Told my wife last week

[Ben2006]

(Not quite sure which forum to use - "Hellos", "For the guys" and "Stories" would have matched. Decided "for the guys" because I'm a guy at last )

Hello,

I'm a new user here, my name is Ben (well, almost - I don't want to be googled in this forum by my real name, so I'm using a variation of my lesser known middle name), and I'm living in Germany.

I'm nearly 42 years old, married, no kids, and I've been into high heels already for for many years. Once, about 20 years ago (not married then, not even a GF), I couldn't stand it any more and started to buy some high heels in local stores around. (The first few times, it was still pretty exciting, but later on, I even asked the sales clerk for other sizes, or "whether I can return them if they won't fit". Never told them that they're for myself, though. Maybe they knew anyway, or just didn't care.)

When my GF (who is now my wife) appeared, I hid all my shoes from her because I was afraid of what she would say (or even leave me). I could just wear the shoes when she was at work (fortunately, I had a part-time job at that time, so I was more at home than she).

But in the meantime, I'm working at my home office, and she's my employee - that means, in the last few years I had only a chance to wear my high heels when she was at the hairdresser - about four times a year!

This was a horrible time... I sometimes vaguely indicated my interest in high heels to her, but just got repsonses like "do you want me break my neck?" or "you should have married another woman if you like one wearing such stuff" (she can't at all - she has some very special feet which can't walk in HH for more than one minute: what a pity!).

Well, I got used to that kind of life, until I discovered this forum with those many "tell your wife, she'll find out anyway" messages. Although, in my special case, she'd surely never found my hidden shoe closet, I decided to tell her - somehow, somewhere, somewhen.

From then on, I got really sick (no sleep any more etc.) because I had no idea at all how to make it. Just go to her room and say "oh, darling, by the way, I have some nice high heels which I casually wear, I'm sure you don't mind"? Impossible!

I pondered for about a week (with no result), and then an incredible chain of coincidences happened:

We attended the Lord of the Rings Symphony two weeks ago, and in the lobby, there was an exhibition of very nice little gargoyles, dragons, crystals, miniature swords and so on. It was indicated that one could purchase them in a local store called "The American Store".

We visited that store last week and had a close look at all those nice things and finally purchased some candle holder with dragons around, and a crystal which I'll give her as a Christmas present.

Interestingly, in that shelf, there were some other medieval items, like a chain mail, metal gloves, and... a male chastity belt! (I'm a bit into self bondage, so trying a chastity belt had always been on my wish list, of course without any hope for fulfillment.)

I said to my wife (with a grin) "look what's here, I must have this and try it out", first in a rather funny tone, but while watching all the other stuff, I got more serious until she smiled and said "you have lots of money on your private account (saved from birthdays, Christmas etc.), you can buy whatever you want with it!".

So, we went home with a huge (fortunately opaque) shopping bag with lots of metal in it

At home, after unpacking all our other shoppings, I put on the chastity belt and went to my wife to show it to her. After grinning and talking for a while, the right moment had come.

I said "just talking about bizarre things, I've got to tell you another thing: you already know my shoe spleen. One day, looooong time ago, I couldn't stand it any more and wanted to try things out. I got some pairs of high heel shoes... and I still have them... and I'd really appreciate if you wouldn't mind if I wear them from time to time... of course only within our house".

Whew - now it was said. How would she react? She smiled and said "It's OK, if it's not getting any worse". (I didn't dare to ask her what would be "worse".)

I then got the thong sandals (in my avatar) out of my hiding place and asked her if she would try them on. She did, and had to confess that they were quite comfortable, but just "too high" for her. After that, I put them on (remember, I still had the chastity belt on; it surely was a funny look), and let it on the whole evening during dinner and watching TV.

This has been last Thursday; since then, I only put them off when leaving the house, or when some relatives were visiting us.

