krazyhusband

Care too much

41 posts in this topic

Just want to say hi to everyone. 

I've been wearing heels for a long time, and all my family and friends know I like to wear heels. Last month was Pride month which was cool. I've even posted on Facebook that I enjoy wearing heels and posted some pics as well. 

My thing is that I worry too much on what other people think, or if they are going to say anything. Me worrying too much is causing me to wear  heels to less places. Family and friends tell me to wear them and not care or worry what other think. I can't tho. I always worry. 

So my question is, how can I wear them and not worry so much?

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Not sure, you already crossed the biggest hurdle most face, family and friends.  Why you care about anyone else baffles me. 

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Posted (edited)

Stop treating them as if you are doing something wrong. They're just shoes, albeit nice shoes, but just shoes. The people around you take their clue from you; if you act strange then they're going to think you are doing something strange.  How can the people around you feel comfortable if your not.

Edited by Cali
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1 hour ago, Jkrenzer said:

Not sure, you already crossed the biggest hurdle most face, family and friends.  Why you care about anyone else baffles me. 

I've always put family and friends first, and will always do that. Always been a pleaser. Even to people who I don't know. 

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I guess I missed the whole point of your previous post.

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Posted (edited)

I'm with JK, seems like you have reversed the normal progression....

Usually, caring too much about what others think/feel is the first/largest hurdle that keeps us from wearing/enjoying heels...

But, it sounds like you have been wearing heels for years and have suddenly developed this concern about what others feel/think about your choice in foot wear...

I am not diminishing your concerns/feelings, I get it, just don't understand how this developed now after wearing heels publicly for some time already...

Sounds like your family and friends are very accepting, and they encourage you to "be you" and enjoy wearing your heels...

So, what happened?  Did you have a negative experience lately that has caused this?  Did something happen to you at the Pride celebration?

Edited by pebblesf
grammar

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I have been wearing heels for a long time. Since I've been 8 years old, sneaking into moms room and taking a couple of heels and wear them around my bedroom and wear them to bed. Mom caught me a few times and was somewhat ok with it. 

 

I've always been concerned what other people think, nothing new with me. Just that I think that I care more now. No negative comments, I even had a supervisor at work tell me I had nice heels. The pic was me in shorts,t shirt and white pumps.  I guess maybe I should stick to pants and heels, more brave that way while wearing heels. Last couple months I have been trying shorts and heels. I can walk around the yard and be ok with it, but when I go in public, say to get gas, or visit friends at their house, it's harder for me to wear shorts and heels. 

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Krazy,

Maybe you'd feel more relaxed and comfortable with heels that were less femme. Instead of white pumps, why not try beige or natural? Pumps with a block heel instead of stiletto? Block heels are very popular now. Maybe sandals with wide straps instead of pumps? Maybe something with more of a clog sole or wedge, perhaps? I'm just thinking that if you back off the femininity a little, maybe you'll be more confident. What do you think?

Steve

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Posted (edited)

For me I've always liked the stiletto heel. All my heels are 4 inches and higher, closed toed. Some are pointed, and rounded toe. I also have ankle boots, lace up shooties and booties, and some wedge heels. For colours, I like black and have a lot of black heels, couple blue pairs, one beige, and a couple white pairs. Today I was wearing a snake print dark tan pump with shorts and a black shirt. Had to take the heels off when I got gas today. 

I would like like to wear heels as a regular day shoe,either with pants or shorts. 

Has anyone else come out during Pride month and be themselves, or publish it on Facebook?

Edited by krazyhusband
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Again, it is kind of hard for me to gauge where you are with public heeling.  Has your heeling confidence decreased over time?  In other words, was there a time when you wore your heels to get gas, or as a regular shoe, either with pants or shorts?  Or, has your heeling been pretty much confined to home/family/friends?  Your earlier post made it seem like you had more public heeling confidence at one time, but now it has decreased....Perhaps I misunderstood. 

