Impala

Thank you all for the replies. Busy day, but I read them all.

Yes, I do have an amount of daily discomfort. I only wear heels on average once a month, and not long, so the pain is definitely due to my way of walking in flat shoes. My right big toe clicks (something with the tendon position) and that can really hurt at times.

Surprisingly, despite the limited mobility, I enjoy walking barefoot more than in shoes, which is not the case for advanced Hallux rigidus (the condition I'm trying to avoid). 

I'm glad to see points being made for and against surgery, cautionary tales, etc. It helps build a stronger case in either direction. Of course, at my next appointment the doctor and I will definitively decide if the odds are stacked well enough for success.

For those confused by the crossdressing: I met a fellow male lover of heels, but he wears fully feminine outfits in public. I was intrigued and tried it too, and I liked it. Actually, the fact I could still do that WITHOUT necessarily including heels meant it was a bit of a positive compromise. I could still do something with (female presenting) fashion even if it wasn't with heels, my primary love. 

I know most guys here like their pants with their heels, but I've seen some skirts in the past (JeffB anyone?) so is it such a new idea to bring up? Anyways, I still enjoy crossdressing sometimes, for fun, and it would be better if I can properly include the heels, the whole reason I experimented with crossdressing in the first place

When I reach a decision, or I have some interesting/positive news to share, I'll definitely post it on this thread.

Have a great rest of the weekend, all!

Hi. Long time no see.
I need to decide if heels are important enough for me to undergo a surgery. I could use some perspective. It’s quite a long post, I’ll post a short summary at the bottom. Thanks for the time.

I have a lifelong high heel obsession, like most guys here. So wearing them is/was/will always be important to me.

I’m technically able to wear heels, but the range of motion in my big toes is limited. So:
-I can’t wear heels as high as I’d like to
-The heels that I can get my feet in, I can’t wear properly because you need to be able to move your toes more with every step you take, in order to have a functional step. I can stand in a 3 inch heel, for example, but I can’t bend the toe further.
-Those joints often hurt, even when I haven’t worn heels in a long time. 

In 2016 I had a foot doctor look at my feet. They diagnosed me with “the early stages of hallux rigidus” which is a degenerative problem with the joints. Most people with hallux rigidus have low mobility, because of the damage they acquired (through overuse, injury, or underlying problems).

For the last 7 years I’ve lived with the notion that the limited range of motion I have is caused by such damage. That in only a couple years of wearing heels, and not even that much (still closeted at the time), I had damaged my toes so much that they had lost half of the normal mobility.

That’s why I haven’t been active here all this time. I had to let heels go, because I thought there would never be a way for them to be in my life. I would never be able to wear them without causing my feet to rapidly get even worse. Being on this forum would only make it harder to deal with.

I got a new second opinion recently, and this other specialist brought a radical new pespective. Apparently my big toe joints are fundamentally limited in range of motion, due to how they are shaped. It’s a structural issue (growth), not a functional issue (caused by events).

So, my range of motion was always limited but I never fully realised that before 2016. The pain I have in the joints is real, but the underlying cause is different than what I thought. The limited mobility makes me hurt the joints more (with flat shoes and heels) and makes heels more damaging to me than they already are.

SURGERY: There’s the option to have an osteotomy done on both my big toes, where they could cut away a part of the bones and give the joint the space it needs to get the range of motion it never had. 

I assume I still have enough cartilage left for the joint to be a healthy joint afterwards, so in an ideal world, after a lengthy recovery, I could have joints with the mobility necessary to wear the heels I want to wear, without worrying anymore about the rapid damaging I might be doing to my toes.

Now here begin the doubts. The emotional part of my brain is 100% convinced, but I have learned that I need to listen to the rational part too.
-There’s risks to this kind of surgery, like stiffer joints, a misaligned toe, etc.
-The recovery will be long (that’s not such a big worry, my country has a decent social security system)
-The big doubt, is my situation actually bad enough to warrant this BIG undertaking? 

For the past 6 years, I was forced to find a way to enjoy heels, while knowing how unfortunate my feet are. It’s sad to say I’ve lost much of the love I once had. It’s become bitter and filled with negativity, due to the situation. Still an obsession, but not as happy and hopeful anymore.

What if I get the surgeries done, and my feet are marginally better suited to heels, but it doesn’t make me happy?

I’ve tried for years to find a place for heels in my life, without being the one wearing them. It sort of worked, I’m not depressed as I was in 2016-2017, but this demon is still in my hear every day. More quiet, but always there, reminding me of the unfairness of it all. 

I know the situation is complex. I don’t expect anybody to be able to give me a breakthrough answer. But I would like some perspective, what others think about the situation. I hope it can help.

Perhaps worth mentioning, in 2018 I started to look further than heels, and started enjoying other forms of crossdressing, but it’s not the same without heels. If heels could return to my life, I would also enjoy this part more.

Thank you very much for reading. I hope to one day be back to posting here, if my situation turns out well.

