Hospitalized because of heels!

[micha]

As adults who challenge these concepts, we are responsible to not only ourselves, but to the future generations for their training, both in and out of school. My feelings are that school is to teach the academic skills of life and home is to teach the rest. I don't feel that parents should rely on the school system to teach their children fashion awarness, religion (unless as requested by the parents...private school...) or many other aspects of life. This is the job of being a parent.

Teaching children that 'being different' is good, as long as we teach that being 'normal' is also good. It's a matter of 'situational awarness' and sound decision making as to what fashion/actions/attitude a person should present and when. You must admit that there are times when conformity is nearly a necessity. But teaching the youth to challenge the norms is also an important part of rearing children. The most sucessful people have typically been those who 'pushed the envelope' and challenged conventional wisdom. But they too have been trained in the classical conventions and have developed ways to effet change in a positive way.

As for teens...When children reach these years of self-discovery and expression, I believe that it is important for the parents to take an active role in their decisions yet empower their children to make decisions for themselves. They will learn from their experiences. At this stage, they are more responsible and less needy of strict guidlines. The basics have been taught and they are branching out. This is a good time for them to develop their own sense of fashion and individuality. Parents are most important for guidance rather than rule enforcement. Is it hypocritical for an adult parent to wear heels yet tell their child they can't?? Until the child can reasonably make the proper choices of when and where this activity is appropriate, no, I don't feel it is. It's the same as intimacy...Adults do it, why can't they?? Maybe because they are not emotionally or financially ready for the consequences. Is that wrong? I don't feel it is. Especially since the parent is responsible for their children's actions until they are mentally competant adults.

Hi Shoeiee,

this discussion is getting really interesting

I agree largely to your opinion about the role of school and parents. But what to do, if the parents aren't able to meet your requirements of a good education. Isn't there a responsibilty of the school too?

Back to the issue: A teenager with "queer" ambitions! I wrote the quotation marks with good reasons.

I myself liked wearing boots already at an age of 15 or 16. At that time I was a fan of the Beatles and the Stones. I was crazy about their outrageous outfit and especially their heeled boots. I still remember the usual fights with my parents at saturday afternoon when I wanted to see the "Beat Club" in TV.

On the wall of my room I had a lot of posters of beat groups. Brian Jones with his long blond hears on heeled boots was my deep love. Obviously a first sign for my gay ambitions! Later I secretely robbed the winter boots from the closet of my older sister. With a lot of fear I even dared to wear them outdoors on a dark autumn evening. What an exciting fun!

I'm sure that you can duplicate my youth feelings. But this is a total contrast to a picture of a youth squeezed into a school uniform. Why can't adults accept that already young boys and girls have an invidual sexual life or fetish passion? I think that this was also the motive for Camoheels original question.

Still an another example from my own life: One of my dearest friends is a transsexual guy born biological as a girl. He had to grow up in a small country side town. He felt already at an age of 10 as a boy. I'm very impressed about his courage and his withstanding against his parents, his neighbourhood and in his school. Under a dress code he had to wear skirts for his whole school time - urghh

May be, we both (my friend and me) are exceptions. But I believe, that nearly everyone is an exception of the "norm". And don't underestimate teenagers. The major problem with parents is often that they don't realize that their children have become individual personalities.

I'm a fanatic chess player. The last world champion Ponomariov reached this title at an age of 18. Robert Fischer became an IGM (international grand master) at an age of 15. The actual record is kept by a 14 years old russian boy.

Believe me, I'm not a bad player and I have a diploma in theoretical physics. But some teenies could beat me playing blind

nice greetings

micha

[Heelfan]

I agree with those of you that think this story does not ring true. The only conceivable reason for hospitalisation would seem to be to try to cure Casmo of his crossdressing. However, if that were really the case, then the LAST thing that they would do would be to instal Camo in there with all of his female clothes and shoes. Sorry Camo, it just doesn't add up!

[Bubba136]

Unless I've missed something, there's an assumption on Heelsfan's part that I'm not sure is true -- that Cameo is a boy. Is Cameo a boy? (Addendem ) OOOOOOooooops! I just read the next thread. I guess Cameo is actually a boy.))

[Shoeiee]

As for teens...When children reach these years of self-discovery and expression, I believe that it is important for the parents to take an active role in their decisions yet empower their children to make decisions for themselves. They will learn from their experiences. At this stage, they are more responsible and less needy of strict guidlines. The basics have been taught and they are branching out. This is a good time for them to develop their own sense of fashion and individuality. Parents are most important for guidance rather than rule enforcement. Is it hypocritical for an adult parent to wear heels yet tell their child they can't?? Until the child can reasonably make the proper choices of when and where this activity is appropriate, no, I don't feel it is. It's the same as intimacy...Adults do it, why can't they?? Maybe because they are not emotionally or financially ready for the consequences. Is that wrong? I don't feel it is. Especially since the parent is responsible for their children's actions until they are mentally competant adults.

