New member, re-discovering the '70's.

[samheel]

Hi! I am a new member also. I am a religious heterosexual, happily married to a beautiful wife. We have four lovely kids and I stay home. (Mr. mom) I wore platform heels and boots back when I was in high school, during the mid '70s. I used to weigh 175 back then. Two years ago, I lost about 35 pounds (back going out) and was back at my old 175 pound weight, so I pulled out an old pair of pants and the Frye boots with 2" heels I had left from high school. They fit, and I really liked the feel and look. I felt skinny, tall, and sexy. (and maybe a bit femme) I also noticed that women were treating me differently in the tight pants and heels. Next, I found an old pair of 4" heel platform boots (women's) at a second hand store. I also started pulling women's low waisted tight pants off the rack at the stores (size 10) and looking for heels that were kinda masculine enough, but still 3-4" high to go with them. I also bought a pair of leather pants again. They felt wonderful, and got me some attention! This was fun, and kept me motivated to keep the weight off. My wife really likes the tight jeans, but is indifferent about the high heels. She bought me my first pair of 3" wedges. (Women's size 12) Although she has the most beautiful feet in the world, she does not do the "shoe thing". (I do!) I now have only five or so pairs of high heels but wear them mostly every day with the tight jeans. I really like the look and feel. It's kind of sexual, too, I guess. I think I now know why women spend so much on shoes, clothes, etc. Samheels

[highheellover]

welcome samheel.

[Dr. Shoe]

Sounds pretty cool to me. Welcome aboard!

[samheel]

