Musings about fetish origins

[weaknees]

I was in the shoe section of Walmart a couple of days ago and noticed how eye catching many of the girl's shoes are. There was everything from neon purple nylon to hot pink plastic princess shoes. None of these girl's shoes were sexy or elegant but they were extremely eye catching. This got me thinking: Is fetish a stunted emotional evolution from a time when we really wanted people to look at us? My taste is pretty much exclusively sleek. My fetish piques with monochrome patent pumps, preferably almond toe black and without straps. Sandals, suede, and non-patent leather can be great too, though. I also like boots with really high heels and calf or thigh height uppers. Certainly, there is a disconnect between my taste and the youth girl's styles but I can't help but wonder about the eye catching nature they share in common. Any thoughts or opinions?

[Waisted_Giraffe]

I was in the shoe section of Walmart a couple of days ago and noticed how eye catching many of the girl's shoes are. There was everything from neon purple nylon to hot pink plastic princess shoes. None of these girl's shoes were sexy or elegant but they were extremely eye catching.

This got me thinking: Is fetish a stunted emotional evolution from a time when we really wanted people to look at us?

My taste is pretty much exclusively sleek. My fetish piques with monochrome patent pumps, preferably almond toe black and without straps. Sandals, suede, and non-patent leather can be great too, though. I also like boots with really high heels and calf or thigh height uppers.

Certainly, there is a disconnect between my taste and the youth girl's styles but I can't help but wonder about the eye catching nature they share in common.

Any thoughts or opinions?

Well, technically a fetish is a sexual attraction to an object or even person.

Clearly you were attracted to the shoes by the colour and spangle and there is no reason to suggest this is a fetish; no don't think it is stunted emotional evolution, it's more to do with society's conditioning, that as you are male you are not supposed to find heels etc attractive.

Do you get a sexual kick from the shoes you see (wear) or is it that you are appreciative of them simply for their design?

Heels were and still are a fetish for me but I have moved from simple fascination of looking and being turned on, to owning and wearing which i now also enjoy as a simple personal aesthetic, not necessarily for a sexual kick.

R

[sendra45]

just a gentile reminder not to get too risky with this topic, its fine just now and I would like it to stay that way, thanks.

[Histiletto]

What ever happened to just liking or desiring something because you perceive it as beautful/attractive?

[weaknees]

What ever happened to just liking or desiring something because you perceive it as beautful/attractive?

Hey... don't dump on a perfectly good neurosis. lol!

[UpBy5]

A perfectly valid musing; only when "youth", "girls", and "fetish" get put inside a couple of sentences, antennae all over the world go into hypersensitive overdrive, as they should IMO. To your point, however, I don't think fetish is a stunted leftover form an earlier time. I'll bet the teen preparing her first date has the identical feelings and intent as experienced by Clan Of The Cave Bear women when they trimmed an extra 1/2 inch off that deer skin bodice. I think we all, at some level, still care a great deal whether others look at us or not, as long as its a favorable look....and go to great lengths to get those glances. Otherwise, how do you explain lipstick?

[Histiletto]

Dumping? No! simplifying! Fetish is a way too overuse word and most of the time it shouldn't be used. Having a fetish has to be an end result of any timely and unfulfilled prioritized desire and it get constantly recalled by self or surroundings. This desire continues in the forefront of your recall to be satisfied so much that you now just can't clear your mind with out this evolving multifaceted desire returning, most likely in the top selections, if not the first priority. Depending on your situation you let it take over your focus or it gets set aside to address the pending requirement(s). It has become a closed loop as it continues to suck in the immediate item that qualifies for the desired, but never seemed to get rid of the thought process of the yearning to fill the need.

[roniheels]

Histiletto,

I totally agree with your definition and explanation of the word fetish. And, based on your definition which I like and approve, I, myself, do not have a fetish for high heels. As I have said in many other posts, I view high heels as a fashion accessory. It is a pair of shoes to wear with a clothing outfit. I don't think about high heels 24/7. I don't get aroused over wearing high heels. Many times when I spend a day out-and-about in high heels, often I won't even realize I am wearing them. I have to agree with you that the word "fetish" is such an over-used word and many times incorrectly used.

