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newguy

Who Has Daughters

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I have a 6 yr old girlie girl and a 5 yr old tomboy. My oldest found a pair of wedges in the car. She asked if they were their step moms I said no they are mine. She said oh ok and puts them down goes about her business said no other word. My youngest saw them and turned around playing. My oldest love high heels and were her wedges offen. One day we went to a movie and she ask if I would wear my heels I said no cause I wasn't ready. Then she asked if she can wear them to play. I told no cause mama doesn't except it. She is a stay at home mom so its hard to get alone time. They have not told mama bout it which is good. What do I do, continue wearing them around them or not. How do I handle this with my daughter's and keep a good relationship. Thanks

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Step-mom? Sounds like your two children have at least three immediately significant adults in their lives - you, your present wife, and their birth mother. If one or both mothers don't accept your high heeled footwear choices, the situation becomes a lot more complicated when you seem to falter in your own support by showing a need to hide your heeling from others and more importantly from their mom figures. In a few years, your girls will be questioning everything and if you and your wife are at odds over this matter, it could create a lot of unnecessary confusion as to your social legitimacy and trustworthiness. So, if you want a good relationship with your daughters, improve your marriage relationship so that you can support your wife and she in turn supports you. Parents are suppose to be best friends, soul mates, personal confidences, and just plain individuals in love with each other. This doesn't mean they have to lose their personal identity, for their real strength comes in supporting the other to succeed and achieve what ever their life's dreams and goals are or will be. Since wearing high heels is with in your desires, this makes it just as important as any desires your wife may need to be satisfied. Seeing accomplishments in these things can solidify a marriage and bring you both the happiness you desire. Hurdles and other obstacles of life will need to be dealt with and together these rock and hard places can be overcome a lot easier. I hope you and your family enjoy all the good things life has to offer.  

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Not so long ago I picked up my grandaughter from school I was wearing a pair of black ankle boots with about a 2 and half inch heel, when I got home I took of my boots and grandaughter said why are you wearing nannys boots I replied they are mine but she said grandad pointing to the heels. She has never said anything since and I have not worn any type of heels in front of her since then and I not going to, don't want to upset the applecart.

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This doesn't sound so much like a "daughter" thing as is does a "kid" thing. I have to put that disclaimer in there because I have no female progeny. I could go into great detail about my experiences, but I won't because as I recall, you (newguy) are already having marriage troubles, and the heel issue is not exactly working in a positive way toward domestic tranquility.

 

I'm not here to tell you what to do, you're an adult and are perfectly capable of making your own decisions. However, fun as it may be to have your daughter or daughters accept you, and in fact maybe want to join you (at least the older one), it is a really bad idea to do or say anything to your kids that you want to keep secret from anybody, but especially your wife or ex-wife. When they're that young, kids have a habit of just blurting out what they're thinking, and it's usually at the worst possible time.

 

And then, it gets EVEN WORSE later on. I'm not saying this will happen to you, but it probably will. Someday, when your pre-teen or teenaged daughter wants to do something that you don't agree to, she will use your secret(s) as ammunition to try to get you to change your mind. You do not want to be in this position, believe me. It reeeeally hinders effective parenting.

 

I don't mean to be a downer, but it's good to think about these things in advance. We male heelers often feel awkward enough without the added element of surprise being thrown in. Good luck to you.

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My oldest daughter, a married woman with children of her own, called from the thrift store and asked what size women's shoes I wore. She bought me a pair of red suede platform pumps, size 12. In all fairness, she thinks I only wear them for charity walks.

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Good advice mlroseplant!  Yeah young girls are sweet and innocent, but I'm told that when they get to be teenagers, they can be at their worst, and can use anything against you to get what they want.  I often pondered the same question, because I have a 3 year old daughter myself.  As sweet as she is right now, and much as I would like to think that "it's not going to happen to my daughter", I have to face the reality that IT MIGHT.  NO SHOE is worth risking my life, my marriage, or my family.  The shoe is just the accessory that I enjoy elsewhere in my alone time or in the company of my friends that have accepted it.  Perhaps when your daughters are grown and in their 20's, they may be more open minded.  It's your job as a parent to teach acceptance and tolerance of others that are different.

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I wear shoes in my own presence when can. As for around family its normal. Right now my marriage is declining and has been for three yrs now. Even since we moved two yrs ago we haven't been getting along. I guess I use the shoes as an escape for myself. I am normal around my daughters. I will wait until they are older like in 20s to explain. Right now I am teaching them to be nice and accept others for who they r and what they do. I am trying I to keep close to them cause their birth mom abandoned them and their step mom is makes fun and pokes at everybody. Its hard to steer them when they have other influences. Thanks guys for input. I am wear high heels in my own presence and my in own time.

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Well I think Newguy is adking for advice regarding the image he may offer to the judge when he has to deal with his ex wife requesting more (... Anything from money to banishment from the vicinity of the children) by turning Newguy's heel wearing into a deviant, child threatening thing.. you never know. I think Histiletto has it but yes I would think twice.

