Guy N. Heels

The Lantern

Deep in the back woods of Letcher County, Kentucky a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
As there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, 'Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!' Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

'Whoa there', said the doctor, 'Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down - I think there's another one coming.' Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.

'Hold that lantern up - don't set it down! There's another one!', said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.

''No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!', cried the doctor.

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, 'You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?'

Building on GuyinHeels jokes...

...The Sarah Palin virus- Can't remember the morning files it reads!

Actually, it first builds address chains that go nowhere and then can't remember the files it read.

Has anybody seen the space station, as it passes over, I have seen it twice so far. (and not a saucepan in sight).

Well, no, I can't say I've actually seen it in the night sky, but there's not much stargazing that one can do from the Washington, DC area.

But interestingly enough, I actually worked on the Spacestation project many years ago when I did a temporary gig for Boeing. There's really not much to tell, a lot of paperwork mostly, working out some electrical circuits and stuff. Basically your down-to-earth office stuff.

The Latest Viruses:

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.

The Ronald Reagan Virus - Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory.

The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to just keep counting and re-counting.

The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.

The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes.

The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks down to 150 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize back around 200 GB.

The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted.

The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

The Joey Buttafuoco Virus - Only attacks minor files.

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy... then discards it through Windows.

Boy, you sure can learn a lot from this Forum. I didn't know that heels were available with steel toes? Are they still available today? I sure wouldn't want to be kicked in the shins with them. The pointed toe box is bad enough. Although they would undoubtedly come in handy during a mugging, but with a much higher kick.

Cheers---

Dawn HH

For some reason the name Iron Mountain seems to stick in my mind. After I became sick and unable to work I rather lost track of the steel-toed mfgrs. But try a quick web search and see if Iron Mountain shows up.

Cork is not wood at all. It is the bark of a tree, the "cork oak" (Quercus Cerris). The wood of that tree, being a relative of the oak, would be considered a hardwood.

As far as desirable hardwoods, I'll never pass up ash either. The straight, fine grain is beautiful. Bird's-eye maple always adds some interesting effects too.

Okay, thanx for getting squared-away on cork. I would have never guessed that it's a bark. Arf! Arf! Arf!

Along with Crushinboots remarks, let me say that there are zippers and then there are zippers. A big mistake that some mfgrs make is to use zippers that are really intended for garments in their leatherwork and footwear - big mistake! Most zippers that go into garments are really quite unsuitable for leatherwork products, which require a heavier duty zipper - one whose teeth are clearly visable. Any cobbler worth his salt knows this and has the heavyweight zippers on hand for repairs. Moreover, even in the heavyweight category there still are several grades of zipper. Most zips that go into jackets and footwear are near the low end of the scale. Some I've seen are so stout that the teeth begin to resemble the teeth in a chainsaw - obviously, a little bit of overkill for the average boot. For all of the above reasons, the prudent customer will take his/her repair work to a professional who knows what is required and has the materials and equipment on hand to get the job properly done. In the long run the satisfaction of a quality job is well worth the costs involved. I have had shoes and boots to last me upwards of 20 years (I actually broke through the leather upper on one pair that I'd had for about 30 years). Good quality boots and shoes that are properly cared for should easily last 10 years or more. So if the product is worth repairing, then it's worth getting the job done right! Trying to skimp on repairs is false economy.

i saw a saucepan in the sky once, i managed to duck out of the way.

Evil temper, my ex.....

Right on! I too have seen flying saucers, pans, rolling pins...

Somebody's on drugs!!!

Yeah! Did you read the article to find out what kinda whacky tobbacky he'd been smoking?

Balsa as a hardwood? I have worked quite a bit wth balsa through the years and you can dent it with a fingernail much less with a high heel. I certainly would NOT call it a hardwood.

Cheers---

Dawn HH

Just so. Indeed, balsa is so light that it is frequently used in model airplane structures. But for some strange reason, (cellular structure or otherwise) it falls into the hardwood category. Believe me, I've seen pine that is much more rugged than balsa. So what about some other great woods - like cork? Is that also a hardwood?

Nevertheless, I still say that oak and hickory are some of the most desireable hardwoods along with maple & walnut. Anyone for mahogany? Hey, what about some mahogany heels???

