JeffB Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 Not that I'm an expert at this topic, espeially since others here have probably been at it longer than I, but if you're going to take the bold step of wearing women's shoes out in public, it's important, no, crucial that you have self-confidence. You can't afford to be timid when it comes to something like this, if you are, then you'll never make it. Period! I've been told that I have self-confidence since I was bold enough to wear red patent pumps in public last week. Well, that's true. For me, it's equal amounts of confidence and apathy regarding the public at large. I knew going in that I would face plenty of scrutiny when I wore ANY color shoes that were associated with women, but I wasn't going to let that deter me. It was what I loved to do, and if people couldn't handle it, well, that was THEIR problem, not mine! Sure, I've been giggled, snickered and chuckled at, I've been called rude names regarding my sexual orientation, all sorts of derogatory stuff, but I kept on doing what I wanted to do. Life's to short to sit on your hands and let the world go by. It took a long time to develop my self-confidence, that feeling of defiance, that I was going to wear what I wanted, when I wanted, and no one was going to stop me. And you can do that too. In the end, the only force that can stop you IS you! I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman!
dressboots Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 This applies to anything one may do in appearance that is out of the norm defined by their society. If you are different in one way or another you stand out from the crowd. If you are condifident you perform the look succesfully. A little of "the devil may care" atttitude always helps. It takes a strong individual to stand out, as it is not "if" it "is" you will be a target of other's scrutiny. Many may not be able to get past your differences which is their choice. Those who get to know you will be glad they did. classic style high heel boots
new_look Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 perhaps you could give us some suggestions jeff (based maybe on your own experiences) how you developed your own self confidence. I am confident some days, but others i darent go through the door, and im sure there are plenty the same
JaBe Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 perhaps you could give us some suggestions jeff (based maybe on your own experiences) I would love to hear that too. I've been out with a lower heel at night. No problem. I would love to wear those shoes at daylight too. Everytime I build up so much confidence, that I think to myself, nobody is going to stop me. But when the moment of truth is there.......... I seem to lose all build up confidence within a couple of seconds.
asdf174 Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 lord knows I could use some. It's all good. ~Arron.
larry Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 Hello JeffB. Red patent pumps in public? WOW! I admire your courage and I dont think that anyone would dispute your self confidence. Imho, Its posts like this that makes this board worthwhile. Thank You for sharing this experience..Larry. Love those heels!
JeffB Posted August 16, 2004 Author Posted August 16, 2004 Greetings! Well, I won't sit here and call myself an expert on this sort of thing, but I'll do my level best to impart as much advice as I can. It's one thing to be out in heels at night when you're not quite as noticeable, given the surroundings, but being out in broad daylight presents its own set of challenges. First off, it's important to know going in that you're going to be stared at, you're going to be looked at strangely, you're going to be snickered, chuckled or laughed at, and yes, the gay insult probably will pop up. There's no denying that, because all that had happened to me. Unless you're thin skinned, remember that words can only hurt you if you allow them to. It's only that tiny minority of people that will verbally assault you, the rest of society has manners and will keep silent, or are too wrapped up in their own affairs to given you the time of day, regardless of what you're wearing. One way I built self-confidence about my heel wearing was by doing it gradually, starting off with block heeled loafers or oxfords with mannish styling say, once a week in the beginning, and then slowly working my way up to more and more feminine styles. From the block heels, I worked up to boots, then blade heels, finally (for me anyway) pumps, all the while, I was increasing the number of times per week week I wore my heels, to the point where I wear them at work each and every weekday. Another component is colors. In the beginning, I wore only black, a color that's safe for everyone and drew no undue attention to me. As I built up my confidence when it came to wearing women's shoes on a more regular basis, I began experimenting with different colors, again, gradually going up the color spectrum: from black, I went to navy, then brown, then taupe, then white, finally red once I finally felt bold enough about myself and was confident enough to wear just about anything I wanted. Speaking of that, just today, I wore black stilettos at the office for the very first time and thought that was cool! You also have to be comfortable in your own skin when it comes to publically wearing women's shoes. You can't afford to go out there looking nervous or apprehensive. People will pick up on that almost instantly and wonder if you're some sort of pervert. It's important that you go out with a "I don't give a damn" attitude, that this is what I choose to wear, and I could care less what the world thinks. But, on those occasions when people do care enough to ask questions, be truthful, don't lie or make up excuses. People WILL ask why you're wearing women's shoes, when they do, simply say: "Because I like to!" In the end, you have to go out there, go out there and go out there some more in order to build up your confidence. If you fail early, don't get discouraged, just take some time to work out what happened, what went wrong, then get back on that horse and resume riding. It's your life, what you do with it is your business alone. So if you wanna wear women's shoes, then, dammit, go ahead and do it!!! I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman!
tuckedintoboots Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 exactly my feeling jeff! I figure that I could care LESS what ANY one may (or may not for that matter) think!! Ive got nothing to explain to any one exept what you said that if anyone should ask me WHY I wear wear womens boots, I tell them- cause i LIKE to!!!!!!!!!!! men still look good with pants tucked into the right boots!
genebujold Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Confidence=leadership. Most people are lambs. The confident ones set the stage. The lambs follow. Observe the following men's fashion trends over the last two decades, and ascertain who started what... Earrings Loose shirts Loose pants Skirts I'd be very interested to hear your answers, as I can probably provide a picture of an earlier introduction of the above!
