SleekHeels

I voted "I'd wear them if the occasion called for them" but I figure wanting to look and feel good is certainly a suitable occasion and would be most days. I wouldn't wear them all the time though. The other night I wore my new heels for maybe a 1km walk on my way home, and it felt good but kind of stupid too... if wearing heels was more accepted I'd probably wear them more but be more sensible about it and carry a pair of flats for walking longer distances so I can enjoy my heels more at other times.

I had my third shopping experience a few days ago. I wore my bootcut jeans (mens) with my flat biker boots (womens) over sheer tights. There were some grey suedette courts with a 5" heel and 1" platform I had in mind, but I browsed for a while and found some other styles that I tried on too - a couple of pairs of court shoes, a pair of ankle boots and even a pair of knee-high boots.

I spent a while trying them all on, standing up and checking them out in the mirror. Quite a few other customers started browsing nearby and trying shoes on, and I (and they) just carried on as normal. Unlike the previous time, this time I decided to keep on whatever shoes I was trying and walk to the various displays to put shoes back and pick another pair to try. That certainly made me more visible to other customers but it all felt very relaxed and natural - it's kind of a relief to not be pretending they're for someone else.

The grey ones (photo attached) looked and felt great so I bought those, but I didn't wear them out of the store (I'd love to one day). All in all a really enjoyable shopping experience. It was almost disappointing not to be noticed - a positive comment from a fellow shopper would really make my day, but I'll just have to keep an eye out for the opportunity to make someone else's day with a nice comment from me instead of being all "me! me! me!" in my heels.

It's great to hear so many positive experiences from other members too, I'd never have started trying on in the store without that support. It's not just that we feel good within ourselves by doing it, but also by creating a positive image with the sales assistants and other customers we can only be making it easier for those following in our tentative footsteps. Even after only 3 times, it just doesn't seem like the big deal we build it up to be beforehand. If it's something you really want to do then find a store you feel comfortable and welcome in and, like bernheels says, "Go for it".

Hi Scrappy, Thanks for being so open and honest about a difficult situation.

Reading your post and the replies made me wonder if maybe your wife's outbursts go hand-in-hand with her efforts to bottle it up inside at other times (at a guess maybe for the good of the kids or even your relationship?). Vindictive actions can often be a cover for insecurity or feeling overwhelmed with a problem. I guess how you approach her depends if you still see a good person within her behind those public reactions.

The other impression I got is that your wife has a negative association with heels regardless of you wearing them. Does she think "tart!" when she sees another woman wearing heels or dressed nicely? Is it possible she doesn't feel positive about her own body image (media pressure often makes sure of that), which might make her jealous of other women or even of you... not necessarily the look, but even just envious of the self-confidence (not realising the years of inner turmoil it's taken to get there).

It's strange, us guys are usually the ones who are renowned for suppressing our feelings and being outwardly aggressive, but I guess sometimes "the shoe's on the other foot" so to speak.

Sorry if any of my comments are totally off the mark. I really wish you and your wife all the best for figuring things out.

How could I forget these blue ones:

Those Aldo Mugrage boots look very smart, and a great excuse to get healthy. I've always found Aldo shoes to fit really small but I've never tried their boots.

I have one pair of synthetic boots which are a real struggle to get in/out of (no side zip) but I can just about get into them with just sheer tights, no other way. Most of my other boots have a side-zip and are a snug fit but they just about take leggings or skinny-jeans tucked in with no socks (just tights or thin trainer liners). It does seem to vary a lot from style to style - great excuse to try on lots of boots in the store once you feel confident enough.

For exercises I've found the "calf toning" one here good:

http://www.womens-health-questions.com/strength-toning-women.html

and it's also great to climb stairs whenever you get the chance (office buildings, shopping centres, metro stations). I think I read somewhere it's better to put your foot flat on each step and feel your leg muscles doing the work.

Enjoy your boots!

Welcome. I totally agree, it's not just wearing heels, shopping for them is a lot of fun too. What styles do you wear (apart from the obvious "peeptoez")? Do you wear your heels regularly in public? When you're shopping do you admit that the heels are for you (and try them on)?

What I like now is the diversity - there are flats/heels, platforms/non-platforms, round/pointy toes, stilettos/wedges, etc. I may only like 10% of what's in the store, but someone else will like a different 10% - it's nice to have the choice, and long may it continue. I really didn't like platforms at first, or round-toes, but the last pair of shoes I bought were round-toe platforms and I'm loving them. I think I'd buy shoes much less often if the stores just stumbled from one fashion clone to the next without giving styles a chance to evolve.

