Julietta Posted February 24, 2003 Share Posted February 24, 2003 Hi all. Well this is week 2 of my best friends coming out. This week I actually went down to see him (or is it up? Geography never was my strong point ). The object of this visit was to go out and buy some make up, which is personally a thing that really appeals to me. Something about a man with lipgloss I think that goes back to the glam rock/new romantic days, I just think Adam Ant - very kissable lips...... umm (cold water over here please!) He welcomed me into his home wearing some really nice black velvet trousers, red fleece, red painted toe nails, black nylons and red flip flop style leather sandals (actually I have the same as I bought them for us last year). I didn't realise that the trousers were in fact womens until he pointed it out later that day when he said had to change into male mode. I would have been more than happy to go out with him in those, they looked nice with my boots.... tried to persuade him to go out in them but he still hasn't the confidence. Shame he looked really nice, and lets face it velvet ummm tactile too Another sad thing I found, well 2 things really. First thing I noticed was when the door bell rang. At that point he had changed his footwear into, what I think are his personal favourites, some nice Marks and Spencers black footglove 3" mules. Anyway he quickly went into his bedroom and changed into slippers to go and open his front door. The second, even worse, is that he lives in his own home and still hides all his lovely shoes and nail varnishes in case anyone sees them. I really felt for him at that point as I feel that when in your own home you should at least feel able to express yourself completely freely. He said, when I questioned him about it that when you are told enough to "take that off" then you become paranoid about it..... ummm I wish people were more considerate of others feelings :x Anyway I digress (typical woman ). Ok eventually after being a couple of couch potatos - he showed me all his photos with his various apparell and footwear, we are both quite lazy so didn't move for hours - we went into his local town to look at make up. He'd decided last week that he quite like the Catherine Zeta-Jones look as she looks in the film Chicago, basically smokey eyes, quite vampish. We ended up in Superdrug. Picked out a dark smokey grey shadow, foundation, concealer, moisturiser (an essential item to help with the application of the foundation, bronzing blusher, black khol pencil, black mascara, 2 lip glosses (one pale one called nude) and some makeup cleansing wipes. Pretty good for a first time purchase. Have to say he didn't go up to the counter with it all. I nearly forced him to to it by pushing the basket in his hand with the pretence of having to get something but thought it wouldn't really be a nice thing to do (might do it next time though ). After having something to eat I explained how it all went together and made up one of his eyes. He applied the khol and mascara. Have to say am envious of those eyelashes, why is it that men have such fantastic eyelashes? He then added some lipgloss (ummm ahhh) and I applied a little of the blusher. He looked very sexy indeed, which given the fact that he hadn't shaved for 3 days and is very dark was quite amazing. He quite liked it too, so much so I nearly lost my mirror . Encouraged by all this I thought up an androgenous look that we could both wear and it goes like this: Black jeans, him in my kneehigh black leather boots, me in my 4" stilleto ankle boots, tight red Tshirts and the mac in black as shown below in Argos Additions (click on colour options to see it in black). I would like the beige look but for a first outing I think that would be too much, and of course to finish the look a little subtle makeup. http://www.argosadditions.co.uk/additions/product.asp?brand=additions&cat%5Fid=8026&zone%5Fid=∏%5Fid=178013&seq=13&page=2&OrderBy=3&sManufacturer=&nShopByBrandCat=&offer%5Fid=178013Z&extra=&mscs_sid=S90SGD8KD17A8MR23GLRXQ8WMNN5BVS6 We will try it out and take some pics for you to judge. That was that really. I had a really great time with him, we get on so well anyway but this was so much fun, I think it would be safe to say one of the best days in my life so far, I just wish he had more confidence but we are working on that and when we come to meet you guys I'm sure it will help him heaps. Hope you don't find our ramblings too boring, Love to you all Julie and Polishuser2002 xx Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay1 Posted February 24, 2003 Share Posted February 24, 2003 Hi Julie! Your 'ramblings' made very interesting reading as I am in a similar situation to your friend as I am beginning to get more confidence in wearing heels in the public. I have worn 2 - 21/2 inch cowboys for years but have longed to wear something a little more 'interesting'. In the last year or so I have begun wearing 21/2 - 3 inch heel block heel boots in public and I am getting more confident with every step; pun DEFINITELY intended! I have just ordered a pair or knee high stretch boots with a 3 inch blade heel which I hope to wear pretty soon. I play bass in an old-fashioned rock band and I wear a pair of black leather ankle boots with a pointy toe and 21/2 inch block heel with black leather jeans as a 'stage' look which I find is helping my confidence. So far, no-one has said anything! I also would like to participate in the proposed meet-up with yourself and your friend and Yamyam, et al if I am not working or playing on the date that you decide. Please keep us posted with your friend's progress and please say 'good luck' to him! Luv Jay xx P.S. I wear clear lip gloss as 1) my lips get very dry and become a bit painful and one of my female friends suggested I try it, and 2) it looks cool! "If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything..." - Dr Emmet L Brown - 1985 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dockbay94 Posted February 24, 2003 Share Posted February 24, 2003 asdf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
