HIGH HEEL HEAVEN - 149 PAIRS!!!

[Heelfan]

Hi everyone! The majority of you kindly encouraged me to continue the Lucy Stories and I've already pressed-on with Chapters 54 and 55 (above). However, others of you said you would rather read some of my true stories told through my eyes and not Lucy's. So I'll do some of these as well from time to time. Here's one now: Wow! I'm still trying to calm down! Last month my 6-piece jazz band played for a splendid "Society" wedding in the magnificent mid-1700s Georgian Assembly Rooms in Bath, glistening with huge chandeliers, gold leaf and huge oil paintings of kings and dukes. The capacity guest-list was 300 strong, all couples, and they looked truly aristocratic and superb. The 150 gentlemen wore black dinner suits and bows ties, and I saw only one lady in (I hate to say the word) f...f....f....flatties! The other 149 superb ladies were all in heels to die for! My God! How could I concentrate on running the band? There were D'Orsays, courts, backless high heels with closed in toes, ankle-strap high heeled sandals, some great slingbacks (some very smart and operational, others with failed back-straps), myrids of stilettos, hourglass heels, hardly any platforms anywhere(considered "vulgar" by the aristocracy), Lovely high delicate slappy mules with low-cut toe-straps etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. Interestingly, some girls post here that they are frightened of wearing really high stiletto heels in public lest they look "cheap" or "like hookers". However, not a bit of it! All of these refined top-drawer ladies simply looked superbly elegant and refined in their amazing shoes! Paradoxically, my band played for an opposite type of wedding about seven weeks ago where the ladies really did look like a load of old boilers and scrubbers (you know - face like a slate-hanger's nailbag and a nose like a blind cobbler's thumb!), but despite being a decidedly "rough" lot (three or four fights broke out!), the slags and scrubbers didn't wear nearly such sexy heels except for one or two. Having observed this phenomenon on a number of occasions now, I have named it "Heelfan's Third Law of Diametrically Opposite Heel-Wearing Manifestation". But back to the grand Bath Assembly Rooms ball. To our utmost delight, many of the most beautiful girls repeatedly came teetering forwards on the sort of high, precarious stilettos that dreams are made of, and kept taking photos of us musicians in our dress suits and bow ties, and kept requesting jazz numbers. I've played double bass professionally for just over forty years, but seldom have I been so blown away! All those wonderful dresses (not a trouser-suit in sight) and those countless shapely legs and those 149 pairs of wonderful heels dancing, tottering and spinning in front of us for all that time! No two pairs were remotely similar, and I just did not know where to look next! For years, I've always mentally awarded First, Second and Third for the three best pairs of heels at every event. But here I could have awarded dozens of placings. However, here's just the four best (Heelfan's decision must be regarded as final!): FOURTH PLACE A lovely Asian lady with skin like glowing bronze and long, jet-black hair wearing a slinky cherry-red body-hugging shimmering dress finishing just below the knee, and wearing a pair of matching sleekly plain cherry-red courts with wonderfully slim high (about 4 3/4") heels and pointed toes. THIRD PLACE A blond goddess in a dazzling gold dress. somewhat "Empire style" and wearing matching dazzling gold 5" sandals with the most delicate toe-straps imaginable and "birdcage style" heel-straps. This heel-wearer was an avid "catwalk-flipper" and really milked it for all she was worth by flipping those hypnotic 5" stilettos wildly inwards after every pace. SECOND PLACE A vision in all-black. This astoundingly beautiful maiden had a sultry complexion, liquid brown eyes accentuated with mascara, ruby red lipstick, a black backless dress with a slit up to the thigh, and the most incredible pair of skyscraper high slingbacks. Earlier in the evening she had been feebly pulling-up the straps, but by the time the dancing started she had given up and just slap-slapped around everywhere with the straps trampled down. Every time she came on the floor to dance, I wickedly got the band to play very wild, fast jazz numbers (you know "Sweet Georgia Brown", "Shine", "Indiana" etc.) and invariable she would fling herself all over the dancefloor and her sexy shoes would come flying off all over the room! It even became quite a joke with the audience and the rest of the band as she repeatedly had to rescue them from all sorts of places. The gentleman got quite competitive to see who could rescue to next shoe first and offer it on to her sensuous foot. But now for it ..... FIRST PLACE! Picture the most wonderfully sensitive and delicately-featured twenty-year-old girl that you've ever seen in your life! Imagine beautiful straight flaxen blonde shoulder-length hair, a face like delicate porcelian with wonderful sparkly, feline eyes, the most kissable lips imaginable and a figure like the Venus De Milo! Clad her with the most incredible one-piece leopard-skin dress. The shoulder gathers are actually 2" below-the-shoulder, allowing a wonderful scooping neckline which reveals the tops of the two most voluptuous and perfectly formed breasts known to man! The leopard-skin dress hugs every contour of her superbly slim and lithe waist and follows her body as it broadened out to her wonderfully swinging hips and thighs. The dress finishes below the knee with leaf-like pointed fronds. And as one's eye carries on downwards ..... SHAZAM! SHACKAROONEE! ALAKAZAM!...... OH! THE SHOES!.... Unquestionably the most perfect, delicate black patent leather, high stiletto heeled court (pump) shoes conceivable, with needle-thin towering 5 1/2" heels and the most wonderfully delicate and low cut uppers allowing her legs and thrust-up-to-the-vertical insteps to appear to descend down into the shoe's low-cut toe for ever and ever and ever. And every time she walks back and forth across the ballroom floor with the most incredible high-heel wearers' ripple and sway ever seen .......Aaaaaarghhh! .....Oxygen someone! Tranquillisers! .................Resuscitation! ...........Aaaaarrrgggh!......... Well, just how the devil I got home and survived all that to tell you the tale, I'll never know. I don't think I could ever stand another night like that! But hold on! Maybe ..... On second thoughts ......... Cheerfully yours, Heelfan

[raincat]

Does your band need a mandolin player?

[Bubba136]

Perhaps he could use a "washboard" in the percussion section, too, rc

[PJ]

Heelfan; You indicated that you play the double bass. Is that the same as an upright bass? And why is it referred to as "double"? Is it because of the size? I know how you feel about performing with a band. I love playing musical instruments. It is a great way to relax for me. And when I played in a band, I could not get over the fact that someone was actually paying me to do something I enjoyed so much that I would gladly do for free.

[Ellen-Jay]

There must be room to fit a digital camera into a double-bass, you could illustrate your real-life stories then with photos. Ellen-Jay

[RPMindy]

ah, playing an instrument!!! i've played the keyboard at a few functions.... it's always a treat to see the ladies in heels. i don't particularly care for when they take them off, but i don't mind the view of the toes. RPM p.s. playing music is so soothing for the soul!!

[Paul (North-East)]

Hi Heelfan, What a great night, I would have loved to have been there. You always seem to be in the right place at the right time! Cheers, Paul.