BoyLegs

If she'll wear lingerie where no one else is looking, will she wear heels where no one else is looking? What do other women who live around you wear? A lot of women try to fit in. If she sees other women going to church in the good flip-flops, it may be very hard for her to go out in public in shoes like that, gorgeous though they are.

"Every night I pray that people with money get taste and people with taste get money."-- Hutton Wilkinson

White stiletto pumps with pointed toes look absolutely magnificent. I like the shoes you show in the first message, even though the heels are chunky.

In the cities, women dress more competitively. In the suburbs, it tends to be very casual. And in rural America, fugedaboudit.

Just got mine today. They are so sweet.

They're beautiful. Keep at it.

Ballerina flats are great. I have several pair. Tell us, what color are they? Got pic? If your wife is going to egg you on to wearing them, that trumps any opinion you're going to hear on a chat board. Who knows, maybe she'll get competitve and start wearing heels.

What's not to like about them? Excellent choice.

I think pointed toes are incredibly sexy, although I found the black round toes previously posted attractive as well. If the shoes fit properly, you're not jamming your toes into the point.

I think the ankle straps with the peep toes are absolutely gorgeous. How high are the heels on those?

I have bought from JMS and been pleased with their products. They offer thigh-highs that work well for me, in 4X. I only wish they came in white. If you can't/won't do mail order, Wal-Mart has them.

I have had success using cortisone on any skin that itches. I have been shaving for three years, and my skin is slowly adapting.

Hi Azbus,

I applaud you for looking for answers rather than freaking out by your lonesome, and I hope you don't feel too beaten up after reading all the responses.

First, your husband's desires are not a slam on you. Don't think that if you lost weight/dyed your hair/had a boob job/whatever, "he'd be sufficiently turned on by me and he wouldn't need the boots." That is not the way it works (I wish I had explained this to my ex). It was there before you were.

Second: No, this does not mean that his first love is his boots and you are the other woman.

Know that his desire to wear boots is visceral, not rational. Other respondents have already pointed out that it won't go away. You might be able to get him to suppress his desires. That doesn't mean he gets rid of the desires. It means that he locks the desires down and, very likely, over the years becomes very angry. He may even lose track of why he's angry. Want to grow old together like that?

Another possibility is that he takes the pledge for you with the best of intentions, but he just can't stay the course. One day you'll be rooting through the attic, and you'll find his stash. It will have been the farthest thing from your mind. Imagine the rush of emotions you'll feel: shock, anger, shame, betrayal. Sound appealing?

You should talk to him about the boots. But before you can have a conversation with him, you need to have a conversation with you. You also have visceral needs, and they are legitimate. You've probably had a vision for years of what your marriage relationship was going to be like, and from your posting, I doubt that your vision included your man wearing high-heeled boots. So you need to clarify your priorities. What can you live with? What can you absolutely not live with? What do you need to put limits on? What do you need from him for you to feel loved? What is essential to you, and what is just noise?

Once you have clarified this for yourself, you're ready to talk to him.

I'm sure this is probably far from how you thought it was going to be on the morning of your wedding day. It causes you to question yourself, him and everything you've believed. I wish you both the best.

Hi Le, First, I hope to find someone who is as understanding as you are. I think that you're going to both be a lot happier if your boyfriend takes ownership of his desires. This is a hard thing to do, especially in front of another person. There are shame issues, trust issues, issues up the wazoo. You are the person who can best judge the pacing that feels right for both of you. Let him know that you're there for him and you accept him. Have him take you shoe shopping. When the timing is right, let him know that you want to see him in heels. Make sure he knows you accept it, not just tolerate it. And be prepared, because once he actually lets the air in, he may want to wear shoes and talk about shoes every waking moment that you're alone together for about two weeks after you've hit saturation. Good luck

Name: BoyLegs Age: early 40s Gender: male Location: Minnesota, USA Occupation: IT Height: 6'0" Weight: over Shoe size: 13 or 14, depending on maker, W preferred What's your favourite heel style: stilletos! What's your favourite shoe style: pumps, mary janes, T-straps Do you wear your heels outside: not yet What is: (a) Your favourite heel height: 4" ( Your highest heel height: 7" How often do you wear: (a) Your favourite heel height: 1-2x/wk ( Your highest heel height: occasionally Do you wear socks, hose, stockings or bare feet with your shoes: Mostly bare feet, but sometimes stockings, occasionally seamed or net Anything else you wish to add: I love color. Red and fuchsia, of course, but other bright colors as well. The shoes I own have a range of heel heights, from flats to ultra high. I think I have crossed over the Imelda point. I dream of the day we can have clothing equality and I can freely wear skirts and pretty shoes.