Wearing heels and having a girlfriend

[BeachHeeler]

Well im about to turn 18 and im very interested in a girl at school. Theres just a few problems u see. 1. shes only 5' 1" and i like to wear high heels and im 5' 7". 2. No one knows i like to wear high heels, including my parents and i have no idea how to break it to them and her. 3. Im afraid of what her parents would think of me, especially her father, because there kind of country people, hicks i guess you could say, but good people. Do you guys think i should just drop the whole high heel thing to out with her, because shes really smart and pretty and i probably won't find another girl like her. I could really use some advice.

[PeterPotter]

Beach, Think about telling her the truth, you have to have a darn good memory to keep a lie going

[Glosha]

I have the same problem. The way I've approached my GF about wearing the heels today is asked her: What I should do to be allowed to try out and wear the heels if I'll buy them (showed her the picture of heels I've bought and been wearing on the google images)? Her respose was: "Are you ok? You kinda weird in your thoughts and interests. Why in the life you want to wear them?" My reply was: "I like how they look and I'm interested in the feeling of walking in heels." Then she thought a bit and said: "You'll have to shave your legs and genitals and then we'll see." Also she added that she can't imagine me in heels. And start giggling. We've been together for almost 5 years (This Christmas we are going to Mexico to celebrate been together for 5 years) and I started developing interest in HH in last few months. So it is completely up to you how you want to break the news to her. read this forum for a bit more, think and maybe you'll have decide: either her or HHs. Regards, Glosha.

[Dr. Shoe]

Beach, Think about telling her the truth, you have to have a darn good memory to keep a lie going

Actually you don't need a good memory at all. All you do is not wear heels, simple.

What I'd do is date her and see how it goes and broach the heel subject a year or so down the line. My guess is you will have separated by then in any case and she doesn't need to know.

[Thighbootguy]

First, Welcome to the forum.

What a first post.

Read this forum for a bit more, think and maybe you'll have decide: either her or HHs.

The comment Glosha provided may seem a bit harsh but there is a lot of truth there. I do recommend reading around on this site, there have been lots of similar situations.

I like to wear high heels

The answer depends on what you really meant in your comment about liking to wear heels. For some this is just a passing fancy that can be disregarded but for others the desire goes far deeper than that. Depending on where your desire to wear heels lies in this spectrum determines if Glosha's advice is on the mark.

If your are seriously into heels, she is going to find out because you will go nuts trying to hide it.

Again, read around on this sit for a while.

[Guest]

Actually you don't need a good memory at all. All you do is not wear heels, simple.

What I'd do is date her and see how it goes and broach the heel subject a year or so down the line. My guess is you will have separated by then in any case and she doesn't need to know.

BeechHeeler

Good if not a bit harsh

Possible during this time something will slip, there again you know little of her as you are not involved yet, she could have equally interesting ideas or secrets.

Give it a go and keep it cool for awhile until you really know the thoughts of the woman inside.

Al

[Guest]

[quote=Glosha;294226.............

Then she thought a bit and said: "You'll have to shave your legs and genitals and then we'll see."

Regards,

Glosha.

[Rockpup]

Since you don't wear heels around family I'd say it's something to hold off on telling her for a while. After a bit when you two get to know each other and start talking about more personal stuff you can say you've always been curious about heels, and ask her what they feel like to walk in. Might lead to her helping you "discover" heels.

[jwhite44]

JimC I think hit it right on the head. No need to rush into this. Best to have a somewhat normal first date(s), and see where things go. For all you, there may not be a 2nd date (for any other number of reasons). If that would happen, no reason to throw "I like to wear heels" out there for her knowledge. [General assumption - telling that to any woman, not likely to improve your chances with her.] Being 5'1", it wouldn't be unlikely that she'd want to wear heels, to give herself some extra height. That fact that she doesn't, I'd find try to find that out first (not necessarily on the first date, but at some time). How a partner feels about heels themselves can often be a good indication of how they might react to you wearing them. Lastly, I'd suggest defining what "heels" are, to both yourself, and what you may tell her. If it's a 4" pink stilletto, that's really out there. But it could also be a pair of 3" block heel ankle boots. That can be a lot more passable. If you found a lower pair (say 1 1/2" - 2"), with a wider heel, they might look enough like regular men's shoes that could just wear they out with her, and let her think that's what you occasionally wear. Bottom line, there are different ways to play it out, almost all involving patience.