Thanks for the welcome, and thank you all for this forum. I spent some time the last two days intently reading all the struggles men have gone through all for the wearing of a small somewhat inconsequential piece of clothing, called footwear. WOW! Everyone else seems to be honest and open, so I need to vent a little here, too. Let me share a bit more of my well heeled journey. I have been in similar places and have empathy for alot of you who are on this forum. I thought my heel attraction was only from a style perspective, but recollecting back, I remember trying on my sister's clothes when I was probably 10 or so. I also remember wearing my mom's heels around the house alot as a kid. It was innocent enough, but it set a tone in me. I also started, as most boys do, to abuse myself in THAT way, about then. So, being imaginative, I used my sister's clothes to enhance my sexual self fantasy. I got the clothes mixed up with the sexual stimulation. Oops. This could be trouble later. When high school and the late '70's came along, it was kind of legitimate to dress in heels and tight pants, so I did. And, every time I was dumped or rejected, I would retreat into my sexual fantasy CD self abusive place. By my sophmore year, I got involved with track and swimming throughout highschool and into college. I saw alot of men and women that had beautiful muscular bodies that were not so much lusty sexual things as beautiful creations of God. They were real people who were friends and team mates. I turned down the fantasies then, as well as the "THAT way" part of them, opting for good old fashioned exercise. One of the byproducts of athletics was that my body got more beautiful, too. When I was a lifeguard, I remember wearing my nylon running shorts and wooden sandals with 2" heels and shaved legs for swimming. I liked the sound and feel fo the wooden sandals, got a nice tan, made $3.75/hr and got used to getting looks from all the young girls my age. (and some of the older ones, too!) The heels and tight pants just became "my clothes" and "my look". The sexual "edge" was gone from wearing the clothes. They became clothes that I liked from an asthetic view. I had some dark times, but I was still pretty good looking in the running shorts when I met my wife. She said that is what attracted me to her. She saw me out running one sunny day, and whistled at my legs. That was the spark that started our family. Then, like most papas, I got older, and fatter. My knees went out. My back went out. I got balding and graying and sagging. I went from low stress life to high stress. I gained a heap of weight and stopped shaving my legs and back. I dumped the thongs and speedos for the boxers. Also the styles went to "baggy" and "baggier". Yuck, but I went along with that. My body was certainly something that I would not show off. After college, then starting a business, along with extensive travelling and the excessive beer drinking that went with it, It was for the best that I kept things under cover. I was going down hill while my blood pressure and colestorol were going up. Two of my brothers were on heart medicine by the time I turned 40. Wahoo. My doctor had a slot for my angioplasty penciled in already. Then some wonderful things happened to me so that I had to totally change my lifestyle for physical and mental reasons. Yes, it was spiritual. Yes, I lost alot of money an prestige. I also lost 35 pounds of weight, and have undergone a physical re-birth in the body and heart. I realized that my body was not an ugly thing, but it still could be sexually attractive. I did not want to slip back into the self abuse thing again, but I felt sexual and stimulated by trying on tight pants and heels. I wanted to wear the sexiest clothes I could find to show off my re-discovered body, just like ladies do. For awhile, I went back to trying on my wife's clothes, to try to become a lady. Fortunately, she was understanding for several reasons, but it was not something she was turned on by. For me, she saw it as a way of releasing stress and a fantasy, like watching a movie or tv show, but it was not quite where I wanted to go. I still "go through her closet" sometimes, but I wanted to wear things out in the open. I mean, what is the purpose of dressing sexy if noone sees you? SO, I looked at what was out there for men. There was nothing that was even remotely sexy to me. After a long search, I gave up there, and went back to the styles that I remembered in the '70s that let me express that "sexy macho". The only clothes that were similar to the '70s were the current styles of low waisted pants and wide belts worn by adolescent teens, so I went there. I also wanted to show off the muscles in my legs, and found that tight leather and spandex will do this somewhat. So, that is where I am now. I wear the 2" to 4" heels with the tight pants. I don't go stilletto, purely because I think these look best only in the pump and with naked or stockinged legs and short skirts/shorts. I also prefer the cuban heel pumps, because I like the straigt angles. It's purely a taste thing. Your mileage may vary. Still, I would like to go out in broad daylight in short shorts with high heels as women do. My wife says that although she hates to admit it, I look "cute" in the silk running shorts and the red 6" demonia pumps. She also likes me in bare legs and my old modified 3" heel cowboy boots and a white oxford. (no shorts, just thong, as a dress) She is mildly tolerant of my few excursions on the "wild side" through her closet, as long as I don't mess-up/wrinkle/rip/stretch-out her clothes. (fair enough..) And when I do cd, I still at best look like a guy in a wig, wearing my wife's clothes. This is from about the waist up. I even tried various corsets and girdles and some breast forms to try out a femme physique, but I am a GUY, and look like one. (Wide broad sholders, thick eyebrow bone, large skull, big hands, wide palms, big bicepts, etc.) As I had to learn, the beautiful atheletic male physique is not to be confused with the beautiful female physique. At best I have a beautiful male body, and I am not interested in permenant alterations to that. I like being a boy. Although, I have noticed from looking at some of the pictures on this forum that from the waist down, men and adolescent women have somewhat similar bodies. I wrote "adolescent" because men do not have the glorious hips a full woman does. (Unlike what is in advertising, I love my wife's big hips!) I have not gone out openly on a hot summer day in the short shorts and 6" heels, although I bet my legs would get the same response as from what would happen to a woman similarly dressed. About the best I have done so far is to incorporate various high heeled shoes and boots with tight jeans, tight leather, or "stretch pleather", like the '70s. I also shave my legs, back, and pits again, and go to the tanning salon. I do get nice looks sometimes, and have only met some mild hostility from a few men for my "look". Women seem to be most receptive, as my look is still somewhat "masculine", whatever that is. I did go out one night at about 2:30 in the 6" pumps to the bank machine, but who was up then? (...and why didn't I go back home to bed?) Most people simply and completely do not care what articles are on my feet. That said, I noticed that some of the HH gang are struggling to be Catholics. I also have pondered this with respect to my Catholic faith, so let me share this dribble. Part of my "physical re-awakening" came from studying Pope John Paul II's "Theolgy of the Body". This began to give me some perspective on marriage and sexuality, which has something to do with our bodies and how we adorn them, you know. I spent not a few times i the confessinal with several orthodox priests, and I suppose that even at my cross dressing worst, I do not abuse myself in "THAT way", which is forbidden as a practical catholic. (CCC2352) What I came to is that if I become aroused, it is what I DO with that that matters. Likewise, if I put on silk stockings and feel a bit horney, then, what I DO with that is what matters. I get aroused when my wife gives me a back rub, or when I see a sexy girl. Does that mean backrubs and sexy girls are inherently sinful? If it does, then ladies, bring on the Borka. I find also that the "sexy" feeling passes. If I wore the heels every day, after awhile they would only hurt my feet. I found this so far to be true with all the other "girl" clothes I wear now. At first "Oh boy" and then, after awhile, "eh, so.." If high heels make me feel sexy, then I guess it's ok to feel sexy as long as I don't go "too far" with that. I also have to contemplate scandal and embarrasing my wife and kids with my antics. Thus, all things are in balance, being careful not to decieve myself. That's where my wife comes in. She is my watchdog. She is the first to speak to me about this if she judges it too much for her to deal with, or if I seem to be loosing my intent. That's one of the reasons I have not gone out in the middle of a summer afternoon with naked legs and 6" pumps. (although I still think about it a bit... hummm...fun in the sun.) I am a beautiful, sexual sensual creation of the almighty GOD. I also believe I am one of those who is more sensual than most, as my wife would attest. It is what I choose to do with that. Well, enough blabber. Samheels

