SleekHeels

Talking about driving in heels, it's a hot topic in the news here in the UK that the European Court has ruled that car insurance for women is discrimination, and that insurance companies can't offer cheaper policies on the basis of gender. So, how about cheap car insurance for drivers in heels? Obviously women have been safely driving in heels all this time so it must be safer, and anyone is free to choose to wear them so it wouldn't be discrimination.

The very first pair I wore were my mum's 4" black suede peeptoes when I was 5. I used to sneak them out of her room and secretly try them on. Just a very happy feeling. After 2-3 years I guess I must have outgrown them and couldn't wear them any more.

Then when I was 11 I was walking home from school one afternoon and I saw a woman at a bus-stop wearing white 3" or 4" heeled slingbacks with long thin straps that tied around her ankles/calves (lots of girls were wearing a low-heeled version in lots of different colours at school in the 80's - I fantasized they'd send all the boys home but let me stay and wear those shoes too, but that's another story). I searched every corner at home until I found my mum's gold patent slingback ankle-strap sandals with a 4" heel, and that was the first pair I learnt to walk properly in.

What is most fascinating about the comments here, is that it would seem that the 'first steps in high heels' seem to be the same for both girls and boys. In fact there is a common 'secret' aspect to both sexes initial experiences of high heels.

Many of you have posted about 'borrowing' your Mum's, Sister's or other female relation's high heels, and I have to say that it's the same for girls. After all, what other role models did any of us all have?

That's a really interesting observation, and to me it's always been really heart-warming to feel that sense of affinity (rather than the whole "Mars-Venus" thing that treats us like we're different species). Like you say, it's about "role models" and aspirations. That also makes me think of the first heels I ever bought, 4" black patent courts at age 17, and the feeling that they're my high heels.

Welcome to the forum and to heels! The first heels I ever walked in were 4" no platform... the first few steps were a bit of a rollercoaster ride (waa-hey!) but I stayed on my feet. Unless you have really small feet the 3½" rise should be ok, but even supermodels have trouble with platforms sometimes. Also it's one thing taking a few steps at home and quite another thing stepping outside and going any significant distance, so build up in stages. Hope your new shoes are a good fit, look great, and a lot of fun! Let us know...

Which heel shape of stiletto do you prefer - a totally round O-shape, or a flat-front U-shape?

(Examples attached if you're thinking "what?!?!?")

I bought this shoe last year at DSW in pewter but this year they have brought it back in nude so I HAD to go after it. Classic and sexy styling says it all!

http://www.dsw.com/shoe/zigi+soho+staple+pump?prodId=206513&category=cat20006

Mmmmmm, very classy and elegant lines, I could spend all afternoon in the store trying on all the colours over and over and over... and wanting them all!

I'm never quite sure about the totally round O-shaped heel (as opposed to the more conventional flat-front U-shaped heel) but on this shoe the heel is just slightly thicker and it looks really good.

It took me a little while to warm to the fashion for platforms too, but now I find that the way the underneath of the sole curves up away from the ground towards the toe kind of propels you forward when you walk, and almost recreates that amazing teetering feeling when you stood up in your first heels.

Thanks Susi, that's really thought-provoking...

It sounds like you were really quite surrounded by so many external forces and it's difficult to untangle your free will from that. For most guys who like to wear heels the only external pressure is to hide it. When I've been browsing in shoe shops (always by myself) I've often overheard women (shopping together) saying things to each other like "oh, he'll love you in those" or even just "no, the other ones look better on you"... and it's only since I recently started trying heels on in the store that I realised how many flattering remarks the assistants say to make the sale (whereas with guy shoes it's always about comfort and fit). I don't know how influenced I'd be if I went shoe-shopping with some girl friends and had all their opinions... probably much more influenced than I'd like to think.

