we do, the sooner it'll spread to all the wannabees and migrate like men's earrings in acceptable fashion.

It never hurts to write the manufacturers, though - they're our suppliers. Having more styles in our sizes simply means being able to buy better looking and fitting heels!

[dr1819]

Something else that I have thought of, is how can we reach those that perhaps want to wear heels and let them know that they can. I am sure there are a lot of guys like us, that secretly want to wear heels and don't know that there are guys that will do so, and in public, no less.

There are doubtless many guys that think about this and are afraid of doing so. If there was some way to let them know that there are many that do wear heels and that it is okay, then they might start and then the trend can start to catch on.

Does this make sense?

Well, the Internet's a wonderful thing, and more and more people are discovering Google's ability to help you find exactly what you're looking for.

Try copying and pasting the following into Google:

"men who wear heels"

Now - go to the top response, scroll down and check out the bottom link.

Viola!

One way or another, they'll find their way here, where most of them lurk, but a few join. Either way, they're getting the information they need, rest assured.

[sscotty727]

My GOD, Scotty! Calm down!

Just kidding, Scotty - it's just that I've never seen you up in arms, before - quite humorous!

I agree with you about following Nike's advice to "just do it." The sooner we do, the sooner it'll spread to all the wannabees and migrate like men's earrings in acceptable fashion.

It never hurts to write the manufacturers, though - they're our suppliers. Having more styles in our sizes simply means being able to buy better looking and fitting heels!

Up in arms? No. Just I don't see the need for all this "we have a cause to carry on". Being a minority that has their rights taken away is a cause. Being a women who is treated like a second class citizen and not allowed to vote is a cause. Wanting to wear certain fashions that the general population doesn't wear isn't a cause. It's simply a fashion statement. You either buck the trend and just do it, or you go with the masses and don't do it. But there is no need to create a cause, write articles demanding rights which aren't being taken away, or having the need to march, etc.

Writing the manufactorer and requesting larger sizes is fine. Trying to figure out how to push others into heels is being a bit drastic in my opinion.

[sscotty727]

I was just reading some posts of some youngsters that have to hide their shoes, and some have fear of GF/Wives finding out.

How can we get it to where it is "out of the closet"?

The youngsters are either going to have to decide to wait until they are out on their own OR they will have to gain courage to talk to mommy and daddy about their fashion choices. They are in the situation and can best judge which is better. I can't decide that for them, and neither can anyone outside the relationship.

Same with the GF/Wife. Communication is key and ultimiately, if the GF/Wife won't budge on the issue, then each person will have to decide which is more important, wearing heels or the relationship. Again, I can't decide that for them.

Each person is unique, each situation is unique. Each person will have to access their own situation, talk to those around them, determine the level of comfort/support, and then decide what is appropriate or not appropriate. If your looking for a one size fits all solution, none exists.

[heels910]

I wasn't trying to start a "Let's go for a 'Men In Heels' March". I know that would be ridiculous and would have no effect. I was just trying to get someone to think of different ways that we could show that it is acceptable for men to wear heels. This is something I have thought of. There are various designers, and some have been discussed here that have their male models wearing high heels. We know of the celebrities that do. Surely, there is someway, that no one has thought of that would get the mainstream to see that men in heels is not a strange thing. That, yes, it is nothing more than an alternate fashion choice. That straight, non crossdressing, non tv, men enjoy wearing shoes that have been stereotyped as women's. Not a cause, just a plea for a marketing plan, I guess.

[crotchboots-m]

once upon a time,guys with long hair caused a stir(yeah,i am old enough to remember those days). after awhile enuff dudes did it for long enough that it wore out the long hair haters. but i dont think there are enough of us heel wearing men to have the same effect

[heels910]

but i dont think there are enough of us heel wearing men to have the same effect

This is what I am talking about. I am trying to figure out how to get the word out, "that there are a lot of men that want to wear heels".

Let's all keep thinking about this. If we put our minds to it, we can come up with some ideas that will work.

[HeelD]

I really don't think that people really hate what we do. I think that's our F.E.A.R talking.

Fantasy Existing As Reality - as put by Kneehighs. We fear something so much we begin to think it's true. You can apply this to lots of things in modern day life, and you get the same result. We fear the worst, therefore the worst must happen or be happening, when in reality the worst isn't happening at all. We all do it. We just need to learn to overcome it. And the only way to overcome those fears, is to just get out there and do it.

