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Could you give up Heels?


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For most of my married life, my wife did wear the shoes I liked.  In fact, I was the one that bought a good portion of her shoes.  While that did keep my desire to wear myself on low, it did not stop it completely by any means.  So the simple answer is, no.

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As Ron wrote I think the answer is NO!

Of course if no other option is offered we will try to forget . But I prefer not to have to think about the consequences. 

I also had a wife who was wearing the highest possible heels and nevertheless needed to wear heels myself. 

 

 

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11 hours ago, RonC said:

For most of my married life, my wife did wear the shoes I liked.  In fact, I was the one that bought a good portion of her shoes.  While that did keep my desire to wear myself on low, it did not stop it completely by any means.  So the simple answer is, no.

Agreed. It helped for me, a lot. But I gave up, and now wear the heels myself.

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I don't know. i really don't know. Right now I'd say, tentatively, if she wore the heels I want her to wear, does all the nasty stuff in bed that I want her to do with me and her crazy over other things is within tolerable confines, I reckon that Paris might be worth a mass. The perfect partner doesn't exist and in the end you got to decide on what you're willing to compromise over. It's not like I wear or want to wear heels outside of my own home. But I wouldn't throw away my collection and hire a storage box. I've read and seen too many stories of men who got screwed over by wives cheating or leaving, who knows what the future brings?

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The way I look at it is that a relationship is give and take.  She may not like habits or hobbies you may have, but should accept that you like them.  If an ultimatum is the only solution I would be very cautious as you can stop wearing them.  But would you be happy if you did?  Is this a hobby or something more?  At this point I could stop,  but would be severely unhappy and resentful if I were made to.

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On 12/16/2020 at 11:48 PM, Abitodd said:

The way I look at it is that a relationship is give and take.  She may not like habits or hobbies you may have, but should accept that you like them.  If an ultimatum is the only solution I would be very cautious as you can stop wearing them.  But would you be happy if you did?  Is this a hobby or something more?  At this point I could stop,  but would be severely unhappy and resentful if I were made to.

I suppose that I overreacted to the initial question, simply because of its gender biased overtones. I mean, would anyone ever ask a woman to give up wearing heels for a non-medical reason? So I guess I read the question as, "Would you give up heels?" rather than "Could you give up heels?" Another point of contention is whether we frame this passion we all share as a hobby. The dictionary definition of a hobby is an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation. Which, technically, might describe many of us. It might even describe many women who also enjoy collecting and wearing high heels. The question then becomes how much mere footwear is ingrained into our very being. There are many people who argue that it indeed is. I've heard it said that a few people carry the "high heel gene," and that it is equally distributed between male and female. I kind of subscribe to that theory, having known a few women who will always wear high heels whether they are in fashion or not. I certainly rarely go out in flats, ever (except to my construction job). Why do I do this? Is it because it is truly part of who I am, or am I just a very enthusiastic, bordering on fanatical, hobbyist? It's difficult to say definitively, but I would say that for the majority of people on this site, it goes beyond the definition of a hobby.

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In my case, I like wearing boots - be they ankle boots or otk/knee boots - simply as a matter of fashion sense, one I liked from afar for many years but felt unable to adopt. It's not a hobby any more than wearing hiking boots is a hobby. I'm also partial to various shades of blue and purple, but I'd not describe "blue and purple" as a hobby either.  

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22 minutes ago, mlroseplant said:

Another point of contention is whether we frame this passion we all share as a hobby. The dictionary definition of a hobby is an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation. Which, technically, might describe many of us. It might even describe many women who also enjoy collecting and wearing high heels. The question then becomes how much mere footwear is ingrained into our very being.

Yeah, my other "hobbies" never gave me these many problems or this much anxiety. I didn't have to power through these many issues/worries/discussions, etc. So I would say hobbies have much lower personal cost. It's more of a compulsion, and although you can give up the physical actions, I don't think you can give up the attraction and thoughts around it.

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Then you never looked down at a 20 foot jump drop into power off an icy cornice.

10 hours ago, hiddenheels said:

Yeah, my other "hobbies" never gave me these many problems or this much anxiety.