Numbers are funny too. I'm a size UK7 which is usually fine, but I've noticed that even when the fit's a bit tight I'll prefer to squeeze into a 7 rather than go up to an 8 and use inserts... and I usually regret it afterwards (exactly like you said, "unwearable torture devices"). We can get hung up on the numbers sometimes, especially with shoes where it's not so visible (whereas squeezing into clothes-sizes too small tends to really show).

When I've had the place to myself is the only time I've worn heels for a long time (all day and then another pair all evening), and even after just a couple of days I noticed my feet changing shape (I could squeeze into shoes that are normally too tight, or shoes that fit fine start to feel loose). And also it's only when I was brave enough to wear my heels outside and walk even just 1km I realised how uncomfortable they can become. I can only imagine how that would be on a daily basis, but having experienced it even just a little has made me much more sympathetic.

I don't think anyone should have to suffer in their heels to look good, and I sure wouldn't force my girlfriend to wear heels all the time - actually if my approval is such a dangerous weapon I should be doing the opposite and reminding her she looks cute in her flats too and to take good care of her feet...

... which makes me wonder (staying on topic) do any of you avoid wearing strappy sandals because of what closed pointy shoes have done to the shape of your feet?

Kneehighs, what you said about keeping the love of your parents, and not living up to your dad's expectation really made me think. As a kid I felt that my dad and pretty much all the other male figures of authority in my world were anti-role-models that repelled me, so I don't recall feeling at all guilty about not meeting their expectations. What you said about "The guilt came from not being true to myself, despite what my parents thought. The guilt came from knowing that my true self was not something my dad wanted me to be"... I'd never thought of it that way before but it's spot on - it's that self-denial of falling short of my own expectations because they didn't fit the world around me. However, I guess liking heels and having positive male role models is a whole other load of tensions beyond my experience.

On the other hand as well as demonising men, I think even at that time I idealised women as positive role-models. While the gender stereotype was of "weaker" gentle qualities, high-heeled shoes perfectly represented the confidence and empowerment of those gentle qualities, a kind of best-of-both-worlds which I found very aspirational. While for some (most?) guys even the thought of wearing heels would be degrading/humiliating, for me it feels empowering and positive even though society might not see it that way. It's ironic how something we can be ridiculed for can be the source of self-respect.

I think wearing heels (or rather how I've come to terms with it over the years) has helped me break down those polarised preconceptions, but that's taken the best part of 30 years. What I'd feel guilty about now is dumping all that on a girlfriend/wife and expecting her to deal with it without any emotional support from me.

(BTW, I thought I'd been meticulous putting shoes back so as not to get caught, but I never even thought of the yarn trick... perhaps your mum never noticed her shoes but spent years wondering who'd been fiddling with the yarn! A guy knitting would get even funnier looks than a guy in heels, so maybe we're making more progress than we realise! )

I have been through periods when I wished I didn't have such an attraction to them...

That's true, sometimes it's felt like a curse and sometimes like a blessing. Really the "curse" side is just a reaction to social prejudice and expectation we've been conditioned to. It takes a lot of soul-searching to overcome that and recognise that it has the power to make you a better person and not just eat you up inside.

...I've been talking to friends and just TALKING about it brings me such relief. So far, both of the 2 friends I have been talking about it to the most (both female) have said really nice things...

It's so cool that you've found some accepting and supportive friends, and maybe your heeling makes you a better friend to them too. I think sharing it can help to make us less self-absorbed about the whole thing.

And finding this place has also helped enormously! It's so nice being able to share these experiences and knowing you're not the only one.

I'll certainly echo that.

On reflection, not only would I not quit heeling, but if I could rewind and live my life again I'd keep the heeling too (and I wouldn't have thought that a few years ago).

As a kid (age 5 to 10) I felt a sense that I was doing something not necessarily "wrong" but "forbidden" and that I should keep it to myself, but I wouldn't call that guilt. I think at that age you wear heels with a childlike innocence just because they're fun, whether you're a girl or a boy.