SHORT SUMMARY: Heels are very important to me, but my toes are fundamentally lacking in mobility to wear heels well. Surgery could help me get “normal” joint mobility, but at a risk of failure, and a long recovery. I don’t know if my situation is ‘bad enough’ for me to take the surgery option. I want to be fully convinced before deciding to go for it.
 

Same here!

Here in Belgium I see a fair bit of heeled ladies, also younger ones (In a moderately big city).

It is true that the occasional very high heel is rarely on a young woman, but I see no reason to think heels are going out of style in here.

I agree that younger women still wear heels, but mostly on special occasions. 

I think we are reaching an equilibrium, the point of balance where people who really want to wear heels are doing so, and that might be the best way. Wearing heels against your will isn't a healthy situation. So I don't think things are going to change a lot.

I like the outfits, and I presume you wear them for your daily life?

How have the people around you reacted so far? Lots of love, compliments on your great choices? I hope so!

I would love to see how you can combine something different from boots with a nice outfit.

Are they still available?

If so, could I see a picture from above? If they have enough room for my big toes, I am very interested!

I bought this pair of boots, seemed to fit well in the store but when wearing them at home I noticed 3 things:

-There wasn't enough space for my big toes, they were pushed too much inwards which caused pain
-The shank was a bit too archy, causing pressure on the side of my foot.
-They are quite low, which isn't a good thing in this case.

I solved all 3 problems in once, with nothing but paperboard, kitchen roll tissue and tape

As you can see, I created a new sole, and put 3 well folded sheets of tissue underneath. The shoes feel really great, now! It looks messy but you don't notice anything.

I post this to inspire anyone who has similar problems with a pair, and isn't afraid to spend an hour finding the perfect measurements.

Also, if anyone has a tip, that could make my design even better, feel free to share!

(I'm hoping the tape lasts a while, but replacing it isn't a big deal)

You will never see those people again. Consider it an opportunity to wear all the crazy stuff you wouldn't dare to do at home!

Have fun!

4 hours ago, mwhh said:

Get your own place and move out.  Then, the situation will no longer exist.

Not a possibility. Still 3 years to go studying music production, and I've got my home studio set up at home.

I will move out someday, and then I will be on my own for a loooong time, so I guess I better enjoy the company (and cooking/cleaning of my parents) while it lasts

Why is there such a long waiting time for sexologists...

It will still take some time before my first outing.

My parents are so overly worried I might be doing something I'll regret in the future, and they forbid me to go outside before I clear up every aspect of my relation to heels (Asexuality, fetish, gender identity). Even though I don't think there's any problem, and I know who I am, they don't. I respect their feelings, so I will wait... 

At least they don't seem to mind when I walk around in heels at home. I hope my patience will be rewarded!

I have zero experience, and probably never will (Aromantic Asexual), but this seems like a very annoying issue. Imagine you treating your wife as a regular person whenever she does a specific thing. Do you think she'd like it? I guess not.

I think the best way is to tell her how you feel about the situation. Make sure she understands it's making you feel bad, like your love isn't unconditional.
She's probably embarrassed about your heeling, and doesn't want to associate herself with it. The only way is to make her feel good about the idea of men in heels. The trick might be to take the focus away from 'MAN in heels' and focus on gender equality, how much better the world would be if we never judged people on what they choose to wear, and how The heel is just an extension under your foot, not a clearly sexual aspect. It's only because we treat it as female, that we see it that way.

That's the whole reasoning I used when convincing my parents. It can work for you, too!

Best of luck.

I bought the boots, they will arrive next week.

I read about people covering as much of the shoe as possible in the beginning. Why don't I just go all the way, with the entire tall shaft showing? Show I'm not afraid!

That's what I plan to do, I'll keep you updated but it's a shame to shoes will take a week to reach me...

I have always cursed my big toes. Not only for heels, but even most male shoes won't fit. 

Most shoes point inwards at the top, but my big toe points outwards. I actually buy my shoes too large to have space for my big toes...

Now I found this: Surgery to make the toes better for heels, narrowing the feet.
http://www.wdsu.com/news/the-cinderella-surgery/26942298

Does anyone have experience with this treatment? The thought of undergoing surgery for this issue kind of scares me, but really intrigues me at the same time. And it could help me considerably!

Thanks for all the lovely reactions!

I will say I'm pretty good at walking in heels, though I haven't had the opportunity to see how well I handle long walks. I'll start with some small grocery trips.

I have no plans to start wearing 5" heels, because I literally can't. Damn you, my cursed big toes!

Has anybody had experiences with being called gay? I recently discovered I am asexual (lack of sexual orientation) so I might have an even better answer for such bigots!

I attached a cool pair that I found and will try soon. What do you think of them?

A couple of days ago, I saw yet another woman with heels on the street, and something clicked.

I knew that if I ever want to be truly happy I must stop hiding what I love. I want to look back at my life when I'm old and say that I did what I wanted to do, and be proud of it.

This is also coupled with my (unrelated) strong anti-gender norm feelings.