Meanwhile, I have shown her already my second pair (I have 6 or 7 in total):

and walked around in the house with them, but then the big problem has turned up: She defined the heels as "not parquet flooring compatible" - we have rather sensitive wooden floor in the living and in the dining room, and she's afraid (and sure) that the heels would leave some deepenings in the floor. (Hmmm - should I tell her that I had already walked around with them on the floor for vacuum-cleaning while she was at work? Better not - she'll kill me.)

Since I have kinda backlog, I now walk every day in high heels - she already asked me once "today again?". I replied "it's surely just because I had to hide it for soooo long" (but you and me know better, don't we all?).

Just the parquet remains a problem: Since I can't wear socks in my thong sandals (except if I get toe socks, but then I won't fit anymore in it because it's nearly too small anyway), I have to get some other high heels for the winter to wear with socks - or some platform boots without spiky heels or something like that (all my other shoes and boots have similar heels as the black ones above - and I may not enter the dining-living-room zone with them, as you know).

Well, as there remains still a rest of money on my private account, I now dare to think about ordering from the internet. Since I always wanted to get the feeling of ballet boots, I consider the ballet boots from Punitive Shoes (I already know that my wife will say I'm absolutely crazy when she'll see the price - perhaps I'll find something less expensive). Of course, those aren't "parquet-compatible" either, but they look just so good that it's worth just walking in the upper floor (my office, my wife's office, restrooms) - don't really think I can walk down stairs anyway (or my wife will forbid me in order to "not break my neck" - she's just so reasonable).

In addition, I'd like to try out some "nearly-ballet" boots like the ones from Punitive Shoes (would prefer the thigh-high, but that's only sold with horse iron, and that's not good on wooden floor, either...) at least, they mention "easy walking" and "rubber sole" which lets me hope to be able to walk around in the complete house including living and dining room (rubber soles are allowed, she said). I'm just wondering about the difference to that other heel shape, for example at the ballet boots from thighhighboots.net they mention "can actually be walked in" and especially "has non skid ridges on the bottom" which will surely please my wife . Hmmm... which one would be more comfortable to walk in? (Besides, ordering from Punitive would be easier for me because they are within Europe, that means, no hassle about customs or taxes - don't really want to drive to the customs office and explain to the customs officer what I have ordered...)

Ok, those are just my dreams at the moment (and have been for a long time) - for now, when going shopping with my wife, I can at least drag her to the nice (that means, women's) shoes and have a look if I find something suitable - for me .

Hope you enjoyed my story so far - we'll see what the future will bring...

Ben

[Elegant]

Nice story- thank you for sharing it with us! It looks as if the most difficult thing is to sense if a S/O is tolerant or not, but they'll eventually have to face the unavoidable and sometimes the results of that are astonishingly positive.

[Thighbootguy]

Ben2006 -

First, Welcome to the forum.

Second, what a great post. As iloveboots pointed out to me last week, you only get to go around once.

[Shafted]

Welcome aboard, Ben2006!

[dr1819]

Sounds to me like you need to get a new pair of shoes that are both well-heeled, and conformal so as not to upset the missus.

[Ben2006]

Sounds to me like you need to get a new pair of shoes that are both well-heeled, and conformal so as not to upset the missus.

That's correct. Once I already had those:

but I gave them away when I got my thong sandals - because my hidden shoe closet was too small and became full. Have to get something similar again on our next city shopping tour...

Ooops, I have to be more careful... when the doorbell rang one hour ago, it was just the time when the postman usually delivers our mail. So I just slipped off my high heels and let them lie on the office floor. Unfortunately, it was not the postman, but a business friend whom I had to take into my office. So I ran up the stairs in front of him to hide the shoes in some office shelf.

Arrrrgh - embarrassing and painful. No need to tell you that my wife is now very angry with me. I think it's better she won't see any shoes at all for the next days...

Ben

[Dr. Shoe]

Sounds like you're getting sorted at long last!!!! Don't worry about your wife, she'll soon get used to it.

[Ben2006]

Don't worry about your wife, she'll soon get used to it.

