Building Confidence Beyond Wearing Heels

[Gige]

I am sure this topic has been discussed ad nauseum and "resolved" long before it was known that the moon was not made of green cheese. A situation regarding my wearing of heels has surfaced within my family and I came to the realization that the confidence I have gained from doing so has spilled into other areas of my life. Allow me to explain. 

I have younger brother who is deeply conservative on all matters and he informed me (indirectly) that his eldest daughter (20.5 YOA) had tickets to hear Charlie Kirk speak when he was scheduled to on her university campus. He was murdered, however, before the event at my niece's campus occurred. Needless to say, I sent a carefully worded response about the true nature of Kirk's rhetoric towards the transgender community to my brother and noted that I strongly disagreed with Kirk's positions. The response I received was a profanity filled diatribe about how the transgender community is trying to force their agenda on everyone...blah, blah, blah. Also, it was apparent from his choice of words, that, in general, men wearing heels was somehow wrong because it is not in line with his worldly view. I did not dignify his response with my own response, but not to be arrogant and respect for the fact that my brother is in poor health, both mentally and physically, as an investigator for 20+ years, I could have driven a truck through the holes in his response. 

My line of belief on this, couple with other recent posts I have offered, made me realize that the confidence I have gained from wearing heels has spilled into other areas of my life. I am much more confident about my work, my decisions, and, just wearing tall heels (4"+) in public and not giving a da(r)n about what anyone thinks or feels about it. For the most part, I have received so many compliments from (mostly) women in my office who love my style and color choices. Most of the men do not care but I still have  great conversations with them even if I am wearing a mini skirt. This made me realize that if I can tell a family member "I do not give a (long string of expletives not included) about whether a man wearing heels fits in with your narrow minded worldly view" then what is to stop my confidence from continuing on an upward climb? I realize that over confidence can easily become arrogance and want to avoid going down that road. 

I guess what I am trying to say is that, I will be more than happy to tell my brother that if he can not accept the fact that I wear heels, then that's too bad. I am going to do so because I like and encourage every man I see to do so the same. 

[Shyheels]

Taking politics with anyone these days is a fraught business. I tend to avoid it altogether and stick to discussing the weather and the day to day minutiae of life. And if that minutiae includes wearing heels so be it. 

[mlroseplant]

I think there have been definite benefits to wearing heels that have spilled beyond improved fashion sense. I think I'm a much better foreman, a better husband, and a more focused person in general than I was 15 years ago. Whether one can attribute any of this to wearing heels as opposed to simply getting older is another question entirely.

[Shyheels]

I suspect it all ties in. Accepting, indeed celebrating, yourself as you are is a big deal and very improving. And of course age helps too - you acquire the experience to understand what matters and what does not, and you cease to take yourself quite so seriously as you did when you were young.

[CrushedVamp]

I think confidence, in no matter what social norm you are defying; becomes emboldened on an increasing trend because freedom is scary.

Wearing high heels, wearing leggings, wearing skirts and dresses all set boundaries… yes set because it sets the boundary further back then what people expect. It is further back than what people’s own boundaries are and says, “for me, it is fine for men to wear these things”. That challenge to their boundary is infuriating, but it brings on this huge question; What are you going to do about it?”

For some of us we quickly learn… NOTHING. People do nothing. Most we find… just accept it. The worst offenders though… yep, they are all just talk. Big deal...

So then you realize, “if they are all just talk about wearing high heels, then most others things they will be all talk about as well”. And they will. Some of this knowledge naturally comes as we age, but for those who have taken bolder steps, quickly learn they can be bold in a lot more things.

Sadly, for some; when we set boundaries… meaning we push them back and include more areas than most would like wearing high heels, it becomes a mirror because they realize they cannot confront their own fears. Deep down inside they want the confidence that many of us have, but just cannot find it in themselves to just not care what others in society think or say about them. That is downright angering to them because they are frustrated with themselves.

I set some boundaries this week and the result was predictable but sad. A real estate agent wanted me to extend the contract or they would level a $1000 service fee on me. I said no. No extension and I am not paying your fee because that is extorsion. They replied they worked hard, to which I said, “real estate is a service-based industry and is results based, not work based”. They countered that I was bullying them, but the truth was I countered in a way they did not expect, nor could they argue against it. And that is what you get when you set boundaries: anger.

They claim only 5% of people have this level of confidence, but its because we are two steps ahead of people. I knew I did not need to pay that $1000 BS fee because to clear up the issue would mean going to the real estate commission... a ding on their license to sell property. $1000 is not worth it for them. Just as people who wear high heels know, no one is going to do anything about them wearing high heels...even in church. News flash: there is no consequences for defying most societal norms other then getting snide comments that are meaningless.

Freedom is always great for any person, but whether extending freedom of speech, freedom of dress, or even freedom of wearing whatever shoes you want: it becomes very scary to other people. They are not mad that you are embolden enough to wear high heels in public; they are mad because they are scared to go against social norms themselves.