frodo220

I'm not analyzing you or even trying to, I'm just telling you how you come across to others based on what you come out with regularly.

This is NOT a sounding board for child abuse, as bad as that is, this isnt the place for it, so dont go down the same road others have who thought it was a good idea to introduce their own agenda here only to wind up being booted out.

Susan for example with her endless rantings about womens abuse got her booted out too. We don't condone any of those things, but this is NOT the place for it.

So, change the record, or pack your bags.... Clear enough?

I only brought it up to illustrate my point. Some guys here use heels by their own admission with little regard for how it affects others. One cannot read another's mind or discern people's real motivations for doing so. It is my intention to be blunt and clear when needed how some guys "abuse" their freedom by even involving the innocent.

As I told someone else, I am challenging guys here to THINK clearly how their behavior affects others, and be guided themselves by their own discernment of such.

Do you think it is appropriate for a mother or father to offer their little boy the chance to try on their heels? And not take seriously the answer if the answer is NO? I do not, I believe both actions are wrong. I am challenging men to come to their own conclusions based on their MIND, not feelings or emotions. And leave out the impressionable from their fetishes or fantasies.

For me, much of this must either remain private or between a husband and his wife, and do NOT force others to accept or appreciate behavior out of the norm, when the others tendency is not to do so.

I do take seriously the rules here, and I merely brought up the obvious, that there are male and female predators who prey on people (even children) using the internet to troll for "converts" or to publicize their abuse. This is a public forum, and as such, you people who run this are entitled to censor, even ban people who violate the rules.

I have not done so, so threats or warnings to not go further are not needed.

Cordially,

Frodo

ROFLMAO!

Thank you Frodo, for providing me with a good laugh today. Priceless!

Glad you got the point.

But, seriously one of the things that got me steamed about this issue, is seeing on Webshots.com and Flickr pictures of "crossdressers" who involve their sons in their antics, and take pictures of them and post them online. Their little boys have no real say, and their Dad (or Mom) forcing them to do it, even urging them to do so, is WRONG. I had it bad when I was a little boy and my mom made fun of my small penis, used me as a sewing model to hem her clothing, and commented on how she and my sisters envied my fingernails, eyelashes, and objected to me acting like a little boy or as a teenage boy because of her hostility at my father and other men in her past.

Anyone that push it on their children, like these online sites and then post the pictures online is WORSE. As child molesters can download the pictures and fantasize about those poor kids.

Some guys here act like there are no evil guys out there who do this for very BAD reasons. Or they trumpet rubbing their attire in the faces of strangers to get a "reaction", ever see pictures of drag balls? I think those who do both need to get their heads out of the sand, and realize that behavior in public does affect other people.

At least I am willing to admit that extremes exist and every guy needs to be introspective about why they make the choices they do, and how those choices WILL affect others or young family members.

My sons, being 21 and 23, living over 500 miles a way each, are not aware of my "attire" choices, nor should they be, because they grew up with a Dad who loved them and was proud of BEING a man in their presence, protecting both of them from their mom and others who were threatened by their being teenage boys. Their mom has paranoid schizophrenia and so when they reached puberty (because of her past behavior while a teenager, promiscuity and drug use), freaked out and withdrew from them. Even before she and I separated. It would be just as WRONG for anyone to inflict a nose ring (like that that goes on a cow, but smaller) on a child or grandchild. Adults need to BE good examples, so their kids will generally be successful in life.

And any grandkids I have will be "spared" my "odd" attire choices, because it would only serve to confuse people who I want to grow up and be themselves. I use "odd" in the sense of being, "not the norm". What I do for attire in my own home is my own business, and need not concern others who will not understand.

Frodo

Froddo

You got some sort of "anger management" problems?

Why do you always feel the need to turn things into some angry "I know everything about everybody and all guys want is to piss of others" kind of rant?

All you seem to do is rant about how any guy who wears heels does it to provoc reactions, thus it seems, you havent read anything that goes on here have you?

Enough with the grey clouds already man, we all got enough crap to deal with already...

There you go psychoanalyzing me and my "anger management" issues.

Thanks for proving my point. Individual guys are unique by definition and unless one is honest enough to see clearly that guys who wear clothes made for women might do it for all sorts of reasons.

