shakala Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Hi all, I would like advice. How has others here won over support from their spouse in you high heel endeavors. Its been now 3-4 months since I've really decided to wear high heel boots. Again I prefer 5 inch stilettos knee high boots. My decision or choice of footwear is based on fashion and style. While I've now approached about 10 friends and all have accepted my choice of footwear, my wife continues to disapprove of it. She tends to go from partial acceptance, ie calm and admitting that she needs to be more open, to anger and total denial. The main issue I tell her is just because I may not wear boots, doesn't mean that my want or like for wearing them will go away. She's admitted that there is 'nothing wrong' with a man wearing high heel boots, just that its not common. I have tried all reasonable logical arguments, but for her its more an emotional decision. I'm hoping that over time she will come to understand that I have not changed at all, apart from finally getting a bit more stylish and presentable. The difficulty is that the more she refuses to accept my choice, the more determined I become, also frustrated and annoyed that in this day an age I can't choose what I like for myself! Hence the build up of tension in our relationship. I'm just interested in anyones experience on how you've overcome this hurdle.
hoverfly Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 What ever you do don't push the subject on her, the more you do the more she will resists and deny. Do what you want to do, but keep a cool head on what you wear around her. Also wearing 5" stiletto boots right of the bat is something that would not go over well at all if I was in her shoes. Start with chunky lower heels, around the 3" 4" mark, dress smartly when wearing heels and see if you can passively change her mind. Hello, my name is Hoverfly. I’m a high heel addict…. Weeeeeeeeeee! 👠1998 to 2022!
Magickman Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Hey Shakala, I can apppreciate your 5" stileeto knee boots. I think they are OK. Your wife, unfortunately, does not. Although a lifelong bachelor myself, I have shared the experience of women in my life who strongly disliked my boots. (Which were never as high as yours.) When the relationships went south, what I did was to move on to other women. Probably, you want to stay with your wife, and also you likely do not wish to give up your boots. Can you have both, your wife and your boots? Tough question, I know. I think you can, though. I suggest that you integrate your boots carefully with your wardrobe. Strive for a total look that is good for you. Think macho and masculine. Bold and confident. Walk tall and let your wife know who is captain of the ship. Women tend to like that, the dominant man. Good luck!
BobHH Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 You are in trouble. My first wife would never have approved in a million years. My second wife was cool and supportive, but I lost her to a heart attack. Two female friends since then have been very supportive. It's something I bring out early, now.
Thighboots2 Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Shakala, I go with Hoverfly on this one. Chunky 3" heels and a smart guy look when stpping out with her and probably best to restrict the use of the 5" boots. Allow her to get used to the idea of you in heels. That she has sorta coped with you wearing 5" stiletto boots as a starter is amazing in itself. Your well on the way, just don't push the envelope too hard. Rome wasn't built in a day. TB2 Are you confusing me with someone who gives a damn?
MrStiletto Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Shakala hoverfly could not have said it better! I agree with him! I wish I had some words of wisdom about your situation from my wife but right from the start she accepted my heeling. Going from my own experience spike heels are fine but just not right now. Thats not to say you'll never get in those spikes, I am sure you will. Dress your self smartly around a 3 or 4 inch block heel at first , slowly try to include her in your shopping for footwear and dressing around them. Good luck
DeSalto Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Shakala Sadly not everybody is open minded about men wearing heels. But minds can be opened? Lots of good advices here, specially from Magickman and Hoverly. Most women don´t like their husbands wearing heels because they are afraid of them beeing gay or not macho enough - make it clear this is not the case. Don´t push hard. Don´t let her think that you are obsessed for heels - don´t be obsessed for heels. Make it clear that you love her more than anything else. Let 2 or 3 months pass, not touching on the issue "Heels" in that period. After that, suddenly surprise her buying (her) a beautiful pair of boots. And again do not touch on the issue "you wearing heels". Ask her to wear the boots, and when she ask if you liked them, say something like " You know how I like you...and you are great with those boots!" - and no more coments. Than slowly show her you can have fun togheter with your boots, but just when she is in a good mood. A bottle of wine and a romantic dinner can be of help. In those moments you can even try games like buying identical pairs of heels for both of you. But just show them in the climax of the night. Just ideas trying to help you, it may works I think that showing your heels for friends before her acceptance may have not been a good idea - they had good reactions? OK, but she may be imagining what they are saying behind your back... (not that they are really saying something). Be cool. Be patient. DeSalto No shoe is better than a sexy pair of stilettos!
