kirkules

A biker goes to Hell astride his bike. He whellies his machine through the gates of Hell but comes to an immediate stop. In front of him are plush meadows full of butter cups and poppies and daisies and dandylions. Scattered about were picnic benches. Surrounding these benches were ordinary people eating picnic food and drinking beer. The biker dismounts his bike, and with mouth wide open approaches a bench. A guy turns to him and offers him a beer, some sandwiches and some crisps along with the usual picnic victuals. The biker accepts and starts to enjoy himself. Then he spots the Main Man. He walks up to the Devil and says "Mr Devil, not that I am complaining or anything, but this is not how I imagined Hell to be!" "Oh yes, that!" replies the Devil. "See that track over yonder that goes over the hill? Follow it to an old house. I think there you will find what you are looking for." So the biker walks up over the hill over the track pointed out to him by the Devil. He see's the old house and walks up to it. As he approaches he can hear an abomination of noises. Whips cracking, steam hissing and human screams of terror. He looks through a Bulleye window and turns white at the image inside. In front of him are people being flayed with hot irons, rusty nails being hammered under their fingernails. Stomachs being......you get the picture. The biker runs off feeling sick, back in the direction of the picnic area. The Devil see's him and say "I see you found what you were looking for!" "But I don't understand" says the biker "Here you are, picnicing and being all nice while there are people being brutally tortured!" ""Beats me!" says the Devil, "That's how the Catholics like it!"

William Shakespear walks into a Pub and the barman shouts to him "You can't come in...........you're bard!"

dr1819............... Please...! Don't give up your day job..............though the polar bear gag was good. A guy walks into a bar and orders fifty shots of whisky. He downs them all in quick succession. The barman leans over and asks why he is drinking so many shots....... "Because I ahve just had my first blow-job...." says yhe guy. The barman pats him on the back and says "Well done mate, here, have one more on the house!" "Forget it" says the guy, "If fifty can't get rid of the taste, another one won't make any difference!"

A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks... "Why the long face..?" :drinking:

Their new (ish) video 'Buttons' is HOT HOT HOT !!!!!! Sexy girls wearing very lovely boots and skimpy outfits. I had to download it from iTunes.

Brilliant Shockqueen....!! I laughed out loud. Everyone must check this out, see shockqueen post above and follow the instructions. Good luck..

Two dogs are sitting in the vets. Bob and Bill. Bob turns to Bill and asks why he is there. "Well" says Bill, "I was out walking with the master when this French Poodle bitch walked past. She was shaven as they do and I thought 'Woof Woof' and pulled off my leash and gave her a good seeing to.....so I'm here to have me nadgers cut off!" "That is terrible...!" Says Bob. "So why you here Bob..?" Asks Bill. "Well" starts Bob, "I was in the masters bedroom, laying on the bed cleaning my bits.......because I can when the mistress came out of the shower glistening wet with nothing but a small towel around her. The towel fell off and she bent over saying 'Bugger Me...' so I did just that. I couldn't help myself. I lept off the bed and mounted her". "Oh no...!" says Bill. "So are you here to be put down....?" "Nah.....!!" Says Bob, "I'm getting my claws cut......!"

All the daft jokes are coming out to get me past the twenty five post marker and off these comfy loafers.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto go into this one horse town looking for a baddy in the middle of winter. They stop at a saloon bar. The Lone Ranger says to Tonto... "Tonto, you wait here.......these people aren't too welcoming to Indians!" The Lone Ranger tells him. "But it is cold out here!" says Tonto. "Run on the spot then, it will keep you warm" says the Lone Ranger and off he goes into the saloon bar. After about five minutes a cowboy walks into the saloon, saunters up to the bar and asks... "Who owns the silver horse outside...?" "Me..!" says The Lone Ranger, standing up from a table, hand on his holster. "Why.....?" "Cause you left your Ingine running...!!!!!!!!!!!"

A man walks into a pub with a giraffe in tow. He orders two pints of beer, one for him and one for the giraffe. After about ten pints, the giraffe falls over drunk and lays on the floor. The guys stands up and goes to leave. The barman says to him... "Oi....you can't leave that l'yin' there" "It's not a lion" says the guy........"It's a giraffe...!!"