[swollen]

In "Psychopathia Sexualis" Krafft-Ebbing defined a fetish simply as a persistent sexual response to an item of clothing or an object. This is different to relish of a body part, foot, breast, buttock, etc, which is termed partialism. Fetishism is considered a clinical condition where the patient cannot 'perform' unless the fetishised object is present or utilised. A true 'fetishist' prefers the fetish object to the human being. I'd say that the iconography and semiotics of high heels, (power, allure, teasing display, etc) is so commonly enjoyed as to have become a norm. Almost all heterosexual pictorial pornography, employs heels as a matter of course. As stated elsewhere here, apart from the 'drama' of a beautifully curvaceous shoe in its own right, they lend length and poise to the female leg, generating a posture of sensual arousal, predation or preparedness. A beautiful woman in heels just look HOT! Just my tuppence worth...

[weaknees]

A beautiful woman in heels just look HOT!

Amen.

[AZShoeNut]

Howdy, A true fetish, as described by Swollen, is a very difficult thing to live with. I can say this from personal experience. What I can say is that I am a good man, I am well respected in my profession for what I do, I am well respected at church as a spiritual leader of sorts, and I have a fantastic relationship with my wife. But I also have this thing for shoes. My wife was aware of this experience of mine well before we tied the knot. Intimacy is a real challenge. For me it takes a whole lot of work to get into the right space for it. I absolutely love her but it is as if I am crosswired in that department. I am, however, improving. One thing that I have picked up from this web site is an inkling of how I can shift my interest in shoes into a more experiential form. As a result I have done halloween two times, walked for charity two times, and met KFSteve for coffee once. A lot of times I have read where the folks with a fetish seem to be considered the bottom feeders of this males in high heels experience. When I read it it feels like even among other men who wear high heels I am still the freak. I will be the first to admit that having a legitimate fetish complicates the heck out of things in life. I will also say that psychology and thearapy are still way back in the dark ages (think electro-shock) when it comes to treating fetish related issues. I have looked for help however it just appears that what is there is a cover up rather than a cure and cover ups, in my opinion usually cause more problems than they solve. What I think that I am attempting to say here is that among the collection of guys in this world that wear high heels there are fetishists. The good lot of us are likely to be very decent people who, for whatever reason, really have a substantial challenge before us. Gratefully, I have an improving (however slowly) experience of intimacy along with a developing ability to experience high heels in a far less "personal" manner. So, the orignal musing of this thread was more origen of fetish related and I digressed a bit regarding the definition of fetish and how it may apply to myself and our community. I think that there are many, many ways and many, many reasons for which guys wind up enjoying wearing high heels. It is so poorly documented that I think that we can only work on our own stories and ultimately, in the end, relax and experience our own unique reasons for be attracted to and wearing high heels. Larry

[roniheels]

(quote: AZShoeNut) So, the orignal musing of this thread was more origen of fetish related and I digressed a bit regarding the definition of fetish and how it may apply to myself and our community. I think that there are many, many ways and many, many reasons for which guys wind up enjoying wearing high heels. It is so poorly documented that I think that we can only work on our own stories and ultimately, in the end, relax and experience our own unique reasons for be attracted to and wearing high heels.

Larry

I agree with much that you say in your post. I think your last paragraph sums it up and I too feel that every man who enjoys wearing high heeled footwear has his own reasons, experiences, and motivation for doing so. That is what I like about this site. we can share those thoughts and experiences with each other and inspire or be inspired by those who partake in these experiences.

Ron

[HappyinHeels]

AZShoeNut, I would try to find a way to incorporate your heels, and love of wearing them, into your marriage. Since your wife already has known about it will not be a surprise. Keep the spark glowing by being more creative, women appreciate that. By doing this the shoes will become less of a "fetishistic" item and more of a normal part of your everyday surroundings. Hey, we all love heels here to one degree or another but I also know we can't let an inanimate object obscure the view of the true object of our passions--our lifelong partner. HappyinHeels

[Histiletto]

I often wonder what women would do if they had to live their lives with the same heeling conditions men have to endure. I firmly believe many of them would be seen as heel fetishists also? We really aren't that different when it comes to wearing heels.

[AZShoeNut]

Howdy folks, Do you ever write a post and then think, "Whoa, too much information that is just a bit too personal?" Well, I sure did this time. :-) You know, I do, however, think that the more freely that we share the better for all of us regardless of where we lay on the men in high heels spectrum. Thanks for the support. HappyinHeels, thank you for your advice. Actually that is pretty much what the Mrs. and I are doing. I may sometimes get uptight that she is more reserved about my public forrays in high heels but when it comes to understanding women I think that I have one of the best. Best, Larry

[Guest]

Actually that is pretty much what the Mrs. and I are doing. I may sometimes get uptight that she is more reserved about my public forrays in high heels but when it comes to understanding women I think that I have one of the best.

