SleekHeels

Does this anxiety subside after a while?

As for anxiety, don't feel bad about it or let it get to you, it happens to all of us from time to time, even me. Yes, anxiety does fade away eventually, but don't force it away, it's all about the process of developing your "emotional armor" that helps you freestyle with confidence. Just keep at it, that confidence will come.

I hope I'm not being presumptuous in picking up on this point, as I feel it's worthy of its own topic (rather than hijacking).

I wonder if that anxiety is a bit like an actor, even an experienced one, might feel anxious before a performance - indeed that anxiety might be essential to giving a good performance. So I don't try to force it away, and it's very reassuring that Jeff would say that with vastly more experience.

I've found that I've kept the anxiety which serves to give me perspective on my personal safety, but the more "paranoid" anxiety has really just dissipated, or transformed into excitement and fun, with each experience. Maybe the anxiety even fuels a drive to constantly push boundaries a little more each time, which can be a bit addictive. There comes a time when your personal comfort zone has expanded to encompass far more than you could have imagined, and everyday scenarios can be faced comfortably and confidently.

Thanks for the positivity, it makes up for the distinct sense of isolation that day as most people seemed very evasive. That's something I've perceived as I've gained confidence in presenting an overall look. It seemed easier for people to digest when I just wore heels with a more androgynous look of bootcut jeans and a shirt.

The statue is at St Pancras train station in London and is called "The Meeting Place" by sculptor Paul Day. You can find lots of pictures on the internet, search for "St Pancras statue" on Google images. It's an irresistible spot for a heeling photo and I've passed by there once before: http://www.hhplace.o..._80#entry300722

Jeff, the fact that you're approaching your 200th jaunt has been most inspirational. Thank you.

I'm definitely at the "value" end of the market. For bootcut jeans my favourites are from Peacocks (£12): They sit really comfortably on the waist and hips and have a nice shape to them. These are from a couple of years ago and have the stitch detailing on the pockets. Their current version just has plain pockets, presumably cost-cutting to stay at their price-point but I'd rather pay an extra £1 and have the stitching. It's enough to make me hold off buying and look elsewhere. I also have some bootcut jeans from New Look (these in black, and also the same pair in white), and they're also a great fit, and the material has a nice soft-texture and not too thin. I find it's just trial and error, I have to shop around and try on lots of different styles and maybe 1 in 10 will have the right combination of fit and styling for me to buy. If that's true for bootcut, it's even more so for skinny jeans. I don't have the best legs for skinnies but my favourites so far are from Peacocks: The black pair are a little long and bunch towards the ankle, but I've seen that look out-and-about and I quite like it (whether I pull it off or not is another matter). In any case, I think too long is definitely better that too short. With skinny jeans I actually like the look with flats as well as heels, but for bootcut it has to be heels.

In the book The Shame Response to Rejection, Thomas in the introduction states what you can read about accepting one another as the antidote for shame.

That could almost imply that shame can be the catalyst for accepting others, although that relies on a degree of empathy. Unfortunately many small-minded people inflict shame on others to make themselves feel bigger. They should be ashamed of shaming others.

Thanks for your comments guys. More adventures this week, and a passing tourist kindly took this "out-and-about" photo of me. This dress and jacket is a summer outfit I've been wanting to try for a while, and I was really excited to match it up with my new wedge sandals. I was called "sir" by the cashiers at a sandwich shop and a cafe, which I like because it means the "guy in heels" message is getting across. Other than that just a couple of brief glares from upper-middle-aged women tourists, who I can only presume were jealous that I was basking in femininity while they slopped around in their leisure wear! I usually get my most positive reactions from well-dressed women who are confident and whose femininity doesn't feel the slightest bit threatened by something as trivial as a guy in heels.

I think the key is to not be ashamed of shame.

Jeff, here are some pics of the outfit: While it did feel quite bold to wear red, to me it feels almost as bold to wear white. There seem to be lots of splashes of very bright neon colours at the moment. In the store where I bought the skirt it was displayed with a neon pink top and it was a very effective combination. Also here are a couple of pics from my most recent outing: These are some of my earliest heels that I still own. I bought them from Faith shoes back in the mid 1990's. They seemed quite high back in those days, but at 3¾" they're probably some of the lowest heels I own. The heels have a nice tapered shape which I like. The outfit, and especially the heels, got some glances. There were no positive comments (which would've been nice) but no sniggering either. I hardly saw anyone else in heels, though I did compliment someone on her hat.

Thanks guys, it's always interesting to relate my experiences with those of others. I'll post a pic of the whole outfit next time I get the chance to take some photos.

