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LABHH

Finally wearing high heels

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Probably an old theme there but her goes.  I scraped up the courage and asked my wife to get me a pair of high heel boots for Christmas this past year. An implicit part of the gift was letting me wear them around the house.  She wasn’t thrilled about it but she got them for me.  Now we are home from travels and our series of house guests are gone so I am able to wear them regularly.

My wife (who will not wear high heels) tolerates them but says they “just aren’t manly” and isn’t thrilled about my wearing them.  They are black knee-high boots made of some kind of faux leather.  The toes are rounded, the stiletto heels are about 6.25” high, and the platforms are about 1.5”.  They have black laces up the front and a side zipper. I enjoy every minute in them.

I’m looking for help finding ideas that will help her enjoy my high heels.  I dislike pointed toes and think the rounded toe is more masculine.  Black leather? Laces? All seem manly to me.  Does a stiletto heel automatically make them feminine? 

Any ideas what I can say to her to make these boots more appealing to her?

 

 

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They sound rather fetishy. 

I would suggest lower heels, lose the platforms, and probably the laces as well. Cleaner lines, a more conservative style, like what a woman might wear to the office.  Stilettos are certainly feminine. You could try chunkier heels.

Your wife may never like them, but jumping in with what sounds like a very fetish/drag style of boots is really testing things, I’d say. 

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I agree with Shyheels. You've clearly pulled your wife too far out of her comfort zone, and she is probably fearful of "OMG, What's next?" In retrospect, you should have gone with something more conservative, as Shyheels suggests, and let your wife adapt and adjust to your "new normal" over time. However, since you didn't go that route, you would probably do well to show her extra special love and attention, and make it clear that she's the most important thing in your life, not the boots. Let her know how much you appreciate her tolerance, but you should realize and accept that she will probably never learn to love your stilettos.

Here are some styles of more conservative boots from my closet, which are styles suggestive of what you might consider for next time, if they appeal to you. Good luck and let us know how things go.

Steve

 

Payless Mara boot black 2.jpg

Payless Marcie boot 2.jpg

Naturalizer Glassy.jpg

Payless Tori Ankle Strap Boots cognac.jpg

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Posted (edited)

Definitely agree you need a new pair of more conservative boots.  

1.  Negotiate boundaries.  When/where/how often you want to do this.  Maybe she won't do it with you in public, but will let you do it alone in public?  

2.  What attracted her to you in the first place?  Find her unique reasons.  Make sure she knows those traits don't vanish when you wear heels.  This presumes wearing clothes marketed to the opposite sex doesn't transform your character (for some it could, which is okay).  Wearing heels probably won't change your sense of humor, make you less healthy, etc.

3.  Be really honest with yourself WHY you like to wear heels.  Is it b/c you like to feel admired in the same way you admire a woman in heels?  Is it b/c you like to feel beautiful in the same way you feel a woman in heels looks?  Clearly communicate your why.

4.  Heels enhance physical attributes that are universally attractive.  They make your legs longer, make you taller, make your posture better.  These are traits that most everyone finds attractive.

Good luck!

 

 

 

Edited by kneehighs
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First since this is your first post WELCOME!!

Did you ask her for this particular pair, or is this pair her choice?

If this is a pair you chose and asked her to purchase, then you did well on the round toe, but they are a little too much for her now. With laces up the front, these are more towards a fetish look and that might be upsetting your wife. Get a more conservative pair.

If you just asked for a pair of boots with no parameters and that's what she got, then maybe ask for a more conservative pair. 

I agree with kneehighs

1 hour ago, kneehighs said:

Negotiate boundaries.  

Be really honest with yourself WHY you like to wear heels.

 

 

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Posted (edited)

Not to repeat what everyone else has already said, but they are very much correct.  The boots you described are definitely way over the top for your first pair to introduce your new lifestyle to the wife. 

Around my wife, I usually wear less than 4.5" (usually closer to 3.5") chunky or wedge heels, with little to no platform, and more mild look in general, definitely not flashy/shiny materials like patent leather (pleather/PU leather). 

Think about what women wear every day, usually 2"-4" heels at most during the day, occasionally you might see a woman wearing a little bit higher if going out to a nightclub or special event, but rarely.  So wearing something that looks more like daily wear (Steve gave lots of pretty good ideas in his post above) around your wife, and making sure you put your wife's needs first in your priorities before your desire to wear extreme boots, is always very important.

Edited by hhboots
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Welcome LABHH!  First, I want to commend you for being open and honest with your wife.....That took a lot of courage, but being honest is definitely beneficial to a healthy relationship....

