Gige

@Goose @CrushedVamp Welcome to the forum! I believe that you will find many of the active members to be encouraging and supportive as you progress in wearing heels out in public. I find it to be very comforting to know that what I have and I am currently experiencing, others in this group have also done the same. Thus, that which you share with this group will be very familiar to most everyone and the advice you receive/can find will be very helpful. On that note, allow me to offer a few suggestions. First, read through many of the threads started over the past year or so. As I started venturing out in heels about a year ago, I, too, had many stories of success as well as many questions. I found the responses, encouragement, and advice in the responses to my postings were invaluable. You may not agree with all that has been offered in the words of each individual but for the most part, I have found that which they wrote to be enriching and rewarding. For me, reading the stories of other men wearing heels in public was the motivation I needed to take that first step, both literally and figuratively. Within a year, I have gone from “Oh god! Someone may have seen me in heels!” to “Someone saw me in heels. I hope they thought my skirt and top matched my boots/heels!” I often receive compliments on my outfits and that never gets old (and/or tired). Second, be sure to share your stories, thoughts, and comments with the group. Again, many of us can relate to your feelings and will be able to offer tips, pointers, and if needed, cautions about wearing heels in public. I find that writing about my initial experiences of wearing heels in public was very helpful in processing all of it. Likewise, you will always get a response to your posts. Building confidence in wearing heels in public varies from individual to individual. Some can throw on a pair of heels for the first time and head right out in public without a care in the world. For others, it may take a bit, and there will be a few who may still be hesitant for a very long period of time. Finally, do not feel stupid, silly, ashamed, or otherwise if you truly want to wear heels out in public. There are members of this forum who range from just wearing only heels to individuals like me who are either genderfluid or fully transgender (I have started gravitating to the latter) but what binds us together is that we all wear high heels. The how, when, and where you choose to do so is entirely up to you and I hope that you will eventually become like other members (myself included) who prefer heels to other footwear. At first, yes, it is going to feel as if the eyes of the world immediately fall upon you when step out in heels. With time, practice, and determination, that will change. Again, read through some of the older threads and look at he outfits some of the members have worn out in public. When I first started wearing heels in public, I dreamed of the day I could wear a similar outfit in public. Now, I do and want “everyone” to see it! If you need advice, encouragement, or the like, always feel free to make an outreach!

Oh, I see you get to have all the "fun" weather! 🥶

This post is a spin-off of comments made on another thread that I thought might make a good topic of discussion on its own. As I did not want this to get buried somewhere very far down on the thread for which it was intended, I decided to just create a new topic. I have been giving much thought to the idea of what advice I/we could offer to any man who wants to venture out in public while wearing heels but lacks the confidence to do so. Almost all of the advice I have read here has been solid and offers a great step-by-step guide on how to do so. As far as I know, no one has giving advice to a “first-timer” along the lines of “Get the highest stilettos and shortest leather skirt you can find, go to a biker bar…” I agree that starting small and gradually working towards bigger steps as one becomes more confident is an excellent strategy. The term that has been often mentioned is “confidence,” and I agree that such is essential to a man wearing heels in public. The term “confidence,” however, may have a different meaning to everyone and thus, how such is defined may be open for some degree of debate. I would not disagree with the notion that having confidence is of critical importance, but I recognize that how long it takes for any of us to reach the point of where such exists is dependent on the individual. That which has recently dawned upon me is that there are certain facts/truths that any man who wants to (or actually does wear) heels out in public has to accept. I would argue that in order to build confidence, one must be seen in heels while in public but yet, being seen in heels while out in public is that which we fear. This fear, in turn, prevents an individual from heading out in a pair of heels, which, in turn, prevents the building of confidence needed to overcome the fear of heading out in public while wearing a pair of heels. As just over-explained here, this can be a vicious circle and breaking it may be easy for some, take bit of time for others (like me) or cannot be broken by the rest. I think the key to breaking this cycle begins with the recognition no matter where “we” go, what “we” do, or how hard “we” try to cover our heels, someone will always notice what we are wearing on our feet. Accepting this reality/fact is, as I see it, truly the first step to heading out in public in a pair of heels. If one accepts the fact that they WILL been seen in heels by someone somewhere, and such is the key to building confidence, then “the rest” will eventually come. In time, being seen in heels in public will not be an issue to the wear of such to the point where one may wear heels that other forms of footwear. There have been instances where I have been out in public while wearing heels that have been 90% covered by long pants/jeans and yet, someone notices by directing a compliment to me on what I am wearing. Given what I have learned, I do not know if I would have handled those “early days” differently. Speaking from my own experience, however, now, there is nothing more exhilarating and a confidence builder than being seen in a pair of heels, regardless of if the heels are fully exposed or not. It speaks so much of confidence to go out in public to do one’s whatever, and not give a single care to who sees me or what they think about what I am wearing.