Larry

I think we have the same breed of woman I think this reserved attitude is where they are doing the risk assessments for us firstly to keep out of trouble and to avoid embarrassment, they try to predict what may happen, as if we haven't.

Back to subject.

At what point does an obsession become fetish is a follow question, now most of the descriptors I have found relating to "fetish" equates to sex and it completion by using xyz. (is that ok mods are we safe?).

Shoes are shoes, different materials are used, when we look at them we can see elegance, beauty and ugliness. The curves, cut build and the colours. Whether male or female in design the shoe has to work be it purely a form of art or to walk the street.

Us here see this, our small number of females have more interest of what is nicer, higher quality or that touch more height to give that WOW factor.

Are we males here ALL looking for that wow factor, I think not the same as the girls.

I think we have found our obsession though one route or another but that we want to be equal. How far we take this obsession places it into a fetish realm, if it's ONLY for sex there's the answer.

For virtually all normal activities that heels could be worn - where she can I can - it is just the personality being what it wants, it's the wanting that is the obsession.

Good thread making a few of us think

Al

[Eggnog]

I am pretty sure that some women have a heel fetish too. Just saying. I don't think that the girls shoes being eye catching is a fetish. I think that when heels become a sexual obsession then it becomes a fetish. For a woman or a man.

[Histiletto]

I am pretty sure that some women have a heel fetish too. Just saying.

I don't think that the girls shoes being eye catching is a fetish. I think that when heels become a sexual obsession then it becomes a fetish. For a woman or a man.

Determining a fetish has somewhat of a political view. It is all right in this society for women to be obsessed about their heels, but if a man obsesses over heels, others consider him to have a fetish, even sexual. In reality, he just wants to wear the footwear that appeals to him, just like women find their heels appealing. At this period of heeling acceptance, men don't necessarily wear heels to attract women, but in the future who knows once men in heels are familiar sightings. Women, on the other hand, use their high heeled profile to help power such attraction to entice men's libido. If the high heels of women are the only reason guys are attracted to gals, then the gals and guys have some personal obstacles to fix, because eventually the personalities come through and if there is nothing else to endear and add to the relationship, then an estrangement is likely to be in their future.

[kneehighs]

Howdy,

A true fetish, as described by Swollen, is a very difficult thing to live with. I can say this from personal experience.

What I can say is that I am a good man, I am well respected in my profession for what I do, I am well respected at church as a spiritual leader of sorts, and I have a fantastic relationship with my wife. But I also have this thing for shoes.

My wife was aware of this experience of mine well before we tied the knot. Intimacy is a real challenge. For me it takes a whole lot of work to get into the right space for it. I absolutely love her but it is as if I am crosswired in that department. I am, however, improving.

One thing that I have picked up from this web site is an inkling of how I can shift my interest in shoes into a more experiential form. As a result I have done halloween two times, walked for charity two times, and met KFSteve for coffee once.

A lot of times I have read where the folks with a fetish seem to be considered the bottom feeders of this males in high heels experience. When I read it it feels like even among other men who wear high heels I am still the freak. I will be the first to admit that having a legitimate fetish complicates the heck out of things in life. I will also say that psychology and thearapy are still way back in the dark ages (think electro-shock) when it comes to treating fetish related issues. I have looked for help however it just appears that what is there is a cover up rather than a cure and cover ups, in my opinion usually cause more problems than they solve.

What I think that I am attempting to say here is that among the collection of guys in this world that wear high heels there are fetishists. The good lot of us are likely to be very decent people who, for whatever reason, really have a substantial challenge before us. Gratefully, I have an improving (however slowly) experience of intimacy along with a developing ability to experience high heels in a far less "personal" manner.

So, the orignal musing of this thread was more origen of fetish related and I digressed a bit regarding the definition of fetish and how it may apply to myself and our community. I think that there are many, many ways and many, many reasons for which guys wind up enjoying wearing high heels. It is so poorly documented that I think that we can only work on our own stories and ultimately, in the end, relax and experience our own unique reasons for be attracted to and wearing high heels.

Larry

I admire your honesty with yourself and openness with others here.

Thank You.

