Ben(Canada) Posted February 7, 2002 Posted February 7, 2002 I come here as an interested observer of women wearing high heeled shoes. I don't have much "inside" information about high heels as I am not married, in a relationship, and the women friends I have had in the last years think fancy cloths and shoes are an indication of women without any brains. The other day I was thinking over the years of different relationships with women, and I was surprised how many actually wore high heels from time to time. Now I am a curious type of person and like asking a lot of questions...usually too many. I like to know what makes a person tick. The last time I talked to a woman friend...maybe a bit more...about her high heels was a long, long time ago. I said something like "how do you like wearing heels". And the response I got was pretty cold. It was as if I was asking her about the deepest darkest secret of her life. So I never posed this question again. Once I agreed to go on a bicycle touring trip for a few weeks with a gal. She invited me over for dinner. I remember she took me over to her bedroom in the loft to show me some maps. I was surprised at the racks and racks of shoes she had, mostly high heels, and some pretty high too. Wow, I thought, but I didn't dare to even ask her about her shoes. I think it is fun to expose all your thoughts. So anyways, I think you get the drift of what my question is. I am asking this question in the Rant Forum, because I have noticed the topics in the discussion website are divided. The men have their section and the women have their own. I understand one reason for this is to be able to identify what shade man/woman the experiences are being said in. But the way they are titled "for the gals", "for the guys". I know the "for the gals" format is not supposed to be for guys that wear high heels to share their wearing experiences. Are the guys also not supposed to make comments or ask questions to the women here. So is this one more examples of my experiences that women want to wear stylish things but it is embarrasing to talk to men about that. It is a girl talk thing. Just asking, I have learned I am not going to change how people think...I just like to know.
Laurieheels Posted February 7, 2002 Posted February 7, 2002 Fancy clothes and shoes are for women without brains? What the heck kind of women have you been hanging around with? And if they weren't in fancy clothes and shoes, what was the attraction? I would think these commentators are jealous of the sexy AND smart woman who gets the attention. As for is it okay to ask, well, it seems to me that if you have a relationship with someone and you ask about shoes, there shouldn't be any problem. One barrier you might face is that when you ask, the woman is thinking you are asking because you like wearing. So diplomacy is needed. You have to express that you are curious and an admirer, and simply that. How? WHy would I know, I'm just the woman likely to be asked, not the one trying to do the asking. Unless you get a really good feeling or connection from a woman you just bumped into, I would wait until you can ask someone you know and thus can judge the personality for possible reactions. It's like being a detective. You need to get clues as to the woman you are watching, and then use those clues to formulate the question. So it's empy and non specific advice. I cannot speak for anyone else other than myself. And sometimes that is dangerous enough!
IHeels Posted February 7, 2002 Posted February 7, 2002 Hiya Ben, We'll get to hub of this straight away, I can't believe it seriously you asked "how do you like wearing heels". Surely you could have been a little less 'in your face' than that. I probably would have gone cold too. Now what I would expect is as Laurie put it a bit of the detective, then if you're confident, admiration of the person, then the shoes, only then you can be daring and ask about walking in heels. Hope this helps, oh you might need a bit of luck also! Inga HEELS are POWER the HIGHER the BETTER.
Highluc Posted February 7, 2002 Posted February 7, 2002 When I see somebody wearing nice heels I have no qualms starting a conversation about it. The first thing usually is just complementing her on the shoes, then asking how comfortable they are in the long run, finally where she bought them. Sometimes this gets extended a bit more getting deeper in the subject of heels comfort in life. I had many interesting conversations with (girl)friends and strangers that way, and rarely cold responses. Usually women like to talk about fashion and are glad a guy is also interested in the subject. Be youself, enjoy any footwear you like and don't care about what others think about it, it's your life, not theirs. Greetings from Laurence
IHeels Posted February 7, 2002 Posted February 7, 2002 Thanks Highluc, I've had no problems telling guys where they can acquire the shoes from as long as they asked the right way. Looks like you've got a pretty good idea on how you go about this one. Inga HEELS are POWER the HIGHER the BETTER.
Firefox Posted February 7, 2002 Posted February 7, 2002 My experience is similar to HiLuc. Anyway, the fact I am often wearing them myself makes me part of the "club", so a woman is going to realise I am genuinely interested in the shoes, and not just trying some pick up line or something.
