Suggestions on how to start

[sscotty727]

Hi, I am a 40 year old male and have been into heels for as long as I can remember. Like alot of stories I have read here, I have gotten heels, worn them in secret, and then thrown them away in shame, only to buy more later. When I met my wife, I told her about my desires and she was turned off at first, but slowly "accepted" it, but only in private and only during sex. Since we have two young girls now, she is very concerned about me wearing anything around the girls that look like women's shoes. I do have several shoes that are womens but low heel and could pass as either (more like slides). The closest I have come to wearing heels in public is to wear open toe slides (very slight heel that criss cross over the foot), but with long jeans. For work I got mens slides (I haven't seen ANY other men wearing these yet). I no longer wear wear closed heel shoes. My question is do any of you have similar experiences and how did you break through to wearing heels outside? It would probably be alot easier if I were single and younger, but I would also like to hear from married men with kids. Was your wife supportive or did you get strange looks from her as well? Thanks, Scotty

[Yamyam]

Welcome, sscotty727! I have a young child too. To be honest, I don't wear heels around my young one, because I don't really know how to introduce the topic. He's okay with it, but I don't want him teased at school or anything over it, so I'm careful. My life partner is happy with me in heels, and indeed encourages me to go further and higher than I'd do on my own. But then, I am the luckiest man in the whole world! It's never easy with children, but at least you've had *that* conversation with your wife. She may come around, you never know. Or she may not - and you're stuck on your own. But at least you told her, rather than let her catch you. As for wearing heels outside - I started with plain black boots, and went from there. I don't wear my 'pole dancer' 6" heels outside - but I do wear my 2" Chelsea boots outside, and I'm debating inside when to go for the 3" wedge boots. It's about slow and steady, I think. Best of luck with it all. YY

[sscotty727]

Hi YY, I agree about not wearing them with my daughters around. What I meant was that my wife is still very conservative. She lets me wear whatever in the house when it is just me and her, but not in public. I was more or less asking advice of how to persuade her (perhaps slowly) to allowing to wear heels in public (maybe never stelleos though). I think I might try the new slide/heels to see what she thinks. We are going to go away for our anniversary and I might see if she will let me where them there, especially since we won't be near anyone we know. Scotty

[azraelle]

Trust me you'll NEVER persuade her--you'll just alienate her to the point of divorce. I know from experience.

[Yamyam]

Well, starting with something subtle, and where no-one knows you, sounds like a good idea to me. I don't want to ignore Azraelle's comments, but I don't think that that's the only thing that will ever happen. After all, Julietta is quite happy with me and my heels on the street. OK, I don't know your wife, but I can make some guesses. First, I'm guessing that this whole heels thing is a bit of a shock to her system. But she seems to have taken it on board, and if she's letting you wear them in the bedroom, that's great! From now, I think you need to do some talking to her, and explain how you feel. I think it needs a huge amount of diplomacy. And some things may never happen, and you just have to decide whether you'd rather have the family or the shoes. I'm sure you know which one you'd rather have. She might compromise - she may let you wear them when she's not around to start with, then her natural curiousity may come in to play Overall, tho', I believe in honesty. I think it's best to talk about what you want, listen to her side of the situation, and negotiate something that works for both of you. But don't go into it with the intention of pushing her into it, because that's not fair. This whole post should have 'I think...' and 'In my opinion...' all over it. I don't know what's best - I only know the things I've done wrong and done right, and this is my best advice. Good luck, and I hope it works well for all of you.

[Bubba136]

Scotty wrote: "I agree about not wearing them with my daughters around.” One of the original “guidelines,” agreed to by my wife and me before we got married was that I would never wear my heels in front of any children we might have. 28 years and three children later (two girls & a boy) – and given the fact they are grown up, on their own living in other parts of the country, I still don't wear them when they are around. Like I posted in another comment elsewhere on this forum, I wear boots and sports style women's shoes with heels up to 4½” regularly in public, when alone or when with my wife, I always opt for styles with lower heels when any of our children are visiting.

[sscotty727]

Hi YY, Actually my wife has come a LONG way since when I first told her about 17 years ago. Now she doesn't care if I wear them or when I wear them, etc, she just doesn't want me to wear them publicly or in front of family. I can see her point on that one. I don't think I would EVER wear stelletos in public, however I think perhaps the less obvious heels like you all suggested as a "first step" she might not be so upset with. I have and do wear alot of women's sandals, even to various theme parks I have worn women's LOW sandals. With her it would be the heel that she would start to freak. I like the idea of long jeans hiding the heel, I think she could be ok with that. Also, if a higher block heel, she would just say looks like a cowboy boot, so I think I will be able to pass that one. As far as work goes, I think that will never pass since I work for a contractor that does business with the military and frequently work on base. I have (today for example) worn the new slide/heels from the hotel to the car, drove in, but changed shoes in the car. (BTW, my wife once let me wear my 6inch stelletos in the car while driving at night. I did change shoes whenever I got out of the car). Anyway, thanks for all the suggestions, I think I will start (and perhaps not go further) with the squarish looking block heel shoes. Scotty

[Firefox]

I think it's wrong to say that "you'll never persuade her". That is true with a few women. Intolerant and ignorant ones in my opinion, but that's how life deals cards. Move on. I've been with girls who were bemused, some who don't care anyway, and some accepted it when they got used to it, and others who loved it from the start. If she's intelligent she'll generally get it. If she isn't, why bother anyway?