I'd already worn heels in public but I always felt the need to try to create the whole feminine appearance to blend in, and to avoid any social interaction (just evening walks in safe quiet locations). This forum's really inspired me to integrate my heels into my guy appearance, and given me the confidence to try on heels in the store and admit to the sales assistant that they're for me. Whether we wear our heels with an "in your face" attitude or take a more subtle approach, or even if it's a private thing and we're struggling to confide in a partner or just accept it within ourselves... either way it does take a lot of courage, and the mutual respect between people on the forum really makes a world of difference.

Apart from myself, I don't personally know any other men who do.

I think for me it's not just which department I enjoy shopping in (the men's department generally bores me) and which clothes I enjoy wearing, but how I go shopping too. I used to buy my heels like a guy buys stuff (know what I want, go to the store, buy it, leave) but since starting to try on heels in the store I've really enjoyed browsing more and trying on different styles.

Thanks for the responses and comments. Reflecting on that I think I'm concluding that I used to be a lot more obsessive on minor details like that. I'd often either make a bad purchase because I was blinded by a detail I really liked, or miss out on a really great pair of shoes because some little detail put me off. The round heel was a bit like that for me at first but I'm warming to it now.

Talking about driving in heels, it's a hot topic in the news here in the UK that the European Court has ruled that car insurance for women is discrimination, and that insurance companies can't offer cheaper policies on the basis of gender. So, how about cheap car insurance for drivers in heels? Obviously women have been safely driving in heels all this time so it must be safer, and anyone is free to choose to wear them so it wouldn't be discrimination.

The very first pair I wore were my mum's 4" black suede peeptoes when I was 5. I used to sneak them out of her room and secretly try them on. Just a very happy feeling. After 2-3 years I guess I must have outgrown them and couldn't wear them any more.

Then when I was 11 I was walking home from school one afternoon and I saw a woman at a bus-stop wearing white 3" or 4" heeled slingbacks with long thin straps that tied around her ankles/calves (lots of girls were wearing a low-heeled version in lots of different colours at school in the 80's - I fantasized they'd send all the boys home but let me stay and wear those shoes too, but that's another story). I searched every corner at home until I found my mum's gold patent slingback ankle-strap sandals with a 4" heel, and that was the first pair I learnt to walk properly in.

What is most fascinating about the comments here, is that it would seem that the 'first steps in high heels' seem to be the same for both girls and boys. In fact there is a common 'secret' aspect to both sexes initial experiences of high heels.

Many of you have posted about 'borrowing' your Mum's, Sister's or other female relation's high heels, and I have to say that it's the same for girls. After all, what other role models did any of us all have?

That's a really interesting observation, and to me it's always been really heart-warming to feel that sense of affinity (rather than the whole "Mars-Venus" thing that treats us like we're different species). Like you say, it's about "role models" and aspirations. That also makes me think of the first heels I ever bought, 4" black patent courts at age 17, and the feeling that they're my high heels.

Welcome to the forum and to heels! The first heels I ever walked in were 4" no platform... the first few steps were a bit of a rollercoaster ride (waa-hey!) but I stayed on my feet. Unless you have really small feet the 3½" rise should be ok, but even supermodels have trouble with platforms sometimes. Also it's one thing taking a few steps at home and quite another thing stepping outside and going any significant distance, so build up in stages. Hope your new shoes are a good fit, look great, and a lot of fun! Let us know...

Which heel shape of stiletto do you prefer - a totally round O-shape, or a flat-front U-shape?

(Examples attached if you're thinking "what?!?!?")

I bought this shoe last year at DSW in pewter but this year they have brought it back in nude so I HAD to go after it. Classic and sexy styling says it all!

http://www.dsw.com/shoe/zigi+soho+staple+pump?prodId=206513&category=cat20006

Mmmmmm, very classy and elegant lines, I could spend all afternoon in the store trying on all the colours over and over and over... and wanting them all!

I'm never quite sure about the totally round O-shaped heel (as opposed to the more conventional flat-front U-shaped heel) but on this shoe the heel is just slightly thicker and it looks really good.

It took me a little while to warm to the fashion for platforms too, but now I find that the way the underneath of the sole curves up away from the ground towards the toe kind of propels you forward when you walk, and almost recreates that amazing teetering feeling when you stood up in your first heels.

Thanks Susi, that's really thought-provoking...

It sounds like you were really quite surrounded by so many external forces and it's difficult to untangle your free will from that. For most guys who like to wear heels the only external pressure is to hide it. When I've been browsing in shoe shops (always by myself) I've often overheard women (shopping together) saying things to each other like "oh, he'll love you in those" or even just "no, the other ones look better on you"... and it's only since I recently started trying heels on in the store that I realised how many flattering remarks the assistants say to make the sale (whereas with guy shoes it's always about comfort and fit). I don't know how influenced I'd be if I went shoe-shopping with some girl friends and had all their opinions... probably much more influenced than I'd like to think.