Like others have said, sounds like those boots might be a little much for the wife right now.  Kind of like accelerating from 0-60 in 3 seconds....  Sounds like she doesn't like the way you look in those killer boots, even though you do.  Like others have said and posted, perhaps a toned down version with some nice fitting jeans, maybe a masculine looking sports T, perhaps a nice jacket....It amazes me that sometimes mixing traditional masculine gear with boots can really amplify a guy's masculinity.    Steve has posted some nice ideas, perhaps some nice riding boots with tall shafts over nice fitting jeans....  I know you really like the boots you described, I get it....But, for now, the wife needs some assurance, she is concerned, and that is understandable.    The important thing is that you have gotten the conversation started, and she is willing to let you wear the boots you like....You are a lucky guy, she loves you a lot, so be sure to give her extra attention and assurances that you are still you....Wearing boots does not change that. 

I don't know what size boots you wear, but there are often some good buys in thrift stores that won't break the bank.  Perhaps ebay, or poshmark.  Show the wife some things online she might be more approving of, and ask for suggestions about coupling the boots up with some traditionally masculine gear for a very powerful and confident look that she might actually like.  Perhaps you might want to let her look over this website to help show her that many happily married masculine guys enjoy wearing boots/heels, this might help squash some of the usual stereotypes about men wearing heels. 

We are glad you are here, you are lucky to have a loving wife who is trying hard to let you be you.  Feel free to post pictures, or links to boots you like.   Post pictures of you wearing the boots you have now, I'm sure there will be helpful suggestions on how to couple those boots with traditionally masculine gear for a powerful look indeed....

Give you wife a kiss, take her out for a nice dinner, and remind her how much you love her....

 

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Posted (edited)

Dear @LABHH

First of all - welcome!! When you have a chance, do post something short in the intro forum, so we can get to know you better :-) 

I agree full heartedly with all those who posted above  - they practically took the words out of my mouth. But just to emphasize some of the points - 

  1. yes - VERY courageous of you to open up to your wife about this. I remember my own experience - I was somewhat red in the face... and my heart beat was quite a bit faster than its usual pace! And that was after being married for about 15 years.... not sure how long you have been married for, but I am sure it was a bit of a shock for her, and it definitely took guts on your part - so well done! Try breach the subject again, in a calm surrounding, when you know your wife is relaxed, and try explain if its just the heels, or if it goes further than that or not (we don't know based on your post) - that may put her a little more at ease, if she understands if "just" that. Most folks might take a quick jump to full-on cross dressing or even further …   So the more you discuss it openly, the better. 
     
  2. I respectfully disagree with my friend Pebbles -  not sure if showing her this site right now will calm her down, as there are all kinds of "flavours" of heeling here, and it may actually do the opposite for her. So I suggest giving this time.
     
  3. Again to strengthen what the others have said - go for something more conservative, and classic - assuming that's something you are happy with. Not that it will be any less feminine, but may take off the fetish look and feel and thereby make your wife feel a little more comfortable about it.
     
  4. YES - they are feminine and are indeed "not manly", and no matter how you dress them up, they have stilettos, and are "meant" for womens wear... There is no way getting around that in our current culture...  despite the many posts here about them being "my heels and not womens heels". But having said that - you have full right to decide what you want to wear, even if they are less masculine. But you may have to "pay a price" for that decision and you'll need to decide if its worth your while.
     
  5. I'd like to stress, that there are VERY few members here who enjoy full encouragement from their wives, for wearing heels. There are varied levels of "acceptance" and some guys have a pretty fair setup at home, but very few wives who really do enjoy/encourage their husbands to wear heels, or participate in it. I think that's a fairy tale that many of us would love to happen, but sadly it generally does not. So just wanted to make sure you don't set your hopes too high. 

Other than that - re-read the posts above :-)

Cheers!

Edited by jeremy1986
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Hi mate and welcome to the site, i totally agree with what everyone has said, and the fact so many have offered the same advice says a lot.

  Definitely more conservative, you don’t need to hide them under trousers but go for a more everyday look.

 Take a look at my Costa in boots thread and you’ll see how i do it, my wife is very much like yours, she tolerates it but would prefer it if i didn’t wear them and in public i have to go alone, but I’ve enjoyed boots and heels all my life and no reason why you can’t either.

   Hope you can find inspiration from mine and other people’s threads on here and enjoy your heeling 

 

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@jeremy1986 you can't explain better 

everything is said. 

Pierre 

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