How to understand "reframing"...

[kneehighs]

The theme of this thread is built around the strategy of reframing our cause...similar to one explored in my other thread, How to use the right words to advance our cause..

To get our "cause" accepted, (or any idea in life for that matter) we need to reframe how we articulate that cause. Here are a few visual illustrations of what I mean:

#1

On many occassions, people may see the old woman, the old steretype that a man who wears womens high heels is a fetishist without any fashion sense, a confused individual. But by reframing our cause, we can get them to see the young woman, societys new and fresh perspective of freestyle fashion.

#2

Some people may misjudge Fashion Freestylers to be gay. Not that there is anything wrong with being gay in the least, however, the stereotype is wrong. Just as at first glance, the lines in the picture may appear to be crooked and we may appear to be gay, through some careful and patient reframing, we can get others to look more closely at our situation. And just as when you look more closely at the above pic and reframe your perspective, you will see that the lines are "straight" and that your original impression or stereotype is wrong.

#3

"OMG, scary! A guy in heels is scary like that skull is creepy." But is it really a skull? Or is it two sophisticated Victorian's toasting a victory? Reframe carefully how we present our "cause" and we can get others to see the other side of the truth too.

#4

The problem is, by stereotyping, some people oversimplify how to understand us. Just as some people may just see the three shelves on the right at first glance, if we control the frame by which we discuss our cause, we can get others to see the 4 shelves on the left side of the picture too--that things require a bit more careful thought beyond first glance. Using the term "freestyle fashion" (while perhaps not the perfect term, yet) is a good way to start.

#5

Is it a rabbit or is it a duck? Is it a fetish or is it a "fashion"? Can you reframe the issue so others see the fashion side? If we explain things in terms of what we are moving away from and how its not a rabbit, what do they have to see first? The rabbit of course. But if we explain things by what we are moving towards first --that its a duck too-- we gain better ground by which to establish a credible cause.

#6

Is it a jazz musician or is it a beautiful young woman? Both views are true and both views can be "tolerated" within the same person. Our job is to reframe to get others to see our point of view, and even if they do decide to go back to their old ways, they at least understand where we are coming from and thus tolerate it.

#7

Outer lines in this pic resemble socially constructed symbols of femininity collapsing in our circle of high heel wearing men. Once you remove the socially constructed stereotypical symbols (outer triangular lines), you realize its a perfect circle on the inside and really arrive at the truth.

#8

See all the lines emanating from the center? They represent the millions of nurturant influences in a persons life that might cause them to temporarily dislike a man in high heels. One line is friends, another family, another a teacher, another a coach, etc. etc. Once people get past all that, they can see that whether we are wearing stilettos (top line) or block heels (bottom line), their original stereotype that high heels = gay if false. (again, nothing wrong with gay at all. One of my most beloved friends is a gay man and he cut me one of the biggest breaks I needed to make it in nyc).

The point is that stereotype that a man wearing heels is gay OR straight is totally incorrect. The stereotype that clothing affects sexual orientation is false!

#9

At first glance, the spiral is symbolic of a negative stereotype. But upon closer observation, its just a circle, like we knew all along.

I am personally 100% convinced that we can get anyone to "tolerate" fashion freestyling by first reframing how we communicate with ourselves about our fashion choices, and then reframing how we communicate that statement with others.

[Zero]

There is only one part I disagree. It is that kind of stereotype who never wants to learn the unknown or new seen appearances. Some kinds of stereotypes are never able to be convinced. Of course it will be a small group after all... I still think it is a very good descission to reframe our cause. I'm at your side from now on and I shall do my very best to explain the people asking me about wearing heels. Mostly I would say that I'm having fun with it even while being a hetero sexual person. If people ask me what am I proving then I'd tell them that I am not proving anything, but I am more likely putting up an example of people who are wanting to have fun in one way or another. Of course it is a very difficult matter to explain and I will think this over and over because you are right about the engage this gently. We musn't give the stereotypes the incorrect ideas.