Numbers are funny too. I'm a size UK7 which is usually fine, but I've noticed that even when the fit's a bit tight I'll prefer to squeeze into a 7 rather than go up to an 8 and use inserts... and I usually regret it afterwards (exactly like you said, "unwearable torture devices"). We can get hung up on the numbers sometimes, especially with shoes where it's not so visible (whereas squeezing into clothes-sizes too small tends to really show).

When I've had the place to myself is the only time I've worn heels for a long time (all day and then another pair all evening), and even after just a couple of days I noticed my feet changing shape (I could squeeze into shoes that are normally too tight, or shoes that fit fine start to feel loose). And also it's only when I was brave enough to wear my heels outside and walk even just 1km I realised how uncomfortable they can become. I can only imagine how that would be on a daily basis, but having experienced it even just a little has made me much more sympathetic.

I don't think anyone should have to suffer in their heels to look good, and I sure wouldn't force my girlfriend to wear heels all the time - actually if my approval is such a dangerous weapon I should be doing the opposite and reminding her she looks cute in her flats too and to take good care of her feet...

... which makes me wonder (staying on topic) do any of you avoid wearing strappy sandals because of what closed pointy shoes have done to the shape of your feet?

Kneehighs, what you said about keeping the love of your parents, and not living up to your dad's expectation really made me think. As a kid I felt that my dad and pretty much all the other male figures of authority in my world were anti-role-models that repelled me, so I don't recall feeling at all guilty about not meeting their expectations. What you said about "The guilt came from not being true to myself, despite what my parents thought. The guilt came from knowing that my true self was not something my dad wanted me to be"... I'd never thought of it that way before but it's spot on - it's that self-denial of falling short of my own expectations because they didn't fit the world around me. However, I guess liking heels and having positive male role models is a whole other load of tensions beyond my experience.

On the other hand as well as demonising men, I think even at that time I idealised women as positive role-models. While the gender stereotype was of "weaker" gentle qualities, high-heeled shoes perfectly represented the confidence and empowerment of those gentle qualities, a kind of best-of-both-worlds which I found very aspirational. While for some (most?) guys even the thought of wearing heels would be degrading/humiliating, for me it feels empowering and positive even though society might not see it that way. It's ironic how something we can be ridiculed for can be the source of self-respect.

I think wearing heels (or rather how I've come to terms with it over the years) has helped me break down those polarised preconceptions, but that's taken the best part of 30 years. What I'd feel guilty about now is dumping all that on a girlfriend/wife and expecting her to deal with it without any emotional support from me.

(BTW, I thought I'd been meticulous putting shoes back so as not to get caught, but I never even thought of the yarn trick... perhaps your mum never noticed her shoes but spent years wondering who'd been fiddling with the yarn! A guy knitting would get even funnier looks than a guy in heels, so maybe we're making more progress than we realise! )

I have been through periods when I wished I didn't have such an attraction to them...

That's true, sometimes it's felt like a curse and sometimes like a blessing. Really the "curse" side is just a reaction to social prejudice and expectation we've been conditioned to. It takes a lot of soul-searching to overcome that and recognise that it has the power to make you a better person and not just eat you up inside.

...I've been talking to friends and just TALKING about it brings me such relief. So far, both of the 2 friends I have been talking about it to the most (both female) have said really nice things...

It's so cool that you've found some accepting and supportive friends, and maybe your heeling makes you a better friend to them too. I think sharing it can help to make us less self-absorbed about the whole thing.

And finding this place has also helped enormously! It's so nice being able to share these experiences and knowing you're not the only one.

I'll certainly echo that.

On reflection, not only would I not quit heeling, but if I could rewind and live my life again I'd keep the heeling too (and I wouldn't have thought that a few years ago).

As a kid (age 5 to 10) I felt a sense that I was doing something not necessarily "wrong" but "forbidden" and that I should keep it to myself, but I wouldn't call that guilt. I think at that age you wear heels with a childlike innocence just because they're fun, whether you're a girl or a boy.

As a teenager the feelings of guilt and shame definitely made their presence felt. It was a constant cycle of (a) the irresistible urge to wear heels as self-expression of the affinity I felt with feminine qualities (or a rejection of the masculine stereotypes I couldn't relate to), and then ( feeling disgusted with my male self for exploiting femininity for selfish pleasure. I'd vow never to wear heels again, but that'd last all of a couple of days at most before the need to wear them would overwhelm me again.