Or been out in 17 foot seas in a 17 foot long boat.

 

Edited by Cali
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I I’ve had several different hobbies over the years.  Hunting, fishing, skydiving, flying, as well as others.  All of which I have had (or, would have had) no problem quitting if the need arose  ( I have given up the more strenuous ones due to my age).  However, when it came to wearing “ heels and girls shoes”, some of my earliest memories are of my playing in my mother’s clothes closet and clomping around our house in her heels.)  Over the years I’ve tried to stop wearing heels.  But, the urge to wear them would reappear after a month or so and become more intense as time passed. Giving into satisfying this urge only to have it reappeared just as strong, or stronger, in a few weeks, just added to my pent-up anxiety. (Take it as fact. The desire will never go away.)

 About the age of 16, when I was in high school, I decided to stop trying to quit and accept the fact that wearing heels and girls shoes would be always be with me.  And, from that point on, I have never tried to stop.  In fact, I have always owned more girls shoes than I ever owned boys or men’s shoes.  I actually enjoy wearing my heels and other feminine styles.  And continue to wear them every day.  
 
The main problem with being a man wearing heels is dealing with the “male wearing female” accessories problem, which is ingrained in children from the moment of their birth.  There are many different ways of dealing with this aspect, beginning with a thick skin and attitude of going about one’s business as normal paying no attention to those around you.

And, there are some real problems associated with this practice.  Perhaps the most troubling is that of telling a prospective mate about your wearing high heels. My advice on handling this situation, and one I used myself, is to tell your prospective mate about your wearing heels as quickly as it becomes obvious that your relationship has the possibility of developing beyond the normal” boyfriend/girlfriend level.   
 
Each and every potential life long relationship must be built on absolute trust if it is to endure beyond the point where your mate discovers your secret.  Most likely, your wife (at that point) will, in all likelihood, wonder what else haven’t you told her. What other secrets are yet to be learned.  The stakes are even higher if she finds out and there are children involved.  Should the revelation be such that she isn’t able to handle and want to split, the effects could be life long for yourself, your wife and children.

She deserves the right to decide whether to  become more deeply involved with you based upon everything about you.  The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  (Likewise, she is obliged to reveal her true self to you, also)

The archives of this site are filled with stories about the consequences of men that waited until after marriage to disclose their true selves.  Some of them heart wrenching to say the least.

 

 

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Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.

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2 hours ago, Cali said:

Then you never looked down at a 20 foot jump drop into power off an icy cornice.

Or been out in 17 foot seas in a 17 foot long boat.

 

Please don't take my sentences out of context. I highly doubt the "hobbies" you mentioned come with such social cost and would cause you such grief if you had to give them up.

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I've had to give up many things, most not by choice.  I switched to women's shoes about a decade ago because they fit my feet better.  I now wear 4 inch heels almost everywhere. Several of my women colleagues are jealous that I have more shoes and better than theirs, while other wish they could wear heels period.

A decade ago I was anxious. First with sandals (finally some that fit) and painted toes nails. Later that summer I started to wear 1-2.5 inch heeled booties to work. Some of my colleagues notice I was taller. I tried to hide them (booties) with long pants. I had one male student tell me I had some "fly" shoes :).

About 5 years ago I had a need to wear 4 inches just to stand. There's no way to hide 4 inch heels when you are suddenly 2 or 3 inches taller. 

My last really anxious moment was last fall when I decided to get skinny jeans with a inseam 3-4 inches shorter and really exposed my heels.  And then I took the leap to wear my knee highs on the outside of my jeans, my suede Jessica Simpson knee high stilettos. I have normalize that I wear 4+ inch heels, that I wear some really nice heels, and that I have a lot of heels. While I may blend my clothes, I have no desire to wear skirts or dresses.

But I'm no longer married, our relation ended for other things unrelated to heels.  You are in a tough position, that "don't let me see" attitude basically forces you to "sneak" off just to wear your heels.

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This is an easy, clear answer... NO! 

