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Tom-NL

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Posts posted by Tom-NL

    Sardines

    in HHPlace Cafe! - General chit chat

    Posted

    With Amanda away, what other women have you got? And only one of you so far wants to come and snuggle up with me. Are you men or mice? Or perhaps you're just rubbish at finding..

    You remind me of an old DOS game: Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?

    No need to feel like you are standing in the shadow of Miss Amanda: your contributions are appreciated just as much.

    And there could be one other possible reason: maybe we have cold feet? ;)

    Heels And Parents.

    in For the guys

    Posted

    Tom,

    Please let me explain better. My logic is that his mother has a vision of her son dressed in very feminine clothes and shoes and is repulsed by it. She hasn't considered any possibility that there is a middle ground of "conservative" heels, women's bootcut jeans, women's shirts, and underwear that LiveAndLearn (LAL) might wear and look great in as a guy. If she is exposed to this kind of outfit at first, and is accepting of what she sees, then LAL can push the envelope slowly from there. It's like getting a foot in the door, so to speak. If LAL were to suddenly come into his mother's presence all decked out in femme clothes and stilettos, that's his mother's expectation and it would definitely be the wrong thing to do. So I advocate a slow and steady approach that is considerate of his mother and yet allows him to wear clothes for the gender he prefers.

    (snip)

    Steve

    Steve,

    I agree with you that LaL's mother probably has some sort of vision. And I would suggest that LaL would first try to establish exactly what that image is, and make sure instead of guess (although our guesses will most likely be more or less correct). After that, he is in a much better position to start adressing her vision specifically. That gives a better chance of being able to take her fears away. After that has been done, he might be able to show her how the reality of her son in heels looks.

    Easy does it - not telling her you love her, and then confronting her without warning with what she has expressed concerns about seeing.

    Thanks Steve and Tom, it's really thought-provoking to hear your perspectives and I can kind of see where both of you are coming from. I can only imagine that the root of LiveAndLearn's mother's distress isn't so much in the shoes themselves but in all the additional connotations and stereotypes that they imply in her mind and that's what she can't bear. I think just wearing the heels in front of her and letting her figure out how to deal with it might be too much of a leap to ask of her (after all, how many years of inner turmoil does it take us to figure things out for ourselves). I'd be inclined to find out her fears and address those first - for example if she associates high-heels in general (or specifically guys wearing them) with immorality, reassure her that wearing your heels doesn't erode your morality, if anything it's an expression of your inner qualities that you and your mother both value. If you can establish some common ground first then maybe that will help her learn to feel more comfortable with seeing you wearing your heels (if that's what you want). Try to make it a mutual step forwards for both of you, and not just your gain at her loss (or vice-versa). Ultimately both Tom and Steve mention "communication" and that's really the key. I really hope you find the right path.

    SleekHeels,

    You have worded what I intended to say, but much better than I have actually done. I completely agree with you.

    Heels And Parents.

    in For the guys

    Posted

    Me and my mother were talking today, and we were talking about my makeup / nail polish wearing, and she said she accepts that which we understood years ago, however she said out of the blue "It's if you start wearing heels and female clothing I can't bare. I won't stop loving you, you have to be you, we would never kick you out, and I accept you for it, but I just can't bare the thought of it."

    LiveAndLearn,

    You have a golden opportunity here. You have your mother's unconditional love. All you need to do is push the envelope VERY slowly. Start with conversation. Tell your mother how much that love and acceptance means to you. She'll be more relaxed. Begin to wear very conservative heels (low, block heels) in front of her occasionally. Let her get used to it, especially if you keep your clothes well coordinated, making it a good look. The more exposure you give her the more quickly she'll adapt. Keep the channels of communication open and keep talking to your mother often about your choice of clothing. Ask for her opinion on what you wear. Bond with your mom and give her every assurance your love for her won't waver, but you want your own space to do your own thing. She'll love you for it. And you can get away with more and more! Just watch her body language and don't push too fast or she'll be uncomfortable. Good luck.

    Steve

    I don't agree completely with Steve's advice.

    In LiveAndLearn's quoted post, his mother makes it very clear that she would be quite uncomfortable when he would start wearing heels. Now Steve advises LiveAndLearn to (i) tell his mother how much her love and acceptance means to him (good advise), and (ii) to start wearing very conservative heels in front of her occasionally (this is the part I don't agree with).

    His mother tells him her feelings about it, he tells her he loves her, and then would do exactly what his mother expressed having difficulty with. It must seem contradictory and hence confusing to her.

    I don't have a good solution to the situation, but I think this advice isn't the right thing to do.

    But keeping the channels of communication open and keeping talking to your mother is very good advice, and maybe that opens the possibility to find out *why* your mother is having so much problems with you wearing heels, instead of guessing why. When you know the "why", then you can start to address her concerns and may be able to take them away.

    Check Up Time!

    in Stories with a high heel theme

    Posted

    First of all: I wish you a full and speedy recovery, without any complications. Second: great post! Although you were probably lucky that Darian wasn't accompanying you, or you could have been dragged away by your ear (or was it your arm?) yet again.

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