That's a lot of inner conflict and turmoil, and I felt pretty screwed up really. I'd always struggled to try to keep heels separate from the rest of my life, thinking I could somehow purge it from within me. But like fatfuzz says there comes a time "to face up to it and stop fighting it", like jdmonto says to "reprogram yourself" for the better, which pretty much sums up my 20's. I decided it was time to embrace my feminine feelings and let my "inner woman" express herself as a confident and positive force in my life and a part of who I am as a guy. I figured if I can't show kindness and compassion towards myself how could I possibly show kindness and compassion to a real woman in my life, or any other fellow human beings for that matter?

After that I think the inner guilt goes away, but like others have said there can be other feelings of guilt from keeping secrets or spending money you shouldn't be spending (but women could feel that guilt too, it's not a "guy in heels" thing any more).

I think what I'd feel guilty about now would be to impose my heel-wearing on my girlfriend just as a personal need of my own without any empathy for her... but if she feels the need for affection and compassion and emotional support, and can understand my heel-wearing as an expression of that, then maybe there's hope that things can work out just fine.

Thanks for listening... if my psycho-babble has a positive effect on just one other person then I guess that makes posting it worthwhile.

For me it has to be my first time out of the house wearing my heels (black patent courts with a 4" stiletto heel). One evening I stood behind the front door for what seemed like an eternity, my heart beating wildly as I tried to persuade myself to take that first step. In a split-second the decision came and I opened the door and stepped out. Next thing I know I'm walking down the pavement hearing the click-click-click of my heels like I'd never heard it before and thinking "wow, that's me!". Some way down the street I realised how fast I was walking and told myself to slow down and enjoy it - deep breath, head up, shoulders back, footsteps along a single line, "oh, I have hips!", cool breeze on my legs... what a buzz!

I ticked most of those options. I have several black pairs because they're so easy to match with outfits, and I love browns and creams. It's nice to explore other options though, here's a selection of my other colours:

Is it these? http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/shoesandboots/1/6

They look really elegant and a lot of fun to wear. Great that you did your car trip too - there's something about wearing heels outside, feeling the cool air on your feet and the thrill each time you dare to go a few steps further, and then running back when you think you hear another car coming... not that I've ever done that myself of course!

Like you say, "it feels so natural", I totally relate to that!

Hi All!

As expected I went shopping on Monday, a federal holiday, and the stores were pretty empty! Got this first pair at DSW in Chicago (Clark and Belmont store) which is a nice cumfy pair of wedges sandals in taupe. Great with all kinds of jeans and more.

http://www.dsw.com/shoe/zigi+soho+sandra+wedge+sandal+?prodId=216310&category=dsw11cat260004

The second pair is an edgy (sexy as hell) pair of 6.2" wedges which I got at Bakers at the Woodfield Mall store which I had never visited before but the downtown store is closed for renovations. They are definitely a wow shoe and thecoolest wedge I have ever seen from Bakers.

http://www.bakersshoes.com/p-195805-FIONA.aspx?c=274

[ATTACH]12030[/ATTACH][ATTACH]12030[/ATTACH]

Peek and opine if you like.

HappyinHeels:wavey:

The first ones look surprisingly chic and would go with lots of smart-casual everyday looks. My colour would be the brown.

I wouldn't know what to wear with the second ones... maybe white tailored flared trousers and a formal tan-coloured top?

I wanted to tick both options in the poll. When I wear my heels sometimes I want to feel deliciously feminine, sometimes I want to be a guy expressing feminine qualities, sometimes I just want to be me and shoes have nothing to do with gender... and I guess some guys want to associate heels with masculine qualities too. Either way we're all on the same side in challenging prejudice and being free to wear what we want to wear.

This reminds me of the thread http://www.hhplace.org/everybody/6120-dominant_vs_submissive_visual_signal_heels.html where perhaps its not always about being one or the other, but rather the dizzy mix of the two that makes wearing high heels so appealing... and we should be free to enjoy that and move on from the gender stereotypes of male=strong / female=weak.

Hello, I live in a small town in southern Brazil, recently started going out on the street in high heels, I love women's boots. I recently went to a supermarket and was wearing a jeans, shirt and a boot-cut long jump and 3 inches above the jeans, everything was very calm, people look at me but did not say anything when I was in the checkout line, a boy slowly reached behind me and turned into a glass of Coke into my boots, I was very sad, some people laughed, I abandoned my shopping and went home to wash myself, I was very sad about this episode but was the only one, have gone daily with my boots and I love them.

Rogerio

It's sad that society finds that boy's behaviour acceptable. We should feel lucky not to have such narrow minds. I hope this one bad event doesn't stop you feeling good about who you are. It reminds us we shouldn't be too shy to express our disapproval when we see someone reacting badly to a fellow heeler, or to make a nice comment if we see someone wearing heels to restore some positive balance. I love high-heeled boots too, but I've not been brave enough to wear them to the supermarket... yet.

Have you had some positive comments from people too?