SleekHeels

...more of them are stood up in my wardrobe..I need to look at them when I open it.

That's so true, it's so lovely to open the wardrobe and see high-heeled boots and shoes all lined up. Like you also said in another thread: "Not only the pleasure consists of wearing them but also of looking at them. Even if they are out of view, you know you own them still". I like your sentiment very much - we wear our high-heels with our minds, not just with our feet.

anyway, three years ago I decided to collect quality, not quantity

For sure wearing real leather boots can be much more comfortable than cheaper synthetic materials, but this makes boots quite expensive which limits the quantity for me (also boots take up so much space!). I bought most of my boots from high street stores in the spring when their price is reduced. I have maybe 10 pairs (from ankle boots to just below the knee) which I collected over the last 15 years, so not even one pair of boots per year on average (but it's not a competition, is it? ). They averaged maybe £50 per pair... boots definitely push my bargain-hunting powers to the limit.

Perhaps this is mostly directed at people who work in shoe stores (though as customers we'll all have our opinions too)... what pleasant or annoying habits do customers have in shoe stores? The reason I ask is that when I've been trying on heels in self-service stores, I always put pairs back in their proper places, but many customers just leave a mountain of shoes in the trying-on area for the assistant to sort out and put back. I'm just thinking that if there are nice things we can do as customers, would that create a more positive image of guys trying on heels and help us be more welcome in stores?

I've had a couple of recent shopping experiences buying my New Shoes.

I bought the grey ones one evening, and spent about half an hour in the store trying on various other pairs including a couple of other court shoes, a pair of black ankle boots and a pair of taller black boots (just below the knee). Various other customers were browsing and trying on and nobody seemed to notice me at all. This was the first time I kept heels on as I walked to the racks to put shoes back or get other ones to try.

I bought the black ones one lunchtime. It was quite busy with the lunchtime rush so I just browsed for a while to see what styles I wanted to try and if they had them in my size. After the main rush was over I took a couple of pairs to one of the seating areas and tried them on. I've attached a selection of the ones I picked out to try. My seating area didn't have any mirrors nearby so I had to walk past other seating areas to get to a mirror. Talk about high visibility - I was definitely noticed by a few other customers but I didn't get any hostile stares, just discrete and slightly surprised glances. (I wonder how many "You wouldn't believe what I saw this lunchimte" conversations happened later that day?). In the end I preferred the black slingbacks so I bought them. The other pair which would have really tempted me was a pair of cream/tan peeptoes which I'd tried at another branch, but I couldn't find them to try on again.

That's 6 or 7 shopping experiences so far, and each time I come away thinking what I could do better... I need to get over that "rabbit in the headlights" feeling and smile a bit more. I've found that what outfit I'm wearing makes a big difference - and going for a more androgynous look (but still a guy) makes me feel more comfortable and confident.

I hope that helps someone thinking about taking that bold first step in a store.

These are the toes from my New Shoes.

Personally I think the black ones have too much toe cleavage, especially worn barefoot, though tights help a bit. It wouldn't put me off wearing them as I think the overall look of the shoes is nice from other angles, though it did make me think twice about buying them.

The grey ones have a nicer amount of toe cleavage I think.

These are my latest purchases. I love the grey suedette ones because the colour and texture provide a softer contrast for pale winter legs (though tan tights help). They have a 1¼" platform with a 5" heel. Despite having a few black shoes in my collection none were slingbacks or platforms, so the black slingback platforms fill that gap nicely. They have a 1½" platform with a 5½" heel.

Welcome! Your work boots must do a good job looking after your feet, and it must make it all the more special when you do manage to slip into your heels. What are your favourite styles? Do you have to do most of your shoe-shopping on the web, or are there plenty of opportunties for "real" shoe-shopping too? Enjoy the forum.

Humanity's always had a need to polarise gender, and perhaps with 20th century developments in gender equality, working practices (more office/shop jobs) and mass media culture like cinema/television, the emphasis on fashion has been a reaction to that. With new manufacturing materials (synthetics like nylon) and construction (of course, the stiletto heel in the 50's) maybe women were just in the right place at the right time to get most of the shoe/fashion attention.

Although there has been a backlash against the "trappings of femininity" like high heels, the polarisation of gender persists as it always has done, it just expresses itself in different ways at different times and places... as Histiletto says: "Society is suppose to be a result of its people, not its people the result of a society".