OMG!!!!! I am sooo insanely envious! I have my eye about three pairs of boots from FB but, unfortunately, there are some other pressing priorities at the moment. Could I ever so kindly ask you to share the details of your experience in ordering these wonderful boots? Were there any issues with the fit? How long did take to receive them? I absolutely want to get a pair from FB but also want to ensure they will fit me "just right."

That is awesome! I cannot say that I ever have been in this position but if such were to happen, I would be both flattered and delighted.

When I initially read this post, I thought about what I could say or offer in order to help an individual regain confidence/self-esteem that had been lost due to the comments of others. Shortly after I “came out,” I had a similar issue with two women at my office and wrote about them in a previous post which was very helpful in dealing with them. As I was making the long, flat, boring journey from my residence to the Chicago area for Thanksgiving dinner and back home today, my thoughts were focused on this situation because the drive was long, flat, and boring. Before I commence with my answer, I wish to make it known that what I am expressing here is my own opinion and I do not mean to insult, disparage, or speak ill of anyone. In all truthfulness, however, this situation, as it is presented, offers some troubling “red flags” of greater concern and there are many areas that I believe should be addressed. Just to offer my credentials to support my position, I have been married for 32 years and hold a graduate degree in behavioral sciences. First, “…when we first met I told her early on about my high heel infatuation and it's kind of a deal breaker if it's something they wouldn't be into exploring or doing....” This is troublesome because it signifies that the relationship is conditional and based on an unsuitable foundation, that being the wearing of heels, rather than on more metaphysical attributes such as love, admiration, compatibility, and shared interest/outlook on important concerns (e.g. child rearing, religion, etc.). Turning away a potential mate/partner because she would not be willing to explore or actually wear heels is quite unreasonable. This puts the desire to see others wearing heels in front of qualities that are far more important that help determine suitability of a potential mate. This begs the question of if you can truly love someone who does not/cannot/will not wear high heels. The mere fact that this issue was presented for discussion makes me believe that your wife no longer wearing heels is highly problematic for you. Second, “Years have gone by and I've got her over probably 200 plus different heels over the years.” This is extraordinarily troubling. The question I must ask is who made the decision to purchase so many pairs? If it your wife, then I would argue that she is taking advantage of you because the math shows that regardless of when the first pair of heels was purchased, this averages out to more than one new pair every month. If it is you who sees a pair of heels and purchases then for her, then you are feeding your own addiction. Even if it could be considered 50/50 split, this is still troubling - what other items of which you own do you have 200 examples? The only item of which I own 200 or more examples are songs on my iPod. Although I cannot conclusively make the determination as to who buys a majority of the heels, judging by the way the sentence is phrased, I am led to believe that it is the author who does so. I would be inclined to think that, at first, receiving/getting a pair of heels would be a nice gesture but after a while and due to the frequency of such, it would grow old and the thrill of it is lost. Thus, when new pairs of heels continue to be given/received, it sends a message of expectation. Also, think about it in this light - if one pair of heels were worn once a week, it would take about four years to wear every pair just once. That is horribly wasteful. Third, “I'd love to find another couple who lived closer to us [whose] wife is someone who would/does/wants to wear heels when going out so my wife would hopefully regain the confidence she's lost by negative people…” Simple question - for whose benefit should she wear heels, yours or hers? Referring back to the first and second points to some degree, it seems that your hope of having your wife wear heels again may be rooted in satisfying your own desires for her to do so. As you mentioned that you have an “infatuation” with heels, that you have “got her” over 200 pairs, and you want to see her start wearing heels are indicative comments that your primary concern is focused on satisfying your own desires. Wearing heels does not always “make” an outfit as I have recently learned that an elegant pair of loafers can be just as classy and chic as heels if they complete a well put together outfit of matching and “proper” fitting clothes. Finally, “[T]he only thing you should be concerned with is what I am/would think about an outfit/ a pair of heels/ where you're wearing them…” Sorry, but this really struck a nerve. When my wife and I head out, that which is most important to me is that she wears attire in which she is comfortable and is appropriate for the occasion. There have been many occasions where my wife has asked me if I believe, based on the outfit she is contemplating to wear for the evening/event, if it would be over/under dressing or the items match (Color, style, etc.). Then, and only then, should she be concerned with my opinion. Otherwise, what I think of what she is wearing is immaterial unless I feel that which she has selected is grossly inappropriate for the occasion (e.g. flip-flops at a black-tie event, or a cocktail dress to a Kindergarten graduation, etc). If my wife should wear an outfit that is worthy of a compliment, then I will make certain that I express such to her. At no point is there so much as minute expectation on my part that she should be the least bit concerned about what I think of her outfit. She is the person wearing it and her physical comfort in doing so is all that matters to me. My wife has a few pairs of shoes that I think are hideously ugly but she loves. If she wants to wear them out and about to an event when it would be appropriate, then unless there is some safety issue in doing so, my opinion is irrelevant. I do not know what was said to your wife by others but I think there is more to this than just their comments. Truth be told, those making such comments may have a valid point. There is a time and place to wear heels, and a time and place not to wear heels. Although I enjoy wearing some form of heels when and where I can, there are times when grabbing my purple, or blue, or red Vans, or flat heeled riding boots is far more practical, comfortable, and wiser than going for a pair of heels. Based on what is written in the initial post, especially in regards to that which is/would be a “sort of a dealbreaker,” I get the impression that there is some sort of expectation about when and where your wife should wear heels on your part. As I see it, based on how many pairs she has, it seems that wearing heels 24/7/365 is what is desired. If so, this is unhealthy for any relationship. I hope, however, I am wrong.