One thing I forgot to mention in my previous post is that the Aldo stores in my area seem to be cut-rate grocery stores. I have never seen clothing items sold in an Aldo store around here.

I was in an Aldo store yesterday, mainly just to look around. I admit they have very interesting and cool styles there right now, though I know my wife wouldn't wear them, at least not right now.

However, I was a bit surprised by a comment by one of the sales people there. There were two older ladies who first made a pejorative comment about the higher heels there and then I heard them saying that they think they look slutty. The sales person, a guy, said to them then something like: "Yes, to be honest, they are only for ..." Unfortunately, I couldn't understand what he said then, for whom those were meant in his opinion, but I was quite disappointed to hear that. Yes, sales personnel should always be on the customers' side, but what if other customers like me hear it and disagree?

Well now, it seems we are rather into some guessing games here, aren't we? You really didn't hear what the clerk said and we don't have a really hard and fast definition of exactly what a slut, prostitute, whore or whatever is, do we?

The right to one's opinion is universal. But then we are still left with the old adage that "one man's trash is another's treasure". Just because someone makes a perjorative comment, that doesn't necessarily make it so. One of my fallback positions is, "I can't help what other people think." But the simple fact is that we don't all agree on every point. That is at once both exasperating and wonderful! Indeed, it is exactly because someone had a different idea that we have different: cars, houses, clothes, and high heeled shoes.

I still remember when my old girlfriend helped me pick-out some clothing from my taylor. I was literaly at the point of distraction when I should have simply said, "Yes, dear." When the clothes finally arrived they were quite the talk of the town! I should have known that, just maybe, someone else just might have a better idea. Someone else's opinion - it might not be worth writing down; or it could be worth more than words can say - right?

I did accidentally put a little hole in the vinyl flooring in our kitchen. I was wearing a pair of steel tipped stiletto boots I purchased from Frederick's of Hollywood almost twenty years ago. I tripped over that little brass strip separating the carpet in the living room from the vinyl in the kitchen. I caught my self before I fell but I put way too much pressure on one foot and pop goes the heel through the flooring. My wife was pretty pissed about it and still points it out ocassionally when she is in a bad mood. The floor is a little over eight years old and has some other scratched and dings in it.

Uh-oh, Now yer gonna have to redo the floor before you ever hear the last of it.

WHY MEN PREFER GUNS TO WOMEN!

10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

3. A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....

1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN!

Thanks Ken

I haven't the time doesn't really apply to me, but that's the closest to my actual situation. I don't think I have more than 2 pairs of wegies with platforms and those are really open-toes summertime shoes. In fact, I actually prefer heels with a modest platform if they are comfortable to wear. I have found that mfgrs. can actually incorporate a nice pad for the ball of the foot in those platforms and make a really delightful shoe to wear. In fact, all of my truly comfortable shoes have platforms! Unfortunately, most mfgrs. don't take advantage of those nice platforms and build the foot-saving pads in where they're needed most. That's why it's so important to first try-on the shoes and see how well they fit and how well they wear.

So I take it that steel-toed shoes are required at Alsheels workplace, is that right? If so, do you own any steel-toed heels; or plan tobuy any? Many moons ago I worked where regulations required steel-toed shoes in the shop. Therefore the company bought our shoes for us and even paid for replacement shoes once a year. While I was looking through the supplier's catalog one day I was somewhat shocked to find steel-toed high-heeled shoes. They had about 3 1/2" spike heels and really didn't look unattractive. I never ordered any and I really couldn't imagine anyone actually wearing them.

Limited Memory

An Actual Conversation With My Daughter

Daughter: “Dad, does that old computer we took downstairs work?”

Me: “Unh which computer are you talking about, sweetie?”

D: “That old IBM computer in the black case that we took downstairs.”

Me: “That old IBM computer just happens to be the newest one I own! Besides, what's wrong with the computer you already have?”

D: “It’s old and has limited memory.”

Me: “So what’s so bad about that? I’m old and have a limited memory!”

D: “Dad, I can give you selenium, but I can’t do that with my computer.”