[Glosha]

Interesting you could have some fun coming.

I think you may have underestimated this lady or she's trying to prove how serious you are?

Al

I have a feeling that she's trying me: how far will I go to walk in heels.

This is something that I actually have to think about as there are pluses and minuses:

1. Plus: If I'll go for it and wax, I'll get to wear heels (most likely only indoor with my GF watching)

2. Minus: She will not be happy of me wearing heels out in public. This even could lead to a break up or trouble in relations.

3. Plus: I will be able to wear transparent hosirey and walk outside in skirts that are not ankle lenghth.

4. Minus: As my folks not awaree of my HH interest there will be a lot of questions about bold leggs.

5. Minus: Waxing for the first time will be a hearting (misspel here, can't remember the spelling) bitch with some bleeding.

6. Minus: I will have to start maintaing hairless leggs. This is something that will bring some extra holes to the budget.

7. Plus: I'll get better leg tan @ Mexico this Christmas.

8. Minus: when the hair will start growing back it will start to itch (specially in genitals)

So, to summarise all this I think the minus list is pretty arguing to the idea of me walking in heels next to my GF.

What do you think about all this? Any suggestions? Maybe I've missed some points?

[pebblesf]

Beacheeler- I understand your situation, and remember being 18, struggling with similar issues. I don't think you should reveal you high heel interests to this girl at this point. Trust is an issue here, you need to talk with a trusted friend or family member that will listen, support you, and NOT react poorly.

[jwhite44]

I have a feeling that she's trying me: how far will I go to walk in heels.

This is something that I actually have to think about as there are pluses and minuses:...

What do you think about all this? Any suggestions?

First off, I'm not exactly sure why shaving enters into the picture. Are you already wearing skirts, and want to wear heels with them? Or, are you talking about starting to wear heels and skirts (and specifically, shorter length skirts)? If so, then I agree with her, you can't wear heels and short skirts with hairy legs.

If you'll just be wearing them under long pants (or it sounds like, a long skirt), what's the difference? Will you be wearing pantyhose or panties? If so, again I can see the shaving reason (this time for the genitals).

I'd vote for:

a. maybe a little dom attitude on her part, she wants to see how much you'd do for her

b. she'd like to see you hairless (same way you might like her shaved), and this was an opportunity for her to get you to do it.

c. you'd really stick out in heels, skirt, and hairy legs

All of that being said, I think it's worth pursuing. Main reason: can you really put a cost on heeling acceptance? If this is the 'cost' for her to accept you in heels (even if it's just a chance), I'd say it's worth it. What's the alternative:

- you don't wear your heels

- you wear them anyway, basically ignoring her conditions

Neither sound like good options.

In terms of shaving, you could try it yourself (electric or manual shaver, or products). That might be cheaper than going to a salon to get waxed (I don't know the cost of that, nor how often it needs to be maintained). But again, is the cost really that much compared to the rewards?

Regarding your parents feelings, are you that hairy? Do you normally walk around in shorts? Either way, an easy excuse is that, "___ (your girlfriend) wanted to see what I'd look like shaved, so that was part of my Christmas gift for her when we went/go to Mexico". If they ask her about it, she can say, "On the beach / at the pool, I just thought he'd look cool being clean-shaven." I'm guessing that will be the end of that.

As far as "extra holes in the budget", waxing might be the least of your concerns. If she ends up being accepting, likely you'll have a new budget category for shoe purchases. HH interest + partner acceptance + a standard shoe size could make for an expensive hobby.

If you go ahead and do this (shaving / waxing), I hope that you'd get at least a couple of heeling opportunties (she didn't say then she'd approve it, just "we'll see"). What you are doing is significant enough that hopefully once done, she doesn't say, "Sorry, I changed my mind".