Do we get "retro month" entries? That is, if I missed submitting an entry in, say, July for example, can I submit an entry now for that month? I ask because I wore this super cute outfit to the office and after the day was done, I went to the Ulta (cosmetics) store for a few products. While there, just about every woman in the store complimented me on my outfit and needless to say, it was quite flattering.

Yes, indeed! Quite comfortable....I haven't worn them for a bit and kind of forgot how much I enjoy walking in such tall heels. I have been wearing more lower heels for work.

Nice! It just so happens that I have two pairs of this style of ankle boots, both from Schutz, and why I have two pairs is beyond me (can you say "impulse buy" on the second pair?). Both are ~4" in height and I wear them with long boot-cut jeans for an rough but elegant look. Oh and forgot to add, yes, I will be wearing these to work in the next few days!

Thank you to all for the wonderful responses - I truly appreciate the support and kind words! As I have made known in several previous responses to other threads, had I not found this forum and read the stories of other men venturing out in heels for the first time, I do not know that I would have ever found the courage to do so myself. Given how far I have come in just about a year, it seems somewhat foolish that I did not do so earlier in my life. As I was driving home from the office in a ridiculously cute outfit I wore today, I was thinking that it is almost a year to the day when I first wore heels (boots, actually) to the office. Although ~95% of the shaft and heel were covered by long pants, I was still so nervous about doing so, and that someone would "see" my footwear and take note of what I was wearing. Then, after my work day was done, I headed out for a quick haircut and as I was waiting in the salon/barbershop, store, I was so nervous my hands were sweating. When my name was called, it was a "here goes nothing...!" moment. I was not ready to have anyone see me wearing heels at that time but, admittedly, it was a thrill knowing that I was "secretly" doing so. Now, a year later, I could not possibly care less what anyone may think as so many people, at the office and in public settings have seen me in heels, that it has become routine. I do not consider myself to be "Superman" or the like when comes to wearing heels out in public but I realize that if someone has an issue with it, oh well...not my problem. I truly do not know why I have so quickly overcome my fears of wearing heels in public. I think that once the first few times were "under my belt," so to speak, it just became easier and easier to do. Not to sound like a broken record but the words of Dr. Seuss have truly taken on a new meaning for me..."Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind." Well, enough of my rambling...Thanks again to everyone! Richard Photo - the aforementioned "ridiculously cute" outfit for work today!