My goodness! Has it been so long ago that I've forgotten how to be embarrassed when buying shoes; or have my meds fried my brane to where I can no longer relate??? Nevertheless, it seems to me that it's the same old story everywhere: pick out a bucket of paint, take it to the cashier and pay for it; order a hamburger without cheese and then pay for it; pick out some hardware for the kitchen, take it to the cashier and pay for it; pick out a pair of shoes, take them to the cashier and then pay for them... How complicated does it have to be?

There are a number of cobblers that can do the job. You might be better off with a small single-owner shop than with a national chain. I think there has been several recommendations posted in the past, either here or at TFS forums.

Second that! Any reputable cobbler should be able to do the job. Even if you are a DIY, you should get this done professionally as it's almost impossible to sew the zips in straight by hand.

BTW, a little wax on the zips will help to keep them working nicely, but any time a zipper loses a "tooth" that's the death knell and it's time to look up the nearest cobbler. A snaggled-toothed zipper might actually work for a while, but it will surely have to be replaced before very long.

Technically, birch is considered a hardwood (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birch) -- clearly some hardwoods are harder than others. Even poplar and balsa are considered a hardwoods (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hardwood) although I doubt they will ever become popular for flooring.

In my case, most of my floors are carpeted so the dings and scratches don't show. (Although it does mute that delicious sound. . .) I have some linoleum in my kitchen but it doesn't seem to be a problem, even with a pair of metal-tipped stilettos.

Thanx for that interesting info! Who would've ever imagined balsa as a hardwood? In any case, there's nothing like good solid oak or hickory for flooring, or maybe even some walnut or maple!

Two points I wanted to mention: 1] I know that there is a polyurathene product available in most paint stores that is guaranteed to be hard as nails. Since no one has slipped me any cash, I won't mention any brand names; but take my word, such stuff is available. 2] I wasn't aware that birch is considered a hardwood? When I think of hardwoods I usually think of hickory, oak, walnut, maple, pecan, teak, and mahogany. Some hardwoods are too dense to float, and that certainly doesn't describe birch.

Can someone brake it all down for me please. I don't like to read.

No problem - Cool Shoes has posted a ton of verbage - which rhymes with garbage - to keep us amused,confused, or to just make us feel abused. So the bottom line here is do your own thing and don't let anyone rain on yer parade!

Well, I voted for being just a guy in heels, but I suppose I really would fit somewhere in between the two choices. However, one thing that I very strongly feel needs to be said is that skirts really aren't feminine! If the truth be told, it was the gals who "stole" the skirts from the guys! What? Don't believe me??? Check it out! In times past men wore skirts for both work and battle while the women wore a much longer garment - more on the order of an ankle-lenght dress. It seems that men needed the mobility that skirts afford while the gals were confined to more domestic projects. Just where and when the gals took over the skirts, I really don't know. But there are nations who dress their men up in skirts - or kilts - until this day. I know that the Greeks have certain army units that wear skirts, and everyone knows about the Scots. Well I'm quite sure that there are others around who do likewise. So now that we have that bit of news, I no longer consider skirts as being feminine attire! It belonged to us guys first, and now I aim to reclaim it!

Welcome to the forum Ms New Heels. As has already been stated, all of your questions have already been covered in one form or another in various threads of this forum, but you might have to search around a bit for those answers. Also there has been some good advice shared here. However, one thing that hasn't been mentioned is what to do about boots that are too small for your calves. Well, believe it or not, that topic has also come up in times past; so if you will do a search on the topic I'm pretty sure you will find a whole discussion on the subject from about a year ago. Do a little search on the subject of boots and/or calves and see if that doesn't answer your questions.

Thanks for the welcome!! I used to do the DC bit years ago...hated capital hill with a passion!

I've been thinking; wasn't there a time where high heels were fashionable for men? I'm talking like the 1600s or there abouts. I wonder what changed the social outlook on men in heels...

If you hated "the Hill" before, just try and imagine what it's like these days with more security than we have at Ft. Knox. Just trying to drive through the area is like "mission impossible".

Once upon a time, history records that men have worn: earrings, necklaces & other fancy jewelry; skirts (or similar garments such as kilts); wigs; lace cuffs, collars, & handkercheives; perfume; silk shirts; high heels; long hair; purses; fur coats; and fancy embroidery on jackets & coats; (did I miss anything?).