squirrelheels Posted February 24, 2003 Share Posted February 24, 2003 That's excellent Julietta! I'm sure your friend will get there in the end. All it takes is time, and patience. I had considered wearing black nail polish once or twice... I might try it someday. I wonder what the parents will say! Has to be with the right outfit though...! SH Hi! I'm a signature virus! Copy me into your sig and help me spread! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yamyam Posted February 24, 2003 Share Posted February 24, 2003 Nice one, Julietta & PolishUser2002! "The look" sounds good, but I hope you don't mind if I don't fit in with it... eek! I'm happy in my jeans and tee-shirts I'm actually going to be around Hatfield (well, close enough to pop in) on Thursday night - is that any good? Otherwise, like I always say, Sundays are good with me, so let's pick one of those during March. Oh, and Jay, I can probably give you a lift if you trust my driving Obsessed is such a strong word. I prefer to think of myself as "differently enthusiastic" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted February 25, 2003 Author Share Posted February 25, 2003 Hi to you all, You guys are so nice and encouraging. Some women sure don't realise how nice it is to talk to men who are in touch with their femmine side. Having a friend like that is the most wonderful thing as most women love talking about makeup, shoes and clothes etc so from my stand I think it's like having the best of both worlds without the bitching. Yamyam don't think I can make Thursday so how about we try for either Sunday 9th March or Sunday 23rd March? Any girlies want to join us? Suz do you think you could make it? Jay1 - wow I love the sound of your look. Have always been a rock fan as love all that silver and turquoise jewellery, not to mention the lipgloss again LOL. Love Lenny Kravitz when he used to wear all that. At least you are in the right field to let yourself go at people in the entertainment business can really go for it and people accept it much easier. Love the sound of those boots bet they look fantastic. Thanks again for all your encouragement and we will keep you posted with our progression. Love Julie and Polishuser2002 xxx Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay1 Posted February 25, 2003 Share Posted February 25, 2003 Hi Julie, thanks for the compliment! Because some musicians tend to have somewhat 'different' looks, I thought it would be a great opportunity to firstly gain confidence, secondly because so many other great musicians have done so in the past so why can't I? and thirdly because I can merge two of the great passions I have in my life: playing bass and wearing heels! Incidentally, in my band we do 'Go My Way' by Lenny Kravitz in our set and it goes down a treat! Luv Jay xx "If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything..." - Dr Emmet L Brown - 1985 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay1 Posted February 25, 2003 Share Posted February 25, 2003 Hiya Yamyam, I'm sure I can trust your driving! Just make sure you have some decent tunes, eh? "If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything..." - Dr Emmet L Brown - 1985 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calv Posted February 27, 2003 Share Posted February 27, 2003 Julietta, really enjoy reading your friends coming out diary, does he have a name? screen name or otherwise. Theres a lot in there that reflects my own thoughts and situation. Keep us posted if you manage to arrange a meeting and both Xaphod and me would be able to come along. Make a change to do something different. Currently both March dates are free. Regards Do your own thing. Don't be a victim of conformity. Calv Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted February 28, 2003 Author Share Posted February 28, 2003 Calv hi, Thanks for the encouragement. His screen name is Polishuser 2002, not the greatest of post makers on this forum I think 4 is his max so far lol with one being made to myself. He seems to prefer it if I post on both our parts. He's shy so I don't mind really and I always get his approval. Hey what are friends for? Would be nice to arrange a meet wish some girlies would join us too though as I am feeling a bit out numbered here. Love Julie xx Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex Posted April 20, 2003 Share Posted April 20, 2003 Any update on this Julietta? I'm interested to know if your friend has progressed I wish I was a size 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted April 24, 2003 Author Share Posted April 24, 2003 Unfortunately there won't be another update to this story as well to put it bluntly he has dumped me. I don't need pity though as it is just one of those things. He just couldn't handle my personal situation, I guess he has enough on his plate with trying to get to grips with who he is... It all happened so fast. We were talking on the phone and my ex partner decided to start and tried to grab my phone. I told my friend I had to go. My ex partner hated me talking/texting/emailing friends or family, ever seen the film "Boxing Helena"? that was how he would have liked our relationship. Eventually after things calmed down and I got my phone back and put it back together again my friend had sent me a message basically it said " Am going to lay off contact as I feel I am making