[bluetango]

Kneehighs: I'm getting dizzy looking at the optical illusions. A very effective message! Zero: I agree that some people can never be won over. Too bad for them. They are the loosers. Most people will accept heel wearing if it is presented as a matter of personal choice and preference. They might not wear heels themselves, but at least they will accept others wearing heels.

[bluetango]

Here is a collection of responses from various posts on HHPlace as well as some originals. Rehearse these in your mind if you’re nervous about reactions. Then you’ll be able to answer without embarrassment if you are ever questioned about your fashion choice. Query: Are you gay? Response: No. Why do you ask? Do you fancy me? ( from Lindsay) Query: Are you gay? Response: No. I wear heels because it is fun. Because I like to wear them. Because they look good. Because I enjoy them. Query: Are those women’s shoes? Response: No, they are mine. I paid for them. All feet are the same. My feet don’t know if I am male or female. Q: Why do you wear women’s shoes? R: They’re not a woman’s shoes, they are mine. I like heels. They are classy and stylish. They look good with my outfit. Q: WTF? R: I like them. I get a kick out of wearing them. Have you ever tried heels? I bet you’d find them fun. Q: Aren’t you afraid women will be turned off? R: Perhaps some will. Many women approve. It is just fashion after all. Can you improve any of these? Do you have other replies that will reframe the issue? Share them with the heeling community. Post your thoughts here. Bluetango

[azraelle]

Judging from my own experiences, admittedly few and far between, they are (or could be) a way to meet interesting women--I have NEVER been complimented for wearing men's shoes or boots, but have received 3 such compliments (from women, and one from a guy as well), when wearing chunky (~3-1/2") heeled heeled boots.

[kneehighs]

I'm actually going to work on a Freestyle Fashion "manifesto". An Unofficial Commentary on Freestyle Fashion. It will frame our position cogently, persuasively, and elegantly. Once the rough draft is done, I'll post it here for feedback. My next goal is to find a wardrobe stylist to put together a photo shoot of Freestyle Fashion (I already have one who said they would do the idea. Know how I convinced them? b/c freestyle fashion is not tv, not cd, just men in heels), putting together really high end outfits with really good photography and models who know how to pose. Then the goal is to promote the commentary and the editorial as one package.

I want to make a turn-key system if possible too. So that others here can take the commentary and editorial and submit it to their local papers, magazines, radio shows, for publicity and publication.

[kneehighs]

Please excuse me, but I have to ask this question:

Did your last thread fail? The one about "using words to advance our cause". My reason for asking, is you tackle this in the same way as a psychiatrist might. You are trying to explain all this to the wrong group of people. It's not us you shoud be telling, but the rest of the world. We, here, already know what its about.

NO, the last thread did not fail. Besides I don't believe in failure, I only believe in feedback. Adding optical illusions was just a new and interesting approach to explaining reframing. The forum needs more fun, fresh, and interesting threads--this was one way to do that.

I'm going to say it again: The only thing that advances our cause is the doing. Go out wearing heels and be confident. Have some quick replies at hand. And the more poeple that do this, the more society will realise that it's no more than a fashion statement. There will always be idiots that question your fashion statement so don't let that worry you.

(Lindsay gets of soapbox)

Well, I've worn my stiletto boots day and night now down Park Avenue, in Starbucks, on the subway, in deli's, in restaurants, in libraries, and in malls for the last 17/22 days. How about you?

I can't help but think the only thing that is going to advance the cause for you is to get out there and do it--because you've very rarely done it yourself. You are going right back to what you said in the first thread. Walk, but don't talk. And like I said there, I do both. Educating the public helps. Heightening the general public's awareness helps. Informing the public helps. When someone has seen the idea of a man in heels on the internet or a paper article, it will be easier for them to tolerate the reality next time they see it in the real world.

I don't think the two views are necessarily mutually exclusive. This isn't an either/or situation. Either you walk but don’t talk. Or you talk, but don’t walk. Rather it's a both/and. If you walk your talk you add credibility to your cause.