On the talking animal theme........ A guy goes into a pet shop and asks the owner if he has a talking parot. "No" says the owner "but I do have a talking centipeed..!" "I'll take it" says the guy, passes over some money and walks out of the shop with the centipeed in a box under his arm. When he gets home, the guys opens the box and introduces himself to his new friend. There is no reply. "Do you fancy going down to the pub for a pint of beer?" The guy asks the centipeed. No reply so he leaves it five minutes and asks again "Do you fancy going to the pub for a pint of beer?" Still no reply. This time he leans over the box and says slowly and concisely "I am going to the pub for a beer. Do you fancy coming?" "I heard you the first time!" Says the centipeed. "Give me a chance, I'm putting my shoes on...............!"

Last night, 30 July 06, was my local town's wine festival, my local town being Cella in Deutchland. So a group of us decided to hit the town. I had panited my toenails purple the night before and felt at ease with them. I walked into my friends room bare foot and had a chat. One of the lads there happened to glance down and saw my feet, went quiet and upon me leaving I heard him whisper to his mate 'Did you see his toenails? He has painted them!' Shock Horreur...........!!! When we finally made it to the town, we all bought a bottle of vino each and started chatting. I was wearing a pink Paisley style patterned Ben Sherman short sleeve shirt with blue knee length denim shorts and a pair of Clarks brown leather sandles with just a part of my bigs toes and pinkies showing. One of the other guys had obviously been coersed into asking me the question. "Kirkules! Why are your toenails purple dude?" he asks. "Because I haven't got any pink nail varnish!" I replied. His face was a picture. So we chatted for a while and I tried to explain to him why I enjoy dressing as a 'chick' or even wearing some small parts of girls raiments. For a young lad he seemed to take it well.

soldier

Alas Micha, duty calls that weekend for Queen and Country. In other words, I have to work and there is no way of getting out of it. But I hope you have a great time. Regards from Kirkules

Micha and dr1819, I have recently moved to Celle, near Hannover amnd am yet to venture out into public in either a skirt and heels and make-up or just heels. I am unsure of of the attitude of the German public towards this kind of thing. Are the Germans accepting of cross-dressers in public, or men in heels? I have toyed with the idea of wearing heeled boots while riding my motorbike around the area. The only thing putting me off is if I have the same control of my machine with a stilletto heel on the footpeg. TBG, hope your back recovers fully soon..... Regards to everyone......

It has been discovered that Wimbledon 2006 was full of Witches. Tim Henman is a waitch! Andy Roddick is a witch! Venus Williams is a witch! Goran Evanhesavitch.....

Well, I made it to Germany in one piece and have only just got connected to the net. I have read all your kind words. May I just say though that Steffaniboots from Swiss, Woof Woof..........my tongue fell out at your picture. You look fabulous, an image I could not pull off easily. Nice short leather skirt and lovely boots. I really enjoyed my day as Kirsty and look forward to letting her out to play again soon. I still have to gauge though the reaction and sympathies (if any) of the local town. I really hope she can come out again. Hamburg is only 1 1/2 hours away. Maybe she can come out to play there. I will let you know.

David Attenborough has discovered a new tribe of Pygmies in deepest Africa. They live amongst the 6 feet tall elephant grass. Standing at just 4 feet 3 inches tall, they are called the Fuqarewees. They keep jumping up and shouting "Where the fuck are we?"

Nigel, Thighbootguy and Bobbie, Thank you all for such kind remarks. I was really surprised to see Kirsty in all her glory and beauty in the mirror in front of me. So much so that last Saturday, while England thrashed poor Jamaica 6-0 at football (I didn't really watch, I am a Scotland supporter for my sins) I went and had both my ears pierced to add to the realism for Kirsty. I find clip-on earings hurt my ears too much. Thanks again guys, and thank you Nigel for posting my picture, I was having real problems getting them onto the net.

Right then everyone, here is your chance to tell us a funny joke, story or one liner and I don't mean the Titanic! You can tell us a joke about any subject or any situation. The only thing is to make us all laugh......... Hopefully.... Please keep it clean within the scope of this website. We don't want the humour police telling us off. I shall start it off with a joke. George W Bush was sitting in the Oval Office of the White House when Donald Rumsfeld walks in and says "Mr President, today in Iraq, three Brazilian soldiers where killed!" Mr Bush turned pale and put his head in his hands. When he looked up there were tears in his eyes. Donald Rumsfeld was taken aback by the Presidents show of sympathy. George W controlled his emotions and replied to Donald "That is terrible, but how many soldiers are there in a Brazilian?"