November's entries - I think I wore the orange turtleneck outfit to work...definitely wore the red/maroon dress to the office!

It is purely coincidental that we should be discussing heels breaking away/off the sole when a year and one day ago, one of the most publicized heel failures in recent memory occurred when one of the Taylor Swift's Louboutins gave out during a concert in Rio. IIRC (I'm not a "Swiftee" by any stretch of the imagination!) she pulled the heel off of the sole and tossed it into the crowd. I am sure her Louboutins cost her well into the five figures which goes to show that price is no guarantee against heel failures. You would think that if one should spend such money on heels/boots, especially Louboutins, heel breakage would not happen. But as pointed out, price is no assurance against product failure - even Ferraris breakdown.

I think my fear of breaking off a heel, especially for a stiletto, has been the greatest concern that "prevents" me from wearing them. I understand that it is the quality, and thus, strength of the shank and not necessarily how well the actual heel is attached to the shoe that may result in breakage. One of the "issues" I have noticed about stilettos is that of what I call "heel flex." I have and had stiletto heels in which, when the bottom of heel makes contact with the ground, it firmly sticks in place but as the foot bed comes in contact with the ground, there is a slight bend of the sole, pushing the top of the heel slightly backwards while the bottom does not move. When the foot is rolled on to the ball of the foot, the heel "flexes" backwards. My concern that the repeated flexing/bending, ever so slight, will eventually lead to a fatigue failure and the heel becoming detached from the sole. This flexing/bending, however, is not limited to stilettos as I have noticed it happening to other heels, even block heels. I am not sure if this is "normal" or is a reflection of the quality of construction of the shoe/boot. I have learned that heel breakage is not limited to stilettos or other taller height heels. Some time ago, I was shopping at a larger retail store while wearing a pair of "flat - heeled" riding boots. Shortly after I entered the store, I noticed that the 1" heel on the right boot was making a strange sound. As I looked at the right heel, I noticed that it was barely attached to the sole as the glue holding it in place was minimally applied. I removed it, placed it in my pocket, and hobbled around the store quite embarrassed by the situation. When I returned to my car, the boots came off and I tossed them into the back seat. When I actually returned to my residence, I noticed that the left heel was starting to come loose from its sole and what followed was a sting of profanity that, last I checked, is still hanging above Springfield, Illinois, and has been known to cause some degree of turbulence for air traffic in the area. What made this situation infuriating is that the boots were a designer brand from which this type of nonsense should not be expected. I glued both heels back to the sole and sank three small screws into each heel to help secure them in place; I had no issues with the heels when I last wore them. The point to this is, what has been echoed in previous replies, materials used and craftsmanship of the product may be the ultimate factor when/if a heel should become detached from its sole, is right on point.

Glad to hear it! I, like you, recently traveled and also did not pack a single item of men's clothing. The reason I did not do so was not necessarily by choice but due to the fact that I recently purged my wardrobe of all clothing that was too large for me! So, I have somewhere around 1/2 items of men's clothing. I would have jettisoned all of it but I decided to hold a few items "just in case." Interesting prediction, indeed! I suppose that depends on what one defines as a stiletto. Would you consider the heels of the ankle boots in the added photo as stilettos? If so, then yes, it is only a matter of time as I plan on where these to work in due time. If no, they are not stilettos, then only time will tell if you are correct.

I have come to start embracing this approach. My job is a "hybrid" meaning that I can work from either home or at the office as need dictates. Right now, I do a 2-3 schedule in that I am at home on Mondays & Fridays, and at the office Tuesdays - Thursday. I find that at home, I am more inclined to "throw on whatever" and go with it rather than take any time to put together a nice outfit - it's all done in laziness. My wife has long been a proponent of the "dress for work," even at home" because it does much to promote a professional mindset. She has, understandably complained about those who show up to video meetings in bathrobes. I could not agree with you more - live up to your footwear is my approach to every outfit I put together. That which I wear MUST coordinate with my footwear or else it just will not work for me.