I got personal about my own situation, because those experiences is what makes me me. I have a right to be angry about the child abuse I suffered, as that kind of abuse goes on even now with many boys growing up. Me being angered does not mean I take it personally anymore. It just makes me want to publicize the problem and work to protect other kids who may be suffering what I was years ago, through no fault of my own.

If I was molested as a child, it would be correct for me to take that righteous anger that I as an adult might have to prosecute or stop others who are doing it now. Too bad many guys are essentially cowards and not standing up and saying the abuse of kids is WRONG and should be condemned, even prosecuted. Too many guys hide and claim ignorance because it does not "concern them" but concerns "strangers". This is how child abusers get away with it.

Yes, I do have an issue with those here who use their dressup to shock or manipulate, jerk people around. It is clearly a powertrip and WRONG. I do not have an issue with those here who use heels subtly in public, or perhaps a skirt outside, that would not be normally noticed by anyone or provoke a reaction.

Frodo

Hi Frodo,

Sorry to disagree with you but the great majority of the transexuals feel they are a woman trapped in a man's body and most disagree they are autogynephilic.

The wikipedia says:

According to Blanchard, "An autogynephile does not necessarily become sexually aroused every time he pictures himself as female or engages in feminine behavior, any more than a heterosexual man automatically gets an erections whenever he sees an attractive woman. Thus, the concept of autogynephilia...refers to a potential for sexual excitation".

Blanchard classified four subtypes of autogynephilic sexual fantasies:

1) Transvestic autogynephilia: arousal to the act or fantasy of wearing women's clothing

2) Behavioral autogynephilia: arousal to the act or fantasy of doing something regarded as feminine

3) Physiologic autogynephilia: arousal to fantasies of female-specific body functions

4) Anatomic autogynephilia: arousal to the fantasy of having a woman's body, or parts of one.

As we can see, it's only about "fantasies", not about a REAL desire to be a woman.

By the way, I never tried to "play a psychoanalyst" over you. I just said that my research about "autogynephilia" has helped me understanding MY motivations. I thought that MAYBE you would like to read about it.

Anyway, I liked your answer a lot.

Best Regards,

Celso.

My main point is that labeling ANY guy for such things is WRONG. No one here can read anybody's minds, or diagnose TRUE motivations. It is a stupid exercise.

If a label helps you understand yourself, that is fine. I have a condition called Aspergers Syndrome, and my life does illustrate some aspects of that label, and some aspects do not exist in my case. Yet I realize that is just a label to categorize some people, and is NOT very helpful to cure anyone, when Aspergers is NOT a disease but a way some people communicate with the world.

Frodo

I believe that if I were reacting to all of the issues that you, Frodo, outlined, I would be really confused to a point that I would seek some professional assistance because no one really needs to live their life in such a miserable state. I actually believe that you would be very happy once you get all this sorted out and put behind you.

More psychoanalyzing. What a load of crap. The whole purposes of my posts is to challenge guys to think about why they are really doing something. Anybody else notice I have not been recommending to anyone here that they need psychological help, and yet some guys do it to me. What hypocrisy! It seems like some guys protesteth too much.

Frodo

Hi Frodo,

Reading your post, it reminded me that I recently discovered the term "autogynephilia" which means "love of oneself as a woman" in order to refer to "a man's paraphilic tendency to be sexually aroused by the thought or image of himself as an woman." In my case, it describes exactly the reason for me wearing women's shoes and, like you said, the constant desire to look at mirrors. Maybe checking this out will help to give you some insight as it did for me.

Best Regards,

Celso.

Hardly, I am a man, and I am very glad I am one. I have no desire to be a woman, nor do I want to look like one when I go out. AS people will either be annoyed, bothered or enticed by it, and mostly I would rather be "left alone". I grew up in a family where my mother (and my sisters) after her were emasculating because of an intense hatred, and even envy of men (those aspects are connected) (penis envy), and so I learned to cope by turning myself off in certain ways to get "left alone" by them. I learned to act certain ways to not be "threatening" or "male like", but I reserved for myself a thankful heart that I was not as they were. I had wished when I was very young, that if perhaps I was a girl, I would be more "accepted", "praised" even treated kindly. But, now I realize that they were the ones perverted by their own problems in not accepting me for who I was.