As promised, I shall tell you how my day went yesterday, 2nd June, going out into public for the first time, proper after a makeover. My beautician gave me a wonderful two and a half hour experience. She manicured my nails and gave them a French Manicure. She reshaped my eyebrows again, this time though a little more feminine than usual, and she also coloured my eyelashes dark brown. I showed her the colour of my outfit, very autumnal with tan brown leather skirt, dark brown hippy style top, black two and a half inch knee boots, black hold-ups (hose?) and a strawberry blonde wig. Once my make over was done, I dressed into my outfit and my hairdresser then reshaped my wig for me. She feathered the front a little and gave it a good brush. It was now time for me to take that step out into the hussle and bussle of downtown Cartoontown in Oxfordshire, a very male orientated town served by a military air station. I was starting to feel very nervous. The palms of my hands started to sweat. My wife told me to be calm, walk tall and to walk on the line. This was it. The exit to the salon beckoned. Would people stop and stare at me? Would aircraft fall from the sky? Would the Seven Riders of the Apocalypse appear? I walked out into the sunshine with my sunglasses on and my head tall. Suddenly, five young lads about twelve years of age walked towards me. Would they realise that the tall Amazonian beauty walking towards them was actually a man? They didn't bat an eyelid. I walked around half the town, walking the line, head back, my heels clop-clopping. No one payed me any attention. I did it! I was a woman in society. My wife and I went to visit some friends after that. They had not met me dressed up as Kirsty. They were cool with it. We had a good laugh and they treated me like a lady, even giving me a new handbag. I drove home, a journey of sixty six miles. I felt really comfortable. I can only hope now that I can continue with this while in Germany. Onwards and upwards. Coco can have his nose back now.....!!

I enjoyed reading your story Thighbootguy and appreciated the good advice at the end. Put a smile on my face. I wore my knee length suede boots last night with a brown leather skirt. To help achieve a proper walk to go along with the nice clop of a high heel I squeezed the inside of my thighs together. This I found really helped with my posture and walking gait. I shall be trying it for real next month when I walk out in public en-femme after my make-over. I am a little nervous but very excited. My wife is helping to build up my confidence with nice comments such as "You have got to be kidding me!" and "Hey Coco! Your nose has fallen off!" She loves me, I can tell............

I believe that we should be able to dress as we wish without fear of prejudice or ridicule. I enjoy wearing skirts and boots but feel exposed and unable to defend myself. The only time I went out properly in my nice black ankle boots with a stilleto heel, I clop-clopped around the Co-Op shop and drew every-ones attention. Still, onwards and upwards. I try to practice what I preach. Next month (June 06) I am going to have a full make-over at my local beauticians in Carterton in Oxfordshire. My eyebrows will be reshaped and I will have full make-up and I will dress en-femme from head-to-toe including a strawberry-blonde wig when I leave. I shall let you all know what, if any reactions I get and if they are good or bad.

Firstly, Nigel, thank you for your advice on the pies. But after being on paternity leave for almost 2 months I have eaten enough pies for a year. Hoverfly, it isn't a problem of having skinny ankles man. My calfs are pretty meaty from running and rugby and motorbiking (motorbiking doesn't do anything but I thought I would add it anyway). Lorriette, thank you for the good advice. I will speak to an upholstry place soon. Our local cobbler has retired and no-one has taken his place. Such a pity, he was brilliant. Dr Shoe, umm thanks............lol

My wife loves me in a black leather kilt. Being of Scottish origin this is a perfectly natural raiment to wear. Being a cross-dresser, it is a naturally perfect item to wear also. I vote for skirts and kilts all the time. Skirts because it makes me look feminine, a must for most cross-dressers and with my bum pads in it also looks convincing. Kilts because with my rugby thick thighs, heavy walking boots and socks rolled down it looks very masculine with the added benefit of my missus not being able to keep her hands off me It also aids quick entry when feeling Ooh La La!! Maitron......!!!!