What makes us afraid ?

[loveheel]

I know this topic has been touched on many times, but I wasn't sure where to add it on, so I will just start a new topic. Today I was having a haircut in the salon where I have been going for at least three or four years. It is a nice classy place, not over the top. It is in the town where I live, which is rather conservative. While I regularly wear heels outside, I have never worn them to the salon. It is one thing to walk around in heels, it is another thing to sit in a chair for 45 minutes, on display for everyone, unable to walk away if you get uncomfortable. So, in the chair next to me is one of those conservative ladies getting a perm done by a guy that works in the salon, and the guy is showing her his cross dressing pictures ! The conversation between the two was the whole time about make-up and dressing tips. So, here was I, afraid about the reaction of these conservative people, and the guy next to me is talking about his cross dressing, even showing pictures. I think this goes to show that much of the fear is in our own head. Often, people's reaction is much more positive than we fear. I think this is a common thread that one can read in the stories of people that have made much more drastic changes to their appearance than wearing heels. For example, people that undergo sex changes, often report very positive reactions among co-workers, after the initial surprise and discomfort of the people around them. I must say that I have noticed that in my own family. While I do not wear extremely feminine heels around the house, I definitely wear women's shoes, boots and slippers. My daughter (who is 9) doesn't blink an eye. I think as soon as the people around you notice that you are really the same person (just slightly happier in heels), all is OK. I used to think that there is no hope for more generic acceptance of men in heels, but maybe there is. I doubt there will ever be a time where half of the guys where heels, but maybe heel wearing can become as accepted as ear rings on guys. Even low rise jeans have now crossed over to the male side, especially in Europe. So, for those of you out there thinking about it: Be yourself. Start with whatever you are comfortable. But DO wear the footwear of your choice when going out. You only live once/

[JeffB]

Not that I'm any sort of expert, but I think we fear the reactions of everyone around us. For the most part, we have no idea how the public at large will react to us as men who wear women's shoes, and have no control over what happens in that instance. Will we be laughed at, ridiculed or insulted? Will we be looked at as perverts, will we be disdained or thought of as unbalanced because we choose to indulge in an activity that's outside the "norms" of society. We fear the unexpected, and nothing is more unpredictable than the actions of those around us. I was the same way when I first began wearing heels in public, I was borderline paranoid wondering how co-workers would react to me. I'm fortunate in that they were extremely accepting, AND complimentary of the shoes I wear, but I could well be the exception to the rule. Fear can indeed be crippling, but only if we let it. As long as you decide not to let fear rule your life, then you cana practically do anything, including wearing women's shoes, openly and proudly.

[loveheel]

I think you ar right Jeff. It is probably the uncertainty about what the reaction will be that intimidates us. It is good to hear that in so many cases it has been positive

[gwl1]

I participate in a similar forum called Legwear as Unisex Fashion on Delphi Forums http://forums.delphiforums.com/legwearuf . It is a support/discussion group for guys who want to wear legwear (tights, pantyhose, stockings) and particular for those who want to wear it publically. We have all concluded that the demons are in our heads. Most people are too busy with their own lives to notice a guy in legwear, and those who do don't care, are polite enough not to say anything if they don't like it, or might pay a compliment if they do. It takes some guts to wear legwear in public with pants/jeans and no socks or with shorts (in warm weather), but many of us have mastered the demons and go with the flow. Fashion freedom is in our power to have, if we just get out there and do it.

It's too bad our society says it's ok for women to wear masculine stuff but not ok for men to wear feminine stuff. But men have broken the rules with earrings, and are doing so with hosiery and shoes. Who knows what fashion will bring 10-20 years from now? Keep heeling!

[joenj]

Well, part of it is this, the FFOYF factor (Falling Flat On Your Face). You should be able to walk well, in your shoes. That's why I am at the 3" heel height-limit, ( grin ) .

[jenneinheels]

I think it goes back to what we have to fear most is fear itself. Below is a case in point. I just recently made a commitment to myself to where my heeled boots in public every opportunity that I got. I made a substantial investment in 5 pair of heeled boots ranging in heights of 2.5 - 4.0 inch in the heel. Most are black but I wanted some variety and did get a pair of brown boots to wear. I've now gone 30 days striaght in wearing heeled wear in public! Last evening a friend took me to a Holiday concert. He was aware that I have a 'thing' for womens boots and shoes but never asked about me wearing them in public. Needless to say, when he showed up last evening to go to the concert, here I was in new textured twill pants and my 4 inch thick heeled black womens boots! One look at me, he smiled broadly and said that I looked fantastic. Lets' go honey, grabbed my hand and said - it is about time you did this! It was one great holiday concert and even more so that my fear of being with a friend in public while wearing my heels had been overcome! Jenne'

[loveheel]

Sounds like you had a great experience.

[highheellover]

good experience.

[Dawn HH]

Jenneinheels:-) That is some commitment that you made to yourself. Nothing like jumping in with both feet and going whole hog is there. That's great. More power to you and keep the peddle to the metal. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[Diana High Heels]

I agree with what has been said earlier, its all in the mind of the wearer, most people do not give a hoot what you wear these days. I think that if you were totally outrageous and wore say 6" heels then yes people would look but purely I am sure from the novelty point. Myself, I prefer to wear upto a max of 5" out in public and always with long trousers/jeans. I also wear quite openly ladies platform plimsolls in Pink and other colours even when out with my family. For instance spent today at Sainsburys in them, no one batted an eyelid. My daughters know of my fetish for ladies shoes but I do draw the line at wearing heels when out with them they for that actually encourage me to wear what they deem to be wild plimsolls. I even have several pairs of pink allstars and Jack Purcells. The point is this, do not be afraid has often your own mind makes YOU afraid, just go for it and enjoy. last year we cruised the Carribean with P&O and yes, I wore my pink Dunlops ALL the time, one lady actually said how nice it was to see a man in pastel colours. I now have pink 6" heels perhaps I ought to get some pink boots with 5" heels..........

[Brandy]

Fear can indeed be crippling, but only if we let it. As long as you decide not to let fear rule your life, then you cana practically do anything, including wearing women's shoes, openly and proudly.

I agree with you compleatly I have just given speach on a similar subject. I this case it was about wearing skirts. Under the skirt I wore a pair of Sudini Gale boots with 2.5" heels. Here is the link to my thread about my share:

http://www.tomscafe.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=7631

-- Brandy

[loveheel]

Great story, Brandy. And congratulations on having the courage to go your own way.

[Brandy]

Great story, Brandy. And congratulations on having the courage to go your own way.

-- Thank you -- Brandy