Not quite sure. Just talked to her about ordering some ballet/pony boots from the internet (my dream since I can remember). As to the ballet boots, we agreed that it's just fun to wear, and walking would be impossible (although I have found some videos on the internet where people walked apparently pretty safely and quickly); but while the pony boots are marked as "easy walking" and "don't harm the floor", it seems to be irrelevant whether I may step onto our parquet floor because "I won't let you walk down the stairs with that" (well, I could put them off at the upper floor, walk down the stairs, and put them on again - sigh...)

And what makes it still worse: She generally said she wouldn't mind if I wear such stuff from time to time, but not every day! So it seems there still remains a lot of work convincing her...

Ok, now it's not even a week that I told her. Perhaps I'm just going too fast? But it's pretty hard for me to control myself in my current condition

Ben

[loveheel]

Hi Ben, It sounds like you have a spouse that it quite indifferent with your heal wearing. Praise yourself lucky. I would recommend that you respect her feelings about it and don't try to push the boundaries too far immediately. If she doesn;t want you to wear the shoes all day, then don't. Or alternatively, buy a pair of less extreme women's shoes for the "in-between" days

[Ben2006]

loveheel: I guess you're right. Perhaps I'll find some compromise like "no heels Monday to Wednesday" or something like that. Unfortunately, she doesn't want to talk/know too much about it anyway, so it's sometimes difficult to talk to her seriously because she's not very receptive in this respect.

At least, yesterday in the evening, we looked together at some internet stores and talked a bit about "which ones are parquet-compatible", "is walking in extreme-heels possible" and all that. Still better than if she would just say "I don't want to know anything about it"

In any case, I'll look for some mid-high wedges with rubber sole - that shouldn't upset her too much. I just don't yet know her reaction when (on our next city shopping tour which takes place only about once a month) we pass by a shoe store and I'll say "let's have a look if I'll find something interesting for me". But as far as I know her, she will follow me (even though more or less unwillingly, but that's ok).

Since boots are for winter anyway, I'll save them for later

Ben

[sscotty727]

Hi Ben,

First of all, welcome to the site. As you can see, you are not alone in your desire for heels. I have been quiet for the past several weeks because I didn't really have anything to add, but feel like I can talk to your situation.

Like you, I am married with a wife who is less enthusiastic about me being in heels. I've been married now for going on 16 years and have been with her for 20 years. I told her about the heels when we first met and similiar to your experience, it didn't go over too well. She was "ok" with it at first, but even broke up with me for just under a day because of it (I got a call from her early the next morning saying she didn't want to lose me over something silly like that). Anyway, she spent the next SEVERAL years trying to break me of them, even after we were married. I would go through period of buying, purging, getting the urge again, buying, feeling guilty, purging, and so on. After a while she got to the point of just saying to stop throwing them away cause I will just buy them again and she was tired of spending the money over and over again.

Anyway, it was after yet another purge that I got the desire and did a websearch and found hhplace. Wearing heels in public (just around the house was all I did) never occured to me but I started rethinking my position of what exactly I wanted, etc.

Now before I get too much further into my story, I wanted to make a general comment. You are married, that means you made a commitment for better or worse. Telling your spouse "you will learn to accept them or else" will probably just lead quickly to the "or else". Marriage is about compromise. You are basically taking two personalities and merging them. There are going to be areas where you both don't agree on something. You want her to accept you in heels, your going to have to be open to her about what she likes/doesn't like and what she can accept/can't accept with you in them. I am not saying you only do what she says, I am saying you have to TALK to her OPENLY about her fears and issues as well as your desires. Communication is key here. By working TOGETHER you can eventually hit what you like and she can accept. That won't happen overnight (my wife and I are STILL working on it) but it goes a LONG way to happiness on both parts.

Anyway, back to my story. My wife doesn't want me to wear something very feminine into public. To be honest, neither do I (yes I have mentioned maybe once we go somewhere seclucded and I wear stilletos, but she didn't like the idea at all. What I did get her to say ok on is maybe brining a pair to say a movie and changing into them once we are seated and then changing back after it is done before we leave, again, an open discussion and compromise).