[Dawn HH]

Samheel:-) That certainly is a detailed, insiteful, and interesting introduction of who you are and what you feel. Welcome to the board. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[paulee]

You are so lucky, To have a loving wife that will accept your love for heels weather it be high or low heels . I too have the man build I wear a size 11 or 12 womans shoe, and wear a size 14 /16 in womans clothes I,m 6 /1 . I wrote in an earlier post that I had a failed marrige because of this I told her I would stop and eventually did it behind her back ,and was cought when I responded to someone thru an email and she read it . my world came crashing down on me I got imbarrased because she told everybody she knew about my little secret ,I got depressed and didnt want to live anymore because of what I do , I try so hard to put it all away and try to forget about it but thoughts always trigger a want a need to wear somthing on my feet ,or body that is soft and femme . I did get help for wanting to harm myself . I still feel alone to this day about this . presently I,m in a relationship ,she knows about it but doesnt want anything to do with it and doesnt want me to have anything to do with it either. life is difficult some times. I dress in the closet presently now aswell ,although I never have been out dressed. I,m in touch with my sexuality I like being a man ,I love being with women ,but somtimes I like dressing like them aswell. I,m not sure if any of you male .or female can make sence of what I have just wrote ,or not . but above are just my thoughts . and I give a standing applauds to those who can incorporate this hobby into they,re lives.

[samheel]

It souds terrible what she did to you. I don't think anyone believes that humiliation is a way to help someone whom you love deal with a sexual issue. When I first got married, like you, I had the desire to CD or wear something femme sometimes, but hid it from my wife. I guessed that as our sex life would increase, now that I was married, my desires would go away. Well, as some marriages go, that didn't happen. She had some problems of her own, due to some abuse. Our physical expressions together became more difficult, as I tried to incorporate her into my fantasy world. She would recoil from me more and more. Then came our first child, and that all but stopped the intimacy. I went through the "purge-build up-purge" cycle of the CD clothes. I had to loose the fantasies about us. Through prayer, and some good guidance from my dad, I learned that in order for the marriage to work there had to be no secrets, and no lies. Evil and hurt dwell in lies and secrets, never in the open. Also, there could not be any fantasies about who each other were. She was broken and so was I. We both needed healing. We came to find out that in one way, I used the femme thing to hide from stress and insecurity. I would go into my fantasy world when ever things didnt work. She had her problems, too, but we both were willing to make things work. I told her everything, and she was shocked at first, but through time, we worked things out and took each other as we were. Some good counciling and some drugs to treat my digonsed problems really helped me out. Now, I fancy these things, but they don't dominate my life. And, if they start to, my bride realizes it and we work it out.

[Ozzard]

I told her everything, and she was shocked at first, but through time, we worked things out and took each other as we were.

Absolutely essential. My relationship with my spouse is the closest relationship I'll ever have. If it's not based on mutual friendship, trust and respect, then all the love in the world isn't going to hold it together. And to get that trust, each needs to know who the other is - and be updated as people change, 'cos they do change over time.

- Peter

Oh yeah - a postscript. If my wife ever reads this... hi love, and thanks for taking the time to get to know me as I am!

[samheel]

Ozzard: I like your moniker. It is funny you should write that postscript to your wife, as when I first posted here and became a member, I talked to my wife about it. She said that in regards to posting, I needed to watch out and protect my anonymity, but that it may be somewhat cathartic for me. Judging by the mere lengths of my past posts on this thread, I guess it has been. It's kinda like a big AA meeting of men with high heels on. I suppose after I vent, I will have less to say, and more to live. As for my anonymity, I am past the age of really caring. I am mostly concerned about my children, to preserve them from harassment by society about their daddy's socially deemed strange behavior. (Isn't it funny that the one who deems what is strange is also the one who harasses those who it deems are.) So: PS, family, if you happen to come across this: Girl: I love you. Welcome to the place I told you about where all the guys are sporting women's duds. It has been a great treat to vent here, and commiserate. Maybe by reading around here, you might gain a better understanding of this part of me. Kids: Shame on you for nosing around in daddy's closet! Now put my bras and wig away! (just kidding!) Like I have told you, I do not have a halo, or am up for cannonization. If you haven't noticed, dad's a bit quirky, and marches somewhat to the beat of a different drummer. Still, I love you with a passion not equaled to anything, even my desire to wear red spiked heels. I just don't want to embarrass you by it. Don't you ever ever EVER forget that. Samheel