I won’t get involved with a woman who is “against” my heel wearing, or who places any sort of arbitrary restrictions or limitations on where or when I wear them, period! I get the issue out in the open, very early on, usually by the first date. If they are not accepting of it, there is no second date! Life is too short, to be shackled by the notion, that a woman who would never in a million years, accept a guy telling her she can’t wear makeup, or have the type of purse she likes, or whatever, but that it’s okay for her to say, “sorry honey, I don’t mind you wearing heels at home, when no one is around, but as far as wearing them outside the house, forget about it!” Or worse yet, “that you can’t have or wear them at all”. That’s NOT the type of relationship I want to be in. I would sooner be in no relationship, than have my desires concerning heels, be “managed” by a wife/girlfriend. I’ve written about this before; for me, it’s non-negotiable! I’ve been in a nearly four year relationship with a woman who is very accepting of it. I am fortunate! The good news is, that you can be fortunate too! There are plenty of open minded women out there. You just need to find them.
 

 

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2 minutes ago, LuvsStiletto said:

This is an easy, clear answer... NO! 

I won’t get involved with a woman who is “against” my heel wearing, or who places any sort of arbitrary restrictions or limitations on where or when I wear them, period! I get the issue out in the open, very early on, usually by the first date. If they are not accepting of it, there is no second date! Life is too short, to be shackled by the notion, that a woman who would never in a million years, accept a guy telling her she can’t wear makeup, or have the type of purse she likes, or whatever, but that it’s okay for her to say, “sorry honey, I don’t mind you wearing heels at home, when no one is around, but as far as wearing them outside the house, forget about it!” Or worse yet, “that you can’t have or wear them at all”. That’s NOT the type of relationship I want to be in. I would sooner be in no relationship, than have my desires concerning heels, be “managed” by a wife/girlfriend. I’ve written about this before; for me, it’s non-negotiable! I’ve been in a nearly four year relationship with a woman who is very accepting of it. I am fortunate! The good news is, that you can be fortunate too! There are plenty of open minded women out there. You just need to find them.
 

 

Good for you buddy!  Your advice is spot on....

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1 hour ago, LuvsStiletto said:

This is an easy, clear answer... NO! 

You just need to find them.

I won’t get involved with a woman who is “against” my heel wearing, or who places any sort of arbitrary restrictions or limitations on where or when I wear them, period! I get the issue out in the open, very early on, usually by the first date. If they are not accepting of it, there is no second date! Life is too short, to be shackled by the notion, that a woman who would never in a million years, accept a guy telling her she can’t wear makeup, or have the type of purse she likes, or whatever, but that it’s okay for her to say, “sorry honey, I don’t mind you wearing heels at home, when no one is around, but as far as wearing them outside the house, forget about it!” Or worse yet, “that you can’t have or wear them at all”. That’s NOT the type of relationship I want to be in. I would sooner be in no relationship, than have my desires concerning heels, be “managed” by a wife/girlfriend. I’ve written about this before; for me, it’s non-negotiable! I’ve been in a nearly four year relationship with a woman who is very accepting of it. I am fortunate! The good news is, that you can be fortunate too! There are plenty of open minded women out there. You just need to find them.

But unicorn hunting is really really hard.  

I too make it clear I wear 4 inch heels and I won't get involved with a woman who has an issue with my heels. Life is too short to live that way.  However, the number of women that would not get weirded by it drops off dramatically as you get older. There's a lot of "it okay BUT not for my man" at my age.

===

I just had to edit this because with the new format you might miss this very important statement in @LuvsStiletto post: " You just need to find them."

Edited by Cali
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3 minutes ago, Cali said:

But unicorn hunting is really really hard.  

I too make it clear I wear 4 inch heels and I won't get involved with a woman who has an issue with my heels. Life is too short to live that way.  However, the number of women that would not get weirded by it drops off dramatically as you get older. There's a lot of "it okay BUT not for my man" at my age.

