SleekHeels

I've only recently gone public with my heels, but yes, an encouraging partner would give me more confidence to go places in heels with her that I wouldn't go by myself.

The shopping suggestion sounds great. Although I've done that alone, it's be so nice to share the experience with her (and I mean share it, I'd want it to be fun for her, not just something she'd do reluctantly to make me happy). I really would enjoy watching her trying on shoes as much as trying them on myself.

And it wouldn't just be restricted to a partner either. Just going out and doing those things with supportive girl friends would be awesome too.

I ticked 3" round-toe wedge heel quiet covered because that's the best match for my one proper street-heeling experience so far. As for in store, I've think tried just about every option apart from sandal but with summer coming that one should be ticked soon.

It tends to be assumed that men look at women like pieces of meat, mentally undressing them... and maybe a lot of men are doing exactly that, so it's no surprise that women find it hard to believe that a guy can admire a woman in any other way, and feel like they're being cheated on. But then if you're checking out a woman and thinking "wow, I wonder how I'd look in those heels" then maybe it's more "mentally dressing" yourself rather than "mentally undressing" someone else, and perhaps partners who know about heeling and accept it don't feel so betrayed by that. Personally I resent the reaction that we face being ridiculed for wearing heels. I want to wear my heels with self-respect and to be respected (how crazy is that?), and that's taught me that there's nothing "immoral" about heels (for guys or girls), I'm not turning myself into a piece of meat by wearing them, and neither is a woman so I don't have to look at her like a piece of meat to find her attractive. I accept I'm probably in the minority on this one, but then maybe that's exactly why I want to wear heels, to signal that I'm not the typical guy who's going to look at women in a degrading way, and challenge the gender stereotype that all guys are just apes and that all women just have to accept that.

I'd enjoy wearing stylish flats rather than ugly heels, so style wins over height... but of course stylish heels would be the best combination by far.

I find it difficult to believe there's something as specific as a "high heel gene", but I do agree Steve that there is some genetic predisposition that interacts with environmental influences (maybe the "blank canvas" comes in all shapes and sizes)... for me at least, high heels became a symbol of the self-esteem I was seeking as a child, but was it really so inevitable that'd it'd be high-heels and not something else if circumstances had been different? Of course once it clicked there was no going back.

It's interesting what you said about "we can't get rid of our passion for heels even if we try". For many of us it does feel like a compulsion that we have no power over, and maybe it's no less a compulsion when we get older but we do have a choice about how we accept it within ourselves (and stop purging for example) and how we choose to relate to society about it.

I've never tried their boots before, but I guess now I'm trying on in store they could be worth a try if I see a style I really like.

Nice boots, they easy to walk in?

Pretty much the easiest of all my shoes and boots, they're only 3½" heels, and the mile walk was really comfortable.

Thanks for posting about your adventures. I enjoyed it, and it's helpful for me to imagine so many hours in heels.

I also had my first adventures out this week after a year or so indoors. First trip out was maybe 10 min in the grocery and then into a Starbucks. Today was even shorter. It was interesting and fun and my interest is growing. Today, I had a brief trip out to the post office in boots very similar to yours. Mine was from DSW, called an Audrey Brooke Leather Wedge boot, about 4" heels. It is a bit noisy! and I was self conscious. But had fun.

That must've been quite a buzz, did you get any reactions or were you as invisible as I was? Those DSW Audrey Brooke boots look like a good choice for first-time heeling. They look really quiet, how come yours were so noisy? Mine are as quiet as trainers/sneakers which is almost too quiet. I'll stick with them for now - I'd love to build up to trying my ankle boots ( http://www.hhplace.org/attachments/everybody/12169d1299728320-boot_photo_shoot-black_ankle_boots.jpg ) with black jeans, but it seems like a big step to go from wedge heels to non-wedges.

Engrossing topic... it's taken me a couple of days to reply just because there's so much to think about and it's such an emotive subject. I feel that we all start out as a blank canvas and spend our childhood being conditioned, one way or another, into the boxes that society (parents, school, peer-pressure) likes to put us in. Maybe the "gifted" part is having the desire to challenge those boxes as we get older and discern which are worth keeping and which need to be thrown out. It's all too easy to fall into the trap of blaming ourselves for everything ("I'm so screwed up") or blaming everyone else for everything ("society is so screwed up"). Either way the resulting anger and insecurity tends to just get passed on to the next generation. We're pretty lucky if we have the insight to at least aspire to overcome that and break that chain. Kneehighs, I think that really shows in how you've found compassion and empathy for yourself and your circumstances, and in turn towards your parents and their circumstances, and the positive effect that has on how you approach your relationships with the people around you. I also really agree with what you said about rediscovering the child-like joy of wearing heels. Certainly I found my teenage years the most turbulent, whereas now I feel I'm enjoying the freedom (within myself) of wearing what expresses my personality without feeling guilty about it. It's not child-like in a regressive way, just a purity of emotion. It's funny how in a way high heels are "just shoes" and really no big deal, but how they can also seem to have such a profound significance in the development and expression of personal identity from such a young age.