[B-booted]

Here is my experience. At an early stage I told my wife to be and she accepted my interest in high heels. Just before our first child she went through the stage of "you can't wear those". Those were 4 inch stiletto courts. I've always had some heels around - usually her cast off heels as she now only wears flats. Over the last 10 years I have worn heels more and more often. Up to 3.5 inches in front of the children (d17, s11, s9) and they have not really noticed. All very low key, played down. One comment from a son age 10y was "Are those girls shoes?" (3 inch block heels while doing DIY) Reply "They could be." No further interest. Gradually I've built up my collection and now have 52 pairs (!) Go gently in front of family and potentially difficult situations and I expect it will work out. I'm not trying to make a statement - I just wear heels to please myself. However, when I'm next away on business I am tempting to try something much more adventurous - there are so many stories at HHPlace of this causing few / no problems. Be careful B-booted

[sscotty727]

Thanks for all your advice. I asked my wife tonight if she would help me buy a pair of block heels and if I could wear them (except at work) and she said sure. (good sign). I showed her a few pictures from ones at www.payless.com and she was ok with the lower heeled ones (1 1/2", called Classic Penny Loafer, under Woman/Casuals/Classic) and more apprehensive of the higher heeled ones (2" heel, called Keegan Plain Cascual, under Women/Dress/Classic), I wish I knew how to post pictures. She said though whichever I REALLY wanted. Maybe I should let her get the 1 1/2" so she can get used to it while I get used to it.

Interestingly, she was ok with this one listed at JC Pennys http://www1.jcpenney.com/jcp/Products.aspx?DeptID=9452&CatID=9523&CatTyp=DEP&ItemTyp=G&GrpTyp=PRD&ItemID=07863b5&ProdSeq=25&OffSet=25&ProdCount=33&Cat=loafers&Dep=&PCat=women%27s+casual&PCatID=9457&RefPage=ProductList&Sale=&NumMatches=33&RecPtr=&SearchIn=0&ShowMenu=&TTYP=&ShopBy=0&PersistenceID=&RecordID=&SearchString=#

What do you all think?

Thanks again,

Scotty

[Bubba136]

Those will work. You could even wear them to work....depending if you dressed casually or wear suites and ties. Even then, they would be ok.

[Heelfan]

Hi Scotty! I hope you and the other guys on this thread chatting about how to start have read my thread (below here on "For The Guys") entitled "Finding Discreet Street-heels For Guys". As Bubba said, I don't see how anyone (even the wife) would raise an eyebrow at any guys street-heeling in those styles, and yet they range from 2 1/2" to 4". I wear those all the time for "everyday", and no-one EVER even notices, let alone causing any embarrassment. It is only when I wear my thinner and higher heels (4 1/2" to 5 1/2") together with shorther trousers exposing the entire heel that the odd person notices, and even then there is no embarrassment. In fact, getting noticed becomes a major part of the fun. Our Heel-Meets in the UK and Europe are a great way of feeling comfortable and 'At home' wearing heels, because just about everyone else does too. Good luck, Cheerfully yours, Heelfan

[sscotty727]

New news! I asked my wife again about when we are going to the mall and she asked if I wanted to go tonight? I said sure, and she even said yes if I could buy both pair I saw at payless. We are also going to check out JC Penny's for the other one I posted above. Sounds like she might be ok with the idea. I think as long as I don't wear to work and it doesn't look too femanine she will be ok with it. I will keep you all posted. Scotty

[sscotty727]

We just got back from the mall. My wife bought me both pair of payless shoes that I poseted earlier (1 1/2inch penny loafers, and 2inch loafer shoes). I plan on wearing them out soon. We also looked in JC Pennys for the other pair (2 1/2 inch), but they only carry that style online. I might order them too.

[Rob]

Hi all, Intro: I'm not a heel wearing guy, more an admirer of ladies in heels (although my wife has got me to try her heels on a couple of times!). I think if it was usual for guys shoes to have heels I would probably wear them, but I’m not one for pushing down the barriers, and don’t have any heel wearing desires. However, even at 6 six foot tall, I do consciously chose my shoes with a bigger heel (for men’s shoes that is! – around 1” or so) rather than flat shoes. The extra height feels good, and they just feel more comfortable (in totally flat shoes I tend to put more weight on my heels). I come here mainly to read the other forums, but occasionally look in at the guys one two. Anyway, to get to the point…. As a quite conservative non-high-heel-guy, I would quite happily wear the JC Penney’s shoes that Scotty linked to. I don’t think they particularly look like women’s shoes, even with the heel. In fact I have some very similar shoes with trainer (sports shoes in the US?) type sole which are about an inch high. So Scotty, I don’t think you should worry about wearing them to work if you get them. Go for it! Rob