Anyway, in my public life I do wear heels. But I wear descrete wedge heels. You can see an example of them in this thread http://www.hhplace.org/hhboard/viewtopic.php?t=6631&highlight=

As you can see, if you look close you can tell they are women's shoes, but with long pants, they blend in. I wear them to work, I wear them to my daughters karate class and even when she had school events. Not once did I get a reaction or anything. You mentioned you had a business associate come by. Perhaps you can wear something like this (the sandals are more obvious). I didn't like the height, I wanted something higher, but as you can see in the listed thread, I added inserts to make them more to what I like (I measured them, they are 5 inches in the back and 1 inch platform so a 4 inch heel really!). And I get to wear them in my EVERY day daily life (feel free to show your wife this thread btw).

Yes I do have some less descrete heels, but I keep them for PRIVATE times. In public, I wear these and I also have clogs (I can get you a pic somewhere if your interested). Again, it has taken me years of compromise and communication to get where I am at. Of course my wife had ALL the fears of me being gay or wanting to be a woman, etc. I think SLOWLY after seeing that I didn't change by just wearing heels, she has been more open and accepting. I wouldn't say thrilled, she would probably love nothing more if I just went back to man shoes, but she can live with me in these and I can live with wearing them.

Oh, BTW. IF this helps, my wife also has fears of someone else seeing the heels and asking, etc (also I worry sometimes at work they might eventually say something). I have a bad back that flairs up from time to time. I have that excuse in my hip pocket (no pun intended) that I wear the heel to help my back issues. And to be 100% honest, there have been a few times I have woken up with a majorily bad back and can barely walk, slip into my wedge heels and instantly feel relief!!! So it actually is true with me. Just not the primary reason, but hey, no one needs to know that part;).

Sorry for the length of the post, but wanted to give you some advice from someone who is actually been through what you are going through. Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss some more.

Take care,

Scotty

[Ben2006]

sscotty727: Thank you very much for your warm welcome. I really do feel better when talking to people who had similar experiences - it always helps when you know that you're not the only one all over the world suffering from that passion.

Wearing (noticeable) high heels in public never was a real issue to me - I'm just too shy myself I do have some black wedge ankle boots:

(5 inches, with a 2 inch platform) which I occasionally used to go to the bakery, the mailbox or the bottle bank around the corner. Wearing with jeans, they look just like any normal heavy winter boots. I really hope that my wife will allow me to use them "officially" next winter when going to the mailbox (after 4pm when it's dark ). (Most probably, she'll say "Do what you want, I just don't want to know about it".)

Oh, well, talking about "publicking", I do have one more experience: On a January 2nd, some years ago, I used my kneehigh platform boots:

(5 1/2 inch heels, 2 inch platform, stretch shaft) at work, at 6:30am, to walk to the next mailbox (less than a mile, round-trip) during a snow storm. Since I was working in an industrial zone then, and everyone else was in Christmas vacation, I surely was the only walker within a radius of several miles!

Ok, so far for my public performances. Pretty nice indeed, but not in the first place for me.

But now back to your posting. I definitely agree with you that talking is the most important thing in a relationship. In this case, it's just a bit difficult for me because she never starts a high heel related conversation by herself; so it's always up to me to bring up that topic, and every time I'd like to talk to her about it, I'm rather afraid whether she'll be annoyed that I come up with that thing again.

For example, now, after some days "pause", I'd like to ask her if she would mind if I'd wear the sandals tomorrow again, but I'm not quite sure if "some days" pause fulfill her agreement "wearing from time to time"? I did ask her for a "plan" I'd understand, too, but her only reply was a sigh "Oh, darling..." and nothing else. Hm. Women are generally hard to understand, aren't they?

(And, actually, I wouldn't really want to ask her each time...)

Surely I'd give her some more time to get used to it (and won't order some ballet boots already tomorrow ), but on the other hand, if I let the pauses become too long, I'm afraid it's getting harder (for her, as for me) to get in again. So I'll try to keep all that on a low, but continuous level, and I hope that I'll find an agreeable level for it...

