SleekHeels

HappyInHeels, I couldn't resist checking out the Bakers platform sandals and my favourites would be the Rayne ones, especially the tan and the purple:

http://www.bakersshoes.com/p-188903-RAYNE.aspx?c=594

It takes a lot of self-control to go with the dream fit over the look, but the more I wear heels the more I realise that ultimately it's the ones that fit that you wear and enjoy the most.

Yes, I consider myself so lucky to be a UK7 for the style choice that's available. I really feel for those who have to search so much harder for larger sizes, especially looking for stylish everyday options and not just flat/kitten-heels or fetish styles (nothing against them, they're just not everyone's look). I hope things have been improving over the years and continue to do so. I do find that Aldo size 7's tend to be a quite a squeeze for me - my red Atlantic City were practically unwearable and looked horrible on my feet at least, while my beige Sarnia with their rounder toes fit better (but still a bit tight) and look really cute. By the time I'd saved up for the silver Tienen they'd long gone, which is a shame because I really liked the strap styling on those and might just have got away with a size 7. The one pair of Dune shoes I have are practically unwearable too, and they're slingbacks so maybe it's more down to the width. Apart from those two brands, most others fit fine.

I've only recently started trying on heels in the store. Before that, I remember getting a range of reactions, mostly neutral but sometimes negative or occasionally even positive. What I regret is that I've usually made the purchase regardless of the reaction, because my fear of being discovered took away my dignity.

Since being more open about the heels being for me, I'd be far more inclined to agree with HappyFeat and speak with my money, leaving the store if I'm not treated respectfully. I thought admitting it and trying on heels in the store would destroy my dignity even more, but actually it's rejuvenated it. Being more open has given me the confidence to take the initiative in being polite to the sales assistants and to other customers, and if I can leave them thinking "wow, he was a nicer customer than that rude woman who was here this morning" or "Oh! Guys who wear heels seem quite nice" then that's just as satisfying as owning a new pair of heels (and I got to have fun trying them on too).

Welcome spacex. I agree the "pervert" reaction to guys in heels doesn't do justice. Women in heels have had to deal with the "tart" reaction too. Fortunately the members and moderators on the forum here see beyond this heel prejudice and inspire us all to present our heels in the most positive and progressive way. Looking forward to your posts. Do you wear your heels in public? What are your favourite styles?

Great find heelguy, the year to track them down was well worth the wait, they look really go on you. Have you stopped gazing down at them yet? Awesome adventures too, heels and coffee with the girls sounds like heaven!

Well, TBG! You'll never know if a particular outfit will work for you until to try it out. I must say you've impressed me yet again with your boldness in your outings. White thigh boots! Wow! Don't know if I'd have the nerve to do something like that! I am impressed. What impressed me all the more was how you garnered so little attention in the outfits you sported, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised since I attract no more attention in my own outfits. Bravo to you, my friend.

I have to echo JeffB's comments, your outfits sound way bolder than I'd feel able to pull off, and I'm amazed how much acceptance and non-reaction you seem to get going about your normal daily business. I can only guess that's because you've really thought about how you put your outfits together so you feel comfortable and stylish in them and wear them with confidence. That's a really positive attitude.

I like the way you've used the white shirt to make the contrast of the white boots work with the black pants and blazer, and the denim with the grey turtleneck sounds like it coordinates great with the boots too.

Why is it that being manly is questioned when a man wants to wear or is wearing high heels, especially stilettos? A woman can wear almost anything she chooses, including men's attire, and still her femininity is kept socially intact. It is a double standard, but this is the reality we are unjustly strapped with.

I'm not so sure. I think a girl who is branded a "tom-boy" can face just as much social stigma as a boy branded a "sissy". The difference seems to be the privileged status of men in society, such that masculinity is associated with empowerment while femininity is associated with disempowerment. I believe equality isn't just about women emulating men to be successful, or men emulating women being failiures, but rather redefining the values we place on masculine and feminine qualities.

Maybe that's what's been motivating me to wear my heels more publicly recently. For me as a guy, wearing heels is an expression of the aspiration to value femininity equally as a society and not just define success in masculine terms... and perhaps a sucessful woman wears her heels to express the same aspirations?

Sure, most men probably are a nightmare to shop with... but then ask "most men" to hold your handbag and they'll treat it like it just fell in sewage, or ask "most men" to go buy you some nail varnish and they can't do it, but put all the colours in spraycans in a car repair shop and they'll bore your ass off picking the right one.

Men are generally conditioned to be ignorant of "women's stuff", and maybe women are generally conditioned to accept (or even encourage) that ignorance whether they like it or not. If we choose to make the effort to overcome that state of affairs is down to us.

As for Matthew9542's original request, maybe a picture of the dress (check the label, find the website?) might inspire some helpful recommendations.

