HairyBiker Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 These are known to be universal truths and have remained so since the beginnings of recorded time. 1) Moles are always smaller than you imagine. 2) At the end of every party there is always a fat girl crying. 3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger. 4) You're never quite sure whether it is ok to eat green crisps. 5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator. 6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible. 7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden. 9) Whatever your age the desire to make plastic dolls shag is almost impossible to resist. 10) Nobody ever dares make cup a soup in a bowl. 11) You never know where to look when eating an apple. 12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat. 13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly. 14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball. 15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses. 16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school. 17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad. 18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity. 19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches. 20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a piss flushed half way through and then raced against the flush. 21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong! 22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a frisbee. 23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited. 24) You never ever run out of salt. 25) Old ladies can eat more than you think. 26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog 27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something. 28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers. 29) Despite constant warning you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan. 30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug. 31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard. 32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood to specifically stir paint with. 33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose. 34) Bricks are horrible to carry. 35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip. 36) Triangle sandwiches taste better than square ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurieheels Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 I have run out of salt. So there. My great truth is this - most people are stupid. It has never been proven wrong since I added the "most" to that saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarrenB Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 I have run out of salt. So there. My great truth is this - most people are stupid. It has never been proven wrong since I added the "most" to that saying. Well, now that you mention it, 50% of all people have an IQ less than 100. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, I'm from the Earth.Now wearing HH Penny Loafers full time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HairyBiker Posted August 5, 2003 Author Share Posted August 5, 2003 Laurie - does this mean you are the exception that proves the rule? If so, then the truth stands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stilettos Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 These are known to be universal truths and have remained so since the beginnings of recorded time. 5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator. Does this mean the beginnings of recorded time are in the 80's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurieheels Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 I am the exception that proves the rule. Of course, when I realized this, it was because someone was telling me "so if people are stupid, and you count as being people, then you're stupid." It was pretty good logic, I must admit that. Probably my younger sister, she's pretty darn clever and well grounded, at least, so everyone tells her. She is another exception to the rule, thus proving that most people are stupid, but not all. Now, let's see if I have enough salt to get through dinner tonight... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefox Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 I'm afraid the list of "truths" fell somewhat flat with me. Most of them were either untrue, mildly offensive, or irrelevant. A few were slightly amusing. Don't take that the wrong way though. I know the inention is fun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mk4625 Posted August 7, 2003 Share Posted August 7, 2003 7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. Actually the only wooden pencils I have are rectangular in cross section and I couldn't sharpen them any other way. Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted August 8, 2003 Share Posted August 8, 2003 1) Moles are always smaller than you imagine. Not the one in Austin Powers' Gold Member!!!!!! MOLE!!!! Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yamyam Posted August 9, 2003 Share Posted August 9, 2003 MOLE!!!!! Obsessed is such a strong word. I prefer to think of myself as "differently enthusiastic" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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