Ben(Canada) Posted February 7, 2002 Author Posted February 7, 2002 Hi all, thanks for the comments! It seems there are "rules" in life and they are all meant to be broken. OK, I understand what Laurieheels and IHeels are saying. But in the case I mentioned I had known the gal for some months and I didn't just blurt out the question. Now the other comments in the thread lead me to believe that I shouldn't care as much about how women respond in the first few seconds. First, it appears to be OK to talk to a women about her shoes. I wasn't sure about that. Then maybe there is this uncomfortable period were the women is taken aback. Then perhaps if I am a good conversationalist I should forge ahead and make the other person comfortable talking about it. Maybe crack a joke and break the ice jam. I guess if the situation was turned around, and a woman asked me something personal, I might seize up too. But I know some women know how to forge ahead and then the whole issue becomes comforable to talk about in the end.
Firefox Posted February 8, 2002 Posted February 8, 2002 I guess you did go in a bit at the deep end even if you did know her. If you said something a bit more innocent like "do they hurt your feet" or do they "take practice to wear" you can judge from the response if you can take it further. I don't think men and women are too much different how they handle what could be a personal question. I remeber some guy at school asked me how often I wanked like straight out. I think I told him to mind his own business, but I remember another time when I discussed masterbation for ages with a guy in my form because he was polite and a bit nervous about it, but also willing to share his experiences. Like many things, how you approach it is the key.
Ben(Canada) Posted February 8, 2002 Author Posted February 8, 2002 Laurieheels wrote: Fancy clothes and shoes are for women without brains? What the heck kind of women have you been hanging around with? And if they weren't in fancy clothes and shoes, what was the attraction? I would think these commentators are jealous of the sexy AND smart woman who gets the attention. Laurie, I think you are a breath of fresh air compared to the women I have often stumbled onto. I think the issues you mentioned above relate to a type of reverse psychology type belief that some people adhere to...if it looks good it must be bad, if it is a little sexy and exiting it must be wrong, anything nice that a woman wears makes her look like a prostitute, and money has made some people commit suicide and so don't strive to have any money either. I like the way you are not like this and are willing to go for things when they seem exciting and are even a little daring...like your recent decision to work towards wearing the highest of heels. I think it would be pretty neat if you could get to the point of being able to wear 7" heels for an extended period of time. I know some are saying this is not possible but who knows.
Laurieheels Posted February 8, 2002 Posted February 8, 2002 On 2002-02-08 05:50, Ben(Canada) wrote: Laurie, I think you are a breath of fresh air compared to the women I have often stumbled onto. I think it would be pretty neat if you could get to the point of being able to wear 7" heels for an extended period of time. I know some are saying this is not possible but who knows. Ouch,a cliche. Thank you for the compliment! I'm just being myself, and that just happens to be different from EVERYONE else. I like that. Non conformity is good. Even if I do not like something, it would never mean other people should not do it. I think that is where the problem is in society. Most people do not like something, and automatically look down on anyone taking part in that something. Living like that is awful. Now, seven inchers. Well sure, some people say it cannot be done. Maybe that is true. But I'll still try... Within our hearts a flame burns, a passion for life still smolders, a desire to chase our dreams and fulfil them still glows. Should we let the fire die? Should the light go out of us? Should we give up hope? Hell no. Embrace everything that you might desire, and work towards the goal. Some days it may seem impossible, but just hold on a few more, and possibility will begin to blossom. So even your desire to ask women about their shoes will be fulfilled some day, if you just try.