Not to spoil your Mexican vacation, but maybe there is where she might let you start your heeling adventure. Certainly if she's worried about comments from friends or family, she wouldn't have to worry about if it was in Mexico.

Definitely keep us posted.

[Glosha]

...Definitely keep us posted.

I will keep posting the progress. And I'm very thankful for such inspiring words.

As I was thinking about this overnight I almost gave up, but now I have hope that it will work.

I'm not wearing skirts yet. I have 1 long one in my drawer (see my pics) which I've tried once with heels in privacy, but she don't know about either that I posses the heels or the skirt.

Maybe she pictured my in her mind naked with hairy legs and in black 4" heels. I think that even I wouldn't like such view .

I'll try to talk to her today about this topic and I'll suggest to try the heels with jeans.

Thanks again for bringing hope back.

[kneehighs]

Well im about to turn 18 and im very interested in a girl at school. Theres just a few problems u see. 1. shes only 5' 1" and i like to wear high heels and im 5' 7". 2. No one knows i like to wear high heels, including my parents and i have no idea how to break it to them and her. 3. Im afraid of what her parents would think of me, especially her father, because there kind of country people, hicks i guess you could say, but good people. Do you guys think i should just drop the whole high heel thing to out with her, because shes really smart and pretty and i probably won't find another girl like her. I could really use some advice.

SHOW and TELL

First off, I would SHOW and TELL her and show her as soon as you both mutually feel the relationship headed down the path of exclusivity--at the latest. It's only fair to let her make a fully informed decision of who she could be involving herself with. If you hide it, she might later question what other things you are hiding. You want a relationship built on mutual honest self-disclosure, not secrets.

By show I mean you MUST wear heels in front of her. Otherwise she will be responding to the IDEA of you in heels as opposed to the REALITY of you in heels. They could be two dramatically different concepts. Put your best outfit on. Especially if you hope to wear heels around her in public in the future. You could do this in the privacy of your own home the first time if need be. If your interests are purely private, then it might not matter as much what you wear.

In your telling part, demonstrate empathy and an understanding of her possible fears. Women generally FEEL a fear of loss of social status when it comes to their man wearing heels. This is probably the primary consensual fear among girls. Some also fear you might have a deviant sexual fetish or fear that you will eventually want to become a woman. Some fear you might even be latently homosexual.

You can also tell her about the recent article in the New York Times and how popular shoe designer Jeffrey Campbell is marketing 4"-5" heels to men now (the Lita and the Switchblade heel). You could tell her how the power of a heel is purely a socially constructed stereotype of femininity (heels were originally designed for men of royalty).

TIME AND PLACE

It also depends on what you mean by YOU wearing heels, which is what thighbootguy alluded to in his comment. There's always a context to heel wearing, a Time and a Place. That time and place is different for everybody and as unique as are snowflakes. For JeffB it often involves trips to the comic book store. For Thighbootguy, it often involves trips to the Art Museum. For Shafted, he wears his stilettos at work. For you it could be more or less of the same. Firefox wears them around his friends, Fog wears them around his wife, Heel-D has found an accepting partner who will support him anywhere.

In many instances men are required to compromise the Time and Place as the woman isn't fully willing to comply with a man wearing heels in public at anytime, anywhere, with anyone. At this point, it turns into a negotiating "game" and the extent of your public heeling will become a yardstick of your communication with each other in which a win/win solution is aimed for.

The following are negotiating factors you can bring up in your discussion to keep your potential GF around if she's not outright supportive.

1. WHO? what people do you want to wear heels around, this is negotiable in many relationships here. Some SO's don't mind you wearing heels around other people in public, just so long as that specific SO is not present when the heels are worn. Some husbands aren't allowed to wear heels around the kids. Some men aren't allowed to wear heels period. Women are generally fearful that being seen with men in heels could reduce their social status.

2. WHEN? You may be able to negotiate the when or the frequency. Nightime for meals out, trips to the cinema? Or daytime for lunches at the mall or trips to the local photo exhibit?

