SleekHeels

That sounds like a cautious but really enjoyable visit to the museum, and great that you have a supportive friend to share it with. When you're able to post photos we'd love to see what your wedge boots and sandals look like.

Well, it was kind of interesting in that it highlighted what other aspects of shoes (besides high heels) evoke gender bias... and a reminder that we should wear (and be free to wear) shoes because we like the style rather than what gender is printed on the box. And it does raise the question of: do unisex/ambiguous styles of shoes break down gender stereotypes or actually emphasise them more by polarising the extremes?

I've never been a fan of kitten heels... all the drawbacks of stilettos (like getting stuck in paving cracks) without any of the flattering effects of a higher heel, and also the deception of hearing that sound followed by the inevitable let-down of seeing the shoes. Heels are cute, flats are cute, even kittens are cute - but kitten heels, not for me.

The guitar sounds like a great find, and all the more fun in boots. Your post made me think that wearing heels in public or playing the guitar in public pretty much comes down to the same thing - there's nothing inherently wrong with one or the other, it's just confidence.

I'm glad to hear that your friend is cool about your boots/heels - that's a pretty cool friend. Those Kesha boots look great. I'm not usually a fan of cone heels but I think they really work with the rest of the boot and look really stylish. Enjoy wearing them. You seem pretty relaxed about going public with them, I wish I'd been so comfortable about that when I was your age. Good luck, do let us know how it goes. As for the tight strap, what are you wearing under the boots? A thinner pair of socks or even tights might make the boots more comfortable to wear if you've not tried that already.

I totally agree. It's just that sometimes we want to do things (like buying/trying heels) but we feel uncomfortable about doing them. It's Fred87's "So just do what makes you the most comfortable to get the heels you desire" and jwhite44's "take whatever approach you need to so you feel comfortable, and you're able to achieve your goal to buy yourself some shoes" which emphasises that we can do things that change how comfortable we feel.

Legs777777, it's a couple of weeks on from your original post, and it'd be interesting to know if you still want those red shoes, if you've been back to the store at all, if you're any closer to feeling more comfortable about buying them or not... only if you feel comfortable sharing that of course.

The day I had my first ever experience trying on in the store I must've gone to 5 or 6 different branches until I found a situation I felt comfortable enough to try them on. I don't think it magically gets easier after the first time, we just get better at doing all the right things to create good situations and take advantage of them when they come up.

What about these?

http://www.waltersteiger.com/gallery/woman/big/18.jpg

Similar, but quite different.

I dont like those at all. Asides from anything else, they look way worse for your feet than even classic stilettos.

I agree with dww, assuming the heel is much the same you could wear any of the three without any issues. Given the angles you've shown, my favourite would be the first ones based on the buckle styling and the shape of the toe. I find the second ones too plain, but they look much smaller/neater around the ankle (if worn with tights, leggings or skinny jeans). On that basis I'll hazard a guess that the third ones might be the mens despite the buckle, just because they have that clumsier male styling around the ankle.

I agree those wedge boots look great for inconspicuous heeling... even with the click it would take a bit of a heel connoiseur to detect those. I like the ruched style with the buckle detail of the flat Zinia boots, but of course they'd look better with a heel... perhaps something like their Kesha or Wondor boots when you feel ready to graduate from the wedge. Do you think your friends would be cool about it if they discovered what you're hiding under your trousers (I mean the boots of course) ?

Christine, we're so glad your avatar isn't your steel-toed boots Those red shoes look gorgeous, and must feel fabulous to wear on a sunny day.

Welcome Holly, high-heeled hugs are always welcome, and we look forward to your contributions too.

Thanks to all for the lovely comments.

Hi Your grey pair are stunning.

From your avatar I should've guessed you'd like the grey ones!

Nice shoes - like the others, Ithink I like the grey ones best. Where did you get them?

Both pairs were from New Look branches. The grey ones have disappeared from their website, but the product code is on the end of this old link if it'll help you track them down in a branch:

http://www.newlook.com/shop/womens/shoes/zip-platform-court_203455304

They came in black also, but I preferred the grey.

The slingbacks are still shown in sizes UK 6 and 7 on their website:

http://www.newlook.com/shop/womens/shoes/slingback-platform-heel_212715101

but larger sizes might still be in stock at some branches. They also came in blue, here's the old link:

http://www.newlook.com/shop/womens/shoes/slingback-platform-heel_212715140

Sometimes I'll wear my heels, look in the mirror and think I look ridiculous. It happens. I'll laugh and think "thank goodness I didn't go out looking like that" and try a different outfit/combination until I find something that works for me.

Perhaps many women get their fashion mistakes out of the way during their teenage years (with a bit of hit-and-miss advice from friends), whereas guys generally don't have the opportunity to develop their sense of style... particularly guys whose desire to wear heels is so strongly subdued and isolated by social preconceptions.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes we look ridiculous because we've chosen to wear something that looks ridiculous, while other times it's in the "eye of the beholder" (i.e. the social conditioning of the beholder). We sometimes even do the former deliberately in order to challenge the latter (like the trend for wearing odd socks).

And that leads to what I think is the root of the original question as to whether a guy wearing heels needs to incorporate other aspects of feminine appearance, or if he can incorporate heels into an emphatically masculine appearance. In terms of changing social attitudes I think both approaches can be done positively or negatively... so perhaps an underlying question is "Is the man look with heels more effective as a shock tactic or as a more subtle approach in changing social attitudes?".

You're not the only to go through cycles of fighting it and embracing it. Hopefully you've found the path of self-acceptance and self-respect. This forum's a great place to celebrate the passion for beautiful shoes. We look forward to hearing more about your boots and your adventures.