Ben

PS: Is my English understandable at all? I'm heavily using http://dict.leo.org for some more difficult words, but when I'm offered ten or more translation suggestions, I'm not always sure which one to choose in order to express my feelings correctly...

[sscotty727]

First of all, your english was perfect and I understood all of it. Very impressive for someone who doesn't speak that much english! Secondly, my wife also doesn't bring up heels, I was the one that always had to bring it up. On that topic. Two things you don't want to do. You don't want to come off demanding "I will wear what I want, when I want and you will get used to it" (which I don't think sounds like you either). You also don't want to come off as a child asking permission "mother, may I wear these tomorrow, please, please?". My suggestion for you (take it with a "grain of salt" is the expression, means apply your common sense and situation to the advice), sit her down and just bluntely tell her "Honey, I love you and that will never change. You know that I also have a passion for wearing heels. I know there are aspects of it that bother you. I don't wish to make you uncomfortable nor see me in a different way, I promise I am still the man you feel in love with and married. But I also don't want to push my likes away and feel like I am hiding or killing part of what is me. What I would like to do is to talk with you what it is that you don't like about me in heels and see if we can't workout a compromise that will make us both happy." and then be prepared to LISTEN and answer all her fears. It might also help to show her the website or even this thread to show her you are not alone or odd or weird. The fact that you are taking the time to make sure she is ok and working WITH her will go along way vs just pushing her to have to accept you, if that makes sense? Again, good luck and feel free to PM me if you want to talk more on it. Scotty

[dr1819]

Hey, Scotty - Good advice. My current GF and I are going through similar things. She understands my desires, but she also has her limits. It's a give and take relationship, as are common to most.

[sscotty727]

Hey, Scotty - Good advice. My current GF and I are going through similar things. She understands my desires, but she also has her limits. It's a give and take relationship, as are common to most.

Good luck. Just talking from experience. My wife is ULTRA conservative and we have been together for 20 years now, so been through every variation you can imagine. I am still learning, but have come a long way:)

Scotty

[ShockQueen]

No worries about your English there Ben. You came through just fine :-) With wives/GF's who are more conservative, it's always a "balancing act" because you don't want to drive them away, yet you don't want to deprive yourself totally of your passion either. Just like it may not seem fair to go too far into her territory, it's not exactly fair to get cut off either for sake of a relationship. If you've reached an amicable balancing point, then you're doing great! As long as that status quo can be maintained, then you shouldn't have any problems. It's just sad there aren't more open and accepting relationships out there....the world might be a happier place all the way around.

[HeelD]

I think a lot of partners fears are to do with what society thinks rather than what they think. They worry that people will think less of you that you are wearing "women's" shoes in public. In reality though, it is far from the case. Most people don't notice or care. Compromise is the best thing. And take your time. The main issue between me and other half is the amount of shoes I own rather than me actually wearing them! She's actively encouraging me to wear them more now as a) I will stop looking at my feet so much (this has worked!) I won't buy as many as I'm actively wearing them more. (very true - but some shoes are just too irresistable! ) c) I won't worry so much what other people think of me and I'll become braver wearing them in my hometown. I guess I'm lucky she is so open minded from the start anyway!

[sscotty727]

I think a lot of partners fears are to do with what society thinks rather than what they think. They worry that people will think less of you that you are wearing "women's" shoes in public. In reality though, it is far from the case. Most people don't notice or care.

Ok everyone, society not accepting men in heels is just one issue. That doesn't mean SHE has that issue. That was only a minor part of my wife's issue. The MAIN issue my wife had was she didn't want me to look like a woman. Sure, you say "well, if men were accepted in women's clothes, then you wouldn't look like a woman, etc". Ok, to those people, let me say this. Women wearing hiking boots, jeans, flannel shirts and short hair is accepted. However, that would drastically turn me off. I would not be happy if my wife dressed as such. It has NOTHING to do with society, it has EVERYTHING to do with it doesn't appeal to me.

So let's take men wearing heels and how possibly women view that. It could very well be it is a major turn off. Unless you are willing to put yourself in the other person's "shoes" for a lack of a better term and see if from their perspective, then we are being as closed minded as we accuse everyone else as being.