It's an internet forum, so we don't always have to follow real life social templates for rapport build up to intimate self disclosure. Sometimes we can just get straight to the point, confront our shadow (Jung), and dig deep.

You don't have to answer this question, but have you looked into resolving your fears of abandonment at all? Often times, what underlies the fear of intimacy is the fear of what intimacy can bring--abandonment.

Abandonment is the most primal emotion there is. It's an emotion everyone experienced as an infant and as a child. Abandonment isn't limited to the literal abandonment of the child either, as in the case of adoption. It can be emotional abandonment of the individual as well, as in the case of a narcissistic parent or an alcoholic parent. And since we were incapable of resolving abandonment emotions as infants or children, the emotions resurface in adulthood, when similar abandonment emotions are experienced. An adulthood emotion of abandonment will retrigger unresolved childhood emotions of abandonment, which when combined, can be overwhelming in nature. While the personal history and specific causes of the childhood abandonment may be lost, the emotions often resurface -- if one is willing to be honest with them self.

There's also the issue that I believe a few guys here have, which is autogynephilia-- a desire to be sexually aroused by the thought or image of himself as a woman. It's sexual desire misdirected. Instead of directing desire towards others, a guys primary potential for sexual excitation somehow gets directed to the fantasy image of himself as a woman, in whole or even in part (the heels). Not saying this is you at all, BTW.

Hope everyone has a great weekend! I'm going to hit the NYC nightlife tonight, exercise my mountain bike along the Hudson tomorrow, prepare my camera equipment for shoots next week, and cross my fingers my condo buyers get their mortgage financing for their sake.

[Histiletto]

There seems to be no other conclusion. Men are socially prohibited from wearing heels, because of the ever present homophobia. Why are people so uptight about men and women having the same desires or the need to express their personality by similar adornments? The idea of fetishism seems to stem from actively pursuing the natural tendencies society has decided to be unstereotypical. Perhaps, learning of the commonality of these tendencies would reveal the true identity of the gender gap as superficial and man-made. Just the fact women have widened their scope of duties and accomplishment on the world stage where men use to dominate is another demerit against the social stereotyping of men and women. The concept of Mr. Mom has caught on more since some women are qualified to support a family and some men have found they are just as qualified and content at being the parent in home nuturing roles. It seems a fetish usually develops in trying to satisfy a need to have power over or possess an object or process of desire. The very nature of the word fetish means a certain desire was an ability that person has and if they weren't suppose to have such desires by social decree, it contradicts the validity of the standards society uses to stereotype. Therefore society is condemning things like male heeling without the backing of natural truths, just the man-made rules from the traditional thinking which created the gender gap.

[jsauvage]

If you read history books you find easely periods were man had to wear high heeled shoes. They were sometimes even higher than the woman heels. So if the manufacturers started again selling nice shoes with heels for man we had again a period were man could wear heels. Remember the seventies, lots of nice shoes for man with heels and i remember small friends who loved this period.

[roniheels]

If you read history books you find easely periods were man had to wear high heeled shoes. They were sometimes even higher than the woman heels.

So if the manufacturers started again selling nice shoes with heels for man we had again a period were man could wear heels. Remember the seventies, lots of nice shoes for man with heels and i remember small friends who loved this period.

I have stated this in many posts about the 70's disco era and all of the different styles of high heels for men that many men wore. Yes, I believe a huge number of us wishes that higher heeled footwear would make a resurgence and the trend would catch on. I don't know if it would catch on like the 70's, but one could only hope.

[eucharis]

I always thought a fetish = something of a sexual nature? Well I am a gay guy who wears high heels but it has no sexual desires for me at all. I think its only our inhibitions that stop men wearing high heels out in public. I wear them shopping, in the street, clubs, bars etc. If you style yourself well and carry off your outfit and wear them with the right attitude then thats more than half the battle. I wear them always as a man, in jeans with a vest or T shirt. I get sometimes get compliments, or looks of daggers, confusion the lot, but we should'nt care, it makes it all the more fun. We should be leading the trend here guys. I'm not going to apolagise for wearing high heels, afterall who was it that said heels were designed for women, we need to adopt the thought that they should be unisex. The only problem I experience is a guy (with size 9 feet), is that I cant just walk into a shop and just buy a pair of great looking heels, but then what shop can a woman go in and buy a pair of seven inch heels?, (which is what I usually wear). So guys lets get with it, style ourselves the way we want to, drop the lables, fetishist or not and walk high with pride. It's time to stop the barriers on things that give our lives enjoyment.