My parents know but they disapprove. They only found out when I was an adult but, judging from their reaction, if they'd found out when I was a child they'd have packed me off to some military camp and blasted me with masculinity (which let's face it would most likely have had the opposite effect). On the couple of occasions we have talked about it I've spoken openly and tried to be sympathetic that it's not easy for them to accept it, and I'll continue to do so, but they seem pretty much entrenched in their mindset and it upsets them so we tend not to bring up the subject. I've made it pretty clear that it was futile and destructive trying to "exorcise" it from my life all those years ago and I've moved on from that way of thinking.

Unfortunately I've been having to run around in flats a lot recently, but I made up for it with my latest adventure. I wore my red peeptoe courts with 5¼" heels / 1¼" platforms. The rest of the outfit was a new black & white midi skirt and a red teeshirt under a denim jacket. I guess there must be something about red because it was quite eventful as heeling adventures go, even to the point that some of the glances I attracted seemed to be tinged with a little shoe-envy! At the cafe a lady held the door open for me as I was carrying my coffee filled to the brim. I said "Thanks, that makes it a bit easier for me not to spill my coffee wearing these shoes!". She smiled back in what seemed a very genuine way, which I hope is because I was dressed in a way that's respectful of femininity. In any case, I only mention it to show that it was a very normal interaction and that a guy in heels doesn't have to evoke some kind of circus freak-show reaction. I hope that gives some confidence to those feeling uneasy about taking their first steps out in heels. Later at the same cafe, as I passed a table I unexpectedly got an "I love your shoes!" from a petite young lady perched on a high chair. I replied "Thank you, I love yours too" as she was wearing some fabulous light brown peeptoes, and we both angled our feet slightly as if to compare the heights of our heels, which were pretty similar. It's great to encounter someone who enjoys their heels, that seems like quite a rarity these days. I saw one young lady wearing a fabulous pair of black strappy heels, As we passed each other I smiled and said "nice shoes!" and got a rather cautious "thank you" - maybe I just caught her by surprise, because they definitely looked like heels that should feel fabulous to wear, and she seemed to walk very confidently and gracefully in them. Finally, later in the day, a lady whispered "I like your shoes" as she took a seat next to me. It was in a quiet communal study area so we couldn't really talk, but I whispered back a polite "thank you". A day like that seems to confirm the "magic power" of red heels!

I've tried on shoes and boots in lots of stores on Oxford Street, including New Look, River Island, Wallis, Debenhams. For sure some staff and customers are a little more phased than others but all staff have been very professional and courteous, and reactions have varied from neutral to positively enthusiastic. I don't mean to trivialise your concerns - it is very hard to believe it can go so well until you experience it for yourself - but if you can step into each store like it's the world you want it to be, your biggest problem will be the scarcity of boots at this time of year. Good luck to you.

I have one pair of black ballet pumps and I really like the style, they're very comfortable and pretty. I have another 3 pairs in different colours but they don't have the little string tied as a bow at the fron so I guess technically they're not "ballet" flats without that?

Nice purchase! The croc look makes those shoes pop! I hope you wear them well!

Show us some pics of you in the rest of the outfit.

Thanks guys. Here are some photos at last.

Craving a particular style of heels seems to be a very rare pleasure these days, but I really really love these wedges...

I'd just about given up, but I got lucky and found them

Usually when I see more than one buckle I think "too many straps", but I totally love these and definitely don't want to be hiding them under long trousers!

Nice selection fatfuzz, my favourites are the the black sude with the metallic toe-cap - their heel height is perfect and the cut around the toe is very elegant. The lower cut of the purple pair look great on you, but I find that low-cut styles like that aren't so flattering for me. They're nice to see on others though. How do you find the sizing/fit from Long Tall Sally - they look like maybe they're best suited to feet that aren't too wide?

That's great Jeff, the top really blends well with the overall look. I really like the sleeveless or short-sleeved look but I've been very apprehensive about wearing anything like that because my arms are quite hairy and I don't think that looks nice. In the summer I usually wear a light long-sleeved shirt or blazer to cover my arms.

Today, as I was checking out of a supermarket, the young black female cashier about 20, who was waiting on me, jaw almost dropped as she handed me my change and looked at my 4" wedge heel slides I was wearing, which shows off my red pedi very much. I wasn't wearing a skirt but had a pair of khaki capris and a black polo shirt. She smiled at me and said, "I like your style". I thanked her for the compliment she paid me. That was a real nice jesture on her part. It helped make my day!

That just goes to show hiw any jaw-dropping initial responses aren't necessarily a bad reaction by any means.