There are definitely many “it’s okay BUT not for my man” women out there, that’s for sure! lol Women with that mindset (which is perfectly fine, btw), simply make it a whole lot easier for me. They don’t realize it, but they are doing me a favor! I waste a lot less time with them, which enables me to move on to the next woman. One thing that made it easier for me, is that I tended to only gravitate to women that I could tell ALREADY had a thing for heels, to begin with. Their (consistent) heel wearing was actually one of the main things that attracted me to them. My rationale has always been, if they already love nice heels, it will be easier for her to understand why I love them so much as well. It may seem counterintuitive, based on how many women are competitive amongst each other, especially when it comes to fashion choices. However, I find that the “right” woman really does not see a guy as “competition”, which makes them more agreeable to it. I’ve had countless women I’ve dated over the years say things like, “you should try wearing heels for a day”, or “if you only knew what we women went through, by wearing heels every day”. These things are music to my ears, because I seize on the opportunity to respond with, “what if I already know what it’s like to wear heels all day?” I like the playful women, who will respond with, “ok hot shot, show me you can walk in heels!” Often when you get that out of the way, she’ll be like, “wow, you really CAN wear heels! What else do you like to ‘wear’?” Lol

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Sorry but I disagree. 

When i hear a woman “ you should try wearing heels” it just she wants to tell you: can you imagine the pain I am bearing to please you.. 

only a few are sincerely in love with heels  And these ones are the ones who would accept the less a man in heels 

Sorry about that ..It’s my outspoken evening!! 

 

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2 hours ago, Cali said:

But unicorn hunting is really really hard.  

I too make it clear I wear 4 inch heels and I won't get involved with a woman who has an issue with my heels. Life is too short to live that way.  However, the number of women that would not get weirded by it drops off dramatically as you get older. There's a lot of "it okay BUT not for my man" at my age.

===

I just had to edit this because with the new format you might miss this very important statement in @LuvsStiletto post: " You just need to find them."

Yeah, there's a lot of women who are full of 'I'm so accepting of everyone and everything' talk, but when the time comes to select a mate they go as traditionally as possible. Just look at how brutal women are when it comes to height. If you're a dude shorter then 1m80 you got your work cut out for you on the dating market cause your market value is LOW. You check the average female dating profile and you can't help escape the notion that what they want is only 5% of the male population. And they ALL seem to want that same 5%. Tall, handsome, athletic, no gut, financially well off, high emotional and social intelligence, if you're that dude the world is your oyster. Hell, you might even get your GF to accept to your heels cause they know they got a unicorn and if she drops it, some sister will come along and snap you up in a heartbeat. So yeah, if you do come across a woman who has everything you want in a woman, wants you too (which is already effin' hard as it is in this online dating wasteland), but just not your heels, it might be really hard for some people to say no to that. There's a LOT of lonely single men out there and unicorns are impossible to find. The alternative might be getting old alone with cats or dogs, or settling for a woman who does agree to you wearing heels, but to whom you feel little attraction.

And even on the slim chance you do find what you want, as the guy who gave us the crazy/hot matrix said, any woman can disappear of the scale and reappear on a totally different spot. Maybe she has no objections today, but in a year's time after getting a lot of flak from her girlfriends (girl, that boyfriend of yours with his heels makes you look ridiculous) she might start to object. Always make sure to check out the girlfriends cause they might have more influence on her then you do.

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Ideally, you would want to find a partner who feels you are attractive in heels, and appreciates your confidence and that you are comfortable with yourself sexually and not worried about societal BS.  To me, a guy with these qualities is very masculine indeed.  I guess this is "utopian" thinking, but it would be great.  Most of us will have to make some concessions in reality.  

So, in some cases, we may be better off just getting old with our dogs/cats and heels...  We know our pets don't judge.  

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OThe old saying that life is a crap shoot is really true.  There is absolutely nothing more complicated than a relationship between two people.  There are about one hundred and thirty seven billion men and women in this world and one hundred and thirty seven trillion ways longterm committed relationships can unravel.  What’s acceptable this morning can be be totally infuriating and world destructively irritating shortly after 12 pm the same day.  Reasons for dissolving this togetherness are as many and varied as there are relationships.  Our archives are loaded with stories from heels wearing men telling about their relationship breakups. Everting from “she can’t stand the thought of my wearing heels” to (one of my favorites) ”I went broke from my wife buying expensive woman’s clothing for me to wear”.  Some breakups are devastating.  Some are absolutely mind saving and Hugh reliefs.  One thing is abundantly clear— sanity and insanity forever will reign supreme.  The prime absolute in all relationships is what psychological conditions are hibernating within each person and not knowing which thought/feeling will cause one to pull the trigger.

