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kirkules

Jokes, funny stories or one liners

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All you have to know is that the Ford Escort is a rather popular car on this side

of the ocean.

And Rooney is a famous football player who apparently likes women.

Y.

Thanks, Yozz,

OK, but still don't get it. :)

(but, that's ok....don't need to spend any more time on it.)

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Just made this one up--Joni There once was a fellow named Beales Who loved wearing women's high heels. He said,"I don't know". "It's not for the show". "I just love the way that it feels".

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Alex Ferguson had a 70's party for the Man U first team at his house this weekend:

Ryan Giggs arrived in a Ford Capri;

Paul Scholes arrived in a 2L Ford Cortina

Rooney .. he came in £1200 Escort!

All you have to know is that the Ford Escort is a rather popular car on this side

of the ocean.

And Rooney is a famous football player who apparently likes women.

Y.

An escort is another term for prostitute and a story broke that Wayne Rooney paid a prostitute £1200 for sex.

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An escort is another term for prostitute and a story broke that Wayne Rooney paid a prostitute £1200 for sex.

So, What's so funny about that besides telling the whole world that he needs to pay for it......?

Besides, I think Joni-T's rhyme is much more amusing by far......:wave:

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I bet the Escort didn't think it was funny either!

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Must be a local joke. :)

Yeah sorry Bubba - shouldve pointed out that the target for that one was probably more the UK and football followers - unless youre a Man U fan :lmao:

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Ohio fliers

The U.S. Postal Service issued a stamp honoring the one hundredth anniversary of the first flight by the Wright Brothers.

The first man in powered flight was from Ohio.

The first man ever to orbit Earth was from Ohio.

And the first man on the moon was from Ohio.

It sounds like a lot of people are trying to get out of Ohio.

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Nice One... One night a fellow drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily. The next night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"

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Didn't know where to post to get my posts up to 5 so guessed this was a good place for me to start:

I guess only those of you in the UK will get this.........

Why did David Cameron cross the road?

Because he promised not to.

Carlos

There is no rush to "Get your posts up to 5", your here to make new friends, and share interests. When you meet new people do you ever think "I must get out at least 10 sentances, doesnt matter what it is?" Of course not, just take your time and get to know people.

Getting to know others doesnt happen in 5 posts or less...

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Actually getting to 5 posts does make a difference in terms of access to parts of this site is concerned (as I discovered recently). Anyway, I liked the David Cameron joke :-)

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Dan has retired at age 50, but after a while he feels kind of bored and decides to get a new job. Everything goes well and he is a real asset to the company, but there is one problem: he always shows up late in the morning. For the rest everything is perfect and he does his work really conscienciously. Yet his boss decides to have a chat with him and confronts him with the fact that he is always late in the morning. Dan recognizes the problem and says that he really tries to do something about it. So the boss says that he is very impressed that Dan recognizes the problem and has such a great work ethics. Then he says: "it says here in your resume that you were in the army before. What did they say whenever you came in late?". Oh answers Dan. They would say: "Good morning general".

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I've got Gammon Flu...

It was Swine Flu but the doctor cured it!

Thespians would call that hamming.

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an elf a dwarf and an orc walk into a tavern together, the dwarf asks the barkeep "do you serve dwarves here?" the barkeep says "yep"the dwarf goes and sits at a table. The elf asks the barkeep" do you serve elves here?" barkeep says "yep" so the elf goes and sits with the dwarf, finally the orc asks "do you serve orcs here?" the barkeep yells "HELL NO, EVEN DRAGONS WONT EAT ORCS!"

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Heard on the new TV series "Harry's Law" on NBC w/Kathy Bates: Peeptoe, slingback, do me like a dog, pumps!

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Looks like I need higher heels. This one goes right over my head. Y.

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Heard on the new TV series "Harry's Law" on NBC w/Kathy Bates:

Peeptoe, slingback, do me like a dog, pumps!

That's one of those things where "you had to be there." Harry's law is a story of a lawyer that opens a new practice in a "less than desirable" neighborhood of a city in Ohip. The only place that "Harry" (Harriet) could find was in a fully stocked "gone out of business" shoe store front. So, the business became a Law Office that also sells woman's shoes. Good setting with some great shoes on display but really bad program. So, if I remember rightly, the quotation above comes near the end of the show and makes reference to the styles of shoes the business still has in stock (I think - ?)

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JNR It's spelled Ohio, Not Ohip. Your right about the show, the story line sucks, so does the theme. Mike

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A man tries on a suit that he hadn't worn in 25 years and in the pocket of the suit coat was a claim slip for a pair of shoes that he had taken to a shoe repair shop 25 years ago. The man wonders if the shoe shop still has his shoes so he goes to the shop with his 25 year old slip and presents the slip to the shoe repairman. In a very irritated voice the repair man says,"Do you expect me to keep a pair of shoes for 25 years?! "It wouldn't hurt you to look," the other man said. In a fit of rage, the shop keeper went to his back room to look for the shoes and in a little while, he yelled back to the man out front, "are they a pair of black court shoes. 4 inch heel?" "Yes that's them," the other man answered. Then the shop keeper said,"They'll be ready Thursday.

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Q: Why was the chef arrested the other day? A: He was caught beating an egg. Feel free to laugh out loud. :smile:

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Aw quit yoking like that Jeff.. you're making me split a gut! lol Charlie

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This Thread has been quiet for a while...

My Kind Of Woman

post-1115-133522962188_thumb.jpg

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HHP member takes his wife into a shoe shop and approaches a shop assistant. Assistant: "Good morning, sir, would you like some shoes for your wife?" Husband: "Sounds a fair swap to me."

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Some recent posts made me think of something found on the internet (search for spell checker poem) A Little Poem Regarding Computer Spell Checkers... Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.

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There are only 10 people in the world who understand the binary system :)

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Hmm, because decimal 25 equals octal 31? 100 binary?

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Hmm, because decimal 25 equals octal 31? 100 binary?

Nah, binary 100 equals 4hex ;)

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