This doesn't mean give up, it means unless you have the open communications and adress the other persons fears/issues/concerns, then you are doing no better than someone who insists NO.

Some spouses (especially women) tend to internalize things they don't like and let it build up. So don't assume because she isn't saying anything negative or stopping you that she is ok with it. My wife let me go on for a few months wearing sports bras, even bought them for me when I asked. It wasn't until I started noticing she seemed more distant that I sat her down and asked what was up. She told me she felt like I was becoming more and more feminine and that made her feel like she was with a woman, not a man. Her quote was "I am not a lesbian". Ok, I wasn't pushing to be a woman, but stepping back, I could see how she would feel. Again, if she dressed as I stated above, I would feel like I was with a man.

So, since the bra thing was more a habit (I just got used to wearing them) but not a passion I let it go. I did the same with more feminine heels (atleast in public, I have a few for private times, which with 3 girls is far and few between).

Again, this isn't about 1 person and it isn't about men vs society. It is about a man and a woman in a relationship. THEY not us need to determine the limits and what each can accept. The advice I am offering is for them to sit down and talk about it. The more you talk, the more you understand each other, the more compromise is possible.

Scotty

[Ben2006]

Two things you don't want to do. You don't want to come off demanding "I will wear what I want, when I want and you will get used to it" (which I don't think sounds like you either). You also don't want to come off as a child asking permission "mother, may I wear these tomorrow, please, please?".

Yes, those are the two extremes which I both want to avoid. So, yesterday evening, I thought about how I could break her gently that I'd like to wear my sandals today again. Had no very good idea, but mentioned in a rather quiet moment while going to bed "let's see, what's up tomorrow, darling? hmmm... we won't leave the house, and no one will drop by... would be a good day to wear my sandals again". She said nothing, just moaned a little bit, and then we were already talking about some other subject. In principle, that's ok for me, but at the back of my mind, I keep your other posting:

Some spouses (especially women) tend to internalize things they don't like and let it build up. So don't assume because she isn't saying anything negative or stopping you that she is ok with it.

So I'm a bit afraid if there's something more to it than a little moan or sigh... I did already (even on the first day) say something like:

"Honey, I love you and that will never change. You know that I also have a passion for wearing heels. I know there are aspects of it that bother you. I don't wish to make you uncomfortable nor see me in a different way, I promise I am still the man you feel in love with and married. But I also don't want to push my likes away and feel like I am hiding or killing part of what is me. What I would like to do is to talk with you what it is that you don't like about me in heels and see if we can't workout a compromise that will make us both happy."

(BTW, I find this wonderful! ), but the whole response I get on such things is a shrug of her shoulders and a vague "oh darling, what can I say...". Hm. What does this mean?!

Well, it doesn't seem too bad either: While writing this posting today, I'm now wearing my sandals from getting up at 7:30am and will keep them on until getting into bed at, maybe, 10pm or so (BTW, this is the longest period of time I have ever worn high heels in my life continuosly); and she reacts quite normal, smiles, laughs and so on - I guess she's just trying to ignore it as good as it gets. Granted, that's not yet the ideal condition, but I'm on my way

It might also help to show her the website or even this thread to show her you are not alone or odd or weird.

I'm pretty sure this wouldn't be a good idea. She's so keen on holding my passion secret - so she wouldn't be very enthusiastic if she knew that I've told my (our) whole story to a worldwide-readable online forum

I guess the "hiding" is her main issue:

Ok everyone, society not accepting men in heels is just one issue. That doesn't mean SHE has that issue. That was only a minor part of my wife's issue. The MAIN issue my wife had was she didn't want me to look like a woman...

because it's just a feeling which one got from one's education: "Das tut man nicht!" in German, "Faux pas!" in French, maybe "It's bad manners!" in English. You simply can't get such a feeling out from yourself when you have internalized it for so many, many years.

Ben

[w6ish]

whew! reading this grim tale sure makes me thankful that i am married to a woman who encourages my super heels and also enjoys seeing me wear them on the street!

