Change of girlfriend

[Arctic]

Different people live different lives. If you want (or even need) your partner to acknowledge and accept the "total you", then keep looking for your needle in the haystack. (I'm extremely happy I've found mine!) If shoes or any other aspect of yourself is just an item on a priority list, you're bound to make different choices.

I think that is a wise comment.

Although I am not totally sure what part it was you totally disagreed about?

[Arctic]

Arctic, there are conflicts in every relationship. No matter how much compromise is made, one partner always emerges as the dominant force and sets the boundaries in which the relationship functions.

[Bubba136]

Artic wrote: snip

So, when I come home, and I see two perfectly healthy and happy little kids building a tower from wooden blocks together with their mother who happens to be smart and attractive, I indeed tend to think that the shoes really don't matter all that much.

Well, when you put it that way!!!!!

[Skirted-UK]

I don't think that you will be lucky enough to find a woman that likes you wearing heels, the word tolerate comes to mind. Most women don't like wearing skirts and heels these days, they seem to see it as a sign of weakness, even women who do like wearing heels tend to feel out of place in a sea of jeans and trainers. Women like to look all the same these days. High heels and skirts are for special occassions these days, and they certainly don't want the men in their lives wearing them!

[kneehighs]

Think this situation...

You are single, been single for a looong time.

Your last girlfriend kicked you out because of your "need" of high heels.

And finally you find this girl, she is perfect...well, almost..she just don't like high heels. Not for herself, and absolutely not on you.

Would you kick her out and continue looking for another partner that understands your needs better? Even though she may not be that perfect as this one?

Interesting topic, which presumes a single person might be looking for a "partner" to begin with.

My answer depends on the situation. I relish being single as it keeps my options open to everything that makes the single life so exciting: open to booty call partners, open to friends with benefits partners, and the traditional long-term partner which I think you are referring to here. However, I am not seeking for any one type in particular.

Being as I live in a world where I disqualify women as potential partners for other reasons anyway -- even if she likes me (a lot) -- disqualifying a woman for not liking/tolerating me in heels is just part of the process of living life. It's just another point in my list for setting standards for who I want in my life.

For what it's worth here, my perspective is that just as there are 'many fish in the sea' there are also many different soul mates to be had too.

[Dawn HH]

Kneehighs:-) Heres hoping that you find your soul mate when the time comes as I did. Then it will be time to settle down. I did like you as I was single till I was 33 years old, and then Mickey came along. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[Majo]

If I were to leave my wife and get into a new relationship I would, for sure, ask for high heel acceptance for me at least. I am the way I am. I, certainly, wouldn't change that because maybe one can "cope" with this fact for some time but not forever. I think it would be a mistake to get into a relationship where I can't be as free as I wish.

[Tech]

If I were to leave my wife and get into a new relationship I would, for sure, ask for high heel acceptance for me at least.

I am the way I am. I, certainly, wouldn't change that because maybe one can "cope" with this fact for some time but not forever. I think it would be a mistake to get into a relationship where I can't be as free as I wish.

I think thats where your going wrong in having to "Ask for acceptance" at all. If you turned up for a date in heels, dressed real nice, and charmed the pants off your date, you wouldnt need to ask for anything.

The very fact that your turning it into something you need to ask permission for, then turns it into something you shouldnt be doing, thus it must be something that your not even sure about....

Or...

If your having to ask for acceptance from your date, it really would set a very low opinion of you, in that clearly you dont think very much of yourself and have zero confidence...

Read Kneehighs adventures, thats a perfect example...

[Majo]

Maybe I didn't express myself well, Tech. Maybe my phrase sounded a bit light.

I -myself- wouldn't ask for it, I would put things up-front from the beginning; as I did 22 years ago before I got married.

[Tech]

I'm lost now...

I -myself- wouldn't ask for it, I would put things up-front from the beginning; as I did 22 years ago before I got married.

I would, for sure, ask for high heel acceptance for me at least

lol

[Majo]

I think I have an issue with the language, Tech. Sometimes words loose too much in translation because there are not exact matches but close matches, as in relationships, . As you might tell, English is not my home language I would ask, expect, (¿pretend?) from the relationship; not from the other person. Any way it's a hypothetical situation. Relationship is always between to beings; asking the other -SO or relative or whatever- is, in my opinion, putting things outside our selves and letting the other take responsibility for what we want. Asking the relationship is putting things in the part of a link which we -me and the other- can make enhance and together make it grow. On the other hand, I haven't realized that this is a very old thread. Sorry.

[Maximilian]

Think this situation...

And finelly you find this girl, she is perfect...well, almost..she just dont like high heels. Not for herself, and absolutly not on you.

Then she is far from perfect and has a few big flaws:

1) She's intolerant towards other people.

2) She lacks self confidence because she's afraid of how her partners footwear would reflect upon her.

3) She's controlling. She might not like heels but what gives her the right to decide what her partner can or cannot wear?

How can she even remotely be close to perfect if she doesn't want to be with someone because of the shoes he's wearing? Shoes?!?! It's very shallow of her and while most of us are shallow in one way or another, that's the reason none of us are perfect, or even close to it.

[wood&metal]

2) She lacks self confidence because she's afraid of how her partners footwear would reflect upon her..

In my opinion, this is the #1 reason...

[johnieheel]

Pretty simple actually. She either excepts me for who I am heels and all and has a passion for heels also , along with other things in common, or not at all. I will NOT settle again!