Micha,

If you re-read this excerpt from an earlier post I made, you will answer your own statement about teens with "queer" ambitions...:-) As stated, when children reach their teen years, we as parents are there primarily for guidance instead of dictated instruction. Empower them to make their own decisions. Don't just say "OK. Do what you want..." but rather give them feedback, both positive and negative, that they can use in their decision making process.

You made a statement about parent's who are unable to educate their children...To this I respond that education in the 'classical' sense is a joint effort. Most educators (I use that word specifically as not all teachers are educators...) would be more than happy to assist a parent if they are having difficulty with their children's studies. I have known educators who would meet with parents well after or before school hours to empower the parents with assisting their child's educational needs. I feel it is the parent's primary responsibility to give children a solid sense of 'right and wrong' as well as reinforcement of what life lessons are being learned outside of the home. This can be a very daunting task but for most people, it is not an impossibility. Difficult?? YES!! Impossible, NO.

A lot of the problems in today's society stem from a single root cause...Laziness. From kindergarten all the way through senior years of life, we all strive for 'the easy way out.' Rearing children can not be a 'spectator sport' for parents. This is a very hands-on job and probably the most difficult and time consuming of all. I look at my mother and all she did. Somehow, (and I still haven't figured out how!!) she managed to be a home maker, Band Mom for senior and junior high music programs simultaneously (one year she was the piano accompanist for over 150 solo performers!!), book keeper for the family business and always available to her three children and husband. She would be the first one up and the last one to bed many nights. Yet she always managed to pull it off. A truly incredible person to say the least!!

As for my beginning in heels, I was about 12 years old when I found heels. They were incredible and I was immediately hooked. The rush was awesome and there were many nights I wished I could wear them to school or wherever I wanted. But 'societal norms' ruled the day and that was impossible. Even today, there is a time and place for my heeled ambitions. Deciding when and where is the most important choice I can make with this regard. In my line of work, I can't be like JeffB or nearly as open about my peculiar taste in shoes. It would be a very painful situation if my superiors discovered my collection. Hence, restraint is the better part of valor in many instances :-(

As for gay relationship decisions and transgendered issues...We may have a bit of a disagreeance on this issue. There are many who state that there is a 'gay gene' or something along those lines. I am not a physician and haven't done extensive research on this topic but I do find it difficult for any child, male or female, to decisively determine their sexual preference before they've entered the dating world. There may be a preference developed from early childhood experiences but I don't feel it is wise for a parent to openly accept a child's statement of sexual preference before puberty is complete. Likewise, I don't feel it is wise for a child to steadfastly make a statement of sexuality prior to having experience in this realm. Immaturity can result in some very bizzarre statements and behaviors from children and that's where parental guidance comes in. Would I recommend a parent hospitalize a child for expressing doubts about their sexuality?? Definitely not. If anything, that would only exacerbate the situation. I would recommend to any parent to let their children express their thoughts openly and discuss their ideas. Don't FORCE a child's decision. Should they gently steer their child's thoughts? Depending on the child's maturity level, yes. Allow a child to force a transgender operation at 14? NO. That's where I would have to draw a line. A decision for an operation like that can only be made by the person desiring the procedure. And that decision can only be made as an mature adult.

One last thing...Teens and their mental abilities...There are some incredibly intelligent teens out there. Their mental capacity is outstanding with some incredible clarity of thought. The ability of some in mathematics, or science or any discipline is unbelievable!! Does this make them mature enough to make a life altering decision of the magnitude of sexual reassignment? Not necessarily. That's more a maturity issue. I know some incredibly intelligent adults that I wouldn't trust that decision with!! But that's where that magical line comes in.

The difference between a 14 or 15 year old with raging hormones and an adult who has experienced life a bit and stabilized is a big difference. There's also the magical 'age of accountability' that is generally recognized as 18 years old here in the US. Up until a child is 18, the parents are leagally, morally and financially responsible for that individual. At 18 years +1 day, that person becomes a legal adult and can make the decision for themself. On that day, as a parent, I will support my children's decision, regardless of what they want to do. I will advise them on my thoughts, but they are free to do with their lives as they see fit.

Well, I have written another $1 worth tonight :-) I am very pleased with this discussion and hope it continues as I am always interested in other's views on these challenging topics.

Until the next 'episode'!!

Happy Heeling!!

Shoeiee