fatfuzz Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Today, I did something I've not done before. A very good friend (who's aware of the heel thing but it's rarely discussed) came round for a spot of lunch and to exchange some music software. I decided to wear my ballerinas from Barratts and I deliberately left my brown suede pointy ones out in the living room (Ok, they're not heels but it's a step in the right direction and besides which, I like them almost as much as heels and they are unmistakably femme shoes). It took him 10 minutes to notice at which point he burst out laughing but in a "wow" kind of way. I then pointed out the ones on my feet and there was more laughing. I said I'd had them on before when he'd been round but he hadn't noticed (which was a lie but I liked telling it). And that was it. Nothing more was said. A fairly neutral response really. I have also started daring myself to wear them outside when I go to empty my bins and do re-cycling. I used to do it at the old flat but I'd have to stand there and pluck up the courage and 9/10 times I'd bottle it. Today was easy though. Even when my friend came round, I didn't even think about it until he went "f***ing hell mate - they're girls shoes!" and i went "...and so are these!" when I felt beads of sweat form on my forehead. Once the moment had passed uneventfully, all was good again. SO I'm heading in the right direction. Start off flat and slowly work my way up. I can't keep going on only getting out heeling when I'm under the influence of booze and the like because I've started to realise now that I'll engineer nights out or turn a quite couple of beers into a raging piss up so I can get my confidence up and go out when I get home. Which leads me to another story: After one of the 3 or 4 xmas parties I attended last year (self employed - work for loads of clients) which lasted until 8 am the following day (Yeah, I know!) I got home and went for the customary walk around the local area in heels. Of course, everyone was off to work by then. I know I was getting looks - I had slim jeans that weren't quite full length and pointy stilettos in 3 different colours (black, teal and gunmetal grey - the "wham" shoe from Barratts. I really miss 'em) so there was NO mistaking what I was wearing. I remember blocking it out of my head, ignoring it apart from a couple of times when I realised what I was doing and, to put it bluntly, shit myself and ran home! Anyway, I sat down on a bench in the park over the road to have a smoke and a mate came through and spotted me. Oh no! After the usual pleasantries came the dreaded question - "what's with the shoes, dude?" I didn't know what to say so I just went "eeeeerrrrrmmmm" at which point he interrupted with - "Oh, it was the ***** christmas do, right?" (seemingly assuming it was fancy dress) and I said - "Yeah, that's it!....." and off he went. I think I know that he "knows" or at least thinks it was not fancy dress but something else. It's been brought up a couple of times and never in a derogatory way but I've avoided any direct conversation about it and word has now spread to other people I know. I think I should come clean with him for my own sanity if nothing else. I've had serious worries about it before but it seems so stupid to keep it bottled like this. And people will speculate when they don't know the full story. Some will speculate anyway but most, it would seem, from other peoples experiences on this forum, don't give a toss either way. I'm still not sure that I would wear heels out on a night out or when out shopping but one thing's for sure and that is that I NEED to feel comfortable about the fact that I love wearing them. A bit of exposure to the world would not be a bad thing for me and as with everyone else it's all about gaining confidence. I hope to gain a lot and being part of this site and the community within it really helps. I'm so glad I came back! I hope this reads OK - writing is not a strong point!
Steve63130 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Yep, it reads ok. You write very well. But now that the cat's partly out of the bag, why not let it out all the way? Wear your heels and flats in front of your mates all the time and if they ask, just say, "I like them." That's it. You don't need a lengthy explanation. If they ask more questions, fine. Be totally honest. Invite them to try your heels on before they make any judgments. Point to this web site and the hundreds of supporters you have here from around the world. You're not alone, you know. By coming out of your shoe closet, you'll be seen as eccentric, of course, but also as honest, bold, and confident, and watch out - that could make you a chick magnet! There are women out there who like men in heels and you might meet some! Do let us know! Best of success! Steve
AZShoeNut Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Wow man, that is really cool. I think that doing what you did takes a whole lot more huevos than my walking into a a coffee house in my heels. Way to go. Please keep us posted on how things develop. Best, Larry Life is short... Wear the bleeping shoes!
Curt Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Once you are comfortable with who you are, you can do anything you want. But everything is a stepping stone. My friends know about my shoes and think its cool. Going into girls stores takes a lot to get used to. Downtown toronto is the mecca of fashion. No big deal here. Being transgendered makes it a lot easier, but you can do it if you are not. Equality for everyone!
fatfuzz Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 A little development: Whilst working at a club last night a guy I know who is a mutual friend of the guy who saw me during the post xmas party heelathon came in and was asking about it. Word has spread it would seem! So I found myself openly admitting to everything that was said although he did refer to it is "drag" which has gay connotations and I failed to get across to him that it's all about the heels. I plan to meet up with him again this week so I can give him the full story. Either way, he said he thought it was great and "loves all that shit!" Gettin' there!
Curt Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 A little development: Whilst working at a club last night a guy I know who is a mutual friend of the guy who saw me during the post xmas party heelathon came in and was asking about it. Word has spread it would seem! So I found myself openly admitting to everything that was said although he did refer to it is "drag" which has gay connotations and I failed to get across to him that it's all about the heels. I plan to meet up with him again this week so I can give him the full story. Either way, he said he thought it was great and "loves all that shit!" Gettin' there!that's cool! My friends dig my funky crossgendering styles. Although they will never dress like that themselves! But they totally respect me. I showed up in a bar with 4.5" pumps and they said that was the coolest thing they have ever seen. Then again, I look like a girl most of the time! Ashley.
fatfuzz Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 that's cool! My friends dig my funky crossgendering styles. Although they will never dress like that themselves! But they totally respect me. I showed up in a bar with 4.5" pumps and they said that was the coolest thing they have ever seen. Then again, I look like a girl most of the time! Ashley.Yeah, I think so it's cool to. I certainly wasn't a bag of pure confidence hence me not quite getting across the exact nature of what it is and why I do it but as you've said before, it's one step at a time. And I'm finally starting to feel like it doesn't really matter - people are much less judgemental or disapproving than one might have originally thought. There's literally years of me feeling shameful and embarrassed about it so it may take time to shift completely and I don't want to run before I can walk because if I trip it's gonna hurt. I am also thinking more about women's clothes as well as shoes these days. I have experimented in the past but it's always been a bit of a rush job, not really putting much thought in so the results have been, well, crap! It's not so much that I'm bang into dressing like a woman but more about wearing something that suits "ladies" shoes more. I have some nice slim jeans (the ones I'm wearing in most of the shots in my gallery) and a nice t-shirt type top from Next. Oh and a mid length skirt from Dorothy Perkins. So we shall see how that one develops. Also, I am tall and as with large size shoes, tall women's clothes are not as common place.
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