Heels and kids

[Guest]

thank goodness I'm single (gay though) & I'm my OWN man heeled boots are meant to be SEEN:fine:

[Shoeiee]

Great topic we've got going here so I thought I'd add my $.02... As a father of two step-daughters (8 & 13) and two sons (almost 4 and 7 months) I have not hidden my shoes from them at all. They all are aware of my 'fancy shoes' as one poster said and I wear them with impunity around them and when we go out, either as a family or individually. I feel this openness is important as if you hide this from them it will be a huge shock when they do find out. (It's almost the wife/girlfriend situation...if you wait to tell, it'll be hell!!) This also fosters a more open view of society and has allowed many discussions about individuality, especially with the 8yo step-daughter. The 13yo is learning challenged and doesn't understand many issues but she accepts me for who I am and that's all there is to it. As for the boys, they are both being raised around my shoes openly. My 4yo has seen them and has no problem with it so far. I know he's still very young but he's got impeccable logic!! Even though I wear 'different' shoes from the other guys we still do our 'manly things,' have much father-son time, go mudding, ride the lawnmowers, play catch, visit the parks and many other things all other fathers do with their kids. He's even helped me work on the cars!! I am very much a man in every aspect of my life except fashion. As he grows up I will explain the differences society places on us and direct him as to appropriate situations for different items of clothing should he decide to follow in my footsteps. My greatest concern is other children in social settings as he gets older. My experience has led me to believe that most people are either too shocked, too polite, too shy or don't care enough about what others wear to make comments about it. But children are a different story altogether. My wife has heard many comments from kids to their parents/siblings/friends along the lines of "Mommy, that man is wearing heels!!!" USUALLY the recipient of these comments replies "That's his choice to make" and that's about it. If the discussion goes further after we're our of earshot then so be it. The point here is kids speak their minds regardless of etiquette rules or constraints. So the possibility of ridicule is always present. But what makes heels on a guy any different than a guy with long hair, ear rings, painted nails, spiked hair, or any of the other trends or personal preferences observed out there?? NOTHING!! And that is what I reinforce to my children whenever they face comments about my footwear selection. And as they grow I will continue to develop their acceptance of everybody for their individual traits. After all, if all men and women wore EXACTLY THE SAME clothing ALL THE TIME, imagine how boring the world would be!! I had a great experience awhile back at a local gas station/convienience store...This girl, about 15yo or so, and her friend (about 18 I guess...) were in line in front of us. The 15yo noticed my shoes and stared repeatedly at my selection (brown narrow heeled wedge boots from Payless...) and made comment to her friend. They exchanged a few whispers and I engaged them by showing my boots to them a little more. When I left the store I approached the vehicle they were in and commented "Just remember, you girls can't have ALL the fun in fashion!!" They got a chuckle, gave me an approving comment or two and drove off. It was one of my highlights wearing heels and was from the younger crowd. IT also made my night complete to say the least!! In closing I think honesty and education are the best approach with kids. If we hide it they will think it very strange when they find the stash (and YES, they WILL find them!!!) and are old enough to know the societial difference. But if it's 'normal' for them to see men wearing heels, when that time comes, it will be much easier to explain individual personalities, desires, fashion sense and more. So don't hide your footwear selection. It's sure to be just as easy to explain shoes as it would be long hair, painted nails, ear rings/piercings, tattoos, etc. I hope this helps!!

[Elegant]

I definitely agree with SQ and Shoeiee. As a parent, you've got an influence on your kids, and as the family is the child's very first social environment, the norms and principles gained by the kids tend to have the biggest influence later in their lives. Be a responsible parent- teach them to be open-minded and tolerant, don't reinforce stereotypes and conversate with them as often as you can!