your situation worse please don't take my lack of response to you the wrong way I will always be your friend" or words to that effect. He was true to his word - he didn't respond... The next couple of weeks were the worst of my life. The ex stepped up his mental/physical campaign against me, the police couldn't do anything you have to be half dead, so I had to leave. I still tried to contact my friend but he still wouldn't respond. To say that hurt is an understatement. I trusted him, I supported him, I loved him, he was I thought my best friend. We had got on so well for over a year and I thought I knew him but obviously I didn't. He did to me what his girlfriend did to him... guess that is what I found hardest, he knew the pain he went through when his GF cut him off dead, and he did the same to me... After having a lot of thinking time at my parents and, once I'd been to court and the dust started settling, I started the process of getting 'them' out of my system. Well the ex was easy as he is not one of the nicest persons on this planet. My friend however was another story... It's hard to find resolution and delete someone from your system when you have both had such a brilliant friendship. But as time went on I began to need resolution from him. How could he say that he was my friend and be so cold? Resolution came. I had got my laptop back and opened msn messenger to find that he had taken me off his contact list. Not a word. Not a bye or leave. A friendship wiped out by the stroke of a button. In anger, and hurt I deleted him too but it left and unresolved void in my heart. I wanted HIM to tell me our friendship was over. But how to get him to respond to me... Laying in bed that night unable to sleep the answer came, and this I have to say I am ashamed of but the anger and hurt drove me. I went downstairs and got my phone. Via text I thanked him for his kindess and as a reward I was going to distribute his pictures on the net, bunny boiler tactics? woman scorned? justice? Not really, as I wasn't going to do it. I partly wanted to hurt him as he had hurt me, but mostly I wanted a response from him. I wanted him to face me and tell me it was over. To stop cowering behind his phone. To be honest with me. To damn well communicate! The following morning I heard that Bush was contemplating going into Syria then Iran. Knowing his family could be effected I felt woried for him so texted a "Contrary to my text of last night I am sorry to hear of the possible danger to your family and I hope for peace" or something to that effect... for the first time in weekeds he responded. "Don't worry. Do what you want with your pathetic pictures" were the words leaping out at me from my phone. We had an exchange. I told him I wasn't going to post them. He said he was ashamed of me that I had sunk so low, he felt betrayed again. After pushing he said our relationship was "tricky" but that he had always wanted to be my friend. I asked for resolution. I didn't get it. I left it that if he didn't respond further I would take it that it was over. He did not respond so I have taken it that it is over... I have now moved on. I can't hold onto things, there is just no point. In a way he did me a favour because I was using his problems to camoflage my own and I have been sticking my head in the sand for the past 6 years now. Call it pride or plain stupidity or just avoidance of an awful truth, but his dumping me made me have to face my own ghosts and deal with them. As for 'my friend', on hind sight I can see that my situation was particularly scary and human response is to either stay or flee (fight or flight), and after reading my affidavit of events over a couple of months, I can't say I blame him. I didn't believe how awful my life was myself until I read it in black and white. I wish him well and hope that he can stop hiding who he really is and I pray he finds true happiness. They say that every cloud has a silver lining and mine is that it was he that put me in touch with this board, and from it, I have found some really interesting and lovely people. I have realised that all the rats that left the sinking boat, apart from 'my friend', well they were still there waiting for me. They didn't get in touch as they thought that by phoning or contacting me would make my life hell and in truth they were right, not that it felt like it at the time mind you... I am a happy person by nature and no one is going to get me down life is way too short. I am soooo lucky I have my great loving family, my true fantastic and supportive friends, my grounding job and my health, so hey life is great and I have high hopes for my future :drinking: :bday: :rofl: :sleeping: Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay1 Posted April 24, 2003 Share Posted April 24, 2003 Hi Julie I'm very sorry to hear that you and your friend are not speaking anymore. Maybe at some point in the future this situation might change. There is always hope. I am very familiar with that feeling as the same thing has happened to me a few times over the years and it really made me feel like I was completely worthless. But each time, I have managed to pick myself up and have become a stronger person for doing it. I hope that you can get yourself sorted out and that good things start to happen for you. BTW, Thunder are an EXCELLENT band!!! Love Jay x "If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything..." - Dr Emmet L Brown - 1985 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted April 24, 2003 Author Share Posted April 24, 2003 Thanks Jay. I am a believer that life is full of ups and downs and when we are down the only way is to go back up again. Love Thunder great lyrics and they are such nice guys as they