First, please know that I do understand your concerns, and lack of confidence.  I wear my boots publicly, but they are usually mostly concealed by my levis.  So, please don't feel I/we are preaching to you from a place of total heeling confidence.  My only heeling pictures are here, and one other site.  There are many members here that have achieved a great deal of heeling confidence, and wear their heels most every day and to work. 

I understand being concerned with how others feel about your shoes, but the important question to consider is how do you think you look in heels?  Needless to say, some men have better builds than others, long lean frames that really look great in heels and feminine gear.  Most have also worked hard to keep their bodies trim and smooth to achieve a great look as well.  Some of us are shorter, and can't really pull off the total feminine look at all.  For me, I think I look good in jeans and stiletto boots, but would never even consider a skirt or other feminine gear because I know I would not look good...

I realize I am my own worst enemy when it comes to confidence of any sort, and rarely give myself credit for the things I can do well.  So, my question to you is how good do you think you look in the gear you want to wear publicly?  Feel free to post pictures here, members will give an honest assessment.  But, in the end, all that really matters is how you judge yourself...

So, at this point, I would listen to Steve.  Start (or restart) your public heeling in gear that is less revealing, and heels that are easier to walk in.  The key to public heeling is confidence.  You are more likely to be judged negatively if you are timid and unsteady.  So, starting right out in 5" heels that are difficult to walk in will lead to a negative experience and emotional setback.  Sure, you will be a little uneasy even in lower heels, but at least they are easy to walk in.  After awhile, you will forget you are even wearing heels, which will lead to emotional success.  Then, you can switch up to higher heels, perhaps some more feminine gear as well.

Public heeling is always easier when you are with a group, or at least another friend/buddy/relative.  Seems like your family would be more than willing to join you as well.  Finally, I feel that most men find heels appealing, and secretly would love to wear them....So, any negative reactions are usually from men who are truly frustrated, and secretly envy your heeling confidence. 

I'm glad you found us here, I know others will be glad to help you along this journey as well. 

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Posted (edited)

I understand what you are saying KH, you have been wearing your heels with long pants and you feel comfortable wearing them that way. Now you want to also wear your pumps with shorts and this is where you lack the confidence.

But even by your own admission (this thread) this is new territory for you and are looking for some thing to help you with that. The only thing that will help you is doing it, Start simple, at a friends house for a bar-be-cue...once you have gained some more confidence then get up your nerve and buy gas

I wear most boots/booties in the late fall/winter/early spring with long pants and high heel sandals with shorts in the summer. Pumps are just not my style. But sometimes I will be caution with what I wear.

Today was a perfect example.

I had a brunch date this morning with a woman I never meet before. I wore my New Balance running shoes (woman's because that's what fits). Part of the reason was I thought there was a high probability we might take a walk on the beach and my wedges sink. But it was also too soon to introduce my heels to her, it might be too overwhelming and if I never see her again, no need to talk about it. After brunch we walked along the coast (saw whales) holding hands and she asked me about my heels*. Then she before I could answer she asked if I was a cross dresser. I told her "I wear women's heels, so that already makes me a cross dresser." I brought up my hand and showed her my nail polish and acrylic nails and she said "yeah, I was going to asked you about your nail polish". We talked about our nails and how we both are high maintenance.  I told her why I wear heels while we walked and when we got back to our cars I showed her a pair of my Steve Madden Mules, 5 inch heels. We kissed and I plan to wear my heels next time we met.

The lesson here is that even some of us that wear our heels as normal footwear will be cautious and "chicken out" at times.

==

added

* it's in my dating profile that I wear 4 inch heels. 

Edited by Cali
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Listen to Cali, he is a heeling success story for sure!

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14 hours ago, Cali said:

The lesson here is that even some of us that wear our heels as normal footwear will be cautious and "chicken out" at times.

Yup.

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In reading these posts, one thing struck me.  It is, to me, very understandable that wearing heels with shorts would cause some trepidation.  That is a combination that even most women would not do.  WHile it was in style for a very brief time, women wearing heels with shorts was never a common sight.  I think most would hesitate on that look (unless they were platform wedges or something on the more clunky side - I am referring to stiletto heels now).  So even among women, that look would make one stand out from the crowd.

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36 minutes ago, RonC said:

In reading these posts, one thing struck me.  It is, to me, very understandable that wearing heels with shorts would cause some trepidation.  That is a combination that even most women would not do.  WHile it was in style for a very brief time, women wearing heels with shorts was never a common sight.  I think most would hesitate on that look (unless they were platform wedges or something on the more clunky side - I am referring to stiletto heels now).  So even among women, that look would make one stand out from the crowd.

Oh yeah, and that's the thing--it's kind of a bold statement, even for a woman, at least in much of the U.S. It's really common in SE Asia, however, not much of a big deal. That has some bleed-over to the Asian community here. It seems that Asian women pull off that look with more ease (on the street, not at the club) than do white or black women. My Asian friend here in the relatively conservative Midwest has made that combo a staple of her wardrobe, without a great deal of commotion. However, she told me that her old boss frowned heavily on her wearing high heels with shorts to work at the nail salon. Her resignation from that job was unrelated to this. 

I can tell you from experience as a man, wearing shorts with your high heels is a big upstep in the attention factor, particularly if the heels are high stilettos, and the shorts are way above the knee. It's just a fact of life that I can't explain. Wearing wedges SOMEWHAT blunts the effect, but only so much.

 

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I usually wear wedge heel sandals with shorts.  In fact, I wore shorts, T-shirts and a nice pair of 5" white wedge sandals all over Myrtle Beach this past weekend without any problems.  In fact, my 1988 Buick rag top drew more attention than my outfit.

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All my shorts are below the knee. I know that it's a big step to wear shorts and heels, but hey, let's give it a try. I know that I am pushing my boundaries, and maybe that's where I am losing my confidence in wearing heels out. I have no problem wearing pants and heels. Wife even wants me to get some pants with a shorter leg to show my heel. All my pants now go to the floor to cover up all the heel. 

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On 7/9/2017 at 0:24 PM, krazyhusband said:

I've always put family and friends first, and will always do that. Always been a pleaser. Even to people who I don't know. 

just wear 'pleaser' shoes, should solve this issue

 

 

(sorry, dad joke alert)

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, Bubba136 said:

I usually wear wedge heel sandals with shorts.  In fact, I wore shorts, T-shirts and a nice pair of 5" white wedge sandals all over Myrtle Beach this past weekend without any problems.  In fact, my 1988 Buick rag top drew more attention than my outfit.

Would love to see (the wedges, not the Buick :cheeky: )

 

 

Edited by jeremy1986
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krazyhusband,

After reading the whole thread I see the head-scratching others are doing....digitally of course.  You have the support of your family  and you wear your heels to work. While most of us would love to have universal family support the vast majority of us cannot wear heels to work for reason which have nothing to  courage. You have the biggest venue hurdles behind you and are concerned about anonymous passersby. If you were living in a tiny and remote town or island nation I may understand it but then again if the family and work had seen you then whole community would know it too. Others are exactly correct when they say you must divorce yourself from the idea  you are do doing anything wrong. A guy can wear a  high heel in virtually any country you can think  (minus the usuall suspects) of  and not be doing anything illegal by  statute. Remember you are wearing what you enjoy and when you put those shoes on they were YOUR shoes. Don't let anonymous bogeymen convince they are WOMEN'S shoes. You're not a child but an adult. The clothes and shoes and accessories are on your body by choice. You need only step outside with the same confidence you display with your family and your workplace. Confidence brings the world in and vanquishes the anonymous bogeymen who never quite materialize anyway. Look how few women wear noticeable heels everyday. The ones who do are not worried about what uninformed passersby think. Only what is said in a positive way should be  remembered and appreciated. Put those heels on, stride forward, and open the doors unto the world. Make them meet you on your terms!  HappyinHeels

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9 hours ago, mlroseplant said:

I can tell you from experience as a man, wearing shorts with your high heels is a big upstep in the attention factor, particularly if the heels are high stilettos, and the shorts are way above the knee. It's just a fact of life that I can't explain. Wearing wedges SOMEWHAT blunts the effect, but only so much.

I wear my shorts mostly with wedges. I'm walking too much during the day and cover too much area for stilettos. And pumps just don't fit.  I also work in an area with a large Asian population. My 5+ inch wedges make their statement, but I also want my wearing the heels to be a non-event, normal.

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Krazy

Your wife offers great advice, listen to her!  Simply start your progression toward shorts with pants that reveal more of your heels...

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Bubba

I want to see your Buick!

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40 minutes ago, pebblesf said:

Bubba

I want to see your Buick!

@Bubba136, me too!

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Posted (edited)

Reason why I am trying shorts and heels is that the summers are getting hotter. With humidity it's around 35. Kinda hot to be wearing pants. Tomorrow goings to be even hotter. Boooooo. 

 

I do enjoy joy wearing pants. I prefer pants. Even in the shade, one would sweat. 

Edited by krazyhusband
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Your family and friends tell you to wear high heels and you worry??  Man, you have it made in the shade!!  Go for it!!!! And have fun....  Smile....     sf

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On Saturday, July 08, 2017 at 9:34 PM, krazyhusband said:

Just want to say hi to everyone. 

I've been wearing heels for a long time, and all my family and friends know I like to wear heels. Last month was Pride month which was cool. I've even posted on Facebook that I enjoy wearing heels and posted some pics as well. 

My thing is that I worry too much on what other people think, or if they are going to say anything. Me worrying too much is causing me to wear  heels to less places. Family and friends tell me to wear them and not care or worry what other think. I can't tho. I always worry. 

So my question is, how can I wear them and not worry so much?

 

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I feel the same way. I do not wear mine in public at all. Wish I had the fortitude to do so. My problem is for the same reason " what will people think". Tonight I am sitting here at our "seasonal campground site on my deck. Have enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine and everyone is bed. I am relaxing here with my heels on feeling at peace and comfortable. Wishing everyday could be this way without having to hide my passion for heels. Our biggest obstical is ourselves. I am more content and relaxed when I can wear my heels and how I feel in them and how good I look in them. Too bad more people could not see that instead of being judgemental. Maybe its the wine...making me a little more philosophical or just honest with myself. 

I would say its is the passion inside you and the realization that you have too please yourself before you have to please others. Happy heeling and enjoy those heels!

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2 hours ago, bnchmrk said:

I feel the same way. I do not wear mine in public at all. Wish I had the fortitude to do so. My problem is for the same reason " what will people think". Tonight I am sitting here at our "seasonal campground site on my deck. Have enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine and everyone is bed. I am relaxing here with my heels on feeling at peace and comfortable. Wishing everyday could be this way without having to hide my passion for heels. Our biggest obstical is ourselves. I am more content and relaxed when I can wear my heels and how I feel in them and how good I look in them. Too bad more people could not see that instead of being judgemental. Maybe its the wine...making me a little more philosophical or just honest with myself. 

I would say its is the passion inside you and the realization that you have too please yourself before you have to please others. Happy heeling and enjoy those heels!

This is very true. 

I am young and tall and especially love wearing my multitude of heels. Unfortunately I am the same and just can't push myself beyond that point of what others think. As I am young I also have a large chuck of my life ahead and I'm still looking for a partner. I do worry that if I wear my heels out and about freely that I may be rejected and it will not help my cause... (childhood ptsd still effects the way I think but working on it) 

 

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Posted (edited)

BFGheels, do you want to start out this (future) relationship with a lie, and have to live in the closet?

I too am looking for a woman as well, and I decided I not going to hide anything.  If she is not strong enough or is so concerned that I paint my nails or wear high heels then she is not for me. I know I am reducing the possible mates, but I rather be me and be happy than act like something else.

Edited by Cali
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