[Amanda]

HHF,

I can understand her feelings. However this woman is rejecting something which is a pat of you. Possibly a fundamental part, definitely a passion. This would be partner is asking that you quash a part of yourself in order to please her.

Well, if I found the perfect partner and he started to call the shots on my passions, he would find himself calling them from outside the front door.

If she truly is perfect then be reasonable and give her a chance to get used to the idea

Think this situation...

You are singel, been singel for a looong time.

Your last girlfriend kicked you out becouse of your "need" of high heels.

And finelly you find this girl, she is perfect...well, almost..she just dont like high heels. Not for herself, and absolutly not on you.

Would you kick her out and continue looking for another partner that understand your needs better? Even thow she may not be that perfect as this one?

[loswabs]

Think this situation...

You are singel, been singel for a looong time.

Your last girlfriend kicked you out becouse of your "need" of high heels.

And finelly you find this girl, she is perfect...well, almost..she just dont like high heels. Not for herself, and absolutly not on you.

Would you kick her out and continue looking for another partner that understand your needs better? Even thow she may not be that perfect as this one?

If you don't want to compromise, then look elsewhere. The only thing I'd questions is, at what point did she say she is perfect?

[Amanda]

like myself, she probably realized it in childhood.

If you don't want to compromise, then look elsewhere. The only thing I'd questions is, at what point did she say she is perfect?

[blender]

Pretty simple actually. She either excepts me for who I am heels and all and has a passion for heels also , along with other things in common, or not at all. I will NOT settle again!

i agree johnieheel. for me if i was thrown out then the next partner that i meet would accept me for being me from the start because i would embrace the freedom to be who i am and start to wear them out from the word go, for to long i have suppressed my need to wear heels, so i would wear them out all the time (maybe).

my next partner would be perfect for that reason

[Bubba136]

In my opinion, this is the #1 reason...

I agree with wood&metal. This is, also my opinion, the number one reason that a woman isn't supportive of her man wearing high heels....at least in public.

(The eons old "survival of the species" trick. The female chooses the strongest candidate to propagate the species. And, image projected to other females is that "my mate is more "male" than your mate -- and any characteristic that lessen this simulacrum, projects poor judgment and weakness on her part (i.e.: God woman, is that the best that you can do?)

I also agree with Johnieheel. The desire to wear high heels isn't the type of "personality" disorder that can be "physicked" out of a person's mind. It will never go away. The desire is so ingrained into a person's mental make-up and personality that they actually becomes ill if they don't periodically wear their heels or dress in a manor that satisfies this craving.

As has been posted here many times before -- and is something that we all can relate to because we've "been there, done that" many times. Any man that says they can "stop" wearing their heels any time they choose to stop is fooling himself. They might be able to suppress the desire for up to a year or more, but eventually they will began wearing heels again. And when their mate -- the one to which they promised to stop and never wear heels again -- finds out, then the "s*&t hits the fan and the threats began all over again....particularly anguishing -- especially if their are children involved.

Choices, choices, choices.....There isn't another person on the face of this earth that knows you better than you do.....so you have to live with the one's you make -- and suffer the consequences of your decisions.

[Amanda]

Bubba, you have hit the nail very squarely on the head.

I agree with wood&metal. This is, also my opinion, the number one reason that a woman isn't supportive of her man wearing high heels....at least in public.

(The eons old "survival of the species" trick. The female chooses the strongest candidate to propagate the species. And, image projected to other females is that "my mate is more "male" than your mate -- and any characteristic that lessen this simulacrum, projects poor judgment and weakness on her part (i.e.: God woman, is that the best that you can do?)

[kneehighs]

....(The eons old "survival of the species" trick. The female chooses the strongest candidate to propagate the species. And, image projected to other females is that "my mate is more "male" than your mate -- and any characteristic that lessen this simulacrum, projects poor judgment and weakness on her part (i.e.: God woman, is that the best that you can do?)....

There has to be a way around this. The question I'm going to ask myself is "what's the way around this?" Change your entire industry circle? What about for those who can't do that?

The easiest way I can think of right now is:

FAME/STATUS CENTERED: INTERNATIONAL INTER-INDUSTRY FAME is the pinnacle of fame, for the man to become like Brad Pitt, Bill Gates. These guys could get away with anything if they wanted.

-- DOMESTIC INTER-INDUSTRY FAME: for the man to become famous across multiple industry circles like law, finance, arts, fashion (power level = 5)

-- INTRA-INDUSTRY FAME: for the man to become famous within just one industry circle (power level = 4)

-- MICRO INDUSTRY STATUS: for the man to attain a universally respected level of status within just one industry circle--not necessarily fame but accomplished, respected, and noteworthy among professional/social peers.

(power level = 3)

--MICRO SOCIAL CIRCLE STATUS: this is social as opposed to professionally based. For the man to win the approval of the girls social circle. I had a date introduce me to her immediate social circle of close friends. I have no doubt it was not only for them to analyze my potential suitor status, but to assess if my heel wearing would be acceptable among her peers. It was BTW, but this girl wanted a relationship and I am soo not looking for a relationship. (power level = 2)

--SELF ACCEPTANCE: for the man to attain a congruent sense of self that he projects to the public at large (power level = 1)

I just made all this up right now, but it does make sense and I'm starting to wonder if I haven't stumbled upon a ladder theory of how to become famous here: power level 1 can be a building block to 2, 3, and 4. Not necessary either, because one can skip straight to 5 (been there done that, thanks TAFF/RTL).