Told my wife last week

[Guy N. Heels]

Welcome to our High Heeled forum. I sincerely hope you feel right at home here, Ben.

Anyway, in my public life I do wear heels. But I wear descrete wedge heels...if you look close you can tell they are women's shoes, but with long pants, they blend in... my wife also has fears of someone else seeing the heels and asking, etc ...Scotty

For many years I, too, worried about what other people might say or think of me wearing heels. And much like Scotty, I, too, went through the spend and purge cycle. Then one day I decided to be me. If I like high heels I wear high heels. If other people think something odd about me - well I think most of them are rather odd as well.

Besides, I can't help what other people think. So today I no longer worry about it. When my friends find a pair of heels in my car I offer no explanation whatsoever. They may assume they are my wife's or think anything else they like. In like manner, there are always 3 or 4 pairs of heels in my room in plain view - same thing! I offer no explanations and let them think whatever they will. Besides, unless they are willing to measure my wife's feet, who's to say the shoes don't belong to her?

I agree with Scotty about you and the frau having to get along. That you must work out between the 2 of you. If both of you are okay with discreet heels, then maybe that's the way to go. The bottom line here is that the two of you have come to an understanding of what is and is not acceptable. Then you have to live with it.

One more thing, and believe me, I have struggled mightily with this - your desire to wear high heels absolutely does NOT make you:

1] degenerate;

2] immoral;

3] perverted or sexually deviate;

4] criminal or a "bad" person.

All such notions are total fabrications of society(ies) and after more than 20 years of struggle with them I have finally relegated them to the rubbish heap where they belong.

Once again, welcome to the HH Meeting place. Let us know how you are doing.

[sscotty727]

Congrats to both of you! Believe me, my wife initially would have NEVER thought of me going out in heels. Over the years she has gotten use to it and it doesn't seem to bother her much anymore.

One wrinkle I didn't mention in my case was also we now have 3 girls (from 7.5 years to 1 year). She is also concerned about exposing them too all of this. Of course my oldest daughter already asked me about it (how come you wear high heels, aren't those women's shoes?). Of couse I wasn't about to go over the whole "fashion freedom" argument, so I just used my standby "I have a bad back and the heels help my back, I wear wedge heels because they are unisex". She was ok with it and just said "oh, ok, I was wondering". She then went on to say "My friends at school asked me about that", which took me by surprise cause I only wore them once or twice where they could have seen them and with long pants that I could have sworn would conceal them. Oh well, kids are VERY observant!

Anyway, that is yet another reason why I have given up even block heels in favor of wedge heels. So far not 1 person has even flintched at that one.

In another side note, I also wore THESE in the hospital with shorts when my daughter was born and not 1 person flinched. I also wear an anklet too;) I wore them to my daughters friends picnic and also to Kings Dominion again, with shorts both time. Not 1 person flinched:)

Scotty

[shrimper]

I don't know how it is where you are but at my local hospital many of the doctors, especially the surgeons wear clogs while on duty. Danskos seem to be the most popular.

[Guy N. Heels]

...In another side note,...I wore them to my daughters friends picnic and also to Kings Dominion again, with shorts both time. Not 1 person flinched:)

It rather goes to underscore the fact that it's all in the eye of the beholder, doesn't it?

[Ben2006]

In another side note, I also wore THESE in the hospital with shorts when my daughter was born and not 1 person flinched. I also wear an anklet too;) I wore them to my daughters friends picnic and also to Kings Dominion again, with shorts both time. Not 1 person flinched:)

Yes, they do have a pretty "male" look (which even my wife had to admit - after the usual gentle moan "oh, it's about shoes again - are you doing/thinking still anything else?").

I haven't seen such in local stores yet, but I'll keep an eye on it at our next shopping tour.

Ben

[sscotty727]

Yes, they do have a pretty "male" look (which even my wife had to admit - after the usual gentle moan "oh, it's about shoes again - are you doing/thinking still anything else?").

I haven't seen such in local stores yet, but I'll keep an eye on it at our next shopping tour.

Ben

Actually I got them both off ebay. You might want to check there too. Good luck!

Scottyb

[Ben2006]

Actually I got them both off ebay. You might want to check there too. Good luck!

I've already found something similar on http://www.tallgirls.co.uk/site/details.cfm?StockID=163&CatID=3&CatPageID=91&ImageID=1589&PageID=1&CFID=99219

But before ordering in UK (money conversion fees, expensive shipping, other sizes), I'll give it a try in local stores first (where I can try sizes - still not quite sure about sizes, but 41 seems to fit pretty good, though I usually have 42 in "male" sizes).