chip7X Posted February 12, 2002 Posted February 12, 2002 Well I did it! Walking downtown in chicago I noticed a young lady wearing some high heel boots. Thin blade heels. I got her attention then told her she had nice boots. I asked if they hurt her feet. She told me that she's used to wearing them. Well then our small talk was cut short when she turned into an office building. I tried to get her number but she's already taken! <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: chip7X on 2002-02-12 04:15 ]</font>
Spikey Dan Posted February 13, 2002 Posted February 13, 2002 Hi Ben, In my "self-help" tapes, one thing they suggested for you to do in a cold walk-up is to approach her and say "Excuse Me...Pardon Me For Interrupting You...But Where Did You Get That Outfit (Or Shoes)?" You listen for her answer, after she is done "Great, that Is a great outfit (or shoes), but the person wearing it is a shining example of genetic perfection...(or 'absolutely breathtaking and I'm glad I had the courage to walk up and talk to you') My name is...." And if she laughs, has great energy, and she feels comfortable around you, maybe then talk about her shoes in more detail. If she is cold....thank her for her time and walk away. Dan
terayon Posted February 24, 2002 Posted February 24, 2002 Ive never known whether or not it was "OK" to ask a girl about her heels, or even to compliment them..there are so many fine girls at my school...id like to thank them all for just bein so cute
Yamyam Posted February 26, 2002 Posted February 26, 2002 Well, as some people have said, if you're complimenting a woman's appearance, she's not likely to complain. And fortunately for us guys, women seem easier with this kind of stuff. It's like all those great shopping trip experiences, where the female assistants will really help you out. I must admit, I've not asked someone yet where she got her shoes (other than my SO) but I don't see why I wouldn't. Obsessed is such a strong word. I prefer to think of myself as "differently enthusiastic"
Carolyn Posted February 27, 2002 Posted February 27, 2002 Slightly dumb question. Of course it is so long as you are polite! I might think it was likkely to be a chat up line though rather than any genuine interest at first. It depends if the guy knew about shoes. I'd soon find out and suss his motives! ~Caz
RubberVicki Posted April 29, 2002 Posted April 29, 2002 I love it when someone asks about my heels, I take it as praise and it make me feel goodf about myself.
Ben(Canada) Posted April 30, 2002 Author Posted April 30, 2002 Hi all Thanks for all your comments. I have thought a lot more about the general issue of a male talking to a female about something she is wearing or how she looks. Obviously based on the comments I have got, there is a big difference of opinion on the issue. And that is the problem, because I have no way of knowing whether a female would like a comment or not like a comment. It is not a right or wrong issue but rather personal taste, beliefs, or even feelings at that point in time. I have also done lots of experiments since I posted the first question. These experiments were done using the advise I received. Here are some notes: (1) If I don't want to make a mistake in what I say or ask then it is better to not talk at all. (2) I like to talk a lot and like to know what makes people tick and so I will have to live with making a few mistakes in my conversations. (3) It is better to bring up looks in a light way, like that is nice, but pretend that I am not obsessing about it. (4) Pretending is a big part of being a success in society. (5) I don't like pretending that much. (6) Many people think that the pretending that people do is the real thing. Here are some experiences I have had with recent experiments: (7) I talk to a female in the video rental place every week as I load up on 99 cent videos for the week. She is married I know but likes to chat with me. I have mentioned several things I like she is wearing in the most casual way I can think of. It's not like I want a relationship with her. She seems to be very OK with this very much. Once I mentioned that I liked her wearing three earrings in each ear. She was very comfortable with that and talked at length about the issue. Then we switched topic completely. But after that she is never wearing earrings at all and covers her face tightly with her hair. So I am wondering. Still she is very friendly to me. Experimental results incomplete. ( I met a female at the mall and we started talking about many things and had a coffee. After a long time I mentioned I liked her skirt and she was quite OK but quite hesitant to talk any further about that. (9) I was peeking through my hands at a gal on the bus a while back. She was very beautiful. I thought I was pretty discrete. She came up to me when the bus stopped and said she really liked my sweater and felt the sweater for quite a while with her hands. I was stumped in this case for a good answer but I did start talking to her. I know she would have been OK with me mentioning her clothes but I was scared of her boyfriend who was right there. (10) Obviously the talking about looks comes from both female and male sides. Here are some questions for you all: (11) Some males and females like it when others talk about their looks or things they wear. I think this is what you were saying Vicki. Not like it is the only or first thing that is talked about. But some don't like it. They want to wear nice things without people bothering or advancing on them. I think that was what you were saying Susan. Of course some of the advancing is sexual for sure. But we live in a sexual world. I saw an ad recently with a woman wearing a tee-shirt with the slogan that went something like, "I want to look sexy but that doesn't mean I want sex". If we wanted to make sure that no one was attracted to us in a sexual way, we would all have to put a bag over our heads. But what is wrong with the way we look? But that can be sexy or just plain very attractive to someone. In our society we have come to think that someone that is looking really nice is asking to have sex. Maybe they just want to look really nice. On the other hand if someone mentions how nice they look that doesn't mean automatically that there is an intention to have sex. We live in a world with so many diverse ideas. So how do we deal with this? Ben Wiens
Laurieheels Posted May 1, 2002 Posted May 1, 2002 How do we deal with this... 2 simple things. 1 - A woman can always say no or excuse herself, if she has confidence in herself as a person. As women, we can walk away and be strong if we do not like something. 2 - And who cares what other people think? Do your own thing and be happy. If everyone is somewhat unique, just go about your life as you will, and you'll run into like minded people. If you compliment a woman and she does not like it, she can just refer to item #1! (this only works if a man is smart enough to have respect for other people and their opinions.)