[Breeheels]

I read somewhere in a dream interpretation book that the insole of a womans shoe represents her vagina. So the fact that a man likes to wear womens shoes may represent that rapture. And to qualify that the feeling I get from sliding my stocking covered foot into a nice leather high heel does emulate the biological act for me.

[Histiletto]

I also read somewhere that everthing has a sexual connotation, if one is so inclined to think in such temporal terms. Such a mind-set can cover or miss all the other harmonies and beauties of living.

[roniheels]

I always thought a fetish = something of a sexual nature?

Well I am a gay guy who wears high heels but it has no sexual desires for me at all.

I think its only our inhibitions that stop men wearing high heels out in public. I wear them shopping, in the street, clubs, bars etc. If you style yourself well and carry off your outfit and wear them with the right attitude then thats more than half the battle. I wear them always as a man, in jeans with a vest or T shirt. I get sometimes get compliments, or looks of daggers, confusion the lot, but we should'nt care, it makes it all the more fun. We should be leading the trend here guys. I'm not going to apolagise for wearing high heels, afterall who was it that said heels were designed for women, we need to adopt the thought that they should be unisex. The only problem I experience is a guy (with size 9 feet), is that I cant just walk into a shop and just buy a pair of great looking heels, but then what shop can a woman go in and buy a pair of seven inch heels?, (which is what I usually wear).

So guys lets get with it, style ourselves the way we want to, drop the lables, fetishist or not and walk high with pride. It's time to stop the barriers on things that give our lives enjoyment.

This is the thoughts and feeling of many of the men here at High Heel Place, including myself. I wear high heels (almost always 5" stiletto high heels) in public with my male clothing. And you are so correct, it is attitude and the way you carry yourself with confidence while wearing high heels in public. I welcome you, as a new member, and hope to hear more of your thoughts and opinions in the future.

[heellover21]

If you read history books you find easely periods were man had to wear high heeled shoes. They were sometimes even higher than the woman heels.

So if the manufacturers started again selling nice shoes with heels for man we had again a period were man could wear heels. Remember the seventies, lots of nice shoes for man with heels and i remember small friends who loved this period.

I would love that also. dont know if it would catch on though. society is too uptight and backwards these days.

[Histiletto]

The world's attitude toward male heeling is becoming more tolerant as there are many perceived lifestyles that have brought to light the incorrectness of the social standards and its stereotyping. However, male heelers need to be more vigilant in the wearing of high heels to more fully empasize the fact that heels have also been selections of footwear men are choosing to wear and push this momentum further towards the positive result of heels being worn by everyone who chooses to wear high heels.

[AZShoeNut]

Well, folks, I finally got my answer as to, "Why do I have this fetish." For me it ultimately goes back to a childhood traumatic experience. I've been seeing a therapist with my wife over some huge family issues that have been hard for us to deal with over the last year. In an effort on my wife's part we started discussing things that she could do to help me have a greater experinece of heels in my life. So, I started going to a therapist that specializes in this stuff. I really do not want to go into a great deal of detail however once we unearthed the memories surrounding this experience with other kids that I had at a very young age (roughly 3 years of age) the link between my fetishes and the experience was absolutely clear. Interestingly my interest in heels have tapered off significantly ever since. I am going to my third visit to this therapist after that unearthing this afternoon. I feel like I will be healing a life long wound in this process however I may also be leaving heels behind. Kind of trippy. One thing that I learned is that the shame that I felt about wearing high heels before I found this web site did not stem from shame over wearing girls stuff as I had always assumed but came from the shame suppressed from my traumatic experience. The purging of shoe that I did in my teens was attempting to get away from the pain of the past experience. I have been totally shocked by how the mind can take an experience that was traumatic in early childhood and turn it into a love of high heels. I don't really understand the emotional dynamics that would lead to this experience however they certainly there. So, I have seen it posted so many time that we want to know, "Why do I have such a thing for heels," and many of us answer, "I have no idea." Well, now I know why I have such a thing for high heels. I am not sure just how much I will be around the boards over the next period of time. Should I fade off I wish everybody well. Everyone has been such a great support and I have treasured my time here. And if I am around then I'll see you later. Take care, Larry

[Shafted]

Take it easy Larry. I hope everything goes well.