Will check (German) Ebay, too, of course.

Ben

[sscotty727]

Cool, those are very nice too! Just for your information, the ones I got are by Born. The name of them is Covet. Scotty

[dr1819]

Anyway, that is yet another reason why I have given up even block heels in favor of wedge heels. So far not 1 person has even flintched at that one.

In another side note, I also wore THESE in the hospital with shorts when my daughter was born and not 1 person flinched. I also wear an anklet too;) I wore them to my daughters friends picnic and also to Kings Dominion again, with shorts both time. Not 1 person flinched:)

Scotty

Glad to hear no one flinched, Scotty!

Flinch: to withdraw or shrink from or as if from pain : WINCE; also : to tense the muscles involuntarily in anticipation of discomfort.

It's sort of a mild convulsion, as particularly well-exhibited by Mr. Bean, usually in response to someone raising a hand as if to strike them.

But I'm curious - did anyone gawk? Did they murmer, move away, avert their glance?

Sorry I couldn't resist, but I began laughing at the thought of one of Mr. Bean's overegaturated flinches in response to seeing you in such a benign pair of heels. They just much like male Danskos, just with a higher heel. I've a pair of Clarks with a 3" heel that I'm particularly fond of and wear in public with jeans quite a lot. I could, and often do, wear them all day. Never worn them with shorts, as I usually save that for flat or low-heeled women's sandals. My next favorite pair of wedges are a pair of 4-1/2" heeled cork wedges (very silent) with a narrow heel and two straps. They have a 3/4" plat (normally not into plats, but this makes these shoes very comfortable). I don't wear these out, but they're wonderful around the house in a mid-length skirt.

[sscotty727]

Glad to hear no one flinched, Scotty!

Finch: to withdraw or shrink from or as if from pain : WINCE; also : to tense the muscles involuntarily in anticipation of discomfort.

It's sort of a mild convulsion, as particularly well-exhibited by Mr. Bean, usually in response to someone raising a hand as if to strike them.

But I'm curious - did anyone gawk? Did they murmer, move away, avert their glance?

Sorry I couldn't resist, but I began laughing at the thought of one of Mr. Bean's overegaturated flinches in response to seeing you in such a benign pair of heels. They just much like male Danskos, just with a higher heel. I've a pair of Clarks with a 3" heel that I'm particularly fond of and wear in public with jeans quite a lot. I could, and often do, wear them all day. Never worn them with shorts, as I usually save that for flat or low-heeled women's sandals. My next favorite pair of wedges are a pair of 4-1/2" heeled cork wedges (very silent) with a narrow heel and two straps. They have a 3/4" plat (normally not into plats, but this makes these shoes very comfortable). I don't wear these out, but they're wonderful around the house in a mid-length skirt.

Ok, no one "gawked" or made any disapproving gesters. Actually, no one even acted like they noticed.

Yes they aren't pumps, but given they have a slight heel, and the heel kinda tapers (if you look at them from the back, the heel is thicker at the top and starts to get thinner as you go down). Also, I wear a two tone gold/silver anklet, definitely not something you normally see on a guy wearing shorts, so no not overly blantent, but different none the less.

Scotty

[Guy N. Heels]

Hey Ben, I took a look at those clogs. The first thing I noticed was the heel was less than 2" (kinda low). But then I noticed that they're asking 30 Pounds for 'em - YEOW! That would be about $50 American. I don't know what that translates into Euros but it sounds expen$ive.

[johnieheel]

All I can add is that with all my past experiences with my GF's and ex wifes, in which are still good friends, is that it is a little awkward at first but in a few weeks and as time goes on, it becomes more normal and comftorable. Not to worry, it just gets better with time and she will get used to it in no time. Happy Heeling Johnieheel

[dr1819]

Depends on the girl. At first I thought my ex was all for it for a couple years, then one day she flipped out. My gf, on the other hand, was a bit apprehensive, but after seeing me walk into an airport, rent a Cessna, mission plan, preflight, fly, postflight, all in a pair of hh boots, without a single double-take from anyone, she was convinced.