As a teenager the feelings of guilt and shame definitely made their presence felt. It was a constant cycle of (a) the irresistible urge to wear heels as self-expression of the affinity I felt with feminine qualities (or a rejection of the masculine stereotypes I couldn't relate to), and then ( feeling disgusted with my male self for exploiting femininity for selfish pleasure. I'd vow never to wear heels again, but that'd last all of a couple of days at most before the need to wear them would overwhelm me again.

That's a lot of inner conflict and turmoil, and I felt pretty screwed up really. I'd always struggled to try to keep heels separate from the rest of my life, thinking I could somehow purge it from within me. But like fatfuzz says there comes a time "to face up to it and stop fighting it", like jdmonto says to "reprogram yourself" for the better, which pretty much sums up my 20's. I decided it was time to embrace my feminine feelings and let my "inner woman" express herself as a confident and positive force in my life and a part of who I am as a guy. I figured if I can't show kindness and compassion towards myself how could I possibly show kindness and compassion to a real woman in my life, or any other fellow human beings for that matter?

After that I think the inner guilt goes away, but like others have said there can be other feelings of guilt from keeping secrets or spending money you shouldn't be spending (but women could feel that guilt too, it's not a "guy in heels" thing any more).

I think what I'd feel guilty about now would be to impose my heel-wearing on my girlfriend just as a personal need of my own without any empathy for her... but if she feels the need for affection and compassion and emotional support, and can understand my heel-wearing as an expression of that, then maybe there's hope that things can work out just fine.

Thanks for listening... if my psycho-babble has a positive effect on just one other person then I guess that makes posting it worthwhile.

For me it has to be my first time out of the house wearing my heels (black patent courts with a 4" stiletto heel). One evening I stood behind the front door for what seemed like an eternity, my heart beating wildly as I tried to persuade myself to take that first step. In a split-second the decision came and I opened the door and stepped out. Next thing I know I'm walking down the pavement hearing the click-click-click of my heels like I'd never heard it before and thinking "wow, that's me!". Some way down the street I realised how fast I was walking and told myself to slow down and enjoy it - deep breath, head up, shoulders back, footsteps along a single line, "oh, I have hips!", cool breeze on my legs... what a buzz!

I ticked most of those options. I have several black pairs because they're so easy to match with outfits, and I love browns and creams. It's nice to explore other options though, here's a selection of my other colours:

Is it these? http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/shoesandboots/1/6

They look really elegant and a lot of fun to wear. Great that you did your car trip too - there's something about wearing heels outside, feeling the cool air on your feet and the thrill each time you dare to go a few steps further, and then running back when you think you hear another car coming... not that I've ever done that myself of course!

Like you say, "it feels so natural", I totally relate to that!

Hi All!

As expected I went shopping on Monday, a federal holiday, and the stores were pretty empty! Got this first pair at DSW in Chicago (Clark and Belmont store) which is a nice cumfy pair of wedges sandals in taupe. Great with all kinds of jeans and more.

http://www.dsw.com/shoe/zigi+soho+sandra+wedge+sandal+?prodId=216310&category=dsw11cat260004

The second pair is an edgy (sexy as hell) pair of 6.2" wedges which I got at Bakers at the Woodfield Mall store which I had never visited before but the downtown store is closed for renovations. They are definitely a wow shoe and thecoolest wedge I have ever seen from Bakers.

http://www.bakersshoes.com/p-195805-FIONA.aspx?c=274

[ATTACH]12030[/ATTACH][ATTACH]12030[/ATTACH]

Peek and opine if you like.

HappyinHeels:wavey:

The first ones look surprisingly chic and would go with lots of smart-casual everyday looks. My colour would be the brown.

I wouldn't know what to wear with the second ones... maybe white tailored flared trousers and a formal tan-coloured top?

I wanted to tick both options in the poll. When I wear my heels sometimes I want to feel deliciously feminine, sometimes I want to be a guy expressing feminine qualities, sometimes I just want to be me and shoes have nothing to do with gender... and I guess some guys want to associate heels with masculine qualities too. Either way we're all on the same side in challenging prejudice and being free to wear what we want to wear.