Unfortunately many guys wear heels or cross dress out in public as a way to have a power trip, to either annoy or entice (to draw attention to themselves). Some guys want to even jerk around some troubled guys by "getting" some sort of homosexual/sexual reaction from a guy or two, because it is evident to any guy, he is looking at a strange "something". Or some homosexual reaction from a lesbian for the same reasons. When most people from trouble backgrounds might have some sort of sexual confusion, because of the mess they grew up in. Both reactions come because of the pretense, the image someone puts in another's head.

The term you describe is a label in the Psychiatric manual that labels transsexuals, for those that truly wish they were female. I do NOT. For me it is the irony which is more satisfying, even though some may think I might be effeminate (as they define the term) in some way, if they knew what I might like to wear in private. If they (or I) do it in private it is more personal and often may be just "comforting" somehow. Like the fact what I wear does NOT change the FACT I am a man is comforting to me. I have a sister who called me a "latent" homosexual when I was in my early 20s, and as a teenager, because ever since I was a kid I was convinced that I only wanted to be sexually intimate with my wife and only in the context of marriage. She considered that as some sort of "effeminate" characteristic because I was not bedding over a hundred girls like my older brother. Now, I see clearly the perverted nature of it all. Where chastity for a guy is considered a threat to some women, as if chastity was some sort of character flaw. Even for my wife, she never seemed to realize the best part of intimacy for me, was afterwards going to sleep holding her hand. After 5 years of so of our marriage she got more and more angry because I would not "cooperate" and become more "macho" for her somehow. Like, at the beginning she thought she could fix me and make me more "manlike", and I did not "cooperate" with her plan and decided to go after other guys who she could manipulate.

I wear heels out subtly where I would only get noticed by "nitpickers" who delight in playing critic and staring at others for some sort of gratification they have. And I frankly do not give a damn what they think. Most normal people would only notice I am taller than "normal", and would not bother looking at my feet. In private I like to now and then wear heels, hose, often a skirt and sometimes a dress, because it is oddly comforting, the IRONY makes it so. I am wearing something that appears one way, and yet I am a MAN, and can stand up to pee.

My reasons for my sharing all these personal details is to show how personally complicated it is, and I cannot be labeled or "caricatured" as a "autogynephilia" person http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autogynephilia , in some respects I was forced by circumstances to be more a hermephrodite in my head, female "like" in some contexts, and definitely male in others. But, physically I am glad I am MALE sexually, and even once when my sister got in a tizzy trying to get my goat, I said something like this: "I will listen to you when you grow some balls, until then get out of my face you castrating bitch". How many guys out there will really call an emasculating female what she really is? A castrating bitch with a severe case of penis envy. Most guys are unfortunately afraid of the women in their life, because they would rather not be toyed with.

Unfortunately some guys instead of telling it like it is, and confronting that woman directly get angrily macho with her or others (even "abusive"), or turn that anger inwards to "feel better" by getting drunk or stoned. When men should often just stand up and say as I did. "When you grow some balls, then I will listen to you!", when they try and guide my personal life!. Older gentle men are really the only people who can help younger men grow up to be honorable, gentlemen. Most women presume to think they can guide any man to be a better one. That is their arrogance and one reason I am VERY glad I am NOT a woman.

You do guys a great disservice where you play a psychoanalyst for guys you really do not know.

Frodo

Microfabric™ men's sheer pantyhose can be seen through easily and it is very lightweight. Think of it as invisible underwear and socks for men! Microfabric is thin and breathable; it promotes rapid evaporation of perspiration. Dryness keeps legs and feet cool in summer, warm in winter, and comfortable all the time. Dry feet also inhibit bacteria growth and consequently minimize foot odor. Perfect for cooler weather, they provide some warmth outdoors, and aren't too hot indoors like thermal underwear can be.

These styles of male pantyhose are intended to replace men's socks and underwear with one comfortable garment. Order them in skin-matching color for invisible cool barefoot or bare leg look, or in contrasting color for socks look. If you prefer additional underwear and/or socks, that is your choice; do what makes you comfortable. All styles feature a knit-in comfortable waistband. These styles are intended to be worn under athletic or other shorts and trousers; the brief is too transparent to be worn exposed.

Your response seems like a canned pitch from comfilon!

