Wolfgang Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 do you ever feel a bit strange and uncomfortable in wearing them in certain public circumstances and not in others? For clarity, I'm female, but I am very well in-touch with my masculine side, dress it occasionally, but I like to go back and forth and between to different degrees. I feel really uncomfortable with wearing heels to school - perhaps because it's mostly my masc. side that shows most there, and that's how people know me - but when I go to the mall, to my college class, or out to a place I've never been before, I have no problem at all...I wear my heels and I feel very happy and important. Discuss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeiee Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Wolfgang, For starters, I'm a guy...So feeling odd about wearing heels in different situations if fairly normal for me. The times I feel most uneasy is when I'm somewhere specifically aimed at children or 'extremely manly' places Like the children's museum. Or auto parts store...hardware store...etc. It's unusual enough for a guy to wear heels but when you do it in a place like this it's especially uncomfortable due to the stereotypes out there. When I'm with the kids and in heels, people look at me very funny...almost like they not only disapprove of my footwear selection but then the HORROR of exposing my 'impressionable little ones' to this 'deviant behavior!!' But what's really funny about this is that when we're all together with my wife, no one seems to care at all. Expecially if she's in heels as well! In your situation I would imagine it's somewhat similar. With all things there is a time and place for certain image and clothing. Typically it's a matter of us all being conditioned to 'fit in' beginning in early childhood. (Blue for baby boys and pink for girls...) If everyone else is wearing jeans and t's, and you show up wearing a suit, you don't fit in anymore. And likewise, if you're invited somewhere and show up in jeans and a t, and everyone else is in suits and ties, you will feel uncomfortable as well. So in your situation I don't think it would be too far fetched for your feelings to be rather normal. Think about it...In school, (I'm guessing your in high school??) you're among the people you have grown up with. They know a 'certain you' and have developed expectations of your dress, attitude, speech, etc. You feed those expectations in an effort to fit into what YOU think THEY expect you to look and act like. And when you deviate you are probably ribbed some from your classmates. As you mature they are expressing their discomfort with your changes through verbal and physical queues (through furtive glances..smirks...etc.) I honestly don't think it's a "masculine side" issue at all. It's an adolescence issue. You're maturing and people are noticing it. You're trying to develop your own persona, and heels are becoming part of that. And the people who have known you without heels recognize this change and are not 100% comfortable with it. They WANT the 'OLD YOU' that they've known, and are comfortable with, back. This is VERY normal and is, very simply, a fear of change. And we're all susceptible to this. Sidebar... One of the greatest challenges for any employer is change management. Many employees get comfortable with the 'status quo' and when change happens, they resist. But change MUST happen and the more comfortable you are with change, the more useful to a company you will be. This is why so many companies release their older employees first...They're settled in their ways and resist change while younger employees are more interested in change because it brings excitement and challenge. Many younger employees thrive on this change and hence, are more valuable and better performing. Back to heels though When you go to your college class you arrive in a more adult environment. Hence wearing heels feels more appropriate because most professional females wear heels of some type while in either a work or educational environment. So all of a sudden, you fit in. Also, the people there don't know you as well as your peers at school. They don't have pre-concieved notions of your persona and are learning you for the first time. You sense this and react accordingly, and in the case of heels, you are more comfortable because they are generally expected in this environment. When you're at the mall you're in a fashion driven environment. And ladies fashion today is heels. Period. I don't care what ANYONE says, ballet flats are OUT OUT OUT!!! Same with the dreaded, yet endeared, thong sandals. YUK!! There's also a strong sense of independence and you do not expect to run into your school peers there either. So, taking all this into consideration and you're more comfy there. When you go places you've never been before your comfortable because the people you meet there do not have pre-concieved expectations of you. This allows you to be more feminine without the peer pressure you feel at school. You don't know them and they don't know ANY of your history. They are getting their first impression and you want to portray a young adult, not an adolescent teen. Again, this is VERY normal. Well, I've rambled on enough. Hope this helps you to understand what you're feeling and why. What's happening is change...In your ideals, persona, outlook and desires. How you react to your peers will determine whether the changes you want to invoke are accepted or rejected. You will have to reassure them that it's stiil the same you, just growing up. That's all And as they mature into adulthood, they too will change in their own ways. And if you want to retain them as friends it will be up to you to accept or reject them. If it's a TRUE friend, you will gladly accept any positive changes and help them through their struggles with negative changes they may experience. But that's another can of worms I refuse to open up on this board In summary, be yourself. If it's not going to harm you, physically, empotionally or professionally, wear what you like. You can not please everyone 