Thank you all for the encouraging comments. Verisimile, I bought them for around £12 ($20) in the end of season sale at a clothing store called Peacocks here in the UK a year or two ago. They were a lucky find and it really helps that I'm a size UK7 which is a pretty mainstream size. They are really comfortable to wear and walk in, though my calf muscles needed a good stretch after wearing them all day and walking longer distances than I'm used to in heels. Thighbootguy, I'd definitely like to build up to wearing my jeans tucked into my boots one day. I think it's a great look but I'd struggle to find a pair of jeans which I could wear both ways - perhaps when I build up the confidence I'll go with my skinny jeans. It's interesting that tucked-in knee-high boots feature widely in a lot of eastern-European traditional costumes for men, so maybe if the fashion designers create a folk revival on the high street the look could become more widely accepted.... but then why wait to follow a trend when it's far more fun to take the lead!

Well, I finally managed my first proper heeling adventure this week. Wow, it was cool. I wore my brown wedge boots (http://www.hhplace.org/attachments/everybody/12175d1299728486-boot_photo_shoot-brown_wedge_boots.jpg) under dark blue bootcut jeans (slightly longer than the ones in the photo), a light brown t-shirt and dark brown v-neck jumper... all womenswear but I wasn't trying to masquerade as girl, just a guy with a stylish and feminine edge. Most importantly I felt comfortable within myself, if somewhat apprehensive.

Anyway, I spent the first part of the day at the library studying. I wore flats to get there and changed into my boots as soon as I arrived. I had to walk through some quite busy areas with lots of people around. I felt especially self-conscious walking up stairs with people behind me, but that was quite an exciting feeling. I don't think anyone even noticed at all, or if they did there was no reaction whatsoever. Of course sitting in the study area for a few hours was pretty unevenful.

I had fully intended to change back into my flats before leaving, but I found myself really wanting to keep the boots on and continue the adventure... so at 4pm in broad daylight I found myself walking about a mile through town in my boots. The most anxious moments were crossing the road at traffic signals where I had to stop and stand still for a while and then walk infront of stopped cars. I made it to a book store where I spent about half an hour browsing in different departments. I really wanted to go to the bookstore cafe but I didn't have time (definitely next time though).

Reading this back it sounds far more boring than I expected my first adventure to be, and it turned out to be a really normal day with no comments/remarks (positive/negative) at all... but actually it was a real buzz. I was surprised how invisible I was, and I guess it really helped to choose a safe location and an appropriate outfit (though I appreciate that's not everyone's preferred approach, it worked for me). It'd be great to get a "nice shoes" comment next time, though maybe I need to wear a slightly more ambitious pair of heels to deserve that.

That's a great suggestion Histiletto. Taking her shoe-shopping to choose her gift and giving her all the attention, she'll love that... and as a HHPlace member you're hardly going to find that a boring experience, are you?

Maybe she's perceiving mixed signals when you ignore public reactions (which she sees as weakness) but confront her reactions (which she sees as strength). From your perspective it's probably the opposite: it takes a lot of strength to be who you want to be regardless of public reactions, and maybe it's a moment of weakness when you get angry at her because she's important to you and her acceptance really means something to you. I guess what you both have in common is not living up to gender stereotypes, you because you're challenging them, and her because she was immersed in her femininity and now she feels like she's had to give that up. If you like wearing heels and skirts because it expresses a part of your identity, for her as a woman it must be a huge loss of identity to feel like she can't wear that girly stuff any more. Maybe she even feels a little resentment that you've been so accepting of her "decline" from the pinnacle of girliness, or feels like you've been more caught up in expressing your identity while hers has been slipping away. I definitely don't think you should start freaking out at the public to (supposedly) show strength, or that your wife should return to her teenage wardrobe to feel girly again. But if you could persuade her that inner strength is more important than letting anger get the better of you, and remind her that she's more of a goddess now than she's ever been, maybe that could be a basis to bring you closer together and find a solution?

A big feature of the recent Paris fashion week has been the androgynous look for women. On the one hand it seems helpful in opening up freestyling fashion and the androgynous look for men too, but on the other hand where are the heels? Is this trend positive or negative for fashion freestyle heeling? What do you think?

Congratulations HappyFeat! We spend a lot of time feeling like we have to choose between heels or the other things we want in life, so it's inspiring to hear that things can all come together. Having to update your wardrobe to a few sizes smaller is a nice problem to have, though it's just as well our shoe-size doesn't change along with our waistline. It seems we're genetically optimised to a lifetime of collecting shoes!

All the photos in the original post vanished, so in a shameless act of vanity here they are again as attachments:

I voted "I'd wear them if the occasion called for them" but I figure wanting to look and feel good is certainly a suitable occasion and would be most days. I wouldn't wear them all the time though. The other night I wore my new heels for maybe a 1km walk on my way home, and it felt good but kind of stupid too... if wearing heels was more accepted I'd probably wear them more but be more sensible about it and carry a pair of flats for walking longer distances so I can enjoy my heels more at other times.

I had my third shopping experience a few days ago. I wore my bootcut jeans (mens) with my flat biker boots (womens) over sheer tights. There were some grey suedette courts with a 5" heel and 1" platform I had in mind, but I browsed for a while and found some other styles that I tried on too - a couple of pairs of court shoes, a pair of ankle boots and even a pair of knee-high boots.