I think something as arbitrary as who wears the trousers, cosmetics (e.g. ancient Egypt) or heels is all relative/transient and there's no "right" or "wrong" about it. What we can do is present ourselves positively to give others every chance to feel the same way about that.

Unfortunately yes. Amongst the current trends for women there seems to be a move towards casual menswear, checked shirts, rough jeans, workstyle boots etc. Being the old fashioned git I am I prefer women to look like women.

Maybe the women prefer than I look like a man.....hmmmmm

You hit the nail on the head Walkonit... for fashion freedom there are two sides to the coin.

They are very pretty, I love that style of ankle strap that crosses over at the back.

I voted "no" but that's just my personal preference to be clean-shaven as part of an overall look I feel comfortable with. But if others can make the look work then good luck to them.

I think it's interesting how the other gender-related issues came up under this particular thread. I mean, men have a free choice of whether to grow a bear or not, but to an extent women have facial and body hair quite naturally but they go to great efforts and expense to eradicate it under immense social pressure. It just goes to show how strong cultural norms are over our natural state (can you imagine birds pulling all their feathers out to look "beautiful"?). As for heels, they're an entirely cultural creation, it's no more "natural" for one gender to wear them over another. However, the fact remains that I shouldn't be at all surprised if my wife thinks I look silly in stilettos or classifies me as a transvestite for wearing them, because that's the cultural norm, but I'd hope we could avoid hostilities and discuss the matter openly and come to a compromise that respects each others feelings.

And yes, sometimes I do feel "silly" wearing heels, not because of society's reaction to guys wearing them (women in heels can get lots of disapproval from other women too), but because in certain situations they're just totally impractical (like walking on cobbled streets) or even dangerous (clack-clack-clacking alone on a dark street at night)... and women might feel silly in heels for just the same reasons.

Finally, it's impossible to separate fashion from gender - just about every clothing store is divided into mens/womens, and even this forum "for the girls" and "for the guys"... sometimes issues around heels will cross those gender boundaries and challenge them, and on the whole the moderators do a difficult job well to distinguish this from CD/TV/TS-specific issues.

I think the first pair are the nicest shoes, but they do look a little too formal with those trousers - a slightly more smart-casual pair of cropped trousers might go better, and a slightly darker colour (tan, light-brown/capuccino, or stonewashed blue denim) could provide some subtle contrast and work well with a top to match the colour of the shoes. Otherwise if you're sticking with lighter coloured trousers go for a white top. Hope you find a look that works for you.

I did a similar test once and it scored me towards the female side of the spectrum. At this point my Y chromosome should've taken over with a couple of expletives and a loud fart, but my vastly more intelligent X chromosome won over and I decided it's quite a compliment and I felt rather flattered and good about myself as a human being

I think I'd also feel uncomfortable with 20 staff around... that's just unlucky timing. If you're not trying them on then a busy time is best as you'll just be another customer in the queue. For trying on I've found the best times are early afternoon (after the lunchtime rush but before the schoolkids hit the mall) or late evening (but not too close to closing time), though it depends on the store and the location.

I still sometimes walk out of a store because I don't feel comfortable, either because I picked a bad time (live and learn) or because the store didn't create a welcoming environment - they're the ones who have failed and should feel embarassed if they can't make all their customers feel welcome.

To get your red shoes, pop into the store again on a few different occasions and see if you get lucky and feel comfortable enough one time (maybe wear tights - even if you don't try the shoes on, they might help you feel more like you're not in the wrong department)... I'm sure we'll all look forward to a success story and a photo of the shoes of course!

hhboots, "the only try on station is a big island right in the middle of the store" used to fill me with dread too, but the last couple of times I've thrown myself into it and it was great! (I'll post as soon as I take some photos).

It sounds like you asking her to wear heels so much and admiring other women wearing heels has made her feel second-place to the shoes, and she sees them in a different light now. Surely she wants you to love her, not her shoes or other clothes.

Perhaps you need to build her confidence that you love her unconditionally.

Walkonit, I think you are so right about that... make her feel loved without any expectations beyond that, and even if she never rediscovers her heels again at least you'll have done something for the relationship to get out of the stubborn stalemate.

@hhboots inspired me with his pictures. Together with my wife we decided to buy Aldo Franchette (UK 7 and UK 9). And so here there is a picture of these beauties

That's a beautiful tangle of legs in high heels, you both look very pretty in your shoes.

Any ideas why she's gone off them so much, legs777777 ?

When you said:

I still have some of the scars as a reminder not to say anything.

my wife has a nice collection of heels but wish she would wear them more often. any suggestions on how to get her in them more without just bugging her all the time.

