Holy Cow Poop!

[ilikekicks]

Disclaimer :  This is satyr. Although the news article is supposed to be factual and newsworthy ( yeah right! ) , I think it has a comical effect on some of us. If language or criticism ' offends ' you, please read no further.

 

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Ive often been told that ' global warming ' or the discussion of ' climate change ' is over. As if theres to be no discussion and ANYONE whom has any doubt about it is ' dumber then cow shit '. I have literally seen such stated.

 

Reading the ' supposed news ' today, I saw this article and just pissed myself laughing. Yes, I really did piss my pants as it was THAT funny.

 

Theres all these universities and professors and scientists whom believe theres something going on with the planets climate and they can prove it.. with all sorts of funds raised from ' carbon taxes ' and other means.

 

To the article. Ill post the whole thing then go back and make comments on certain parts. Mind everyone, my comments come as a simple guy whom isnt a rocket scientist but works/lives on a farm.

 

ARTICLE ==>

 

http://news.yahoo.com/study-us-spewing-50-more-methane-epa-says-201454426.html

 

 

Study: US spewing 50% more methane than EPA says

 

WASHINGTON (AP) — The United States is spewing 50 percent more methane — a potent heat-trapping gas — than the federal government estimates, a new comprehensive scientific study says. Much of it is coming from just three states: Texas, Oklahoma and Kansas.

 

That means methane may be a bigger global warming issue than thought, scientists say. Methane is 21 times more potent at trapping heat than carbon dioxide, the most abundant global warming gas, although it doesn't stay in the air as long.

Much of that extra methane, also called natural gas, seems to be coming from livestock, including manure, belches, and flatulence, as well as leaks from refining and drilling for oil and gas, the study says. It was published Monday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science.

The study estimates that in 2008, the U.S. poured 49 million tons of methane into the air. That means U.S. methane emissions trapped about as much heat as all the carbon dioxide pollution coming from cars, trucks, and planes in the country in six months.

That's more than the 32 million tons estimated by the U.S. Environmental Protection Administration or the nearly 29 million tons reckoned by the European Commission.

"Something is very much off in the inventories," said study co-author Anna Michalak, an Earth scientist at the Carnegie Institution for Science in Stanford, Calif. "The total U.S. impact on the world's energy budget is different than we thought, and it's worse."

EPA spokeswoman Alisha Johnson said her agency hasn't had time to go through the study yet, but hopes it will help "refine our estimates going forward."

While the world has a good handle on how much carbon dioxide is pumped into the air, scientists have been more baffled by methane emissions. They have had to use computer models to estimate how much methane is going into that air.

This study, however, was based on nearly 13,000 measurements from airplane flights and tall towers, the most used in any such research.

The information was collected in 2008. Scientists have yet to analyze their data from 2012, and that will capture more of any impact of the natural gas boom from hydraulic fracturing, Michalik said. Studies recently have shown conflicting results about how much methane escapes during fracking and other forms of fossil fuel drilling.

Outside experts praised the study. Robert Howarth at Cornell University called "it very compelling and quite important. This is the most comprehensive study yet."

Michalak said because of the way they measured methane — just looking for it in the air as opposed to tracking it from a source — it is hard to say what is putting more methane into the air. But she said by looking at concentrations — especially within Texas, Oklahoma and Kansas — the scientists have a good idea: Cows, oil and gas.

Nearly one-quarter of the U.S. methane emissions came from those three states. Texas is by far and away the No. 1 state for refineries that turn oil into gasoline. Texas and Oklahoma have been big oil and gas drilling states and Kansas is a big cow state.

Cows seem to be spewing twice the methane that scientists previously thought, Michalak said.

While burps and flatulence are part of the methane emission from cattle, University of California Santa Barbara professor Ira Leifer said a bigger factor is manure.

"If you shovel it into an artificial lagoon you are creating the perfect production for methane, but it cuts down on the smell and your neighbors complain less," he said.

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My comments..

 

"Much of that extra methane, also called natural gas, seems to be coming from livestock, including manure, belches, and flatulence, as well as leaks from refining and drilling for oil and gas, the study says. It was published Monday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science."

 

The ' National Academy of Science ' now knows that cows shit? They burp when they eat and drink? They could have saved millions of tax dollars on such a study and came over for a nice sunday dinner. I could show them that cows shit and burp. They are mammals, have hair, just like humans.

 

So.. how are these ' great thinkers ' going to correct this supposed ' impact on our environment '? I have a few thoughts on what they will push for.

 

1.) " Bovine Corks ". Big wine bottle corks we can plug a cows butt with. Keep that leaking gas on tap. The only problem I see is if too much pressure builds and one builds enough intestinal fortitude to push that gas out and expel the cork! We have firearms laws here in New York. I could see new headlines of ' Death by bovine cork firing ' or ' cow charged with homicide ' or something to that effect.

 

Imagine if some unknowing city kid comes out on a field trip and accidentally pulls out one of those corks believing its cruel to the animal? Ive been skunked before, but I can imagine it would pale in comparison to having a cows ass packed with that much manure and gas.. just unloading on some kid who isnt tall enough to clear the cows tail.. HEAD SHOT!

 

Can you imagine the life of ridicule that kid will have from being picked on?

 

2.) They will tax the cows. Hear me out on this one as its how it will REALLY go down. I cant make this type of thing up!