JeffB Posted August 17, 2004 Author Posted August 17, 2004 Observe the following men's fashion trends over the last two decades, and ascertain who started what... Earrings Loose shirts Loose pants Skirts I'd be very interested to hear your answers, as I can probably provide a picture of an earlier introduction of the above! Well, I'd say it's safe to say that men began all those trends! I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman!
genebujold Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 Correct! More to the point, however, it was the confident, devil may care men who began these recent trends (yes, they're old, but I'm referring to their reemergence).
JaBe Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 Thanks guys !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today I did it. On my way to work, wearing my lower heeled shoes, I stopped at a gasoline station, got out of my car to get a cup of coffee. While walking I was thinking: Nobody is going to ruine this for me!!!!!!!!!! And nobody did!! They didn't even look at the shoes. The next coming weeks I'm going to wear these shoes and I'm going to repeat this every morning. Then the next step.....higher heeld shoes.
genebujold Posted August 19, 2004 Posted August 19, 2004 Good for you! Did you get a Belgian, too? (...play on the word for a certain pastry, called a "Danish...") Oh, come on! That's not far off the mark - every heard of a Beligan waffle?
JaBe Posted August 19, 2004 Posted August 19, 2004 Did you get a Belgian, too? (...play on the word for a certain pastry, called a "Danish...") Oh, come on! That's not far off the mark - every heard of a Beligan waffle? I'm sorry, I don't get it, what do you mean by this Genebujold.
genebujold Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 I'm sorry, I don't get it, what do you mean by this Genebujold. (sigh) Your wrote: "On my way to work, wearing my lower heeled shoes, I stopped at a gasoline station, got out of my car to get a cup of coffee." Here in America, when someone gets coffee, it's often "cofee and a Danish," the latter being a pastry that was first introduced by the Danish. Tasty, too. When I asked, "did you get a Belgian, too?" and mentioned the Beligan waffle, a type of waffle that's round, instead of the usual square waffle, waffles being a breakfast food, much like the Danish. It's merely an innocent play on words.
Bubba136 Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 GBJ, perhaps something is lost in translation. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
JaBe Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 Now I get it Genebuyold. No I didn't get anything else but the coffee. Well actually I did get something else...... More self confidence. Today I dit it again and it felt really good!!
JeffB Posted August 20, 2004 Author Posted August 20, 2004 More self confidence. Today I dit it again and it felt really good!! Congrats to you! The only way to build up your confidence is to just keep on going out there and doing it. Never let the world dictate how you choose to live your life. I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman!
JeffB Posted August 22, 2004 Author Posted August 22, 2004 Something else to consider is that we always expect the worse case scenarios early in our public life in heels: taunts, insults, laughing, all the bad stuff, but 98 percent of the time, it never happens. It's our envisioning the worst that tends to cripple us emotionally and keeps some male heel wearers firlmly locked in the closet. Once you overcome those mostly imaginary fears, confidence invariably soars. I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman!
Bubba136 Posted August 22, 2004 Posted August 22, 2004 JeffB: It's our envisioning the worst that tends to cripple us emotionally and keeps some male heel wearers firlmly locked in the closet. Once you overcome those mostly imaginary fears, confidence invariably soars. and:Once you overcome those mostly imaginary fears, confidence invariably soars. So true, JeffB. Thanks for describing these feelings so clearly. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
JeffB Posted August 22, 2004 Author Posted August 22, 2004 Well, I'm simply saying the sort of things that I've experienced. Once upon a time, I too had been incapacitated by those very fears, both real and imagined that I mentioned earlier. Of course, there's nothing wrong with expressing such concerns, the important thing is to let those concerns cripple you from doing what you want to do. And only by doing will confidence come. I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman!
Dawn HH Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 JaBe:-) Congratulations on bucking yourself up and having the guts to go out and gas your car up and then to walk around the service station in heels. We have all started out in similar situations and overcome our fears with practice to make it easier each time and to gain more confidence with each adventure. The only fear that we should have is the fear itself and to overcome those fears with self-confidence. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
JaBe Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 Thanks Dawn. It really feels good, I do it every morning now and if we are talking about self confidence, I think this is the way to gain it.
Dawn HH Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 JaBe:-) Go JaBe, as I think you are doing the right thing. Keep building that self-confidence and have fun doing it. Practice makes perfect. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
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