100%. It's a statistical impossibility. So you please yourself first, then those you can second. The ones which are never satisfied you don't worry about. Happy Heeling!! Shoeiee "Heels aren't just for women anymore!!" Happy Heeling! Shoeiee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy N. Heels Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 do you ever feel a bit strange and uncomfortable in wearing them in certain public circumstances and not in others? For clarity, I'm female, but I am very well in-touch with my masculine side, dress it occasionally, but I like to go back and forth and between to different degrees. I feel really uncomfortable with wearing heels to school - perhaps because it's mostly my masc. side that shows most there, and that's how people know me - but when I go to the mall, to my college class, or out to a place I've never been before, I have no problem at all...I wear my heels and I feel very happy and important. Discuss. Hi Wolfie, I think you really are addressing image rather than your "masculine side". As you pointed-out, your schoolmates know you by a certain image that you seem to have established with them and now you're reluctant to "upset the apple cart". On the other hand, if you only present one image in certain circumstances, people might not even recognise you when you come in another guise. I would suggest that you might want to mix it up a little. Perhaps some heels and blue jeans to school once in a while. Keep on stepping, Guy N. Heels Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn HH Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 Wolfgang:-) I think that Shoelee expressed some great answers to your concerns and did a fantastic job doing it. This is splended advise for you to ponder in the future. Some great food for thought and to put into practice. Maturing from a teen to an adult is a most challenging time in ones life, but perhaps the most important time in molding ourselves for the future. Now is the time to make the most of it. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crotchboots-m Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 well,i am a guy that wears fetish boots and leather in public. but i use discretion...i wouldnt do it in a biker bar,construction site,etc. like they say,if you pee into the wind it gets on you.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpedup Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 I am a guy. With that being said, i do have a problem with ever exposing my love for wearing pumps to the world. My pump-wearing stays in my house, always! I treat it as any secret fetish, or personal thing that every human being has. I guess it's like my deepest-darkest secret, that i won't tell anyone that i know personally, but will tell people i don't know, such as you people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfgang Posted March 17, 2007 Author Share Posted March 17, 2007 When you go to your college class you arrive in a more adult environment. Hence wearing heels feels more appropriate because most professional females wear heels of some type while in either a work or educational environment. So all of a sudden, you fit in. Also, the people there don't know you as well as your peers at school. They don't have pre-concieved notions of your persona and are learning you for the first time. You sense this and react accordingly, and in the case of heels, you are more comfortable because they are generally expected in this environment. My college class has a lot of people dressed in sweats and flip-flops. Whether feminine or masculine, I don't wear pajamas outside the house. I think it's lazy and sometimes disrespectful. To the people there, I'm probably known for my jubilee of weird clothes - fancy coats, obscure band t-shirts, handmade jewelery, rare or juxtaposed clothing. Heels aren't much of a femininity thing as much as they are a power/sexy thing. I like being as tall as most guys or looking down, how much more my calves flex when I walk with heels than flat shoes, and I like the line of my feet [good thing about big feet, they arch nicely] I originally posted this in the TG-TV forum because I wanted to opinion of people who are mutable, gender-wise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jue Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 Big feet? Wolfgang, do you mind if I asked your shoe size? Why should girls have all the fun? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katrina Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 ...When you're at the mall you're in a fashion driven environment. And ladies fashion today is heels. Period. I don't care what ANYONE says, ballet flats are OUT OUT OUT!!!... That's funny. While I personally agree with you, I'd have to say that is not entirely true. I see a lot of ballet flats at shoe stores these days. My SO has been looking at several pairs and I have successfully convinced her not to buy them each time, but she keeps going back. I think they are the ugliest shoes and it really is the only place where we disagree on shoe cuteness. We joke about the "minimum heel requirement", but in actuality, I think that shoes should have a heel to begin with, even if it is only 1/2 inch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn HH Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 Katrina:-) I have seen some ballet flats made with a 1/2" heel available currently. Mickey just bought 2 pair from 2 different sources in 2 different colors. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katrina Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 Katrina:-) I have seen some ballet flats made with a 1/2" heel available currently. Mickey just bought 2 pair from 2 different sources in 2 different colors. Cheers--- Dawn HH My SO and I just went shopping today and I actually saw the ballet flats with the slight heel. I still don't care for the style all that much though, but they are an improvement over the completely flat ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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