3. WHERE? You're not gonna wear heels to a 6 million dollar job interview. You're likely not gonna wear heels to visit her family for the first time. You can demonstrate social intuition to your potential suitor by articulating to her you understand there are proper 'times and places' for your wear of heels

4. WHY? this part is easy and can be approached from a value that nearly all of humanity honors: the quest for Authenticity.

AUTHENTICITY

Authenticity-- You want to live true to yourself. I ASSume you want to let go of who you think you should be in order to embrace who you really are. If authenticity is your goal and you keep it real, you will never have a regret. You might get your feelings hurt, but you will likely not feel shame. When acceptance or approval is your goal and it doesn't work out, you will probably feel shame. If the goal is authenticity and she doesn't like you, you will be okay. If the goal is being liked by her and she doesn't like you, you will be in trouble.

MAKE AUTHENTICITY your priority.

You will be dealing with three main issues in your "reveal": Show AND Tell, Time AND Place, and Authenticity. While the above is no means an exhaustive concordance on the intricacies of navigating successful personal relationships for a guy who wears heels, it is nonetheless a start.

Good luck.

[kneehighs]

Actually you don't need a good memory at all. All you do is not wear heels, simple.

What I'd do is date her and see how it goes and broach the heel subject a year or so down the line. My guess is you will have separated by then in any case and she doesn't need to know.

I vehemently disagree.

He'd be building a relationship around secrecy.

He'd be compromising his honest relationship with himself, let alone his honest relationship with her.

The solution is to change his focus from having her like him to being authentic with himself. Developing the muscle of authenticity is a life skill that will help him reap dividends well into old age. It's a muscle and it has to be used daily.

WHEN to show and tell her is up to his discretion, but in my opinion, the latest time is when the relationship is promising to become emotionally and sexually exclusive.

[benno]

There's so many variables in this question. You are 17 and nobody knows you wear heels. That's an issue to think about. I always think you need to try to find yourself before you can show your true character to others, especially a girlfriend. Don't worry about thinking she's the only girl in the world. I was a shy 17 year old and now I couldn't really care less about how blinkered 'closed door' people view me. There are many women in the world. Where do you live? What sort of person are you in terms of your general attitude to clothing? If you wear fairly 'out there' clothes then adding some interesting footwear will be a natural step. If you dress really conservatively then wearing heels will look a little forced and awkward. It's all about the outfit and your personality as a whole. Personally speaking from experience. I would go somewhere progressive and accepting in the daytime and wear some heels to gauge public reaction and how YOU feel wearing them. It's not an easy thing to simply put on some heels and walk out the door. You need to think about all the issues that could arise. At the same time you need to remember that it's only some shoes and you are not really hurting anyone or doing something illegal. Hold you head up and accept who you are. What is this girl like in terms of her dress sense and what kind of men is she interested in? Has she shown any signs that you have a chance of dating her? You are 17 and still finding out about the world ad how you fit into it. Practice, practice, practice... Maybe you need to go on a couple of dates and be honest with her in a fun and intelligent way. Show her who you can be and then see how you can fit in the subject of you wearing heels. Don't shock her! Maybe buy some masculine styled shoes but with a bit of a heel. Don't mention it and see if she brings it up. If she starts questioning you then simply tell her you like the shoes. Don't give people the chance to reduce you to a freak. Act cool and as natural as possible. your heart may be racing but try to be calm and answer questions in an honest and refreshing way. Remember that you are still young and that if this goes horribly wring it's all a learning curve. The sooner you start being honest with yourself and the world, the sooner you will be happier and wearing the clothes you desire. If you are comfortable wearing heels and can brush off remarks with humour then you are most of the way there. Plus. Who knows, she might love you in heels, even more than boring flat men's shoes. Many women like bold men who are not scared of a challenge and carving out a style. Good luck, Ben

[Guest]

I agree whole heartedly Benno, you put it far better than my measly comment. BeachHeeler this thread has been split so it throws far more questions into the fray than your early beginnings. You really are young and if this is your first interest then there is so much to learn, I made huge mistakes in my teens because I backed off not knowing what to do, putting heels or something strange into the package complicates matters (1000 times?). Have a read on many of the "do I tell her" threads. It wont give you a direct answer but will give advice of what to be aware of, most of us being in longer term relationships and far more life knowledge. Take it easy, learn her and how she ticks, her likes and dislikes, look at her how does she dress, her style etc. Life is learning it never stops. Al

[shrimper]

BeachHeeler, let me say this. If I had opened up to some girls earlier in life I would have driven some away, but at the same time I would have drawn closer to the ones who didn't have a problem with me liking heels. Every coin has two sides.