Any air pockets close to the skin will keep the skin warmer. Summer wear of nylons is a way to sweat more and be hot. Being cool is all about allowing the water to evaporate.

Frodo

Usually i tend to go out at night in my Heels when theres less people about which is normally no one where i live, but i always have this feeling that im being watched or i am going to bump into somebody i know. Maybe its all in my mind? i dont know

Perhaps you are concerned as I would be of needlessly offending or annoying someone you care about or who would care about you. Part of my reason for starting this thread was to challenge readers to NOT do it to exert power over someone, or manipulate someone to "DEMAND a reaction. I see no point in "going out" and counting who is annoyed or bothered by it.

But, also I wanted to challenge some to give up the notion that most people would care or even notice what they look like. Does any normal guy enjoy being laughed at or made fun of because of the appearance they have that demands a negative reaction from some. I find that asking for trouble. Personally I would rather be left alone and not bothered AND not annoy anyone when I go out, so if I wear heels out they would be subtle, so most would not notice.

Frodo

I put them away in a rarely used cubbie above one of my closets.

I understand your position and I agree with it. The only shoes I anticipate wearing in the fall again are the boots (4 inch heels) I got. As I mentioned on this forum a few months ago, was I had two pairs of light formfitting ankle boots (for me) that had a 2-3 inch heel back in the 1970s. I really liked wearing them and they were designed for "men". But that style quickly went out of fashion and the best one can do for men's boots is the one's like the slouch boots you got. I have found other pairs like it but they cost double or more of the price for those boots. But, they only have a 2 inch heel or so. But, where I live in North Carolina, it is way too hot now to wear boots, and the sandals/pumps I got have the "problem" of being uncomfortable in hot weather or annoying because I end up looking in the mirror too often. I may wear the others now and then, but to do it often seems rather absurd even silly. Because also in some respects a lot of the "thrill" is gone when I got to the level I was "happy" with, and I realized that kind of "thrill" often leads to a path towards more and more absurd footwear or lifestyle to remain it being "fun". At my age, that kind of "fun" I recognize now is more a selfdestructive kind and will result in me becoming some sort of charicature or a man people are more inclined to laugh at or pity. It is kindof like someone being introduced to porn with Playboy, and then "needing" Penthouse for the same thrill and then that wears off, and then one gets "into" Hustler and often much worse. Destructive to men who ogle, and the women who willfully debase themselves. Who really enjoys watching a train wreck when oneself and others get severely hurt. Wisdom means stopping when one is on a road like that, and getting off of it, and deciding to seek contentment elsewhere with more edifying things, for oneself and others who may notice you in day to day life. Frodo

Dude.....you need help.

Give me a break on this psychoanalyzing crap. Do you not have a sense of humor? It is a funny song.

Frodo

Why do you assume I have "issues" that led to this decision? It was a change of mind, because I realized it was a path I did not want to "travel on" for now. Psychoanalyzing people about this stuff is absurd. Frodo

All,

I had an epiphany recently and decided that I had to put away my heels for a while. Seriously I got tired of feeling "obligated" to look at my feet or legs in the mirror. It is weird, it is one thing when others notice it, it is another when one gets caught up in a almost constant desire to look at oneself in the mirror, or in reflections of window glass. A favorite funny song of mine came to mind about the issue for me:

http://www.themadmusicarchive.com/samples/m/e/Mel_Blanc_-_I_Love_Me_(I%27m_Wild_About_Myself).m3u

How many of you have pictures of yourself on your shelf? Or in an album?

To me, my wife's appearance in heels is much better than I would ever appear. I am content with that recognition. I would rather look at or remember her.

That to me is the crux of it, falling into a form of narcissism to deal with an issue like this is too far.

To each his own I guess.

Frodo

Be careful you do not fall off. They look rather absurdly high. Frodo

For those of you paranoid ones, who wonder who will be annoyed by what you wear on your feet.

This song is for you: http://www.geico.com/public/audio/somebodyswatchingme.mp3

These fears, are by in large, fears because most normal people will not care or notice where you wear on your feet. Believe it or not even though we may feel like it we are NOT the center of everyone else's universe.

