High Heel Addiction vs Fashion Preference

[dr1819]

I would like to comment on the possibility of a high heel addiction as a lay counselor. First, and addiction is defined as a preoccupation with something that seriously affects work, family, or other commitments normally expected by society to held in the higher regards. Put more simply, "Addiction is a compulsion to repeat a behavior regardless of its consequences. A person who is addicted is sometimes called an addict." (from Wikipedia.com) Merriam Webster defines addiction as "2 : compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful." Therefore, I would NOT (repeat, and most emphatically) NOT consider high heel wear by guys as any form of "addiction." Folk Facts (of which you need to be aware): Fashion preference is NOT addiction. The first modern high heel was worn around 1500. It was invented by, and for, a guy. It wasn't for another 33 years before a woman wore heels (Catherine de' Medicini - search Google for more exact spelling and the story). Men and women wore high heels together for more than 300 years, with men's heels reaching heights of 5" and more, but falling out of favor with men only in the last 120 years. Nevertheless, men have continued wearing heels throughout that time, and are wearing heels at an accelerated rated greater than any time in the last 100 years, per capita, world-wide.

[bluetango]

Dr. 1819, Thanks for your explanation of addiction. My ability to function in society and do my job is not impaired by my heels. What a relief to know I am not addicted! Storage space in my closet - that is impaired.

[JeffB]

This is just my opinion, mind you, but I find "addiction" too strong a term to describe what we do. I don't think any of us here go through painful withdrawals when they can't wear heels, spend the food and rent money on heels or anything equally as extreme. I prefer to call this a "passion" which fits much better.

[Shafted]

That's probably why I didn't vote addiction, Jeff.

[JeffB]

"Addiction" is far too strong and ominous a term for something as----let's call a spade a spade----frivilous and harmless as wearing women's shoes. Back in my Navy days, I knew a shipmate who was addicted to drugs, it ruined his career, wrecked his marriage and heaven only knows what happened to him after he was kicked out. As far as I know, he might not even be alive today. Drugs, booze, gambling, sex, those are real addictions that can destroy lives, what's the worst that can happen when it comes to wearing high heels, other than pained feet from after too many hours spent in them. Hardly something that can alter lives in the negative like an addiction.

[dr1819]

Well, we know that for some men here, their desire to wear heels has resulted in an end to their marriages. Would that constitute an addiction?

[Shafted]

Based on the definition you supplied, Yes.

[shrimper]

Definitely not. I can quit any time. (snark)

[Shafted]

shrimper, I think you'll have a tough time finding someone on this board who'll believe you.

[JeffB]

Well, we know that for some men here, their desire to wear heels has resulted in an end to their marriages.

Would that constitute an addiction?

This is just my opinion, but I'd say that would have more to do with a spouse's dislike of her husband's shoe preference than an addiction. Just an opinion.

[kneehighs]

This is just my opinion, but I'd say that would have more to do with a spouse's dislike of her husband's shoe preference than an addiction. Just an opinion.

In my opinion I agree with Jeff. There has to be other core issues that contributed to ending the marriage and the heels are just an "easy way out":

1. Maybe partner A cared more about partner B, than partner B cared about partner A.

2. Maybe partner A was in love with partner B's potential.

3. Maybe partner A was on a rescue mission

4. Maybe partner A looked to partner B as a role model

5. Maybe partner A was infatuated with partner B for external reasons.

6. Maybe one partner was "unavailable"

7. Maybe partners were only partially compatible.

8. Maybe partners come from a different social, ethnic, or educational background.

The list goes on, but the idea is clear that in the above instances, there are other underlying compatibility issues that might result in the demise of the marriage.

Heels could be the excuse or "crutch" at least in my opinion to end it.

[bluetango]

Kneehighs is right. The shoes are just an excuse. I never wore heels before my divorce but my ex convinced herself that I was a cross-dresser because of my collection of running tights and a few pair of panty hose that I layered under the tights when running in the coldest weather. (I'm from Minnesota.) If that is the only thing "wrong" in a relationship, then the relationship isn't going to end. If you want it to work, you can accept an eccentricity in your partner. I don't want to be bitter, so I will drop my story at that. Bluetango

[Dawn HH]

I believe as others do...that there are other underlying reasons. Using the wearing of high heels was a convenience for break-up. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[Heelfan]

I don't really think it matters exactly what you call it - - Addiction/Compulsion/Craving/Fascination/Uncontrollable Fetish/Desire/Quirk/Urge/Turn-on/Yearning/Kink/Penchant/Trait etc. etc. Thousands of us find it a great and all-consuming activity, so let's just recognise that and enjoy it to the full! Cheers, Heelfan

[Dawn HH]

You got that right, Heelfan. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[chris100575]

It depends on your definition of an addiction. I get frustrated if I can't wear heels a few times a week, and have bought pairs that I couldn't really afford. Whenever I want to buy myself a treat, a pair of boots is always top of my list. According to the dictionary definition it's not an addiction though. I'd agree that a man wearing heels is unlikely to be the sole cause of a relationship breaking up. My wife doesn't like me wearing heels, but tolerates it because she recognises that it's harmless. Chris

[Dawn HH]

Chris100575:-) I'm like you. When I want to treat myself, a pair of boots does it every time. Sometmes Mickey treats me to a pair of boots also. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[dr1819]

Kneehighs is right.

The shoes are just an excuse. I never wore heels before my divorce but my ex convinced herself that I was a cross-dresser because of my collection of running tights and a few pair of panty hose that I layered under the tights when running in the coldest weather. (I'm from Minnesota.)

If that is the only thing "wrong" in a relationship, then the relationship isn't going to end. If you want it to work, you can accept an eccentricity in your partner. I don't want to be bitter, so I will drop my story at that.

Bluetango

Hi, bluetango.

I would agree with your synopsis.

Good on 'ya!

[Danielinheels]

Absolutely not and certainly not in my case. There was a period of time where I wore heels every day for two weeks. Was I in bliss then? Absolutely. There have also been other extended periods of time where I could wear not just heels, but whatever women's shoes I fancied at the moment. I was very happy with myself then, too, but I was a little un-nerved by the general spat of disapproval I received. I presently don't have an option. I have no heels, I have no money for heels, I have no space for heels, and quite frankly I don't have much supplementary fashion for heels (in the form of nice jeans and novelty tees). I would not say I am suffering for this. Through the years I've not only been humbled by experience, but I've learned how to balance my tolerance and apply it to EVERYTHING. I was able to quit smoking after a brief period of life in which I did, and I don't miss it one bit. I was able to quit competitive basketball, and while I do miss it somewhat, I understand the benefit of its absence. It's the same way with high heels. I love wearing them, but I won't be susceptible to mood swings without them. And somehow, I think the majority of people here, as well as high heel-wearing males everywhere, fall into this same line of thought as I do.