How do I end a "flat" relationship?

[chip7X]

Just met a nice young lady a few weeks ago and decided to date her. She seems to be very interested in me. One problem! She doesn't wear heels. In fact I don't think she ever will. She isn't handicapped nor does she has bad feet. She just refuses to wear heels. She would even make negative comments about other ladies that wear heels. Some people might think this is silly, but I get turned on by women in high heels, I mean I find it VERY arousing. I've actually mentioned that I have a high heel fetish and she really didn't pay it much attention. I think making her wear heels is just a waste of time and effort. I guess I should end this flat relationship. Any advice or comments? Has anyone had a similar problem?

[Laurieheels]

Break it off clean, quick and easy. If you are always going to feel that something is missing because she will never wear heels, dump her ignorant ass as soon as you can, and find someone that can make you happy. A relationship needs to fulfill you and your desires, not just placate you for a few weeks. You will never be happy with a woman who will never wear heels. You may have to settle for a part time heel wearer, but at least you know you will get what you need from time to time. So look for something to make you happy.

[hoverfly]

Mmmmmmmmmmmmh.... Halved you ever her asked why she hates them? _________________ Hello, my name is Hoverfly. I am a high heel addict…. Weeeeeeeeeee!!! <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: hoverfly on 2002-03-26 06:17 ]</font>

[ShockQueen]

It's best to find out her feelings on heels in general, both on women and men, asap, as waiting too long can be more painful than anything else. If there are too many differences, then it's time to move on to someone a bit more compatable.

[Bob]

The best way to resolve this is through dialog, talking, getting to know the girl. Just "dumping" her because of her taste in footwear sounds a little harsh, after all if the shoe was on the other foot would you like to be dumped because of your taste in footwear? Get to know her, she might surprise you, after all, many people come to enjoy different types of clothing later in life

[Francis]

this is true! my wife always walks around in flat shoes, but she does occasionally wear 3" heels for certain reasons. She will even wear my 6.5" heels, as long as she doesn't have to walk anywhere

[Firefox]

I'm pretty much into heels, but actually they don't bear very much relation to choosing a partner. My last girlfriend didn't wear heels at all. I look for someone who is tolerant, interesting, has a sense of humour, and is reasonably intelligent. If she wears heels that's a bonus, a big one I have to say, but it doesn't change the person inside by what they have on their feet. Well, that's my opinion but as for Chip, if he can't handle it if she doesn't wear heels, then it's best to part company gracefully. I don't think she's going to start now, and it's a bit unfair to coax someone into it, as they may not be suited physically. <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Firefox on 2002-03-26 20:28 ]</font>

[Yamyam]

I think it's one to talk about. After all, it's not entirely unknown in a relationship for two people to misinterpret stuff widely (or maybe it's just me ) Have a try at a conversation about it. If you're planning to break it off anyway, what have you got to lose? And, if you're going out with this person, you must like other things about them - do you want to lose that?

[Arctic]

Just met a nice young lady a few weeks ago and decided to date her. She seems to be very interested in me. One problem! She doesn't wear heels. In fact I don't think she ever will. She isn't handicapped nor does she has bad feet. She just refuses to wear heels. She would even make negative comments about other ladies that wear heels.

Some people might think this is silly, but I get turned on by women in high heels, I mean I find it VERY arousing. I've actually mentioned that I have a high heel fetish and she really didn't pay it much attention. I think making her wear heels is just a waste of time and effort.

I guess I should end this flat relationship.

Any advice or comments? Has anyone had a similar problem?

Well, I used to be with an attractive young lady in my early twenties who was interested in the more flashy kind of clothing. She was very nice to go shopping with because the spicier it looked the more she liked it. And she looked good in it, she really had the body for it and was not afraid to show it. This included heels. We had fun together, but despite the fact that she looked really good and followed my suggestions, it didn't work between us since intellectually there was a large mismatch. I broke up with her, which was painful for both, and started dating a smart but plain unattractive woman. That didn't work either, since there was no spark and she looked like a caterpillar. And she cheated on me too, but that's beside the story. Dumping her after the cheating was easy, and then I set my requirements straight: next one should be intelligent, independent, determined, attractive, open minded, educated, sweet and kind. I met one like that and married her, but now it turns out that she's not high-heel-boot-for-men compatible. She wears very nice things too, including great heels, but she decides it HERSELF and it must look stylish. She's good in that and food for the eye, even if my suggestions are rarely taken into account.

So she wears heels herself, but me wearing them is NOT AN OPTION. That's a shitty situation too - but I'm still happily married even if I have to lead some kind of double life. Despite that, I think that I can convince her some day, since she's so fact-driven and when I can prove there is no harm in me wearing 'em I'm sure it will progress.

So my advice: go for one that you like and is open minded. She doesn't have to be into your thingies yet but if she's open enough, it'll come. Going for a woman that is 100% fulfilling your visual requirements may not get you very far. Don't go for looks alltogether. Dressing style may change, her personality will not.

Bert

[dizzyblonde]

On 2002-03-26 20:50, Yamyam wrote:

I think it's one to talk about. After all, it's not entirely unknown in a relationship for two people to misinterpret stuff widely (or maybe it's just me )

Have a try at a conversation about it. If you're planning to break it off anyway, what have you got to lose? And, if you're going out with this person, you must like other things about them - do you want to lose that?

Yes it's easy for two people to misinterpet stuff! Maybe that's because one of them tells the truth ALL the time and the other tells truth to suit himself

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: dizzyblonde on 2002-03-27 20:26 ]</font>

[Jezebel]

I'd say to talk to her about it some more, and tell her how you feel about it. If she isn't interested at all, and you feel this is an important issue to you, then move on. You won't be able to change her in the long run if she is totally against heels.

[Ben(Canada)]

Hi all Perhaps the question of dumping your girlfriend should have gone into the psychology thread. I can speak from experience that many times a fetish can create many complications in relationships with the opposite sex. It partly depends how many fetishes you have. Are high heels your only fetish? Take me. I will come out and admit that I have many fetishes. Why I could make a whole long, long list. The list doesn't end here. I like definite colors, designs, and materials. These likes are not on me but on a woman. Do you think any woman on earth might be eager to satisfy all my desires. Not likely. So which one's do I say it is OK to pass over when dating a girl? Fetishes can be so exciting because they strike such a definite cord in a person. But they can also get a little out of hand. Now that I understand a little bit more of my desires, I have begun to understand what makes others tic. So I have this woman friend who was married to a man that had this thin woman fetish. He encouraged her to starve herself till she almost died. Now that was a little exciting for him to see her shrivel up to skin and bones, but not for her. I have annoyed so many women in the past begging for them to do things to satisfy my lists of fetishes, I am actually embarrassed. So fetishes can be exciting, but also can distance good people from each other. Also fetishes can change with time for many people. Why for many years I had an extreme high heel fetish. Right now I am suddenly more attracted to a nice low shoe on a woman. I love women in running shoes, hiking boots, or low-heeled boots. Maybe that will change next month. The world is full of people who would be nice to get to know or be with. If we have fetishes that involve other people, it is too bad we are faced with a such desires that might shut off some very nice people. Studies have shown that most people in relationships are really dreaming of another person when making love. Maybe this shows that many people are willing to give up their fetishes for the right person. I think many people have to manage their fetishes. Ben Wiens