Fondly,

Frodo:clap:

Frodo, for as many times as you keep preaching that it's wrong to annoy people by wearing unusual things, did it ever occur to you that maybe the folks who wear what they want are not intending to annoy anyone, but maybe just trying to be individuals and wearing what they like? Maybe you don't like what they wear, and maybe you are turned off by it; but what's the old saying? "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". I wear heels because I like them. I don't wear them thinking "Boy, I sure hope I cause somebody to grimace because they can't stand the sight of a guy in heels". Women wear flamboyant things too, and they actually do try to get a rise out of guys by doing so.

I will agree court probably was not the right place for that though. A woman wearing "loud" clothing wouldn't be taken very seriously either.

My "tongue in cheek" point is that when people are that obvious, there is significant risk. If one does not mind or care about it, that is their choice. But, one must acknowledge the fact that some will be offended by "in their face" flamboyance, so it is more mature to just give people a break.

What I find offensive is the attitude of some "flamboyant" ones are severely offended by people who react to their overt actions to annoy or bother. They do not want people offended by their actions, but they themselves are offended by the reactions some people give them. What a double standard!!

Check this out. Who really needs this kind of grief?

http://apnews.excite.com/article/20090506/D980E4M00.html

Subtle is a much better approach. I don't see the need for any adult male to purposely annoy someone else.

Frodo

Go to http://www.comfilon.com they have hose for men that wear a long time, some even have a men's opening.

But, for a guy to wear them in the summer is silly, as guys sweat too much and any will be too hot.

Frodo

Don't remember. Parents were drinking all the time and I was on drugs.

Good one.

Will anybody tell me what happend when you wore high heels for first time?

My feet exploded in pain, my ears fell off, and I lost feeling in "special" parts of my body.

A thermonuclear explosion destroyed my parent's house.

Next question?

Frodo

i am sorry,but polls like this annoy the hell(and heel) out of me. it seems like a thinly disguised attempt to find a scapegoat/reason for wanting to wear heels. why does one need that? even if any of the listed reasons was valid,what is point at this late date? if the bug has bitten you,your done. and i dont care who's fault it is...what are you gonna do with it now....hide your head in ground like an ostrich or embrace it and get as much enjoyment out of it as you can? now thats the kind of pollcat question i would like to be asked...

The whole point is to address stereotypes people may have or misconceptions. What is clear from the poll is that it is a LOT more complicated than such stereotypes. How else is one going to disprove stereotypes, then address them HEAD on?!

If you want to set up your own poll, DO IT!

Frodo

Hi

Anyone wear nail polish when wearing heels?

Iam a new member but not new to highheels with a collection of over 40 pairs.

Highheels06

Yes, shades of red look better.

I have no role other than that of a regular member. I just happen to be a long time member that, like DawnHH, has posted more than once or twice over the years.

You have over 7000 posts, your role here is a big one. Any blind man could see that.

Frodo

The repetitiveness of answering the very same questions over and over, again and again, irks me too, Frodo. Since I've been here before the forum was started, you can't imagine how may times I've answered repetitive questions. Take, for instance, how many times I've posted my opinion to the question of "How or when do you let your wife, etc, know that you like to wear high heels?"

What I've come to realize is that each time a query is repeated it comes from a person that is relatively new to accepting the fact that he likes to wear high heels and is searching for answers to issues that he has a lifelong dread of facing, solely because he has been "trained" his entire life to believe there is something radically wrong with anyone that desires to wear accouterments of the opposite sex, especially high heels.

While I stifle the urge to write a comment "just look back through the archives and you will find sixty-six times this same question has been answered." However, I realize that the member asking the question is totally thrilled to discover that he isn't the only person east of the Mississippi River that loves high heels and -- more to his shame -- also loves to wear them. So, having bridged this gap some 40 or more years ago, I am more than happy to re-answer these questions each time they're asked. It helps build their self worth and self-esteem. Besides it also lets them know that they aren't alone in this whole wide world, there is a lot of us out here.

Well, you have a different role here. And I have no problem with your role. But, it gets tedious to read regularly, so I am moving to now and then status.

How is it interesting when the answers dont even relate to the question?

Being called a fatty, or picking your nose has no relation to gender confusion, and Gender confusion surveys have no relation to a heels fashion website.

They all have to do the way guys look at themselves, as guys and then as men. I was curious if there were any commonalities. If you think this poll is so pointless, feel free to close it and the thread. I do not mind. I find more interesting how many views it had and how many did NOT vote.