Heel Pains

[stevew]

Hi Guys My first venture onto the new board. Went walking with friends in the lake district last weekend and went over on my ankle. Although my walking boots offered protection I had to limp about half a mile back. That was a week ago and I still cannot wear my heels without pain!!! Bwaaa boo hoo. Have to wear what my lady calls my 'femme flats'. I go for weeks on end without wearing heels but when you want to and can't it's like someone’s just taken your sweeties from you. I am still looking for some block heels or wedges for a public outing but size UK12 seems to be elusive. There must be someone who sells them. Perhaps there is a little shop in some out of the way place that still has some stock from the seventies collecting dust, when platforms and block heels were all the rage for the male of the species (thanks to Elton John, Gary Glitter Marc Bolan etc.) Oh No, I feel a joke coming, let me apologise in advance for this one. Please ignore the spelling and the grammar… - - - - - - - One day, three brothers: Tom, Dick and Harry were planning a special outing in heels to their local dance club. Tom says, “I am going to buy some new heels for this special night, something really far out”. That day he visits the speciality shoe shop in his home town and asks the shop keeper if he has any block heel shoes (like from the seventies). “Oh, I am not sure” the shop keeper says, “What size?”. “I’m looking for size 10” replied Tom “10’s huh, I’ll have to have a look in the old stock”. He disappears into the back room of the shop and is gone for quite some time. When he returns he carries in a very old and dusty box. “I’ve found these” he says, coughing the store room dust from his lungs and wiping the accumulated grime from the lid. He lifts the lid to reveal a pair of fantastic 4” block heel ankle boots with a 1” platform in silver. Tom eagerly tried them on, they we a perfect fit. “Wow” says Tom, “They’re great, I’ll have them” When Tom got home, Harry, his younger brother spotted the boots. “Oh, cool boots brother, where did you get them?” Tom explained how the shop keeper had found them in his old stock, and how well they fitted and what an experience it was to wear them. “Gosh”. Exclaimed Harry, “Those boots must be older than me, I have just got to get some for myself”. The next day Harry pays a visit to the shoe shop and asks the shop keeper if he has any more boots like the pair he sold his brother. “What size are you?”, enquires the shop keeper. “I take a size 11” replies Harry. “Elevens!, I’ll have to look in the old stock for something like that” and disappears into the back room. Some ten minutes pass before the shopkeeper re-emerges covered in dust, carrying a tatty, grimy box. “See what you think of these” he says, removing the lid. Harry looked into the box. There, neatly wrapped in tissue, were a pair of the most superb golden knee high boots, zipper fastening, 5” block heels and a 1” platform sole that he had ever seen. “Wow”, Harry finally manage to say, “They are just so cool”. “Try them on” said the shop keeper, “If they fit and you want them, I’ll do you a good price.” Harry slipped on the boots and pulled up the zippers. They were a perfect fit. He could not wait to get home and show his brothers his new prize. “This is not fair”, cried Dick. “If you two are wearing your new boots to the dance, I’ll just have to get some for myself”. “But Dick,” said Tom “You know it is so difficult to get size 12 shoes!” “Why don’t you go and see the shop keeper Dick”, said Harry, “He may have something in a twelve”. Dick, knowing just how hard it is to find non fetish style shoes, thought it may be worth a try. After all he had nothing to loose. The next morning, Dick heads off to the speciality shoe shop and explains to the shop keeper about his two brothers and the boots they had bought. “Have you anything, anything at all in a size 12”, pleads Dick. “Twelve!”, exclaimed the shop keeper, “Now that is really pushing the boat out, but I’ll have to have a look in my old stock”. With that, again the shopkeeper vanishes into the back room and is gone for ages. When he finally returns, he carries in and places on the counter a very large, dusty, mouldy box which smells of damp and mildew. “All I could find in a 12 was these, I must have had them in store for over thirty years.” Lifting off the lid, Dicks eyes widened in astonishment. “Wow”, he says in a surprised and slow voice. He lifts out a pair of black patent thigh high lace up boots with a seven inch block heel and a three inch platform. It took Dick nearly five minutes to put on and lace up the boots. Strutting round in the shop they felt great. The firm but comfortable restriction on his legs combined with the height of the heel made these boot quite an experience to wear. “I’ll take them”, he says to the shop keeper. “My brothers are going to be so jealous of these”. Indeed they were. Both Tom and Harry thought they were great and all three could not wait for Saturday night. When they arrived at the dance hall, they headed straight for the dance floor to boogie on down in their new footwear. Dick made his way to the bar to buy a round of drinks, and while he was gone, Tom and Harry soon attracted the attention of two very smart looking young ladies (as most guys in cool heels do) . “What super boots you are wearing” said the first girl. “Yeah”, said the second, “Haven’t you both got big feet!”. “If you think our feet are big”, says Tom, “You should see our Dicks!” Vote on my joke and tell me how bad you thought it was. Be honest guys. 1 – Brilliant and funny 2 – Just funny 3 – Don’t get it! 4 – OK but heard something like it before 5 – Not Bad 6 – Not worth the time spent reading it 7 – Pathetic 8 – What a waste of time 9 – Don’t call us, we’ll call you 10 – Just plain bad Regards Steve W

[Firefox]

Welcome to the board Steve. Sorry to hear about your foot pain. I'm sure it will go away when your foot heals. I thought your joke was 5/10 by the way, it took me some time to get it, I must be a bit thick tonight! You might try putting your joke in a new thread entitled "Post your shoe related jokes here". _________________ Believe in your right to wear what you want <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Firefox on 2002-02-27 18:06 ]</font>

[Francis]

Hi Steve, for your efforts you get 11/10 (Shot on sight!) No, honestly, great joke. Long build-up but great! As Firefox says, start a new topic on shoe related jokes, preferably placed in the For Everyone section Great to see you join the party!

[terayon]

it makes you laugh...but it also makes you think

[squirrelheels]

Oh it's the good old Tom Dick and Harry again! I have heard many jokes along those lines... but nothing quite that good Welcome aboard! SH

[terayon]

there are lots of stores that sell chunky heel shoes...wedges are a tad harder to find...try payless

[Calv]

Unfortunately for us Brits Payless is a no-no as they will not ship outside of the USA.

[Yamyam]

Try Brantano. In fact, that's such good advice I may stop off there tonight on my way home