As a collective whole, thinking of men in heels as a group is like comparing us to the parts of the human body. Some members may be mouths, some members may be legs walking their bodies forward with supreme confidence (like Shafted), and some members may be hearts (like DawnHH). Either way, each part of the body has a specific and special function and all parts must work together to help the body operate efficiently. Truth be told, I see the body of men in heels as a Greek Statue, and since I don't want to wait two hundred years for our Greek Masterpiece to be recognized by society, I'll run my mouth as much as I can to speed things up for the whole body. I want to move from crawling, to standing, to walking to running as fast as possible.

Now in the Permission To Heel thread, I mentioned framing as critical to winning. In this thread I stated, “I think to win acceptance in ANY domain, we need to reframe the issue all together. If I tell you ,"don't think of a red stop sign," what do you have to think of to correctly interpret my statement? A red stop sign of course. If we keep societies language and framing about men in heels and just argue against it, we automatically lose because we are re-inforcing their frame. “ The presupposition that society will react negatively assumes their current frame wherein the glass is half empty. One way to create a new frame is to proactively create new language revealing the glass to be half full. This is not a new concept. It is historically proven. Generally, if you control the language, you influence the meaning. And with new meanings come new behaviors that produce a tolerable level of fashion freedom we all seek. Control what seeds we sow, eat the fruit later. Let society control the seeds, and by inaction, we’ll just keep having thistles and thorns and weeds to plow through for many years to come.

Earlier in this thread I mentioned there is a time and a place for everything in life. And in the broader picture of advancing the cause, there is no doubt a time for TALK as a couple of examples will now illustrate:

A man who has been promoted with a company three times in his 20 year career and has consistently received competent work performance ratings wears women’s clothes outside of work, while off the clock. After 20 years at the company, rumors spread that the man is gay. He seeks relief through his manager. When the manager asked why Oiler was concerned with the rumor, Oiler explained that he was transgendered, not gay. Directly from the pages of Oiler v. Winn-Dixie “Miles (the manager) told Oiler that his activity could harm the company image, and therefore the company was asking him to resign. He was told to look for another job.” “Oiler was called to meetings with Winn Dixie managers including Greg Miles, Ronnie Bower, James Jackson and David Hastings on November 4, 1999, November 16, 1999, November 19, 1999, December 20, 1999, and January 5, 2000. At each meeting, Oiler was told to look for another job because he was to be terminated. He was told that his off-work dressing as a woman could harm the company's image with the public.”” Throughout this period, Oiler suffered increasing stress. At the meeting on January 5, 2000, Oiler was terminated.” In U.S. Federal Court, Oiler LOST his case.

A similar story of legally permissible gender expression discrimination recently occurred in Hawaii. Governor Linda Lingle vetoed (in July of 2005!) two civil rights bills that would have added protections based on gender identity and expression to the state's employment discrimination laws--despite passing the bill by large margins in the state legislature too.

In lieu of the above, I’ll reiterate, “There is a time and place for everything in life. Actions have their time and so do words in the broader picture of advancing the cause.” When things like this happen, there is a time for the TALK.

Guess I’ll be walking AND talking.

[Zero]

Here is a collection of responses from various posts on HHPlace as well as some originals. Rehearse these in your mind if you’re nervous about reactions. Then you’ll be able to answer without embarrassment if you are ever questioned about your fashion choice.

Query: Are you gay?

Response: No. Why do you ask? Do you fancy me? ( from Lindsay)

Query: Are you gay?

Response: No. I wear heels because it is fun.

Because I like to wear them.

Because they look good.

Because I enjoy them.

Query: Are those women’s shoes?

Response: No, they are mine. I paid for them.

All feet are the same. My feet don’t know if I am male or female.

Q: Why do you wear women’s shoes?

R: They’re not a woman’s shoes, they are mine.

I like heels. They are classy and stylish. They look good with my outfit.

Q: WTF?

R: I like them.

I get a kick out of wearing them.

Have you ever tried heels? I bet you’d find them fun.

Q: Aren’t you afraid women will be turned off?

R: Perhaps some will. Many women approve. It is just fashion after all.

Can you improve any of these? Do you have other replies that will reframe the issue? Share them with the heeling community. Post your thoughts here.

Bluetango

Q: Why are you wearing high heels?

R: Indeed, you tell me. Why do you think I wear high heels?