do a lot of chairty concerts for the homeless. Love Julie xxx Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobHH Posted April 25, 2003 Share Posted April 25, 2003 I've been on both ends of relationships that came to an end and it is very hard on the one who doesn't want it to end. Very hard. I have no pat answers. I did find the perfect woman, first as an acquaintance, then a friend, then a wife. We worked together for years. We liked the same things, were totally accepting of each other, helped each other, liked being together all the time, and planned a long future together. She was all I ever wanted, she was Love. But, I lost her to a sudden heart attack far too young. And I don't think I will ever find anyone else to compare. Certainly not yet. My only advice: Don't stay with or pursue someone who doesn't want you. Both people must be open, accepting, and uncritical. They must enjoy each other's company and want to do things together. And listen! And give compliments. And be loving and supportive at all times. The usual reaction from other wives when I quit my job and worked from home (she had quit before) was: "How can you stand him around all the time? I think I would go crazy!" The BW's answer: "I love it!" I guess this is sort of rambling. I just wish you the best. It's a crapshoot most of the time. Only with the BW (Beautiful Wife) did I know that she was what I wanted, and that we were meant for each other. I liked others, even married one, but it was never the same feeling as with the BW later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted April 25, 2003 Author Share Posted April 25, 2003 My only advice: Don't stay with or pursue someone who doesn't want you. Hi Bob - there is no way I would pursue it, I just wanted resolution and I got it He left me dangling and I really didn't know where I stood I just needed to know and wanted him to be man enough to say it. All my life I have had to be the one to end things, even when I have given them the opportunity to do it themselves, as I feel life is way too short to stay in something that isn't working. In saying that I spend a year in the first relationship, 16 years in the 2nd and 8 years in this last one. I have only had 3 months free from a relationship between those... and they all came to me as I have never actively gone after anyone, they just seemed to happen... I have wasted enough time to try and work out what went wrong with one friendship. I have so many other friends that have been neglected by me over the past year, through one thing and another, that now it's time for to enjoy my new found freedom, my great friends, my home and family as these are what really matter. I am excited at beginning a fresh new chapter in my life, and who knows Bob, one day I may be as lucky as you have been, and thank you for sharing your experiences with me/us, it give people hope that there is a special person out there for each and everyone of us. Julie xxx hope you will still stay in touch on this board Kneehighs are you kidding - that's a given Jx Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mk4625 Posted April 26, 2003 Share Posted April 26, 2003 I am excited at beginning a fresh new chapter in my life, and who knows Bob, one day I may be as lucky as you have been, and thank you for sharing your experiences with me/us, it give people hope that there is a special person out there for each and everyone of us. I hope you find that person Julie. I too have had to start over. A package arrived for Jean on Tuesday and I dropped it off at her house (no one was home). While standing at her doorstep I felt some of the old feelings coming back. I left in a hurry. The healing will take time, I know. But as my relationship with Kathy grows, she will displace Jean completely in my thoughts. Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yamyam Posted April 26, 2003 Share Posted April 26, 2003 The toughest thing for me about my divorce is that I can't just cut off from my ex- and remain in our child's life. I've chosen to stay very much in his life, so I have to deal with her being around. But I'm moving on, finding new friends and things are looking up. Obsessed is such a strong word. I prefer to think of myself as "differently enthusiastic" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted April 28, 2003 Author Share Posted April 28, 2003 I have lost my best friend, and I'd be a liar if I said I didn't miss him, because I do, but I have only felt at peace with him this last couple of days. I was really hurt then angry with him for a while there but, I'm over that now. I understand why he had to break away. Given my circumstances of me living with the luntatic from hell I can't blame him. I truly hopes he finds himself and someone to love him for the wonderful person he is, I mean he looks so good in open toed sandals with red painted nails seems a shame to hide such perfection. Better still though, today, my now very ex abusive partner is moving out of my home as I am writing this which means tomorrow I get my life back I will still be connected to him through our daughter but that's fine, he isn't allowed into my life anymore otherwise he is in serious trouble. Our daughter is his life and to be honest I don't think he will jeopardise loosing her. I think us not being there for the past couple of months has given him time to reflect and realise how destructive he had become. Anyway it's well and truly over and I feel so free and happy for the first time in years. As I said before, I have my wonderful supportive friends, old and new, and my fantatic loving family, yep life is looking good Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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