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Newguy , I would like to weigh in on this as well . I have a teenage daughter and son. I can tell you with 100% certainty this will come up at the least expected moment. Teenage girls are by far one of the sweetest , most vicious creatures the good Lord has blessed mankind with ! ( Had my daughter been born first , I would have given myself a vasectomy with a chainsaw ! ) She is a handful ! 

 

My daughter figured things out early on and there is no place to hide shoes. She found mine and was wearing them early on . She asked why Mom's shoes were so big and my wife told her they were her's for when her feet swell . She bought that for awhile and after that it was why are there high heels in dad's closet and after that she point blank asked if she could play with daddy's high heels cause they are higher than mom's. I never really tried to hide it after this point and let her have my old wedges . My wife asked her one day what she thinks about daddy wearing women's shoes and she stated "Who cares he will always be my Daddy" My son feels the same way.

 

She has had slumber parties and has played with mine and her mother's shoes during dress up and when she is asked about where the large heels came from she just says they are daddy's and usually there is nothing more said . However once one of the children's mother's asked my wife about it and she said "oh , I thought you knew. " She replied I didn't know about that but, oh well .  She still has that friend over and they like to check out my new heels. We don't hide it and let people think what they want .......kinda like don't ask don't tell. On a side note most of the neighborhood children know and I do get asked what style I am wearing or have you seen this new style? I have had some of my son's friends ask to "borrow" a pair for a costume party .... I never ask too many questions .

 

From what you are saying , I think for now I would put the heels up or cry charity event with all the negativity from the significant other. Being a father of two dandy children there is nothing I would not do or give up for my two. When the end of the day arrives , only you can make the decision of what to do. It's my prayer you will have the wisdom to make the right one for your family .

 

Respectfully, maninpumps

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My daughter never had a problem with my heel wearing and many of her school friends thought it was cool too.

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My daughter is a 4 legged furry kind, she sniffs at my heels for approval, a quick cookie gets her fast track nod!

So for me, no complications from family acceptance...no one to do that.

On a separate note my niece and her mother commented a month ago "cool heels" regarding my cuban heeled Fluevogs.

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Well I may have confused this thread with oneanother, it seems my previous post is out of context. Maybe the modz will remove it. Newguy please forgive me if I hurted you in any way, that was not intented. Best regards.

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My daughter's three months old so so far it's not been a problem. Fortunately my wife is completely ok with me wearing heels, and we're both hoping that she'll have an open mind when she's older.

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She probably will. Kids are amazingly accommodating. They learn bigotry from their parents.

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I wanted to chime in here as well... So I'll start with saying my wife knows all about me, I don't keep anything from her. 

 

As for my kids, they are currently in the pre-teen years, and I have been somewhat worried about this topic myself (especially after reading mlroseplant's post).  My kids have never said anything, but they have seen me in heels on quite a few occasions, and they have seen my toe nails painted, and my legs shaved, and so on.  They are well aware that their dad does not fit into the what society considers 'normal'.  Now, I am usually not blatant about my heel wearing in front of the kids, especially when my kids have friends around, that is the last thing I want is my kids teased/bullied at school about their dad's choice in shoes or any of my other quirks.  So I mostly wear heels away from the kids to avoid uncomfortable situations.

 

My daughter is very sweet and well behaved (I know... that could change at a moments notice), but my son is already turning into a handful.  I have been worried that my son could very well throw it back in my face in some way to get his way.  He is already very challenging and is getting quite good at turning situations around when he doesn't want to do something, so yes, I can see this eventually coming into his usable toolkit unfortunately. 

 

Anyway, I will probably continue keeping it very low profile around the kids, but its probably too late, its already out there and I know it will come back to bite me later.  I'll just have to hope I am prepared to handle it appropriately when the time comes.

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but my son is already turning into a handful. I have been worried that my son could very well throw it back in my face in some way to get his way. He is already very challenging and is getting quite good at turning situations around when he doesn't want to do something, so yes, I can see this eventually coming into his usable toolkit .

That tool only has the power you give it. If you don't care who knows, he can't do anything with it.

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Is there a difference in acceptance between those daughters who embrace wearing heels and those who "just aren't into them" as a fashion statement.  When I was growing up, it seemed all the girls eagerly could not wait to get to wear their first heels to school for class photo day.  I remember the "buzz" as the girls were comparing their shoes and even trading them.  It was a "special" time back then and now it seems to be ugly trainers are the "rage."  I'm glad I got to witness what I did - and long to be able to join in to the fun they were having.

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That tool only has the power you give it. If you don't care who knows, he can't do anything with it.

 

Very good point, for the most part, I don't care who knows, except co-workers / friends from work.  I don't want my work side of life to know too much about that part of me.  They already think I am pretty weird as it is, that would just put it over the top for them, haha.  My workplace is a very conservative, very intense, overly professional type of environment, but overall I like the job... and the paycheck  :)

 

But anyway, you're right, that tool is only as powerful as I let it be.  Thanks for reminding me of that :)

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I have a seven year old daughter who really likes my shoes.  Albeit I'm more into chunky heels, clogs, etc. so they are a not quite the classic women's high heel look of stilletos even though I do like that style too.  She often just says, they might be "girl" shoes, but dad looks good in them.  Of course we will see what her opinion is in about eight or nine years, but she's pretty open minded and will hopefully stay that way.

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