Q: I don't know, I thought I'd ask you!

R: Well what possible reasons come to your mind?

Q: I have no idea, clear my mind please. (<- only openminded people would ask this.)

R: Having fun of course ^^ Same as you choose whatever you like to wear, correct?

Q: But those are women shoes, right!?

R: I don't know, it doesn't say it. There wasn't anything written on them nor the box when I bought them ^^

Q: Your weird! What are you proving?

R: Weird are the harmless things we humans don't dare to do in our one lifetime. I'm also not proving anything, I"m just wearing them and if you think I'm proving something it would be about having fun regardless the gender or sexual nature. There are many styles developped over the years and I feel bored if I don't try this trendsetting. Besides, it might suit you nicely as well, but you will never know if you never try.

Q: I don't mean to bother you but are you gay or something?

R: No, am I? (and for the people who know me ->) You've met my girlfriend haven't you? (if not ->) The idea to start wearing these cool shoes started when I saw my girlfriend's favorite band Mötley Crüe. The have a song that is called "Hell on High Heels" and when they played that song live on stage, they wore black high heeled boots themselves. I already liked high heels before knowing the band, but they pushed me to finally doing it. In the end it is a rush...

This interview would only take place for people who really are interested in our cause and have a word of influence to spread in their environment. Those who cheeky and kind of person who lives a little by evil, I will ignore them or evade them as much as possible.

I think I will use this article on the Fashion Spot forum where I recently found out that I already was a member there as I go by the name of Zero_G since Zero was already taken sadly...

[kneehighs]

This was just a brainstorm idea. What if we could design an optical illusion uniquely for use to explain Freestyle Fashion? What if that optical illusion then became our logo/symbol? The power of the symbol isn't something to be overlooked in communicating to the masses. Look at the cross, the swastika, the Big "G" for General Mills....then we could come up with a jingle, a catch phrase....then we could have a secret Freestyle Fashion society handshake too. Kidding here. But not really kidding about the optical illusion dedicated to Freestyle Fashion. What if you could hide a high heel into a design that morphs into a picture of a man fashionable dressed--depending on how you look at the pic?

[kneehighs]

Lindsay, I agree that for some people some of the time my explanations may seem long winded. But to generlize that to include the entire human race is to make a hasty generalization. There is a time and a place for such explanations for some people some of the time.

No formula in life is ever 100% appropriate for all people all of the time. So, back to different parts of the body again. Your "calling" or part of the body is a bit different than mine and I'd venture that the people you interact with will be open to your style. But just because you don't like it doesn't mean that others won't either. I have used both my explanations and the short comeback types. Both work and both have their proper audience.

Have a good day.

p.s. higher education is HUGE here in the U.S., especially NYC. Literally, every second person I interact with has an Ivy League Degree and often, its a postgraduate degree (MBA, Masters, JD, PHd) at that. For example, one girl I've just met is in law school. At first she thought I was gay. Go figure. While the quick one liners may be appropriate with some, saying to this woman specifically, "Its fun, they look good." and leaving it at that wouldn't work. SHE needed more. So I whipped out the optical illusion and instantly crushed that stereotype. Now she admires me for wearing what I want to wear! Additionally, the people that legislated the gender expression protection laws in NYC didn't achieve results by saying, "its fun, it looks good." My position is that I am prepared to become all things to all people so that by all possible means I can most effectively promote Freestyle Fashion.

[kneehighs]

bump--the interview I had with the girl from the Netherlands wouldn't have drawn us free positive publicity, unless I had more detailed reasons for for doing what I did. One liners have their place on an individual level. For some people some of the time. But not this time, thats for sure.

[Dawn HH]

Kneehighs:-) The idea of hiding a high heel shoe in the pic of the man nicely dressed may have merit. Any further thoughts on that? Cheers--- Dawn HH

[Driver8]

The best way to promote something is to make it an exclusive club. Do you think that lip piercing spread because the pioneers launched a PR campaign for acceptance? No! It takes a very, very special man to be able to pull off heels. The older I get, the more I realize just how valuable an education experience a punk rock adolescence can be!