 

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Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.

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On 12/14/2020 at 7:19 PM, Breeheels said:

Could you give up wearing heels if you were in a relationship with a woman who wore the heels you like so much? 

Ive thought about this and dont know if I could or not.

ha!  NO!  and there is no need to either.

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7 hours ago, Pierre1961 said:

Sorry but I disagree. 

When i hear a woman “ you should try wearing heels” it just she wants to tell you: can you imagine the pain I am bearing to please you.. 

only a few are sincerely in love with heels  And these ones are the ones who would accept the less a man in heels 

Sorry about that ..It’s my outspoken evening!! 

 

 

7 hours ago, Pierre1961 said:

Sorry but I disagree. 

When i hear a woman “ you should try wearing heels” it just she wants to tell you: can you imagine the pain I am bearing to please you.. 

only a few are sincerely in love with heels  And these ones are the ones who would accept the less a man in heels 

Sorry about that ..It’s my outspoken evening!! 

 

I’m speaking from the experiences that I have had, with dating women. Others may have had different experiences. There are many different opinions on how women will react to men in heels, or what women are “screening for”, based on the experiences we’ve each had. I’ve been very fortunate, in that I’ve had the opportunity to date many women over the years, who have been very open to me wearing heels. It’s more of a function of the fact, that I “screen” for women who like heels, and don’t waste my time with those who don’t. I come at the whole issue, from a place of abundance, rather than one of scarcity, which works for me. The woman I’m with now, I’ve been with for four years, and she loves heels, and has no issue with me wearing them. This is because I screened for that. If after a year, she started giving me a bad time, about it, we would not be together today. I just know what I want (not that heels are the ONLY important factor, because obviously other things matter tremendously, as well). The fact remains, though, that without the understanding of where I stand on the heel issue, I won’t even bother to explore all of those “other things” that also matter tremendously! I’m highly confident in my ability to seek-out women who are on the same wavelength as I am, regarding heels, because my “system” of finding such women, is highly dynamic. I’ve always treated it as a quest, or a game, in my own head, and not as a chore. I’ve made it fun for myself, and by making it fun, and “light”, I’ve had very good results. Some relationships don’t work out, due to other reasons, and that’s fine. Not every relationship or potential relationship works out, and I would rather that, then get stuck in a relationship, with someone who gives me a bad time regarding heels. Life is too short! I realize not everyone approaches it the way I do...

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Let me state in no uncertain terms I am glad I am "off the market" permanently. I had enough trouble dealing with the dating scene back in the day, I don't expect I will ever be there again, no matter what life throws at me. Having said that, I do wonder how my women high heel supporters, of whom there are several, would actually deal with me if I were their man. Particularly the young lady, not yet 30 years old, who told me "I really don't think you are too unusual, I don't see a problem with it." Would she accept me, or someone like me, as her man? Who knows? The one female supporter I know who is actually older than me, I know for a fact would accept my fashion choices. I don't know if she would accept the rest of me. I don't know if I would accept the rest of her. We're just too damned old to change. But we are great friends!

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8 hours ago, mlroseplant said:

Let me state in no uncertain terms I am glad I am "off the market" permanently.

Yeah, I just could not imagine going through that whole scene at this point in my life.  No thanks....

18 hours ago, LuvsStiletto said:

It’s more of a function of the fact, that I “screen” for women who like heels, and don’t waste my time with those who don’t.

Given the current landscape, I think it would be very difficult to find women that actually like heels.  It seems that few want to wear them at all these days.  But I am with you, as if I were single and looking, at this point, I would need to find a woman that still enjoys, and more importantly wears, her heels.  I don't think I could do without that.  I'm not saying that I'd want someone who wore heels daily, but is it really that big of a deal to wear a pair of heels for a couple hours out to dinner?  Sure seems to be these days, though I'm guessing you're finding them!

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