[DeSalto]

Hi guys. Thank you for your support. I do agree with you, a father & son relationship must be based on trust and this is very important. I believe to be a very good father, reinforcing valuable aspects of his personality and trying to make him a good human being. But concerning my heels collection, I have no options other than keeping it secret. As I´ve told you, all my heels are very female sexy styles. I can not imagine myself parading in the house in front of my son wearing some 5" strappy sandals as those in my avatar. You can have an idea of what kind of heels I do wear looking for my previous posts and started threads. Wearing heels is like a fetish for me. Aside my own feelings, my wife would never allow this. In dr1819 definitions, she falls in the second group: "Supportive wife, but worried about what the child might tell his friends". And to be true, I´m just like her. Different from must of you guys, I do not wear my heels regularly at home, street heeling is not an option, and I do it just in privacy with my wife. May be I hide my shoes mixed with hers, keep them in a locked bag, really don´t know yet. Time will says. DeSalto

[Bernheels]

Hello to all: I can also relate to the iseue of hiding heels at home. my kids are now gone and it is not a daily issue. But I have over 300 pairs of all style heels. My favorites are in various closets around the house. Others are in stroage boxes. My daughter is 27 and very nosy. She is always looking in areas she doesn't belong when she comes over. So far she has never suspected anything - but there will be a day that she will se them and ask the question. I will just tell her that I enjoy wearing heels and that my wife is fine with it. We will see what happens. I agree with involving the kids at an early age if you have them. Then the shock is over. Things have changed in the past years and people are more open to different ideas. Good Luck Bernheels

[Shoeiee]

DeSalto, I understand your plight. But I'm not worried about what my kids say when it comes to my shoes, it's what their friends may say that concerns me. Or their teachers...Or other adults whom they may interact with in life. My wife and I have the same view on the shoes...They're only shoes...And as for which shelf they were bought from in the store, who cares. I'm wearing them, therefore they're MY shoes. (To say the least she is very supportive and accepts them 100%.) Now I will say this though...My personal preference has predominately become boots. Occasionally I will wear closed toe heels in a pump style, but 99% of the time it's boots for me. They have a more masculine appearance even if they're stilettos. My collection ranges from low block-heels to 7" stilettos and ballets. And my kids have all seen them all...even the ballets (but not with me wearing them...) For daily wear I usually wear 3.5-4.5" stacked or wedge heels and occasionally a 5" stiletto. I've even gone shopping with the whole family in 5" stiletto boots to our local BJ's member's club. I don't usually wear overtly feminine styles like sandals or shoes with lots of flowers/hearts/embellishments though. I feel you and your wife have made a decision and should abide by it if that's what you feel is the best route to take. However, IMHO, I believe openness would be better for them so there is no shock if and when they should find out. Should it remain hidden from them and they find out in their tween/teen years it could cause some serious problems. But being open before these critical years hit may avoid a traumatic situation. Something else about those odd years is they may talk to their friends about a sudden find and this may lead to problems. If they're exposed to this before then, and it's 'normal' for dad to wear 'different' shoes, they may react very differently, if at all, should a friend question your choice in footwear. Something you may consider, which could possibly improve the situation, is to find more masculine appearing heels to wear around the house to get them exposed. Keep the fetish stuff hidden and used for those private moments yet still allow them to see a range of footwear. This may minimize the shock should they find the fetish stash in later years. My line of thinking is there's not too much of a jump between a 4" block heel boot and a 5" stiletto sandal, but one appears more masculine and the other is definitely feminine. And should the question arise, then you can explain that there is a definite social cost to wearing the more feminie shoes publicly where the more masculine style is accepted more widely, hence the preference for the masculine style in public and the feminine style in private. Just a thought... Regardless, kids always add a different view on topics such as this. They bring us out of the "ME" thought process and into an "OUR" or "THEIR" process. This results in a change of focus which effects every aspect of our lives. And although they are limiting in many ways, they are such a treasure to watch develop and grow!! For those without kids, be thankful for the time to play without them around but anxious to experience the wonderous joys of parenthood!! Happy Heeling!! Shoeiee