I want change in society, but I realised that I would have to be that change. So I decided that I would start heeling publicly.

Today I did the first test: Going to a shoe store and try on heels for the first time, instead of internet shopping. A saleswoman saw me, smiled and left. When She passed me again I asked about her opinion. She didn't find it strange, said that everybody should wear what they want. Nobody else made a remark. A lovely reaction for the first open experience!

(You can Imagine how awesome it was to be finally able to try on all the heels they had. I even put on some long boots, and they are cool!)

I talked about it with my parents. They say it's up to me, and even though they have remarks they won't stop me. My mom is still uncomfortable with the idea of the whole community knowing about it, though.

The next part of my plan is to find some actual nice heels for me, the ones I have at home are not what I want to be seen in

Any thoughts or tips on making the first outings as smooth as possible? Thanks.

(PS: If you don't recognize me, my name used to be 'jorisken123')

No. I really couldn't say anything more than a couple words. He seemed very busy and entered a building (I presume it was a shop).

Maybe I should have waited for him...

Yesterday, for the first time ever in my life, I saw a man wearing heels in public. And they were HIGH. At least 5 inches.

I spoke to him, mentioned I had never seen a man in heels before.

Unfortunately, he was in a hurry so I couldn't talk very much. I don't know who he is and whether I'll ever see him again, but now I know I am not alone in my city (the lovely Ghent)! Things suddenly look brighter.

If that man happens to read this post, please tell me 

I'll keep my eyes open even more now, looking for more fellow heelers. I would love to talk to them.

Sleekeels, as even my sister doesn't know about my heeling, I wear flats almost all the time. It happens only once every few days that I am really home alone for a decent enough amount of time to wear heels... 

My toes don't hurt in those sandals, but if I go higher it starts to get difficult.

I absolutely love the sight of 5 inch heels. I can't take my eyes of them when I spot a pair in public. That's why I would love to wear that height.

I have one pair of heels that I would call HIGH. I will take some pictures of how I can stand, but not easily walk in them the next time I can (as mentioned before, that could take a while)

I will look further into those stretching exercises. I hope that I'm not too late, since I stopped growing already.

Thanks for the replies.

The example picture I posted was indeed quite extreme, I added a new one to this comment. So do you think I would ever be able to reach this?

It seems most people are able to bend their toes this way

But for me this is just impossible. So the same question is valid here: Could this flexibility ever be withing my reach?

It has been clear to me since the beginning that I don't have the flexibility in my feet necessary for wearing HIGH heels. 

The last months I have been watching many people's natural flexibility and comparing it to my own. It seems other people that don't wear heels at all (male and female) often have much more flexibility.

I posted some pictures of my feet, bent the maximum I can. I am not able to make a full 180 degrees bend, while some people can do it naturally, and even further, like an extra picture I added.

My toes' flexibility is also very limited compared to other people. I can't keep my big toe flat on the ground while making a big arch with my feet. This causes pain and discomfort when wearing HIGH heels.

The fourth picture is of a pair of heels that I can wear comfortably. You can see that they are not really HIGH, but still I can't bend my legs any further back. Higher heels are quite impossible for me to comfortably walk in...

My big question: Is there any way of increasing the flexibility of my ankles and toes? I have already tried stretching on my ankles but I don't seem to make much progress. I have worn heels for 1,5 years and my flexibility is still not much bigger than it was in the beginning. I would love to wear the HIGH heels I see on the street every day but I know I just can't right now...

I hope you can help me! Thanks.

Hi. I recently bought a higher pair of heels, 5 inches with a platform, so not yet in the "very high" heel category I suppose.

Apart from the issue that my ankles aren't really flexible enough to walk around comfortably, my toes also seem unable to bend enough to fit right in the shoes. When I stand or walk in the feet my toes immediately hurt, they are pushed more than they can handle.

I added a pic of the maximum I can bend my big toe and ankle, and I guess you will understand what I mean.

The big question: Can I increase the flexiblity of my toes in any way? I can't find much information about it on the internet.

I think in the 1 year that I've been wearing heels, my ankle flexibility has increased a very small bit, but it's still not sufficient to comfortably wear the heels I would love to wear  

I am now 18 and a half year old, I've pretty much stopped growing. Am I too late to really make a difference or can I still achieve a big difference through the right stretching?

Thanks.

Hi guys, I'm back after a while.

I am still actively wearing heels and bought my 4th pair! My highest heels yet, a little over 5 inches with a platform.

They run a little small, but I can get them on my feet. I've got more of a problem with the height.

I have some issues about the overall flexibility of my feet, but I will post them in a different topic in the infirmary. I would appreciate if anybody could help me on that subject.

I love wearing them but walking in them is hard at the moment. I hope it will get better!

So, after this hiatus, I hope to stay active again, for a little longer! Cya!

The link directs me to the general page of Steve Madden. Could you upload a pic directly to this topic?

Nice shoes, Daisuki, just like all other shoes you own! I really like your taste in pumps!

What a heel!