Oh, and as for thigh boots I don't own any and have never even tried them, but I thought these (from Wallis) this winter were absolutely gorgeous... unfortunately I couldn't stretch my budget to buy them, even when they were discounted.

Shoes are my favourites, with knee-high boots a very close second. What I don't like about my legs is that they're quite short, and while heels really help to elongate them and give a nicer proportion, mid-calf boots seem to have the opposite effect so I tend to prefer to hide those under trousers, or maybe wear with a long pencil skirt to get the look to work. Ankle-boots tend to work best for me under trousers too, though maybe I should try them with skinny jeans or leggings to see if I can find a way to make that work for me. I also tend to avoid really thin narrow heels as they tend to make my legs and the rest of my body look chunkier.

HappyInHeels, I couldn't resist checking out the Bakers platform sandals and my favourites would be the Rayne ones, especially the tan and the purple:

http://www.bakersshoes.com/p-188903-RAYNE.aspx?c=594

It takes a lot of self-control to go with the dream fit over the look, but the more I wear heels the more I realise that ultimately it's the ones that fit that you wear and enjoy the most.

Yes, I consider myself so lucky to be a UK7 for the style choice that's available. I really feel for those who have to search so much harder for larger sizes, especially looking for stylish everyday options and not just flat/kitten-heels or fetish styles (nothing against them, they're just not everyone's look). I hope things have been improving over the years and continue to do so. I do find that Aldo size 7's tend to be a quite a squeeze for me - my red Atlantic City were practically unwearable and looked horrible on my feet at least, while my beige Sarnia with their rounder toes fit better (but still a bit tight) and look really cute. By the time I'd saved up for the silver Tienen they'd long gone, which is a shame because I really liked the strap styling on those and might just have got away with a size 7. The one pair of Dune shoes I have are practically unwearable too, and they're slingbacks so maybe it's more down to the width. Apart from those two brands, most others fit fine.

I've only recently started trying on heels in the store. Before that, I remember getting a range of reactions, mostly neutral but sometimes negative or occasionally even positive. What I regret is that I've usually made the purchase regardless of the reaction, because my fear of being discovered took away my dignity.

Since being more open about the heels being for me, I'd be far more inclined to agree with HappyFeat and speak with my money, leaving the store if I'm not treated respectfully. I thought admitting it and trying on heels in the store would destroy my dignity even more, but actually it's rejuvenated it. Being more open has given me the confidence to take the initiative in being polite to the sales assistants and to other customers, and if I can leave them thinking "wow, he was a nicer customer than that rude woman who was here this morning" or "Oh! Guys who wear heels seem quite nice" then that's just as satisfying as owning a new pair of heels (and I got to have fun trying them on too).

Welcome spacex. I agree the "pervert" reaction to guys in heels doesn't do justice. Women in heels have had to deal with the "tart" reaction too. Fortunately the members and moderators on the forum here see beyond this heel prejudice and inspire us all to present our heels in the most positive and progressive way. Looking forward to your posts. Do you wear your heels in public? What are your favourite styles?

Great find heelguy, the year to track them down was well worth the wait, they look really go on you. Have you stopped gazing down at them yet? Awesome adventures too, heels and coffee with the girls sounds like heaven!

Well, TBG! You'll never know if a particular outfit will work for you until to try it out. I must say you've impressed me yet again with your boldness in your outings. White thigh boots! Wow! Don't know if I'd have the nerve to do something like that! I am impressed. What impressed me all the more was how you garnered so little attention in the outfits you sported, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised since I attract no more attention in my own outfits. Bravo to you, my friend.

I have to echo JeffB's comments, your outfits sound way bolder than I'd feel able to pull off, and I'm amazed how much acceptance and non-reaction you seem to get going about your normal daily business. I can only guess that's because you've really thought about how you put your outfits together so you feel comfortable and stylish in them and wear them with confidence. That's a really positive attitude.

I like the way you've used the white shirt to make the contrast of the white boots work with the black pants and blazer, and the denim with the grey turtleneck sounds like it coordinates great with the boots too.

Why is it that being manly is questioned when a man wants to wear or is wearing high heels, especially stilettos? A woman can wear almost anything she chooses, including men's attire, and still her femininity is kept socially intact. It is a double standard, but this is the reality we are unjustly strapped with.

I'm not so sure. I think a girl who is branded a "tom-boy" can face just as much social stigma as a boy branded a "sissy". The difference seems to be the privileged status of men in society, such that masculinity is associated with empowerment while femininity is associated with disempowerment. I believe equality isn't just about women emulating men to be successful, or men emulating women being failiures, but rather redefining the values we place on masculine and feminine qualities.

Maybe that's what's been motivating me to wear my heels more publicly recently. For me as a guy, wearing heels is an expression of the aspiration to value femininity equally as a society and not just define success in masculine terms... and perhaps a sucessful woman wears her heels to express the same aspirations?

Sure, most men probably are a nightmare to shop with... but then ask "most men" to hold your handbag and they'll treat it like it just fell in sewage, or ask "most men" to go buy you some nail varnish and they can't do it, but put all the colours in spraycans in a car repair shop and they'll bore your ass off picking the right one.