[Ozzard]

Catharsis is helpful, and in many cases necessary. I hope I speak for everyone here when I encourage you to post whatever you're comfortable posting - and to withhold everything you're *not* comfortable posting! This is, after all, a public forum, and the text typed here will live on in internet archives essentially forever.

in regards to posting, I needed to watch out and protect my anonymity

Gave that up a while ago - Google for 'Ozzard' and you'll see what I mean! The key people in my life already know; I did that a while ago when involved in a reasonably large company deal, mainly to make sure it wasn't usable as blackmail material. Other people can take me as I come. Many of my friends already do, and few have batted an eyelid*. Clients already see a rather odd long-haired guy who comes to high-level meetings in jeans and a T-shirt; few would be surprised by anything they find out about me, I think, but I'll stay away from that simply to limit the cognitive dissonance they experience during meetings.

- Peter

* Although I've had a couple of superb 'takes' and some amused conversations - "You're wearing a skirt!" "Yeah, have done for years, I'm just getting more open about it." "Cool! (pause) You know I'm going to take the rip mercilessly?" "Go ahead - everyone else does." (He hasn't commented since)

[dr1819]

Clients already see a rather odd long-haired guy who comes to high-level meetings in jeans and a T-shirt; few would be surprised by anything they find out about me, I think, but I'll stay away from that simply to limit the cognitive dissonance they experience during meetings.

- Peter

That's wize, Ozzard.

[samheel]

Ozzard: I think that we might find that in 20, 10, or even 5 years from now, these things will be accepted by the mainstream. Men will wear spiked heels and short skirts just like ladies do, to show off the legs. I talked to my mom once about when she was a teen. Back then, ('35) she was a wild child for shaving her legs and driving a car. Imagine! a WOMAN who could drive! Of course, she would never have worn "slacks". That I might be on the edge is not unusual. I have been outside the box most of my life, and it really doesn't bother me. All my immediate family knows except for the kids. My brothers talk about this as a relatively benign way to deal with abstinance. As you say, anyone else will just have to take me for who I am. I try to pretend I am someone else, but I keep getting in the way. My wife brought up the thought that perhaps I am trying to mimick what I find attractive on women so that I may have a clothing venue to be "sexy". Let's face it, women can dress sleazy, "come hither", sexy, serious, important, casual, sporty, business etc..you name it, but what can men dress as? Let's see: Work. Play. Sleep. (Gee whiz. Not even Horney? You'd think that would be one!) She also said that what a man finds sexy on a woman probably will not be found sexy by a woman when worn by a man. OK. So then, what DOES a woman find sexy on a man? That's why I am exploring the "sexy macho" look. Heels seem to be something in the right direction, just by the occasional shock a woman might express. Also, most women like the tight pants thing. It covers, yet reveals, too. Just like a "little black dress". I dont' know. I think, though, that men DESERVE more dress options. And, since we are men, let us just determine this ourselves. Isn't that what women do? ("Brothers, unite and wear high heels!") Ok, ok, maybe I'm getting a bit Fidel Castro crossed with Gloria Steinam. (sp?) Samheels

[Fog]

She also said that what a man finds sexy on a woman probably will not be found sexy by a woman when worn by a man. OK. So then, what DOES a woman find sexy on a man?

Samheels

Probably will not? That depends on the woman and the circumstances and the relationship you have. You really can't generalise.

Samheels, Thanks for telling your story so fully and honestly, it's good to read it, a lot of our stories are buried in old threads, but there are a lot of us who've gone through struggles with our desire to wear heels and got it out into the open.

[Ozzard]

So then, what DOES a woman find sexy on a man?

Generally, from the women I've asked that question of: no paunch, tight enough clothing to see that, an upright and confident stance, and a smile! Then some indication of culture and a sense of humour when he opens his mouth.

Clothing is rarely a consideration.

[JNR]

you forgot "good teeth and sweet breath."

[Ozzard]

you forgot "good teeth and sweet breath."

Some who know me might think that deliberate...