ShockQueen Posted May 1, 2002 Posted May 1, 2002 Now...since we're all in the 'Age of Freestyling', let's also look at it from the other way around......although I think it's easier for a lady to ask a guy about his heels than it is for a guy to ask a lady about her heels. What stance do you take on this folks? SQ.....still busting societal molds with a smile...and a 50-ton sledge!
Francis Posted May 1, 2002 Posted May 1, 2002 This is quite true, due partly to the fact that women are more uninhibited than men. As has already been pointed out, men tend to think of their image in terms of how masculine they are, while women tend to be more concerned with how they look, so a woman will ask a guy about their fashion choice rather than the other way round.
Laurieheels Posted May 2, 2002 Posted May 2, 2002 Stance? I think it depends on the lady. I can't say how I would react until it happens to me. In this city, it will not happen at all. Unless someone has some really well heeled cowboy boots.
Ben(Canada) Posted May 2, 2002 Author Posted May 2, 2002 ShockQueen wrote: I think it's easier for a lady to ask a guy about his heels than it is for a guy to ask a lady about her heels. What stance do you take on this folks? Ben Wiens reply My experience is that women rarely get in trouble for asking men anything. They may get a blank however. When men ask women things, women seem to have all kinds of rules as to what is acceptable and what is not. There are exceptions though and I do hate to put everyone in a box.
Firefox Posted May 2, 2002 Posted May 2, 2002 Hehehehe ) I've just read this topic again and I'm afraid you might as well entitle it "How long is a piece of string?" It depends on the people and the circumstance. It's very nice to hear chit chat about everyone's own personal experiences though, don't get me wrong on that I like to be asked about my shoes. And I try and give decent explanations if someone is interested. I suppose it's easier for me because the person is most likely to be suprised or genuinely interested whereas with women it might be more likely to be the prelude to an unwanted pick up attempt.
Debbie(HK) Posted May 3, 2002 Posted May 3, 2002 I agree with Firefox, it depends on the circumstances. I don't see why not though, especialy if you know her. Debbie This is a platform free shoe zone!
Laurieheels Posted May 3, 2002 Posted May 3, 2002 I like to be asked about my shoes, but it is so rare I feel quite frustrated. Some of you are really fortunate.
MistressM Posted May 29, 2002 Posted May 29, 2002 I gave a man I worked with a compliment and was told I shouldn't do that, because it was considred sexual harassement.... funny to have the "shoe" on the other foot now ladies isn't it?
Laurieheels Posted May 29, 2002 Posted May 29, 2002 It only takes a few people to ruin it for everyone. Now we have to treat everyone as a potential predator, male or female. We need some enlightenment in this world...
phuonginheels Posted May 30, 2002 Posted May 30, 2002 I like it too when people ask me about my outfit or shoes, it means they noticed me and that means usually they like it. So i always feel very pleased and happy when someone asks, but it happens not enough.
RubberVicki Posted May 30, 2002 Posted May 30, 2002 It great when you get a comment, makes me fel good.
Dream_Heels Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Ben, in my opinion wearing high heels makes me feel more sexyer.... well.... when i wear high heels it looks like my clothes fit me more than before and i feel that my humps became more attractive. sometimes i feel like i'm fat and with high heels i feel much more confident with myself. and my boyfriend enjoys it alot!!! he tells me that he likes to see more that way, happy with myself.... and he likes a lot to see me wearing them. Wearing boots on the street makes me blush a little bit because most people stares at me...and sometimes im a bit afraid of what they could think...
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