Men are generally conditioned to be ignorant of "women's stuff", and maybe women are generally conditioned to accept (or even encourage) that ignorance whether they like it or not. If we choose to make the effort to overcome that state of affairs is down to us.

As for Matthew9542's original request, maybe a picture of the dress (check the label, find the website?) might inspire some helpful recommendations.

Thank you all for the encouraging comments. Verisimile, I bought them for around £12 ($20) in the end of season sale at a clothing store called Peacocks here in the UK a year or two ago. They were a lucky find and it really helps that I'm a size UK7 which is a pretty mainstream size. They are really comfortable to wear and walk in, though my calf muscles needed a good stretch after wearing them all day and walking longer distances than I'm used to in heels. Thighbootguy, I'd definitely like to build up to wearing my jeans tucked into my boots one day. I think it's a great look but I'd struggle to find a pair of jeans which I could wear both ways - perhaps when I build up the confidence I'll go with my skinny jeans. It's interesting that tucked-in knee-high boots feature widely in a lot of eastern-European traditional costumes for men, so maybe if the fashion designers create a folk revival on the high street the look could become more widely accepted.... but then why wait to follow a trend when it's far more fun to take the lead!

Well, I finally managed my first proper heeling adventure this week. Wow, it was cool. I wore my brown wedge boots (http://www.hhplace.org/attachments/everybody/12175d1299728486-boot_photo_shoot-brown_wedge_boots.jpg) under dark blue bootcut jeans (slightly longer than the ones in the photo), a light brown t-shirt and dark brown v-neck jumper... all womenswear but I wasn't trying to masquerade as girl, just a guy with a stylish and feminine edge. Most importantly I felt comfortable within myself, if somewhat apprehensive.

Anyway, I spent the first part of the day at the library studying. I wore flats to get there and changed into my boots as soon as I arrived. I had to walk through some quite busy areas with lots of people around. I felt especially self-conscious walking up stairs with people behind me, but that was quite an exciting feeling. I don't think anyone even noticed at all, or if they did there was no reaction whatsoever. Of course sitting in the study area for a few hours was pretty unevenful.

I had fully intended to change back into my flats before leaving, but I found myself really wanting to keep the boots on and continue the adventure... so at 4pm in broad daylight I found myself walking about a mile through town in my boots. The most anxious moments were crossing the road at traffic signals where I had to stop and stand still for a while and then walk infront of stopped cars. I made it to a book store where I spent about half an hour browsing in different departments. I really wanted to go to the bookstore cafe but I didn't have time (definitely next time though).

Reading this back it sounds far more boring than I expected my first adventure to be, and it turned out to be a really normal day with no comments/remarks (positive/negative) at all... but actually it was a real buzz. I was surprised how invisible I was, and I guess it really helped to choose a safe location and an appropriate outfit (though I appreciate that's not everyone's preferred approach, it worked for me). It'd be great to get a "nice shoes" comment next time, though maybe I need to wear a slightly more ambitious pair of heels to deserve that.

That's a great suggestion Histiletto. Taking her shoe-shopping to choose her gift and giving her all the attention, she'll love that... and as a HHPlace member you're hardly going to find that a boring experience, are you?

Maybe she's perceiving mixed signals when you ignore public reactions (which she sees as weakness) but confront her reactions (which she sees as strength). From your perspective it's probably the opposite: it takes a lot of strength to be who you want to be regardless of public reactions, and maybe it's a moment of weakness when you get angry at her because she's important to you and her acceptance really means something to you. I guess what you both have in common is not living up to gender stereotypes, you because you're challenging them, and her because she was immersed in her femininity and now she feels like she's had to give that up. If you like wearing heels and skirts because it expresses a part of your identity, for her as a woman it must be a huge loss of identity to feel like she can't wear that girly stuff any more. Maybe she even feels a little resentment that you've been so accepting of her "decline" from the pinnacle of girliness, or feels like you've been more caught up in expressing your identity while hers has been slipping away. I definitely don't think you should start freaking out at the public to (supposedly) show strength, or that your wife should return to her teenage wardrobe to feel girly again. But if you could persuade her that inner strength is more important than letting anger get the better of you, and remind her that she's more of a goddess now than she's ever been, maybe that could be a basis to bring you closer together and find a solution?

A big feature of the recent Paris fashion week has been the androgynous look for women. On the one hand it seems helpful in opening up freestyling fashion and the androgynous look for men too, but on the other hand where are the heels? Is this trend positive or negative for fashion freestyle heeling? What do you think?

Congratulations HappyFeat! We spend a lot of time feeling like we have to choose between heels or the other things we want in life, so it's inspiring to hear that things can all come together. Having to update your wardrobe to a few sizes smaller is a nice problem to have, though it's just as well our shoe-size doesn't change along with our waistline. It seems we're genetically optimised to a lifetime of collecting shoes!

All the photos in the original post vanished, so in a shameless act of vanity here they are again as attachments: