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kneehighs

How to overcome the “heels are my thing” objection in a relationship?

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Posted (edited)

What are some of the best responses to the fear of competition that some women have towards their SO wearing heels?

EX: fear of competition 

EX: heels are exclusively for her.  Her words “remember heels are my thing”

EX: Fear of loss of attraction for SO. She has stated she’s not sure she can be attracted to a man in heels.

UPSIDE: She did say the only way to know is to try.  She has no problems with me wearing heels in private play time on occasion.

CURRENT THOUGHTS: Way I see it = I won’t wear heels every day, just on occasion like almost every other pair of shoes I wear.  

CAVEAT: I prioritize my evolving relationship over wearing heels.  

Edited by kneehighs
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thing is kneehighs. you have pulled more women when you wear heels than you ever did when wearing boring flats.

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Just had a talk with her.  Her words “if you want to wear heels with me I have no problem with it”

Bottom Line: even in context of a serious relationship, the less significance attached to heels, the less significant they become.

This may be “it” for me.  

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did you wear heels when you met this woman kneehighs or did you tell her.

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Told and wore in bed.  I think it’ll be okay.

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I'm sure she likes you in heels

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13 hours ago, Rick24 said:

I'm sure she likes you in heels

I wear women's riding boots and over the knee boots on an almost daily basis.  She did say she loves my boots. 

Goes back to the idea of man in heels is worse than the reality.

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has she seen you in heels before.

 

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She has, but only in the privacy of inside an apartment.  There was no downside social status risk.

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if she knows that you wear heels in public then it won't cause any problems in the future. but if she wears heels herself. then expect jealous tendencies about it. you have met many women when wearing heels and have dated a number of women when wearing them kneehighs so you have way more experience than any of us here so don't worry and keep the negative things out of your mind or you will never move forward with your heeling.

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I’m pretty lucky, as I met my husband via fetish interests, and while heels are not his thing I do indulge in some of his kinks that I don’t have. I’ve not pushed heels in public while out with him (usually wear long pants), but that’s more I’m not quite ready for friends/family knowing, as I also work with family and don’t want to add strain when none is needed.

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On ‎3‎/‎3‎/‎2019 at 4:18 PM, kneehighs said:

I wear women's riding boots and over the knee boots on an almost daily basis.  She did say she loves my boots. 

Goes back to the idea of man in heels is worse than the reality.

Very cool, sounds like she has no objections and actually likes the way you look in heels/boots! 

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18 hours ago, Rick24 said:

if she knows that you wear heels in public then it won't cause any problems in the future. but if she wears heels herself. then expect jealous tendencies about it. you have met many women when wearing heels and have dated a number of women when wearing them kneehighs so you have way more experience than any of us here so don't worry and keep the negative things out of your mind or you will never move forward with your heeling.

The difference this time is the context.  Previous experiences were with non-committal relationships.  This has potential to grow into a marriage.  I'll probably test heels out when we're traveling. 

1 hour ago, Rockpup said:

I’m pretty lucky, as I met my husband via fetish interests, and while heels are not his thing I do indulge in some of his kinks that I don’t have. I’ve not pushed heels in public while out with him (usually wear long pants), but that’s more I’m not quite ready for friends/family knowing, as I also work with family and don’t want to add strain when none is needed.

Indeed, keeping the peace without making waves has value.  So does maintaining individual integrity though, heels of which are an inevitable side part of mine.

1 hour ago, pebblesf said:

Very cool, sounds like she has no objections and actually likes the way you look in heels/boots! 

Boots she likes.  Now let's see what happens with heels. She may find the heels neutral at first.  

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hope it goes well for you kneehighs. I ditched girlfriend's and getting married because I can't just live in someone's social status. I lost interest in my 20s but it had nothing to do with my heels but I don't live in people's expectations especially a girlfriend or wife's expectations so I like the single life.

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12 hours ago, Rick24 said:

hope it goes well for you kneehighs. I ditched girlfriend's and getting married because I can't just live in someone's social status. I lost interest in my 20s but it had nothing to do with my heels but I don't live in people's expectations especially a girlfriend or wife's expectations so I like the single life.

There is surely something to be said for the "single life" indeed....

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12 hours ago, Rick24 said:

hope it goes well for you kneehighs. I ditched girlfriend's and getting married because I can't just live in someone's social status. I lost interest in my 20s but it had nothing to do with my heels but I don't live in people's expectations especially a girlfriend or wife's expectations so I like the single life.

Thanks.  I enjoyed the single life for a long time.  I understand it's value.  

Ultimately, living with integrity is more important than her approval.  It will be a new experience for her and a new experience for me, as I find my voice of truth in the context of wearing heels in a committed relationship.

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100 percent honesty is the way forward kneehighs. especially in a early relationship. sad that many guys here did not do the right thing when the time came when they had to tell there partners in the early stage of that relationship. negative thinking blocked them from telling early on. sounds like she is very secure and doesn't have them other silly traits like what some women have/jealousy/territorial/threatened if man wears heels. thankful that most women aren't like this but some women are and it would never upset me but I do find it a bit funny and also baffling that some women have these traits towards men in heels. perhaps kneehighs. we are fierce competition to them?.

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Posted (edited)

Hello my dear friend kneehighs.

It's been more than 10 years that we talk to each other around this forum. As you may remember, I'm married since 2005 and wife know my "thing" about heels. The "thing" has grown to other attire from the girls wardrobe so I'm more to the gender fluid kind of thing, or freestyle fashion which I identify myself more.

She knew about the "thing" before we got married. She was always supportive since the very beginning. And she never ever saw any problem with it, but to be on full display, getting out.

I've made it to closed controlled environments like fetish parties. Since I moved to France and it's a safer country compared to Brazil, I've made it to the streets a few times, usually late at night, or two times during the day when I wore boots under pants. Here is a picture, I'm at a Tattoo studio and I walked the block in this without any trouble, went to a grocery store and a bank.

image.thumb.png.899edde33ab20291fdc98aac0ac54ec0.png

 

I made it alone, without her. She got angry and jealous because she wanted to be with me that day.

I have kids, a girl and a boy. The boy is 9 the girl is 6. They don't know about the "thing".

We always discussed a lot about the "thing". It's never an easy talk. I'm sure she accepts myself as I am but she has to protect her reputation and the kids. If you want to know about it, I think she's right. Unfortunately the difficulties I have while getting out, showing myself as I am, that I fight for a lot, it is also *her* problem. No matter how much she loves me, respects me, supports me and even enjoys what I do or how I wear, she may fight her internal fears and the most basic instincts to protect kids in these days of bullying.

What I would suggest to you is that you'll have to be brave. I completely understand your desire to be with someone that matters, that is serious, probably someone that fits your needs of company and may be the mother of your kids. I'd say, if you're really sure about this girl, go for her.

To better handle the situation, the secret is talk. Talk about your feelings. Be real. Why do you really wear what you wear. What does it represent to you. She already said that she is supportive and likes you indoors. But, to be open with a guy dressed differently to the accepted norms, it sure is a new thing for her and she needs time to adapt, to think and understand that to be with a special heart as yours, she will need to give.

Explain as better as you can and, above anything, listen to her. Her fears and reasons. She is surely not just complaining that you don't look good in heels.

In this site, we're all looking for support and acceptance, and here we have found a world of our own. The real world won't change for us. We're are not the norm and we take risks to do what we want. Some of us are more comfortable with risks, some not. Some have been assaulted, others don't. Some live in safer cities than others. We're a minority and I bet we'll be for the foreseeable future. I always envied how you managed to be out and about on your shoes, I really see you as an example and a personal goal of style.

Talk to her. Listen to her. I wish you the best!

 

Edited by flavio
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Thanks @flavio

I associate wearing heels with feelings of admiration.  I admire women's beauty in heels.  And I wish to feel that same sense of admiration towards myself when I wear them.  I told her this. Her reaction was fun.   She was like, "But there's so many other things to admire about you!" 

Overall, I'm just going to pick a time and place to wear heels without asking for her permission.  It will be a low risk context for her.  Low risk = no social status to lose if she doesn't like it. 

We'll see what happens.  Ultimately, the relationship is priority over the heels.

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16 hours ago, kneehighs said:

Thanks @flavio

I associate wearing heels with feelings of admiration.  I admire women's beauty in heels.  And I wish to feel that same sense of admiration towards myself when I wear them.  I told her this. Her reaction was fun.   She was like, "But there's so many other things to admire about you!"  

Even if this answer is cute, because she really wanted to say that you mean a lot to her, it hides something important:

The way you dress and your feelings are very important to *you* while she doesn't seem to appreciate it somehow.

The question is how much time will it take for you to discover her real feelings about you wearing heels. Insisting on the subject may be worst, you should try to find the best possible moment to talk.

16 hours ago, kneehighs said:

Overall, I'm just going to pick a time and place to wear heels without asking for her permission.  It will be a low risk context for her.  Low risk = no social status to lose if she doesn't like it. 

We'll see what happens.  Ultimately, the relationship is priority over the heels. 

I don't agree with you and this idea. She may discover that you're doing things without her knowing and blame you on cheating, and you really will be cheating on her somehow. Girls have strong sense of bonding and partnership and you'll be breaking it.

What I did, and work for lots of people like crossdressers, is to agree on limits. What, when and where could you express yourself (other than amongst four walls) without hurting her.

If you're the same size, she may be just afraid of you stealing her shoes :lol:

Well, it's up to you my friend. I wish you the best, more more power to you.

However, I'm really really worried about your last statement... for me is the same than, let's say, "baking cakes is priority over the sun", is just not related.

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17 hours ago, flavio said:

Even if this answer is cute, because she really wanted to say that you mean a lot to her, it hides something important:

The way you dress and your feelings are very important to *you* while she doesn't seem to appreciate it somehow.

The question is how much time will it take for you to discover her real feelings about you wearing heels. Insisting on the subject may be worst, you should try to find the best possible moment to talk.

We've actually discussed it already at length, but I left out the part of limits.  I do think she respects my feelings deep down.  She stated unequivocally, "if you want to wear heels around me it's not a problem."  Once we come to an agreement on limits, I'll probably just wear the heels.  I'll probably lead with a statement, "I'm going to wear such and such outfit with heels" and then just do it.

17 hours ago, flavio said:

What I did, and work for lots of people like crossdressers, is to agree on limits. What, when and where could you express yourself (other than amongst four walls) without hurting her.

Noted!  I will ask about this in our next discussion.  This is really good advice. 

17 hours ago, flavio said:

However, I'm really really worried about your last statement... for me is the same than, let's say, "baking cakes is priority over the sun", is just not related.

So many times I've read on this forum about people willing to relinquish a good relationship for their lifestyle choices.  While that's a path that I respect, that's not the path I wish to take for myself.  Thus, I clarified my priorities.  

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On ‎3‎/‎21‎/‎2019 at 12:34 PM, flavio said:

Hello my dear friend kneehighs.

It's been more than 10 years that we talk to each other around this forum. As you may remember, I'm married since 2005 and wife know my "thing" about heels. The "thing" has grown to other attire from the girls wardrobe so I'm more to the gender fluid kind of thing, or freestyle fashion which I identify myself more.

She knew about the "thing" before we got married. She was always supportive since the very beginning. And she never ever saw any problem with it, but to be on full display, getting out.

I've made it to closed controlled environments like fetish parties. Since I moved to France and it's a safer country compared to Brazil, I've made it to the streets a few times, usually late at night, or two times during the day when I wore boots under pants. Here is a picture, I'm at a Tattoo studio and I walked the block in this without any trouble, went to a grocery store and a bank.

image.thumb.png.899edde33ab20291fdc98aac0ac54ec0.png

 

I made it alone, without her. She got angry and jealous because she wanted to be with me that day.

I have kids, a girl and a boy. The boy is 9 the girl is 6. They don't know about the "thing".

We always discussed a lot about the "thing". It's never an easy talk. I'm sure she accepts myself as I am but she has to protect her reputation and the kids. If you want to know about it, I think she's right. Unfortunately the difficulties I have while getting out, showing myself as I am, that I fight for a lot, it is also *her* problem. No matter how much she loves me, respects me, supports me and even enjoys what I do or how I wear, she may fight her internal fears and the most basic instincts to protect kids in these days of bullying.

What I would suggest to you is that you'll have to be brave. I completely understand your desire to be with someone that matters, that is serious, probably someone that fits your needs of company and may be the mother of your kids. I'd say, if you're really sure about this girl, go for her.

To better handle the situation, the secret is talk. Talk about your feelings. Be real. Why do you really wear what you wear. What does it represent to you. She already said that she is supportive and likes you indoors. But, to be open with a guy dressed differently to the accepted norms, it sure is a new thing for her and she needs time to adapt, to think and understand that to be with a special heart as yours, she will need to give.

Explain as better as you can and, above anything, listen to her. Her fears and reasons. She is surely not just complaining that you don't look good in heels.

In this site, we're all looking for support and acceptance, and here we have found a world of our own. The real world won't change for us. We're are not the norm and we take risks to do what we want. Some of us are more comfortable with risks, some not. Some have been assaulted, others don't. Some live in safer cities than others. We're a minority and I bet we'll be for the foreseeable future. I always envied how you managed to be out and about on your shoes, I really see you as an example and a personal goal of style.

Talk to her. Listen to her. I wish you the best!

 

Great advice....

Nice boots also

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Hello @flavio

it sometimes happens I walk in Paris,during the day,with block heels Oxford,visible. 

Never had any trouble.Of course I wouldn't do that in creepy places 

It would be fun we bumped into each other one day! 

Pierre 

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kneehighs,

I've wanted to remark on this observation for some time but it kept slipping my mind. You have been noted as being one of the most articulate and significant contributors on this forum and yet it occurs to me you live in Ukraine. Your English is very proficient, so much so, you strike me as either an expat from an English-speaking country or you simply mastered English in the admittedly outstanding educational system in the old Soviet bloc. Either way, it is always a privilege reading your work posted here. HinH

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1 hour ago, Pierre1961 said:

Hello @flavio

it sometimes happens I walk in Paris,during the day,with block heels Oxford,visible. 

Never had any trouble.Of course I wouldn't do that in creepy places 

It would be fun we bumped into each other one day! 

Pierre 

Hi Pierre

I've seen guys in heels around Paris three times, maybe we have already crossed our paths :)

This is kneehighs' thread, we can discuss an encounter in the real meetings forum or just pm me and we can arrange.

bonne journée !

Flavio

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19 hours ago, HappyinHeels said:

kneehighs,

I've wanted to remark on this observation for some time but it kept slipping my mind. You have been noted as being one of the most articulate and significant contributors on this forum and yet it occurs to me you live in Ukraine. Your English is very proficient, so much so, you strike me as either an expat from an English-speaking country or you simply mastered English in the admittedly outstanding educational system in the old Soviet bloc. Either way, it is always a privilege reading your work posted here. HinH

Ukraine? You're no longer in NYC? When did you move there? 

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Posted (edited)
20 hours ago, HappyinHeels said:

kneehighs,

I've wanted to remark on this observation for some time but it kept slipping my mind. You have been noted as being one of the most articulate and significant contributors on this forum and yet it occurs to me you live in Ukraine. Your English is very proficient, so much so, you strike me as either an expat from an English-speaking country or you simply mastered English in the admittedly outstanding educational system in the old Soviet bloc. Either way, it is always a privilege reading your work posted here. HinH

Thanks for the compliments on my writing style!

29 minutes ago, fashionablefun said:

Ukraine? You're no longer in NYC? When did you move there? 

Still in NYC.  Had a contract with a company that would've lucratively relocated me to Kiev.  Then the Board of Directors had other plans.  Somehow, still found myself a beauty!  Best fish in the sea for sure.

Edited by kneehighs

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