[hhboots]

I sort of agree both with Benno/kneehighs, and Dr Shoe, if that is possible. I know the opinions they expressed is on opposite sides of the spectrum, however, I really think it depends on where BeachHeeler is in his life and if he is ready to go public. I mean if he is still primarily private about his heeling, then he can't just start out of the gates with this and at the same time try to pick up a girl he really likes, I can almost guarantee it will fail before it even starts. So on that aspect, I have to agree with Dr.Shoe, I mean, I think your social life comes first before your love of heeling. Get to know the girl, see how she is, I don't necessarily think you would be building a relationship of lies. Over time you can bring out your love of heels to her, but it does not have to be from day one. With my wife, I was about 3-4 months into my relationship with her when I brought this out with her. I think timing and his comfort level is important for him, and honestly, some people are not in the same place as kneehighs. I mean he has developed a huge level of confidence over the years and from his point of view probably does not understand why all of us are not wearing our heels 18 hours a day to work, to play, everyday. So while I really admire and think kneehighs has the life we all would love to have in heels. Most of us, just aren't there, and perhaps may not ever get to that point. We all don't work and live in the fashion industry and travel the world to cosmopolitan cities like he does. Most of us work in brick and mortar type industries, and live in perhaps midsize conservative towns and don't get to travel the world freely. So I just don't see some of the things kneehigh suggests at times as being practical for many of us, while I really do respect his lifestyle and opinions most of the time

[Glosha]

Guys, sorry for interrupting the discussion, but as I was inspired by all your words, I've told my GF that I've bought HH and tried them on. From my point of view her reaction was completly simple: "I can't understand what do you find in heels". All I could say that I like how they look, the feeling of wearing them and the height they give me. Even though I'm good 5'-10". She don't know yet that I like driving the car wearing them and sneeking in the park for an occasional walk, but as I've told her, I think, the hardest step in my heels is done, even that I know that she completly dissapproves/dislikes me wearing the heels. I wish you all the same luck with your partners, but find the right time for it. Rub her belly, back or whatever she likes. G.

[Tacchi Alti]

Guys, sorry for interrupting the discussion, but as I was inspired by all your words, I've told my GF that I've bought HH and tried them on.

G.

Well done, and I hope your relationship lasts through this. You've done the most difficult thing; it's just a question of her knowing that heel wearing makes no difference to your character. You're the same bloke she originally met. You just have a desire that most men and a lot of women can't understand.

[Glosha]

Today we walke inpark together: me wearing my Black Pleasers Vanity 434 locked on me and my GF who baught very nice boots with 3" block heels @ Sears outlet store. She allowed me to put on the heels and walk next to her as there was nobody in a park and she's trying to get me tired on heels and get blisters, so I'll not have a desire to wear them again. Plus, I've pleased her today a lot. Blisters are not happening as the heels got stretched by my feet and I'm wearing them without any discomfort. I might will get tired till I'll not be able to walk on them as I still need to practice and get used to walk on them. Hope you'll be able to find that thing that she likes and will let you get tired of wearing the heels. Do small steps in letting her know that you like wearing heels and maybe propose a challenge like I did. Just don't overdo it in a first day/time, so she'll be less shocked as possible. With my girl I can talk on any topic when she's a bit tipsyfrom boose, but @ the same time we are together for 5 years.

[hhl4vr]

Hello, New to site and I'm so happy I signed up. I have felt so terrible and guilty my whole life that I have this love for heels. I do not know how many times I have bought and thrown out pairs out of guilt. I tried to explain once to my wife but she just thinks I'm crazy and need help so I do not keep any shoes at house. I only get to wear them when I travel and stay away from home. I cannot understand why I like to wear them or love to see other women wearing them but I finally know I'm not alone. I'm still having trouble figuring out this site as not sure how to get someone to reply or where to look.

[Glosha]

Hello,

New to site and I'm so happy I signed up. I have felt so terrible and guilty my whole life that I have this love for heels. I do not know how many times I have bought and thrown out pairs out of guilt.

I tried to explain once to my wife but she just thinks I'm crazy and need help so I do not keep any shoes at house. I only get to wear them when I travel and stay away from home.

I cannot understand why I like to wear them or love to see other women wearing them but I finally know I'm not alone.

I'm still having trouble figuring out this site as not sure how to get someone to reply or where to look.

You are warmly welcome! We would love to hear your passion and help with advice.

[BeachHeeler]

Um, wow, I didnt think this post would spark this much conversation. I thank you all for your advice, I am truely impressed. Things are going well though. She likes me very much and I like her very much as well and we are official boyfriend girlfriend. I think ive already took a step in the right dirction to telling her though. She kept on talking about how one of her ticks is chest hair and that made her curious as to what one of my ticks was. So I told her straight out that it was when women wear high heels. And all she said was that it was understandable. Granted I havnt seen her wear many heels. The only regular heels that ive seen her wear so far are a pair of 2" oxfords. They compliment her well actually. But I think ill be able to expand on what I said to her next time it comes up and ill explain to her that I have a passion for them. Even though we just started dating I want to tell her so bad, because I feel like im in love with her. No matter what I do I cannot get her out of my head. Also she has told me that her and her mom like the way that I dress. Now I usually dress fairly high class, for instance I wear turtle necks, t-shirts with collard shirts over them, or just regular collared Ts. I always wear nice jeans and I usually wear nike air max, air force ones, or nike shox. I dont wear flat shoes, because I have very high arches and so they hurt my feet, kinda like converse. I feel like I can incorporate heels into my everyday outfit very easily though. I actually bought a pair of 4" leather booties and a 4 1/2" pair of ankle boots and they actually go great with any outfit. I hope you all continue to post and enjoy the site as much as I am and (for you americans out there) Happy Thanksgiving. Cant wait for the Pumpkin Chunkin lol.

[CRabbit]

Glad to hear things are progressing well with your (now) girlfriend! I think with time, you'll find the right solution to telling your girlfriend about your high-heel passion. I won't give any advice as this thread is filled to over-flowing with it now, only I wish you luck Chris

[jwhite44]

I''d just add to try to take you time.

I posted this in another thread, but perhaps low and wide heels, one's that have a more unisex (definitely less feminine) appearance, might be best to start to introduce your g/f (and her family) towards your heels. Maybe a 2" block heel ankle boot. If you can pass that off as "your style", then likely much easier to increase the height later on.

For example, look at the Laureen ones at the end of this page http://www.hhplace.org/guys/15856-who_has_bought_some_new_boots-109.html

If you're okay with this style, probably much easier to go out in these boots (still with a decent 4" heel) than perhaps a pair with a thinner, stilletto0-type heel. I'm not trying to dictate your style, rather just provide an opinion on what might be more likely to be accepted,

[beaztheelz]

To be honest I wouldn't tell her about my passion for high heels. Even though this is a forum for high heel lovers, let be honest for a min. The majority of women will NOT accept a man in heels.

[Shafted]

A shrinking majority. They have to be shown the reality of a man in heels, not their preconcieved ideas.

[Glosha]

You might be @ luck if you have same shoe size as her and by telling her that you'd like to know how it feels wearing heels you might be able to get away "trying" her heels. Otherwise you'll have to find the pleasures that she like and introduce her the passion to heels when she'll be wrapped around your neck. I have a deal with my gf: I pleasure her (massages, foot rubs, etc.) and she allows me to wear the heels outside or driving the car. Also I'm getting walks in a park for me getting trained to walk on heels as she thinks that I don't know how to walk in heels. Maybe try doing a bet that you'll be able to walk in heels better than she does. But don't rush pushing it on her, go slow not to freak her out.