I spent a while trying them all on, standing up and checking them out in the mirror. Quite a few other customers started browsing nearby and trying shoes on, and I (and they) just carried on as normal. Unlike the previous time, this time I decided to keep on whatever shoes I was trying and walk to the various displays to put shoes back and pick another pair to try. That certainly made me more visible to other customers but it all felt very relaxed and natural - it's kind of a relief to not be pretending they're for someone else.

The grey ones (photo attached) looked and felt great so I bought those, but I didn't wear them out of the store (I'd love to one day). All in all a really enjoyable shopping experience. It was almost disappointing not to be noticed - a positive comment from a fellow shopper would really make my day, but I'll just have to keep an eye out for the opportunity to make someone else's day with a nice comment from me instead of being all "me! me! me!" in my heels.

It's great to hear so many positive experiences from other members too, I'd never have started trying on in the store without that support. It's not just that we feel good within ourselves by doing it, but also by creating a positive image with the sales assistants and other customers we can only be making it easier for those following in our tentative footsteps. Even after only 3 times, it just doesn't seem like the big deal we build it up to be beforehand. If it's something you really want to do then find a store you feel comfortable and welcome in and, like bernheels says, "Go for it".

Hi Scrappy, Thanks for being so open and honest about a difficult situation.

Reading your post and the replies made me wonder if maybe your wife's outbursts go hand-in-hand with her efforts to bottle it up inside at other times (at a guess maybe for the good of the kids or even your relationship?). Vindictive actions can often be a cover for insecurity or feeling overwhelmed with a problem. I guess how you approach her depends if you still see a good person within her behind those public reactions.

The other impression I got is that your wife has a negative association with heels regardless of you wearing them. Does she think "tart!" when she sees another woman wearing heels or dressed nicely? Is it possible she doesn't feel positive about her own body image (media pressure often makes sure of that), which might make her jealous of other women or even of you... not necessarily the look, but even just envious of the self-confidence (not realising the years of inner turmoil it's taken to get there).

It's strange, us guys are usually the ones who are renowned for suppressing our feelings and being outwardly aggressive, but I guess sometimes "the shoe's on the other foot" so to speak.

Sorry if any of my comments are totally off the mark. I really wish you and your wife all the best for figuring things out.

How could I forget these blue ones:

Those Aldo Mugrage boots look very smart, and a great excuse to get healthy. I've always found Aldo shoes to fit really small but I've never tried their boots.

I have one pair of synthetic boots which are a real struggle to get in/out of (no side zip) but I can just about get into them with just sheer tights, no other way. Most of my other boots have a side-zip and are a snug fit but they just about take leggings or skinny-jeans tucked in with no socks (just tights or thin trainer liners). It does seem to vary a lot from style to style - great excuse to try on lots of boots in the store once you feel confident enough.

For exercises I've found the "calf toning" one here good:

http://www.womens-health-questions.com/strength-toning-women.html

and it's also great to climb stairs whenever you get the chance (office buildings, shopping centres, metro stations). I think I read somewhere it's better to put your foot flat on each step and feel your leg muscles doing the work.

Enjoy your boots!

Welcome. I totally agree, it's not just wearing heels, shopping for them is a lot of fun too. What styles do you wear (apart from the obvious "peeptoez")? Do you wear your heels regularly in public? When you're shopping do you admit that the heels are for you (and try them on)?

What I like now is the diversity - there are flats/heels, platforms/non-platforms, round/pointy toes, stilettos/wedges, etc. I may only like 10% of what's in the store, but someone else will like a different 10% - it's nice to have the choice, and long may it continue. I really didn't like platforms at first, or round-toes, but the last pair of shoes I bought were round-toe platforms and I'm loving them. I think I'd buy shoes much less often if the stores just stumbled from one fashion clone to the next without giving styles a chance to evolve.

I'd already worn heels in public but I always felt the need to try to create the whole feminine appearance to blend in, and to avoid any social interaction (just evening walks in safe quiet locations). This forum's really inspired me to integrate my heels into my guy appearance, and given me the confidence to try on heels in the store and admit to the sales assistant that they're for me. Whether we wear our heels with an "in your face" attitude or take a more subtle approach, or even if it's a private thing and we're struggling to confide in a partner or just accept it within ourselves... either way it does take a lot of courage, and the mutual respect between people on the forum really makes a world of difference.

Apart from myself, I don't personally know any other men who do.

I think for me it's not just which department I enjoy shopping in (the men's department generally bores me) and which clothes I enjoy wearing, but how I go shopping too. I used to buy my heels like a guy buys stuff (know what I want, go to the store, buy it, leave) but since starting to try on heels in the store I've really enjoyed browsing more and trying on different styles.

Thanks for the responses and comments. Reflecting on that I think I'm concluding that I used to be a lot more obsessive on minor details like that. I'd often either make a bad purchase because I was blinded by a detail I really liked, or miss out on a really great pair of shoes because some little detail put me off. The round heel was a bit like that for me at first but I'm warming to it now.