Same problem here, wifes very stubborn, any suggestions eagerly welcome.

This reminded me of another post, so I posted my reply there: http://www.hhplace.org/guys/19303-who_s_been_caught_looking_another_womans_heels.html . Basically do things to try to make it easier for her to wear heels by removing the difficulties (surely if the phrase "put yourself in her shoes" applies anywhere, it applies here!).

If any one has some constructive suggestions on the art of persuasion of my good lady, without the fear of the silent treatment for weeks on end, I would obviously be very grateful. For the time being I will need to carry on wishing and looking.

Is it possible that she might wear heels more if you encouraged her to wear them less? What I mean is, if she's thinking of wearing heels out (say, to dinner) but she's put off by having to walk any distance in them or have to carry an extra bag around so she can wear her flats and change into them... instead of saying "wear them! wear them! wear them!" maybe you could offer to carry her shoe-bag for her so she can wear her flats and change into heels later - basically anything you can do to actually make it easier for her to wear heels rather than just encourage her to put up with the difficulties. I'm clutching at straws, but maybe that'll give you some other ideas.

You are correct. I do enjoy the reactions I get from my female friend when she sees me wearing high heels. But, at least in my mind, she does act differently with me when wearing and not wearing high heels. Maybe treated differently might have been the wrong way to ask this. But at least in my case, I do notice a differnece in her.

I like your question a lot... it makes us think about positive and negative aspects of being treated differently, and the reactions we'd like compared to the reactions we get.

I know my wife loves me and is very understanding of my way of life, although I mentioned in an earlier post that I get the sense she is not always fully comfortable with this at all times. I do make a significant effort to ensure I don't look like a complete ass when I heel with my wife and I want to come across looking as natural and comfortable doing it as possible. I try hard to I put her feelings first and if there is ever a time that I feel she is embarrassed while she is with me, I would seriously reconsider doing it in the future.

That's so important. Sometimes we can be so self-absorbed in our heeling (and get so used to feeling isolated by the negative reactions to it) that we forget to actually be sensitive to the needs of our loved ones. If we're so caught up thinking we're breaking barriers down when we're actually putting barriers up withour realising it, maybe that could be a part of why we're treated differently.

Welcome! What other styles of heels do you like to wear now? Are heels very popular in Finland, or is it very rare to see them? Enjoy sharing your high-heel experiences on the forum.

Glad to hear you're enjoying your heels and looking after your feet. Have fun and enjoy the forum.

Welcome Stilettos72, Your first outing sounds fun. What shoes did you wear? And just as important, how did it feel? Did you Halloween experience help to give you confidence?

....specific childhood incidents or parental voices regarding your current state of affairs regarding heeling?

The only specific childhood event I remember is watching the movie "Grease" and clicking with the symbolism of the heels... but that movie didn't have the same effect on everyone who watched it, so it was all context really. It probably boils down to a sense of injustice, both at home (angry dad whose approval was impossible to win) and at school (teachers blind to all the bullying going on). The message was that bullies are the winners/heroes, and I concluded that what is right/wrong has little to do with what society approves/disapproves of.

Maybe wearing heels as a child was an escape from the turmoil, maybe a bit of rebellion against the norms/expectations of society, and also a way of keeping a connection between my self-esteem and the qualities I cherished most (kindness, sensitivity, compassion, empathy, encouragement - basically nurturing qualities which are traditionally feminine but actually they're just good qualities). Either way, wearing heels felt like an expression of something "right" but "disapproved" and therefore something I had to do but had to also keep secret - just the ingredients for a sense of childhood isolation.

It all seemed quite fragmented at the time, with forces pulling me apart in all directions, but looking back now it seems quite a coherent picture, and I feel a sense of peace about it. As for the current state of affairs, I think wearing heels has kept that sense of right/wrong and those nurturing qualities alive, and wanting to wear my heels in public is a kind of celebration of that and an expression of positive aspiration and respect/admiration for femininity.. not that society sees it that way of course.

Wow, I did it - I stayed on topic - well, I hope I did.

The question "are you treated any differently?" makes me also wonder: "Do you want to be treated differently?". Sure on the one hand we want to just be accepted and be treated no differently at all... but if wearing heels is an expression of how we feel inside, don't we want that to be recognised and acknowledged, and in that repsect being treated differently is part of the acceptance?

Hi Kit and welcome. What type of boots were you looking for? Did you find them? What kinds of heels do you like? Enjoy the forum