Boots29

So, I first (and only) posted here several years ago when my wife "caught" me wearing boots.  We went through some tough times and I threw it all out and thought all would be well.  Well, as I've read here and now understand, this "feeling" doesn't just go away.  We are now at another cross-roads.  I purchased more boots and was caught again.  I've been completely honest with her in that this "feeling" has been with me my entire life.  She, understandably, feels that I deceived her and wasn't honest with her from the start.  True - guilty as charge.  But imagine a young 21 year old telling his love/fiance that he likes to wear women's boots (back in the 80's).  Wouldn't go over well.  Hindsight, though, is a bitch.  I should have told her then, but honestly, I was too much the coward.  So now we have to deal with this.  When she "caught" me last time, she made her feelings perfectly clear.  This was not acceptable to her and was an abomination.  I thought I could get over it.  Not.  So, knowing her attitude towards it, I hide it and kept it a secret.  She feels betrayed, that I have been lying to her.  In truth, I have - guilty again.  But I didn't think I could bring it up.  But I love this women.  We have been together virtually our entire lives (since I was 16, ).  We have raised two incredible kids.  I am closing in on retirement.  We have talked of our years ahead and I truly want to spend those years with her, but I don't think she can accept "this."  I have several counselling appointments set up to get to the root of it all.  It all comes down to her or the boots.  I can give them up, but I fear the desire will come back, even as I age.  Help.  Has anyone else gone through this? 

First off, let me say how much it meant to find this site and know that I am not alone.  My story may be like many of yours.  I am just so glad to know I'm not alone.  Warning, this is a long post!!!

I just passed the mid century mark and have had this  "feeling" or "affliction" or whatever since I was very young.  My fascination with heels probably started when I was a pre-teen youth.  I remember trying on a pair of my mothers boots when I was maybe 8 to 10.  As a young teen, I was drawn to the sound of heels and seeing woman walking in boots.  My first experience with heels was as a college freshman when I bought my first pair from a Kmart store.   You may or may not know the apprehension and nervousness of that first "buy."  I remember rushing back to my car and trying on my new boots.  Now mind you, I wore a US men's size 10 1/2 and of course, all I could find was a women's size 10.  And being such a "newbe" I had no idea.  I pulled them on and tried to zip them up.  But my feet were bare and couldn't fit in them that well.  I tugged on the zipper and "bam" it broke! Imagine my consternation.  Holy crap!  I actually had the nerve to go back the next day and exchange them, saying my girlfriend tried them on and the zipper broke.  I don't know how, but I figured out I needed to wear stockings to get my feet in there better.  

For several years I wore those way too small boots, but enjoyed every chance!  I loved the sound of the heels when I walked in my basement on the concrete.  I hid them in a duffle bag, inside another bag in my closet.  To this day, I don't know if my mother ever found them.

Flash forward many years and I'm in my 20's, married, a home owner, and with a steady job.  My fascination is still there.  At this time I experiment with high heel shoes.  They are OK, but not great.  Of course, my wife knows nothing of this.  I think I have a pair for a while, then throw them out.  Then I buy another pair, then throw them out too.  For many years, I have nothing to do with heels.

Flash forward another decade and my desires have melded.  I am a "boot" man.  My wife also has some thigh high boots she wears on occasion.  I am in heaven when that happens!  I have a couple pairs I bought on line hidden away.  I only wear them late at night or when I'm alone.  I still can't believe I used to get them out and put them on when my wife and kids were sleeping upstairs.  I would crave just wearing them for a half hour or so.

Flash forward another decade.  I'm in my 40's.  I have some thigh high boots and another pair of knee high boots I love.  Of course, I hide them and only wear them maybe every other month or so.  We're going through some tough times and one night, we have a big argument.  She leaves and I expect her to be gone a LONG time.  I'm thinking, WTF, so I put on a pair of my boots.  Lo and behold, she comes home shortly and catches me. OMG.  You can imagine.  The questions "Are you gay?" ."Why?".yaddi, yaddi, yaddi.  Bad Ju Ju.  Almost costs me my marriage.  She's not going to tolerate it.  I spend several months sleeping in the guest room.  I throw them away.  She doesn't wear her boots for many years...

Several years pass but "It's" still there.  I can't shake this.  So I order some more boots.  Of course I keep them hidden and only wear them when I know I'm alone and no one is coming home.  I get bolder and order some more boots.  I love wearing them.  Why can't I do this all the time????  Any way, here I am.  I am a little more emboldened.  I now have five pairs of boots.  I wear my boots outside during the day.  Of course, my back yard is private and there's little chance of being seen.  I did drive down to our community mailbox the other night, walk out under the glare of the street light light and collect my mail while wearing my thigh-high boots over some skinny jeans.  What a feeling!!

OK, this is way too long.  Sorry.