This reminds me of the thread http://www.hhplace.org/everybody/6120-dominant_vs_submissive_visual_signal_heels.html where perhaps its not always about being one or the other, but rather the dizzy mix of the two that makes wearing high heels so appealing... and we should be free to enjoy that and move on from the gender stereotypes of male=strong / female=weak.

Hello, I live in a small town in southern Brazil, recently started going out on the street in high heels, I love women's boots. I recently went to a supermarket and was wearing a jeans, shirt and a boot-cut long jump and 3 inches above the jeans, everything was very calm, people look at me but did not say anything when I was in the checkout line, a boy slowly reached behind me and turned into a glass of Coke into my boots, I was very sad, some people laughed, I abandoned my shopping and went home to wash myself, I was very sad about this episode but was the only one, have gone daily with my boots and I love them.

Rogerio

It's sad that society finds that boy's behaviour acceptable. We should feel lucky not to have such narrow minds. I hope this one bad event doesn't stop you feeling good about who you are. It reminds us we shouldn't be too shy to express our disapproval when we see someone reacting badly to a fellow heeler, or to make a nice comment if we see someone wearing heels to restore some positive balance. I love high-heeled boots too, but I've not been brave enough to wear them to the supermarket... yet.

Have you had some positive comments from people too?

FreshinHeels, those purple shoes are stunning (they're not my legs either but I wish they were!).

Here are my last two purchases attached.

Thanks Sleekheels ,

I have just got a very very short high waisted tight pale pink pencil skirt (what pencil skirt isn't tight? - but this one is very fitted across the hip and under my bottom and quite sexy - more so than my other skirts) and has side ruching across the hips. Looks awesome with a sheer fitted white shirt and my matching pale pink stiletto pumps. Great when I want to be a flirt and put some leg out there (which I do now and again) - but that is the beauty of pink - like nudes the colour is great for lengthening ones legs.

Wow, I'd totally forgotten I have a pink pencil skirt too - thanks for the reminder! I used to struggle a little to squirm into it, but perhaps that'd be a good incentive to do some exercise and tone up a bit.

That's a great look you described. I also tried my pink skirt with black courts and a black top/jacket (to try to slim my shoulders in relation to the pale pink on the hips), and with a pink bag it looked quite coordinated. Perhaps that's a good alternative to white as you head towards winter in NZ.

Clogs seem to be one of those "love 'em or hate 'em" styles.

Like jmc said, I really had my doubts at first but I warmed to them.

I love mine... http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?albumid=535&pictureid=5656

The photos I just posted to http://www.hhplace.org/everybody/19067-boot_photo_shoot.html have some side-by-side tucked and untucked comparisons.

Here are photos of the shoes from my list of shopping experiences:

#1: pink mules

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?a...pictureid=5639

#2: black suede boots

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?a...pictureid=5648

#5: brown ankle boots

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?a...pictureid=5654

#6: red courts

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?albumid=535&pictureid=5655

I realised I didn't have any pictures of my boots, so a little photo shoot just had to be done. These are pretty much from oldest to newest over the last 15 years or so. I hope you like some of them at least.

black ankle boots

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?albumid=534&pictureid=5646

brown boots 1

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?albumid=534&pictureid=5647

black suede boots

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?albumid=534&pictureid=5648

tan boots

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?albumid=534&pictureid=5649

black boots

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?albumid=534&pictureid=5650

brown boots 2

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?albumid=534&pictureid=5651

brown wedge boots

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?albumid=534&pictureid=5652

brown ankle boots

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?albumid=534&pictureid=5654

tan fur boots

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?albumid=534&pictureid=5653

Hi All

I must be one of the luckier people as I fit a uk size 8, I can usually buy what I am looking for in Primark stores up to a 4 and a half to five inch heel, but i still get embarressed buying my self.

