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jmc

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Posts posted by jmc

  1. Western/cowboy styled boots seem to work most anywhere and anytime, regardless of the wearer. And a true cowboy boot has a very small heel -- no larger than a quarter. I like the blue fabric print ones too but aren't they a little obvious for out-and-about wear?

  2. I'm gonna lay a deep, dark secret on y'all here. I was married for a while (loved her more than life itself) and I was deathly afraid of letting her know about my desire to wear heels. So before I "popped the question" I purged my stock (all but a couple of pairs that I kept hidden away) then I wrapped my desires and stuffed them away in a little corner of my mind. But this desire will not stay locked away and once in a while I had to try my old friends on. I only did this if I knew she was going to be away for a while. I can say with certainty that she never knew. I can also say with certainty that knowing would have caused her some distress. We may have been able to work through it but I cannot be sure about that. I was hoping that I could focus on my love for her and that it would eventually eclipse my thoughts about heels. (She did not wear heels. She characterized 1-inchers as "heels".) For the most part, disregarding a couple of relapses, I was able to make this happen. I did love her so much that most of the time I did not need heels, I could substitute my desire for her. I cannot comment on the long-term viability of this approach because she died after we were together a little more than two years. She had some medical problems and they caught up with her. This all happened almost eight years ago and I still feel guilty that I held out on her, that she did not see this side of me. I can never know how it would have affected us. I have decided that if I am ever to get this intimate again, I am going to let her know. It is really simple -- if she cannot handle it then we have no future. I will need to bring the subject up fairly early in the relationship, before the commitment grows too deep. That way, if she cannot handle it then the pain of parting should be minimized. Based on all of this I think I can say that knowing you're OK with his wearing heels will most certainly set his mind at ease. But he needs to know where your limits are. You are part of this relationship too, let him know with what you are comfortable and where you draw the line. Maybe this can become part of the bond between the two of you. I would bet that between the two of you, you can figure out how to have fun with it. (And fundamentally, that is why I like heels -- they are fun to wear, fun to watch and they feel good.) I wish you both the best of luck.

  3. Effective communication can be difficult enough face-to-face between people who know each other intimately (such as between a man and his wife). On a bulletin board, in written text only, communication becomes far more challenging. Many of us "speak" volumes with facial expressions and gestures and there just is no way to emulate them in text. "Emoticons" (or "smilies") help but they do not capture the full depth and breadth of the non-verbal cues we all use. Writing is a skill that can be honed. I would suggest composing your posts offline, using a text editor. Save them off in a file and then come back a day later and re-read them, see if they really capture what you wanted to say. This gives your mind a chance to distance itself a little bit from the immediate situation and allows you to read it more as another person would. I find that the mechanics of writing -- finding the appropriate words, using correct punctuation, making my sentences make sense -- often distract me from what I want to say. When this happens I subconsciously divert some of my attention back to the thoughts that I am trying to put into words. This reduces the "processing power" devoted to writing and in the end I wind up leaving words (sometimes really important ones) out of my text. On a re-read it makes sense to me because I remember what I was trying to say. But anybody else reading it would either get the wrong message or get really confused.

  4. At least all the sizing systems do apparently derive from some standardization. That's a good place to start. But in practice it seems that each manufacturer has its own interpretation of whatever sizing systems they use so a 11 from one line may fit like a glove while a 11 from another line would be so tight as to be uncomfortable. Even different styles from the same manufacturer can fit very differently. The end result underscores the importance of the try-on and adds a whole new dimension of guesswork for those of us who order shoes online or from catalogs.

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