Just wear your shoes with pride. Create a great outfit and you'll be surprised your fears will rarely come to fruition.

[sscotty727]

This is what I am talking about. I am trying to figure out how to get the word out, "that there are a lot of men that want to wear heels".

Let's all keep thinking about this. If we put our minds to it, we can come up with some ideas that will work.

And I gave you the way. Just wear them. There is no "word" to put out. What are you going to do, take out a full page ad? Book time on talk shows? Have you ever seen the "word" out about it was ok for men to wear earrings? No. A FEW guys wore them in the beginning and got labelled gay. Over TIME enough guys started wearing them that they actually became acceptable.

In the meantime, don't be afraid to just wear your heels out confidently. If anyone sees you and is on the fence, maybe seeing you wear them will give them confidence to wear them as well.

[Guy N. Heels]

Howdy Heels910,

Welcome to the forum of like minded guys. Your topic is both an old one and a simple one - how do we get people to accept our passion for foot fashion? Well I found out a long time ago that I really can't control or help what other people think. So therefore I simply have to be myself and quit worrying about how many screws are rattling around in the other guy's head. In short, I'm going to dress for me and not for them! Now most of my neighbors have seen me outside in heels. I don't make a big deal out of it one way or another. Neither do they. So when I wear heels outside I'm just being me; and when I wear heels inside I'm just being me. What's more, if anybody doesn't like it they are more than welcome to feel that way. And if they're cheeky enough to say something about it, I'll tell 'em in a heartbeat that there's a shoe store just down the street and they're welcome to buy whatever they think I should wear. The same thing goes for any nosey or cheeky cops around too.

But I will say this, I was totally astonished when I saw a game show on TV and the contestant was asked to name some article of clothing that some men wear that is usually worn by women. I was really flabbergasted when the contestant named high heels and it proved to be a correct answer. So if you think we're way off in the dark recesses somewhere, I'll have you know that we've already made national television.

[heels910]

I think as time goes by there is more and more acceptance. So I know that what you are saying is correct. The fact that the manufacturers are making heels in larger sizes, shows so much. I think if we all keep after the manufacturers and so forth it will happen. I am just wondering if there is something else, other than what has been stated so many times, that we can do. Maybe not, but as the title of the thread says, "Lets put our thinking minds together". This may not be something that will come to us all at once, but rather, if it is something that we think about and (to use an overused statement) "to think outside the box" maybe we can come up with something that will get many people's attention and help people to see it our way. Long hair basically came from the Beatles. (I know that is a general statement, but bear with me.) Yes, we live in a different world than it was in 1963/64. I just know what can be accomplished when great people put their minds together.

[sscotty727]

It seems to me that "earring meet" is to imply "heel meet". If so, that's a pretty cheap 2 cents worth if you ask me. Heel Meets have reasons beyond what one who has yet to attend one can fully understand.

Relax and stop reading more into things than was said. There was no implied backhand towards heel meets. I fully understand they are get togethers for people to meet faces behind names. I used to attend get togethers years ago when I was on a gaming thing called TSN (The Sierra Network, not sure if anyone here was a member).

My point was to say at times I feel like there is too much emphases placed on trying to push a cause as if men were being denied the right and ability to wear heels when none exists. The only thing stopping any guy from wearing heels is his own fears. The best way to show them that wearing heels is ok isn't to try to push an agenda but rather just wear them. By pushing a cause, you imply there is something taboo and get people to think in the negative.

The example above was just stated to show how men just wore earrings as a fashion statement to the point it was just accepted. I don't ever remember seeing organized groups trying to figure out how to spread the word on men wearing earrings. They just wore them as if it was a perfectly normal and natural thing.

Case in point. My older brother is known to be blunt and opionated. This weekend I once again wore my wedge heels over to his place. Yes they are descete, but I also know he is very observant. He also is taller than me. It was something that was brought out over and over as children growing up, I was the shortest of the family. Kinda odd when this weekend we were the same height. Had I lifted my pant leg and said "So, what do you think of me wearing heels?" it would have started a negative debate. Instead, I just wore them as if it were perfectly natural and normal. Not once did he say a word (and he isn't the type of person to keep quiet on such things). Why? Because I didn't act different nor seek approval. I just wore them, they were my shoes and that was that.