blackslide Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 My wife is a very conservative close minded gal raised in a rural area with rural values. I don't think she will ever support my heel wearing. She wants men's shoes or at the very least women's low shoes that look masculine, like penny loafers. We have a sort of compromise, I wear 2' chunky healed boots (White Mountain) that can almost pass for men's motor cycle boots. I wear men's cowboy boots occasionally because she likes it. She had quite wearing heels, says she has had enough of it and wants comfort now. She exists in flip flops and white athletic shoes. Not very sexy for me. My advice is to be considerate of your wife. Wear what is agreeable to her, and be more daring when you are alone. Your relationship with your wife is more important than what you wear on your feet, right? You also have to be you . A difficult balancing act.
Francis Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 as has already been mentioned, start with lower height heels so that your wife becomes more acceptant of your heel wearing and over time increase the height and you'll be surprised that you won't need to ask because it will have come de rigeur for her. my wife was resistant about my higher heels and started with lower heels before wearing my 4" and higher boots, although we both agree that certain styles look stupid on me
new_look Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 my last gf hated heels, but didnt mind me wearing them and was very supportive my current gf, used to wear heels everyday of some sort, but now chooses not to (damn) lol however i made an attempt recently to sort of let the cat out of the bag and the conversation ended in me retreating my story as she took it all the way i didnt want her to. I got the 'it must mean you are gay...' etc etc 'what other womens clothes do you wanna wear' and i tried a few logical points however ended up backing out of the debate in the end to a more conservative explanation of my story. I want her to know so that it can be an open part of us with no secrets, but it is a lot to lose if we split because of it. however from what i have seen it looks like this is going to be a choice of heels or gf, and it maybe that i choose Steph out of these as we are an excellent couple together and I feel i would want to make this decision. daz
shakala Posted December 13, 2005 Author Posted December 13, 2005 I know that I would not give up wearing my boots, I'm way too stubborn for that. I agree with the views of taking it easy and giving her more space. Which is what I've been trying to do over the last 2-3 weeks. Natrually this will take more time. While I don't bring the subject of me wearing boots out often, I still wear them out(as per my other post). I have had a few more discussion with her and she admits that she has difficulty in accepting it, she's more concerned about "if I accept this, then what else?" I read through the old treads here and found one were wifes were giving positive feedback or acceptance. Here resposne was see, its so uncommon you need to go to the 'net' to find anything? No matter how much data or logic I give to the debate she just refuses to listen. I understand her point, until I made the decision to wear boots, I didn't cause I also thought it was strange. Now though I could not be happier. Admittedly wearing and tackling this issues has made me accepting and understanding. Thats what she needs, to see that its perfectly normal for guys to wear heels. Problem is, its not the 'norm' for the moment, I suppose thats what u get for being a pioneer! I have told her that while I may choose not to wear my boots around you, do you think that this will stop me from wearing them elsewhere, or stop wanting to wear them. She has come to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with men wearing heels, its just that she needs to see it more accepted. Strange thing is that everyone thinks this way then nothing would ever change!!! We'll be going to our friends on Friday, this time I will wear my boots with her. As per my other thread, I've worn my boots with these friends several times now and they feel totally comfortable with my choice. I'm hoping that if she see's others accepting this that she will calm down and relax on the issue. While I agree with the suggestions of taking it easy with my wife as far as exposing her to my heeling, I really don't see myself wearing different boots, ie low heels. I agree that jumping straight to 5 1/4 inch stilettoes would be cause for a greater shock to her, thats what I prefer. I'm not going to wear something I don't like(clearly my stubborn side!) So while I've relaxed the heeling in front of her, I'm not letting the issue fade. I do occasionally reminder her of it etc. So thanks everyone for your advice and I'll let you know how it goes on Friday.
heelsRus Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 We'll be going to our friends on Friday, this time I will wear my boots with her. As per my other thread, I've worn my boots with these friends several times now and they feel totally comfortable with my choice. I'm hoping that if she see's others accepting this that she will calm down and relax on the issue. Would it help to run this by your friends to see if they can help? Let them know the situation, or parts of it, and ask that they behave in the same manner as the last few times? It sounds like you've had a blast with these friends. That's very cool. They seem like very decent people. Good luck.
shakala Posted December 13, 2005 Author Posted December 13, 2005 Yeah, I have run this past them, and there very supportive in helping my wife . Thats what I'm really hoping in that seeing them at easy and my boots being a non issue should calm her concerns etc. Well in theory this sounds good. Also I've bought her the same boots, so we can match!
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