[sscotty727]

Ben,

The important thing is your trying to commicate and are showing you are taking her feelings into account. As I said, I am going on 20 years of working this out with my wife. We went through alot worse over it, so you are far ahead of me. Don't expect an overnight fix, it won't work that way. I am sure she has to get used to all this in her mind and comfortable with the idea of seeing you in heels and being in heels. I am sure all the old "is he gay" "does he want a sex change" "what if this is only the tip of the iceberg" are going through her mind. Just hang in there and be open for when she finally does want to talk about it. My wife does that at times. If something is just too intense she wants to shut it out for a while until she is ready to talk about it.

One way you could help your situation though is to look for more descrete heels that you could wear on a daily basis. It would be another way to show her your trying to be more sensitive and also it would allow you more time to wear them.

Don't get me wrong, the sandals look cool and all, but they are definitely feminine. I would save stuff for that until either personal private times (maybe AFTER work hours when you two are alone) or maybe later IF she becomes more open and accepting. For your daily work time, I would try to find something that you can wear and not have to quickly take off.

Another point to consider. If you do get more descrete footware and do go out in public in them, if she sees no negative reaction that might also ease her fears.

But definitely go slow (your best to judge how slow is slow) and DEFINITELY be open to her communcations, especially the subtile no-verbal type.

Good luck!

Scotty

whew! reading this grim tale sure makes me thankful that i am married to a woman who encourages my super heels and also enjoys seeing me wear them on the street!

I wouldn't say "grim", just different people have different tastes, tolerances and preferences. Being married means you have to be sensitive to the other person (works both ways) and work things out together.

That is great that your wife is open and accepting! But just because others aren't in the same type of relationship doesn't make it "grim", unless footware is more important than the relationship.

[Kiwiguy]

Hello Ben, I would like to add something here at this stage. I am also married to a german lady (for more than 30 years) and whilst I wouldn't consider myself as a "high heel addict" I nonetheless like to wear heels quite a bit and I did do so for many years now. Getting older now my desire to wear heels have somewhat decreased and I have come to wear mostly quite ordinary mens shoes albeit with heels of 1 and a half to 2 inches heigth. It only happened yesterday when we planned to go into town my wife mentioned casually: why don't you wear higher heels? They would look nice to your trousers, and off she went to bring some pair of ankle boots with 3 inch stacked heels. I was amazed! Now the comment I wanted to make here in the first place is that I've found out what my wife wanted to avoid: she admitted it long time ago. She said: I don't want you to appear publicly in a way that other women might think you being less masculine then their men are. It's as simple as that! And she added; whatever you wear at home is fine by me but in public I want you to be seen as what the majority thinks a "real man is all about". Yeah, I've kept to her rules, at least when we go out together. And she in turn is happy and actually has bougth nice high heeled sandals for me - to be worn at home. I guess you'll have to come to terms with that. Gerd

[w6ish]

we would. say: "grim"

[sscotty727]

we would. say: "grim"

Thankfully I love my wife over material possession then.

[w6ish]

me too.

[sscotty727]

me too.

Great then, we are all happy:)

[w6ish]

ultra and super cheers to us!

[Guest]

thank god I'm single (gay as well as I've told you guys before I think) I do live with my mom, but she knows I love to wear my heels only when I'm out ALONE if I ever DID get a man to know- I'd tell him right away too!

[sscotty727]

thank god I'm single (gay as well as I've told you guys before I think) I do live with my mom, but she knows I love to wear my heels only when I'm out ALONE if I ever DID get a man to know- I'd tell him right away too!

The important thing is to be happy. If your single than you only have to worry about your own feelings. If your married or in a relationship, then you have to consider your significant other as well. The important thing is honesty and open communication. If your unhappy or miserable, then I doubt the heels are the culpert anyway.

Just as white_6_inch_spike_heels is happy in his marriage where he can only wear high heels and flaunt them, I am happy in my marriage wearing descrete heels. As they say. "Whatever floats your boat".

