Heelevation

Thanks for the welcome Johnieheel. I am in GA, not too far from Atlanta.

Thanks for the welcome everybody. So Latin ... what's with the "stressed" thing??

Hi and welcome! I am new myself. Looking forward to getting to know you both.

Knowing what the rules are is a lot easier. Good for you. Also good that you can talk to her directly about it and that she will tell you. Of course, just as important is that you are willing to compromize when thats what is called for. My wife does not like me wearing anything remotely associated with female clothing or footwear unfortunately, so in that respect I also know what the rules are. At least, right now I do. Over the years though, this has changed many times. When I first met her, many years ago, I told her up front that I liked to dress like a girl now and then and I liked to wear high heels too. Well back then, none of us really understood what that meant to be honest, so she didnt see it as a big deal. After some time though, she realized that not only would I dress like a girl, but I would go out as a girl and I could get away with it. Then things changed in her mind and all of a sudden it was not OK at all. So, I stopped, for a while, but couldnt keep it like that. We talked about it, figured out some ground rules and she was OK again. Then suddently it was not OK anymore, but she forgot to tell me and things got a little ugly for a while. Over the years it has gone up and down like that many times. Sometimes I can get away with shoes and boots or dressing, sometimes I cannot and I never know until it is too late. We both know it is partly a communications problem, but we are unable to fix it. Apart from that, she is a wonderful girl and we have a very strong relationship. She is also a high heel person herself, (think business style here 3-4", not fetish) so at least I get the pleasure of watching her. She loves showing me her new purchases and she loves it when I buy her new shoes or boots too. The bottom line is, it is all about finding a ballance. Sometimes that means that you cant have it your way unfortunately.

Well you know how it is. If life was easy .. everybody would want one

Doesnt life suck sometimes! (excuse my French here please). I think you did the absolutely right thing in telling her up front. For many wifes, it is not so much the dressing or whatever it might be that throws them off when they find out later on, but it is the feeling of betrayal and lack of trust and honesty. Sorta' like, "If you lied to me about that, what else have you been keeping from me?" Being honest upfront is a gamble, but it is a much safer bet than trying to hide something like that. They always always figure it out sooner or later and then the poop hits fan big time. It is strange that she didnt tell you, especially when the cork was already off the bottle regarding being openminded etc. I bet you though, she would probably say that she hinted to it many times, or at least that she felt you should have figured it out. Back to that same routine, we always need to read between the lines :-)

I am sorry to hear that Foxy, but I think it is a very common thing. Probably the most common reason for relationships to fade away actually. We start taking each other for granted and forget the "give" part of the "give/take" thing so that we can fulfill our own desires. I think when it comes to something like wearing heels, or any other nontraditional and limit pushing behaviour, then it becomes even more important to be very aware of what feelings it might stirr in your SO. If she/he is uncomfortable with it, then you need to stop and think real hard before moving forward.

Thanks for the comment jmc, it is always a little un-nerving to join a group of people. You never know what the dynamics might be so there is always a risk of offending someone. Oh yes, I have been there, many times unfortunately. I bet the same goes for many others here. One thing I have learned over the years, is to never take an approval to be more than a single piece of the puzzle. You always have to read between the lines and figure out what was meant, not what was said. The key to a sucessfull relationship is to constantly be aware of each others needs and wants, but then, where does that leave us when we need and want something out of the ordinary!

I am new to the forum so pardon me if I am overstepping a boundry or just simply showing lack of understanding by replying to this post. I am not really sure what you are saying in this message. Sounds like you are batteling two different issues .. your SO not being comfortable with the boots, and your own search for the perfect ones. Two different things. Dont know about the latter, but I will offer a comment on the first one. Wifes, or I guess in general SO's, will often display this pattern. What it really says is that deep down, she (they) are uncomfortable with the issue. When she says it is "OK", she is trying to accept. It doesnt mean she has come to terms with the issue, only that she is trying. You will hear it as "It is totally OK", but thats really not what she is saying. All she is saying is "I am trying!". Then what often happens is that "You" (not just you "you", but in general anyone in a similar situation) take this as an unconditional acceptance and then step it up a notch thinking that it will be OK. Well .. it wasn't OK in the first place, so now it is way past OK for her and she reacts by going in the complete opposite direction .. now it becomes "Unacceptable". What did you do wrong? You misread a "Maybe" for a "Yes" and took it for a "Sure, go ahead"! What did she do wrong? She send a message of "Yes, I'm fine with it" when what she meant to say was "I'm not so sure about this, so go slow"! It comes down to poor communications, from both of you. It also comes down to a classic example of "Moving Goal Posts". The rules change, but you dont get the message that they have changed, you are supposed to figure that out yourself.

Georgia (outside of Atlanta)

Thank you Richie, I'm sure I will have a good time here, sharing and learning.

Yes there is just something about that sound and the look. I think the choise of footwear also says something about the personality of the wearer, be that a male or a female. If a person does not want to me noticed, high heels is probably not going to be the first choice!

Hello everybody and Happy Hollidays to all. I was just granted membership and wanted to drop in and say hi. I am big time into heels and have been for as long as I can remember. I have a serious facination with heels, anything from 2" and up. I love the sound of heels on hard surfaces and I enjoy watching women who master the walk too. This to say that watching someone, who should have stayed in flats, unsuccessfully attempt to walk in heels, is not so much of a treat to me. In fact, it can be quite disapointing to hear the sound of heels just to turn and see someone struggle walking in them. I also love wearing heels myself and do so on a regular basis, both at home, at the office and out and about. I am confortable in up to 5" heels, but for a relaxed, almost neutral feel, I prefer 4" boots. Have a good collection of shoes and boots, probably around 100 pairs or so, but I havent counted in a while. There are a few flats or low heeled ones for good measure, but by far the most are in the 2 1/2" to 5" range. Anyways, just a short introduction. I am looking forward to getting to know y'all, and to take part in the discussions on the forum.