I always used to feel so nervous and embarrassed too, and only recently turned the corner. Reading all the advice and experiences on this forum was so helpful, and I think we each have to find the right answer for us inside ourselves. What made the difference for me was:

• Should a woman feel ashamed going into a store to buy heels? No, of course not. So neither should I. There's nothing inherently wrong with liking, buying or wearing heels. If we're going to feel guilty it may as well be for something we should feel guilty about, like treating someone badly.
• What can I do to make it a comfortable and positive experience for me? I made sure I was well-presented (as a guy) and wore mens bootcut jeans and a brown jacket which would look good with the brown boots I wanted to try. The other time I wore the same with sheer tights so it'd be easy to try court shoes on (and they'd look right). Both times I wore my women's flat biker boots so I felt I was half-way there already. Also, visit as many stores as you can at different times of the day just to browse and see where/when you feel most comfortable.
• Can I make it positive experience for the sales assistant too? If you look like a suspicious shop-lifter they'll see you as one. If you look ashamed they'll assume you have something to be ashamed of. Instead give them something positive to latch onto. Smile, and be polite and friendly. If the sales assistant giggles then giggle too, it's supposed to be a fun experience. Have something ready to say to break the ice, like "you girls love your heels, I'm obviously missing out on something". And don't forget to say thank you, even if they've been a little cold/nervous about it... show appreciation and they're more likely to respond positively next time they're in that situation.

I've lost count of how many times I've walked out of a store because it didn't feel right, but eventually when the opportunity presents itself you'll be ready to grab it.

I hope I'm not sounding preachy or repeating stuff that's hidden away in other posts... just sharing my journey in case it helps someone else.

Pink heels are great. Guys used to get funny looks wearing a pink shirt but thankfully society has broadened it's horizons a bit (though perhaps there's still some work to do with the shoes). I voted "Yes but with the right outfit" but no double-standards, I'd say that applies equally to women or men with any outfit.

This pair's the earliest I have that's survived my past purges:

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?albumid=533&pictureid=5638

They look great with white jeans, a pink top and a denim jacket.

These are the pink mules from my shopping experience #1 in the thread http://www.hhplace.org/guys/7255-shopping_heels_try_them.html :

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?albumid=533&pictureid=5639

I think they go well with denim jeans (or a knee-length denim pencil skirt) and a pink top.

One lunchtime I saw a girl wearing these with a smart grey trouser-suit and she looked incredible:

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?albumid=533&pictureid=5640

I tried them once (but not in public) with my men's grey suit and a pink shirt, and it was an ok look but I think the cut of a woman's trouser suit (even one that's supposedly "masculine") gives a much more flattering line.

Finally these strappy sandals are peach but pretty close to pink and feel really glamorous to wear:

http://www.hhplace.org/picture.php?albumid=533&pictureid=5641

Nice looks Heel-lover and JeffB, good luck if you do venture out.

Thanks for the welcome hh4evr1.

If "in public" means actually interacting with people, then only a couple of times during my recent shopping adventures, #5 and #6 in this thread:

http://www.hhplace.org/guys/7255-shopping_heels_try_them.html

Both times I was in regular guy mode (jeans and a winter jacket). It was a real buzz and when I've saved up for another pair I'll definitely try for another positive shopping experience.

Another time when I bought my brown wedge boots, I changed into them and walked about a mile to get home in the evening (again in guy mode). I doubt anyone would've even noticed the wedge heels (about 3") but it sure felt good.

Other times previously I've gone for a few dark evening walks wearing more feminine styles (my black patent courts, gold strappy sandals, tan courts, black suede boots... all with a 3½"-4" heel) and felt the need to go for a more complete feminine appearance, partly to blend in if I was seen and partly because that was the experience I wanted.

I'm hoping to develop the confidence to do more public heel wearing as a guy, I'm just taking it step by step to make sure it's a safe and positive experience for me and the people I encounter.

For me (as far as shoes go) a girl wearing high-heels isn't necessarily sexy... but a girl enjoying wearing her high-heels can be incredibly sexy.