As for the originator of the thread Ben, I wish you the best of luck and happiness and I hope all the various advice you got here helps out. Pleaes keep us posted.

Scotty

[Ben2006]

One way you could help your situation though is to look for more descrete heels that you could wear on a daily basis. It would be another way to show her your trying to be more sensitive and also it would allow you more time to wear them.

I'm just trying that currently (see below).

Don't get me wrong, the sandals look cool and all, but they are definitely feminine. I would save stuff for that until either personal private times (maybe AFTER work hours when you two are alone) or maybe later IF she becomes more open and accepting. For your daily work time, I would try to find something that you can wear and not have to quickly take off.

Generally, we're alone all the time, even at work hours (we both work at our home office). Normally, visitors (which are rather seldom at all, I'm in the internet business) make an appointment before, and the only "suprising door bell ringers" are the postman, some packet delivery services, and sometimes the neighbor because his phone is broken down

So, we're pretty "private" here at all (except when going into the garden to pull the weeds out of the lawn ).

Another point to consider. If you do get more descrete footware and do go out in public in them, if she sees no negative reaction that might also ease her fears.

Good point, but this won't ever happen because she's not even going out with me when I'd like to wear my ("officially" bought) Docker's (men's!) boots (2 1/2 inch wedge, 1 1/2 inch platform). She says they look ugly, and she's ashamed for me when I wear them. Hm. Not understandable at all for me. In my opinion, they are very nice (and even pretty "male").

As for the originator of the thread Ben, I wish you the best of luck and happiness and I hope all the various advice you got here helps out. Pleaes keep us posted.

Well, the story continues:

As already announced, yesterday I wore the sandals in my avatar 15 hours (7:30am-10:30pm) without any single interruption! It was an absolutely great feeling, although my calves were a bit stressed after that She said nothing at all about it the whole day (and I didn't get the feeling that she'd been "uncomfortable" with it "inside" either).

Today, it's Friday. Every Friday, I do some shopping (alone) in the supermarket 'round the corner (mostly some fresh vegetables, bread, cat food and some other minor things which can't wait until our grand shopping tour once a month or so). Besides food, they have nearly everything (even TV sets, washing machines, househould articles, clothing...) and, of course, shoes!

Unfortunately, they generally don't have that kind of shoes we're dicsussing here (it's more "for the fiftyish wife" if you know what I mean). Well, usually some rather nice sandals, but with heels which wouldn't go on our wooden floor anyway.

But today, I found those:

(3 inch wedge, 3/4 inch platform, flat rubber sole, hence "parquet-compatible") and I thought "that could be the ones for daily use" (ok, still a bit feminine maybe, but in any case less feminine than the same ones in pink or blue which they had, too).

I pondered "hm, can I just take them home and show her? what should I do?". Since I had some food-buying questions anyway, I called her from my mobile phone and talked about shopping first, and then I just asked her "I found a pair of 'ladies house slippers' (that's a running gag between us, see below) which surely are parquet-compatible, do you think I can buy them? But I'm not sure if I should take size 40 or 41...".

After the usual moaning when I start shoe topics :-) , she surprised me by saying "why don't you just try them?" I couldn't say anything in the first moment, and then she continued "why not? no one will look at you". Now isn't that funny?!

So I took the shoe carton over to the men's shelf and tried them (the 41 was better, as I already had expected). Indeed, no one was looking

They are very comfortable, I can them wear with socks, too, and they are absolutely noiseless (not that clap-clap with the sandals in my avatar) so that she'll never be reminded of what I'm just wearing. Now I'm planning to were them rather often - let's see if she'll complain some day...

At our next city shopping tour (many specialized shoe stores there!), I'll try to choose another high (or better mid) heel pair together with her - maybe it'll be some fun actually.

Will keep you posted...

Ben

PS: We once were on vacation on the Maldives, and before, we bought those rubber beach shoes (for not stepping onto sharp-edged shells or that). After paying them, we had a look at the sales slip, and there was marked "ladies house slippers". Since then, all funny or other "special" shoes are called "ladies house slippers" by us