Craving a particular style of heels seems to be a very rare pleasure these days, but I really really love these wedges (from New Look, style# 02863558).

I've only seen them in one store and not in my size, and they're not on the website. I hate when styles appear so fleetingly before they vanish, and I tend to lose interest in buying other shoes when there's an unobtainable style I've missed out on. I do hope they make a reappearance, like the rather lovely "Tie knot peeptoe sling back heels" have done recently:

http://www.newlook.c...heels_287667741

Welcome back HappyFeat. It's amazing how you've gone from cautiously hiding your heels to wearing bold and bright looks so confidently. As for those wedges I think they look fabulous with the blue maxi skirt. I wonder if wedge heels are respected more because they express dressing for fashion and to please yourself, whereas stilletos have the unfortunate stereotype of dressing to please men (which often couldn't be further from the truth). It's seems like wearing wedges is a seal of approval that you're wearing heels for the "right" reasons (i.e. because you love them, not to please other people).

I bought these black ankle strap heels, my first purchase for a long time. They seem like quite a flexible style that would look good with formal wear, but I love the idea of wearing them with cropped skinny jeans.

http://www.newlook.c...shoes_286709901

An interesting little article from a London newspaper earlier this week:

Gabby: Boss said I was too glamorous

Sports presenter Gabby Logan claims she was once told off by a BBC boss for looking "too glamorous" when he spotted her in high-heeled boots. But Logan, 40, above, defended her looks and said viewers want to see something "aspirational" on TV. She told Radio Times: "It's right that people on prime time look after their appearance."

- Evening Standard, Tuesday 23 July 2013, page 12

There's a more detailed version of the article at:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2374389/Sky-Sports-uses-pretty-women-says-Gabby-Logan-glamorous-BBC.html

I'm also pretty tight on space for shoes (not to hide them, just to store them) so I'd probably have to let go of an old pair to make way for a new pair of heels. Up until now a couple of pairs that were worn out beyond repair have gone ot the local recycling centre. Four pairs that were in better condiion went to a charity shop where they hopefully found new owners. They were almost as good as new but just didn't fit right, one pair too big and the other three pairs too small/narrow. I'd struggle to decide the next pair to let go - there are a couple of pairs that need minor repairs but I really like them so I'd rather keep those and probably get rid of the pairs that fit the worst or look the least flattering on me. You said you've sold 3 pairs already and could sell up to 12 more, which is potentially around 50% of your collection. I think at a push I could maybe find 5 or 6 pairs out of my collection of about 60 to let go of, so that's only around 10% I'd consider dispensable.

I remember first going out in heels hoping no one would notice, now I feel like its a waste of fashion expression if they don't.

That's very well put, I feel the same way.

I usually buy the same size (UK7) whether it's boots, shoes or sandals, flats or heels. A couple of times (a few years ago, before I started trying on in store) I bought some high-heeled strappy sandals in the next size up (because they didn't have my size and it was a clearance sale) but I wasn't happy with how they looked on me because they looked too long. Last summer I bought some flat sandals and, after trying them I bought the 8's because they looked more "right" whereas the 7's looked a little too small. I've certainly never needed to go for a smaller size. I do have quite wide feet so if a style is too narrow to wear comfortably I'll just leave it rather than go up to a size that's too big in length.

I suppose I've always viewed gallantry as not exploiting someone's weakness. Picking on someone your own size. But it has a thing, doesn't it, of looking after them too. But certainly, to be gallant is to be aware of someone's vulnerability.

So I guess that not picking on someone smaller than you just to make yourself feel good is a start, while choosing to pick on someone bigger than you in order to challenge an injustice against the vulnerable is proper gallantry. I'm far from convinced that modern politics aspires to either, but on the other hand many people seem willing to expect such gallantry from politicians but don't expect it of themselves.

I guess some people might have reservations about wearing such bold colours. Have you always felt confident about that or is it somethng you built up to? I really like that shade of pink, and I think what would give me the confidence to wear it would be (a) that it's part of a coordinated look, and ( b ) it's a bright sunny day that suits the mood of the colour. (I should add that if I saw someone rocking that look on a gloomy winter's day, I'd think "cool!").

HappyinHeels, I'll echo what bluejay and Steve said, that style of jeans with wedges is a great combination.

How on earth does one break a wedge?

Well, some of the pavements are getting bad enough to do that!

As for your impressive shopping frenzy Steve, I'm way behind you. I bought two pairs of shoes in one day on only one occasion and that was years ago. I think I prefer the intensity of one new pair of shoes at a time.