[johnieheel]

YES!!! We men must stand our ground.(in heels perferably). I will wear my heels. It's my right and if she don't like it, then we will just have to sit down and have a talk and hopfully she will understand and if she doesn't than we will have to have another talk. Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? Fortunatly I have the best parts of both worlds so I don't have to have those talks.Good night. Long day lol

[dianeheel]

I was beginning to wonder where Johnieheel was going with this last message. For his good fortune, he ended it appropriately. Love you, honey! Dianeheel

[Dawn HH]

Ben2006:-) First of all, welcome to the Forum. I just dropped in on this thread and I'm trying to catch up on my readings here. There is a lot of good advise here from the members that have been through this with their wives/GF's/SO's. It is a slow thorough process that can take years to complete. It appears that you are on the right track and it is going to take a lot of patience and a lot of compromise from both sides to get an agreement that will satisfy both parties involved. Go slow, be patient, and be considerate of her feelings as well as yours. As has been said here---You are not alone in this and we are all here to try to help in any way that we can. BTW---Your English is quite understandable to us all. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[johnieheel]

Now will you buy me thosw shoes on my avatar???????

[dianeheel]

Patience, Johnieheel, patience! :argue: :splat:

[Ben2006]

Ok, just some information about how it's going on:

Since winter appears to come real soon now, and my toes begin to freeze these days (really! It's become cold and rainy in Europe), I watched out for some "nice" closed-toe shoes which I could wear at home with socks during winter.

Currently, my "house shoes" are these (click on all images to get a bigger picture):

(We bought these before I told my wife )

I thought I had to wait until our next city shopping tour to look at local stores, but in the meantime, I still looked a bit for internet stores. Funny enough, I found the web pages of a local store where I found these:

I've shown them to my wife, and she made her "oh-god-he-starts-with-his-shoes-again" face and didn't really say anything - so I knew I rather wouldn't buy those shoes (and I'd still had to hide it from visitors, too). And in addition, I'm not quite sure if I'd really had spent $150 for them...

But today, I found these:

The don't have a local store here, but at least, it's a German company, and the price is just $45! And they seem to be "officially" unisex because the sizes go non-stop from 36 to 47!

I've shown them to my wife, too, and she agreed that they look quite "normal" (that means, "male" ), and she'd even allow me to wear them when visitors are here! Of course, they are not as high as the other pair, but being able to wear them always (and not being forced to hide them from the rest of the world) is just more value to me than just heel heights.

Will order them when we'll return from our Black Forest vacation next week...

Ben

[Ruby John]

Hay Ben. Try bringing home Flowers every time you bring the shoe thing thing up. It works Ruby

[Dawn HH]

Ben2006:-) It sounds like things are in your favor at the present time. Strike while the iron is hot. Order them now before she changes her mind. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[admirer5577]

But today, I found these:

The don't have a local store here, but at least, it's a German company, and the price is just $45! And they seem to be "officially" unisex because the sizes go non-stop from 36 to 47!

Ben

Ben,

I don't know if I am lucky here but this is the kind of shoes you will find a lot of in Sweden. I think we "invented" them many years ago. And yes, they are unisex. Mens are always black but in woman sizes you can find pink, red or even decorated with paintings. I have some pair myself, very easy to "jump" into when you just want to pick up your mail or walk to the supermarket. They are a little bit "redneck" style here as you see much more of them in smaller towns/countryside than in the bigger cities. IMHO they look too casual and is a "turn off" for me when I see women wearing them. But taste is different.

The price seemed very high to me, here you would pay from $20 and up.

I googled the net and found this manufacturer of wooden shoes ("träskor"/"traskor" in swedish). I can't figure out if the have internet sales, and their english pages doesn't contain anything at all. If you have some questions I can call/e-mail them for you.

http://www.tratoffelfabriken.com/sida_1_5.asp

http://www.tratoffelfabriken.com/sida_1_19.asp

http://www.tratoffelfabriken.com/sida_1_67.asp

For those of you who aren't familiar with the swedish currency: $1=7.2 SEK, €1=9,3 SEK approximately.

I mentioned it before here but there is another shop in Sweden that has small and large women shoes in nice styles; www.kingsizeskor.se I was there last week and they had some really good looking ankle boots. Next month they will get more though so I will go back there then.

/admirer

[Ben2006]

I don't know if I am lucky here but this is the kind of shoes you will find a lot of in Sweden. I think we "invented" them many years ago.

On the product page http://www.manufactum.de/product/753060/group/172398/Produktdetail.1773.0.html they write that those types of shoes don't originally come (like many people suppose) from the Netherlands, but from France, where they are called "sabots". The pair shown, however, does come from the Netherlands indeed. No word about Sweden

IMHO they look too casual and is a "turn off" for me when I see women wearing them. But taste is different.

I'm not quite sure, too, if I wanted to see my wife wearing them But for me, it's momentarily the best I can get (and even to wear "officially"), respecting the heel height.