 

They will impose a tax on the cows themselves. When the cows can pay, the IRS will come in and take them into custody and assign them a public defender because they dont have any dollars to pay for a lawyer of their own.

 

The Public defender will go to the court and say ' My client doesnt speak english ' and they will have to assign a translator. None presently exist so they will have to start a new study and put the case on hold, backlogging the judicial system even further. This will also cause a great strain on the environmental scientists as instead of studying the environment, they will have to study how to communicate with cows in a common tongue. 

 

3.) There will be limits imposed upon how much livestock we are allowed to have/keep. Food supplies will dwindle and costs will climb beyond the means for peoples purchases. People will go hungry.

 

4.) ' Thinning the population ' could happen. Less cow farts, less gas. PETA will go emotionally suicidal as thousands of cows are taken to be slaughtered.

 

 

My conclusion? Its really practical and makes sense without costing anyone anything.

 

Have you ever wanted to or have told someone to ' kiss my ass! '? I think it would be the remedy to this supposed ' issue '.

 

If these scientists, politicians and others whom believe this is such a problem, they need to lead by example. Maybe if they kissed these cows asses and inhaled those gases, we would all be better off.

 

YES, Livestock animals fart, shit, burp, graze and eat up grassy fields, lay down when its going to rain, roam around being unproductive all the time AND hate to be tipped over when caught standing up!

 

These people dont know this and wish to say the sky is falling about our environment? Seriously?

 

Satyrical rant done

[Logjam]

Love it! And, while no scientific studies have been done, empirical experience suggests that as we humans age, we tend to up the ante as well...

 

Regards, Logjam

[meganiwish]

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/e.villiers/char/004.htm

[dww]

Over here in the good old UK they have been talking about cows producing methane for at least the last 30 years I know of maybe more.

[Shafted]

What gets me is that the so called "scientist" always ignore the biggest greenhouse gas of them all. (water vapor)

 

Ironic isn't it?

[Logjam]

Hi Shafted,

 

It seems to me that somehow, money and / or "authority" trumps good science on a regular basis.

 

Regards, Logjam

[dww]

Yes but water vapour has been around for a few billion of years, did we have global warming a few million years ago I don't think so just an excuse to tax us a bit more, to be honest I don't really care I wont be around. I was thinking of being frozen and bought back to life at a later date but knowing my luck I would come back to life just as the sun goes super nova and that would be it, end of. By that time everybody would all be on the starship enterprise and long gone from here.

[Shafted]

And we have also had methane and carbon dioxide around for the same amount of time. The truth is overall greenhouse related warming is due to water vapor. Have you ever noticed that the warmest nights occur with overcast skies. Trust your senses, not the so called experts.

[miltboot]

Having produced a great deal of "methane" on my own, I shall remain silent. (eats another cheeseburger)

[ilikekicks]

Yes but water vapour has been around for a few billion of years, did we have global warming a few million years ago I don't think so just an excuse to tax us a bit more, to be honest I don't really care I wont be around. I was thinking of being frozen and bought back to life at a later date but knowing my luck I would come back to life just as the sun goes super nova and that would be it, end of. By that time everybody would all be on the starship enterprise and long gone from here.

 

Water vapor has been around for a few billion years. I believe one thing everyone can agree upon is the ' Ice Age ' happened.

 

From where I sit, the planet has 2 polar caps.. the rest has thawed out. Some kind of ' Climate Change ' had to take a MASSIVE effect in order for that to happen. It happened long before mankind had cars or any industry was happening. Its an excellent point you do bring up!

[meganiwish]

Technically, the ice caps mean we're still in an ice age.  'Climate Change' is a meaningless, tautologous phrase, since it's in the nature of the climate to change constantly.

[ilikekicks]

Umm.. Guess Im not alone on the planet afterall

 

Over here in the good old UK they have been talking about cows producing methane for at least the last 30 years I know of maybe more.

 

They tax cow-farts yet? I know in Michigan, a State of the U.S. , they have gone after hog farmers. A ' Tax ' that teh U.S. will impose upon something before the U.K./Europe? THAT is a first

 

 

What gets me is that the so called "scientist" always ignore the biggest greenhouse gas of them all. (water vapor)

 

Ironic isn't it?

 

They arent really Scientists in my opinion. They are Kardashians!

 

 

Hi Shafted,

 

It seems to me that somehow, money and / or "authority" trumps good science on a regular basis.

 

Regards, Logjam

 

Logjam! Your are definitely onto something! Imagine if there were no awards or ' grants ' motivated towards proving such a thing, would those same individuals say the same thing?

 

I believe they are more full of that cow dung then the cows!

 

Having produced a great deal of "methane" on my own, I shall remain silent. (eats another cheeseburger)

 

Damn man! Dont say that too loud or you might have to get a license for your butt and the EPA might install a meter on your body!

 

Technically, the ice caps mean we're still in an ice age.  'Climate Change' is a meaningless, tautologous phrase, since it's in the nature of the climate to change constantly.

 

I do believe its nature that causes changes moreso then mankind and things are blown way out of proportion in order to confiscate peoples property, take their liberty, and dictate how their lives should be.

[dww]

The only reason why an overcast sky is warmer is because it acts like a blanket and keeps the heat in, it does not escape and cause frost etc. If you look at the results that were done during the wicked 9/11 episode it was proved with out all those planes flying around more sunshine reached the ground during a normal day, so carbon dioxide does do something to slow global warming a little bit.