[sscotty727]

Kneehighs,

I am sorry you and others might have taken my opinion and debate of my opinion as "blasting" someone. Find one reference where I put him down.

If anything, I was trying to encourage him my saying the best advertisement you can get for men wearing heels is just to wear them proudly and confidently and let others see you wearing them.

Here is part of his original comment

I have been lurking here for a long time. I have been street heeling more times than I can count. The reactions, as many here have reported, are mixed. I have not received the positive responses many of you have, mostly what I encounter, I would classify as amusement, shock, and disbelief. I have never had anyone actually stop me or pay me a compliment. I had one woman give me, what I took as a smile of approval.

What I wish we could do, is figure out some way to get our fashion choices to be acceptable. I know there are many of you out there that feel the same way. It has been suggested to let our choices be known to manufacturers, designers, etc. Some feel this might work and others disagree. Unfortunately there are not enough of us showing the public our choices to make a difference.

As you can see, he obviously has no problem wearing them in public and has done it many times. So my comment back was just wear them. As far as getting positive feedback, I too have never had positive feedback, not do I wait for it. If someone were to come up to me and say something, fine (either way). If not, that is fine too. I won't hold my breath waiting for the approval of others. I wear them confidently. They are afterall my shoes and if anyone has a problem with it, tough.

Yes I know he was also asking how we could advertise men in heels, I personally don't see how that is going to get more men in heels. Besides, unless you ARE a shoe manufactor, how are you going to go forward with this advertising without sounding like your trying to make something acceptable that is somehow taboo (atleast that is how I would take it if I saw a comercial on TV or in a magazine). Now if Steve Madden or someone other manufactor (Dr Shoe) were to make a mans heel and put it out there, fine. Again, I won't hold my breath though waiting for manufactors to make heels specifically aimed at men. Ffor the average person on the street, the best way we can promote heel wearing is to buy them and wear them.

Kneehighs, you pointed out to "spreading the word" to others. Did you do this by placing fliers? Taking out TV or radio ads? Did you place ads in magazines? OR did you just wear them and let others see you and if someone came up and asked you questions, took the opportunity to respond to them?

As far as hate crimes go (and the ones you mentioned were beat up for wearing heels), making heels somehow more acceptable or even passing laws won't stop closed minded people. There is a story that they talk about on my local radio station about a Latino who was brutelly beat up at a party because the guys that did it didn't like Latinos. We have laws on the books about that (yes, I know this example isn't being classified as a hate crime, but you and I and everyone else knows that is what it was). You can get beat up for any number of reasons. I am sorry all that exists, I wish I could change it. Unfortunately, that has existed when men first came about and probably will exist until man no longer exists.

On a personal level, I don't wish to go around advertising I am wearing heels and wear more descrete ones. That is a personal choice based on alot of factors, mostly my wife/family. I am not embarrised by wearing them and I actually am one that wears heels (although wedge heels) full time. Even around the house, work, etc. As my previous example illustrated, I even wore them to my brothers house.

Again, the point of my posts were NOT to belittle anyone or put them down, find even one reference to where I did that. My comments were intended to just say "just wear them" is the best advertising your going to get.

Scotty

[sscotty727]

No problem sscotty727--We are all just trying to be one big happy family here after all. Its like a company really. dr1819 might be the Research and Development VP, jo would be the IT VP, Heelfan and Peachy would be VP of Sales, jeff would be VP of Finance....heels910 would probably work in the advertising division...everybody has their place in the company and all divisions need to work independently and together interdependently to achieve maximum success.

There was never any real hard feelings on my part , I was just concerned for a new member of the forum. Whether he street heels wasn't my concern. My concern was his participation on the forum in the future. There are plenty of people who wear heels who don't participate on the forum and hopefully, heels910 wont be one of them.

So, heels910 if you are reading this, come back!

Understand. I wasn't trying to talk down to a new member or make him feel bad. I was simply responding to his questions with my own personal feelings on the topic. When he responded, I just took it as debating the issue, not me blasting him. As you said, we all have our own opinions on the topic just as we all have our own reasons for wearing heels or even our own favorite styles of heels.

[heels910]

I am still here. Thank you for your concern. It is an interesting debate. I hope nobody has got their feelings hurt, and no toes stepped on (it really hurts when they get stepped on with spike heels ). It is all good. Kneehighs would be the legal dept.