I googled the net and found this manufacturer of wooden shoes ("träskor"/"traskor" in swedish). I can't figure out if the have internet sales, and their english pages doesn't contain anything at all. If you have some questions I can call/e-mail them for you.

http://www.tratoffelfabriken.com/sida_1_5.asp

http://www.tratoffelfabriken.com/sida_1_19.asp

http://www.tratoffelfabriken.com/sida_1_67.asp

Yes, they do have a big range of models indeed (though I couldn't find a black one with wooden sole). But it seems that this is the manufacturer itself (not a store), and I guess "Butikspris" is translated as "boutique price" (that means what they mean what you should pay in a store for them). Admitted, they aren't very expensive!

Currently, I still flinch from ordering from foreign countries (at least, if there's no simple web form where you can enter your credit card number )

Thank you for your offer to make an inquiry there, but for my first pair of those, I think I'll stick to my domestic supplier even if it's a bit more expensive this time. If I should order such shoes once per week, I'll get back to you

I mentioned it before here but there is another shop in Sweden that has small and large women shoes in nice styles; www.kingsizeskor.se

Yes, found already http://www.kingsizeskor.se/herr/2618.html there, but I prefer wood or cork soles (with rubber under it to make them "parquet-compatible"). And 450 SEK would be about 50 EUR, still more expensive than the ones from Manufactum...

Ben

[Ozzard]

Just another new user dropping by... I had the advantage of telling my current (second) wife that I wear heels as soon as it seemed likely we'd get back* together. She went away for a couple of days, thought about it and decided she was OK with the idea. She's stayed of that point of view since, with two provisos: - She married a man, and wishes me to be obviously a man for her for a part of the time. The times are negotiable between us, and as we have very open communication between us it's generally not an issue. - She is very protective and will rip the guts out of anyone who causes me trouble. As she doesn't really want to serve the resulting jail sentence, she'd rather I didn't go out in heels. This doesn't stop me completely, but I do tend to go out when there are fewer people around and typically avoid metal tipped stilettos :-). Overall, the lack of any negative response from this is slowly causing her to become more relaxed. As others have pointed out, the relationship between spouses is (and has to be) one of give and take. It's sometimes easier if the relationship starts with all the knowledge out in the open - both parties have less invested in it, and it's often easier to shift one's mindset when there's little commitment. I'd recommend to anyone who's just starting a relationship to tell the other person - heck, I even put it in my information when I was using dating sites, it cuts out the folks who are going to have a problem really well! Anyway, just some musings from a generally-content heel wearer. * Long story - I met my current wife in 1990, we split up, I met and married someone else, that relationship separated, then I re-met my current wife in 2002. It was at the time of that re-meeting that I told her.

[DeSalto]

This is an extract from an old post of mine: "When I first told my wife that my fetish for heels was not only seeing her wearing them, but that I also loved to wear them, I was almost shure she would accept it (at least not completely reject it), but showed her at first only 1 pair of my hidden collection, not to shock her too much - black leather ankle strap 5" stiletto d'orsays, narrow pointed toes. I got the courage to tell her my secret because the week just before she had made a joke showing me her last aquisition - very similar to that I've described - and telling me they were for me (my hapiness discreetly vanished when I realized that it was only a joke). So, next week I bought my own pair of heels, similar to hers, and told her I liked her joke so much that I decided to make it reality. She was a bit surprised, but gradually I told her about my desires to wear heels. She accepted it, even though not encouraging me." I do believe in not pushing very hard at the beggining. Let her be used to you just ocasionally wearing heels, slowly increase the frequency and time wearing them. Soon she will be used to your heels. DeSalto

[shoegasmboy]

It's nice to hear that your partners are at least open to letting you fufill your needs partiatialy. Some are not that lucky. I'm very lucky that my wife is encouraging me to explore the desire to wear heels. In fact, she loves the idea as she loves shoes and heels in particular, so now we can shop for them at the same time. How did you first get the idea to wear heels?

[shoegasmboy]

Hi shoegasmboy, I've just replied to shoegasmgirl on another post. I'm just guessing but you may be related. If so you seem to have a wonderful relationship. I'm just waiting until we go shopping together as you do.

Don't worry, I'm sure you guys will get to that point. And I know I am a very very lucky man. I have a sexy, fabulous wife who helps me pick out shoes.

[Tech]

Sorry to butt in, just wanted to say, I just created an entire forum on this topic as these threads often get buried and yet it can be a very prominent issue for us guys....