That made me think... I hope I am just rationalizing the price and not the boots. I agree, we could try to make some "checklist" of features of our ideal boots, but they need to have that indefinable magic to be "wow!". I think it's like that silly idea of designing your ideal woman/man on a computer - you'd end up with a hollow monster and it's so much better to meet a real person who surprises you in nicer ways than you could've imagined. Boots/shoes are a little bit like that I think.

That's a way bigger platform than anything I've ever tried, but assuming you can walk confidently in them (maybe it's easier than it looks, and definitely a lot of fun) they add a really great edge to a casual look.

Just my opinion, but I don't think that just because I love heels that heels worn by a woman automatically make her attractive... and by the same reasoning, just because I'm not attracted to guys that doesn't mean that a guy wearing heels automatically makes the heels unattractive. Shoes are shoes and people are people, and when the two come together I think the attraction is more about heels as part of an overall image and expression of character and personal style. Therefore I think yes, heels would still be just as attractive regardless of who is wearing them.

I couldn't pick out the "girliest" and I couldn't pick out the "manliest" either but here are the heels that make me feel the most glamorous and goddess-like:

...more of them are stood up in my wardrobe..I need to look at them when I open it.

That's so true, it's so lovely to open the wardrobe and see high-heeled boots and shoes all lined up. Like you also said in another thread: "Not only the pleasure consists of wearing them but also of looking at them. Even if they are out of view, you know you own them still". I like your sentiment very much - we wear our high-heels with our minds, not just with our feet.

anyway, three years ago I decided to collect quality, not quantity

For sure wearing real leather boots can be much more comfortable than cheaper synthetic materials, but this makes boots quite expensive which limits the quantity for me (also boots take up so much space!). I bought most of my boots from high street stores in the spring when their price is reduced. I have maybe 10 pairs (from ankle boots to just below the knee) which I collected over the last 15 years, so not even one pair of boots per year on average (but it's not a competition, is it? ). They averaged maybe £50 per pair... boots definitely push my bargain-hunting powers to the limit.

Perhaps this is mostly directed at people who work in shoe stores (though as customers we'll all have our opinions too)... what pleasant or annoying habits do customers have in shoe stores? The reason I ask is that when I've been trying on heels in self-service stores, I always put pairs back in their proper places, but many customers just leave a mountain of shoes in the trying-on area for the assistant to sort out and put back. I'm just thinking that if there are nice things we can do as customers, would that create a more positive image of guys trying on heels and help us be more welcome in stores?

I've had a couple of recent shopping experiences buying my New Shoes.

I bought the grey ones one evening, and spent about half an hour in the store trying on various other pairs including a couple of other court shoes, a pair of black ankle boots and a pair of taller black boots (just below the knee). Various other customers were browsing and trying on and nobody seemed to notice me at all. This was the first time I kept heels on as I walked to the racks to put shoes back or get other ones to try.

I bought the black ones one lunchtime. It was quite busy with the lunchtime rush so I just browsed for a while to see what styles I wanted to try and if they had them in my size. After the main rush was over I took a couple of pairs to one of the seating areas and tried them on. I've attached a selection of the ones I picked out to try. My seating area didn't have any mirrors nearby so I had to walk past other seating areas to get to a mirror. Talk about high visibility - I was definitely noticed by a few other customers but I didn't get any hostile stares, just discrete and slightly surprised glances. (I wonder how many "You wouldn't believe what I saw this lunchimte" conversations happened later that day?). In the end I preferred the black slingbacks so I bought them. The other pair which would have really tempted me was a pair of cream/tan peeptoes which I'd tried at another branch, but I couldn't find them to try on again.

That's 6 or 7 shopping experiences so far, and each time I come away thinking what I could do better... I need to get over that "rabbit in the headlights" feeling and smile a bit more. I've found that what outfit I'm wearing makes a big difference - and going for a more androgynous look (but still a guy) makes me feel more comfortable and confident.

I hope that helps someone thinking about taking that bold first step in a store.

These are the toes from my New Shoes.

Personally I think the black ones have too much toe cleavage, especially worn barefoot, though tights help a bit. It wouldn't put me off wearing them as I think the overall look of the shoes is nice from other angles, though it did make me think twice about buying them.

The grey ones have a nicer amount of toe cleavage I think.

These are my latest purchases. I love the grey suedette ones because the colour and texture provide a softer contrast for pale winter legs (though tan tights help). They have a 1¼" platform with a 5" heel. Despite having a few black shoes in my collection none were slingbacks or platforms, so the black slingback platforms fill that gap nicely. They have a 1½" platform with a 5½" heel.

Welcome! Your work boots must do a good job looking after your feet, and it must make it all the more special when you do manage to slip into your heels. What are your favourite styles? Do you have to do most of your shoe-shopping on the web, or are there plenty of opportunties for "real" shoe-shopping too? Enjoy the forum.

Humanity's always had a need to polarise gender, and perhaps with 20th century developments in gender equality, working practices (more office/shop jobs) and mass media culture like cinema/television, the emphasis on fashion has been a reaction to that. With new manufacturing materials (synthetics like nylon) and construction (of course, the stiletto heel in the 50's) maybe women were just in the right place at the right time to get most of the shoe/fashion attention.

Although there has been a backlash against the "trappings of femininity" like high heels, the polarisation of gender persists as it always has done, it just expresses itself in different ways at different times and places... as Histiletto says: "Society is suppose to be a result of its people, not its people the result of a society".

I think something as arbitrary as who wears the trousers, cosmetics (e.g. ancient Egypt) or heels is all relative/transient and there's no "right" or "wrong" about it. What we can do is present ourselves positively to give others every chance to feel the same way about that.