kikepa Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 This is only somewhat a rhetorical question. Personally, I think I'm one of the most down-to-earth guys I know. I have long hair, pierced ears, and hold a TS clearance with background checks to like when I was nine. I've been sponsoring kids overseas for nearly two decades, I enjoy playing chess, meeting new friends, hanging out with old friends, hiking/backpacking/camping, music (I'm learning to play guitar), photography, I prefer the company and companionship (dating/marriages) of women. And I enjoy wearing heels and skirts, but not as a fashion statement. I'm simply more comfortable in these. Only two of the few women I've talked to about this get it and accept me for who I am. The other seven made the sign of the cross or said "OMG you're a freakin' pervert!", shook their heads, and elected to no longer be my friends - and one was a 20+ year friend! The last was two years ago, and I've gotten over it, so this is not a rant. I'm simply wondering why some things are so damned ingrained into our society as somehow "taboo" that most people would choose to ditch a friendship rather than simply laugh and say, "Oh, that's funny! Do you really? I don't love you as a friend any less" much as the two who've accepted me for who I am and what I prefer to wear. So - is most of society really that shallow? Those who really care about us don't make a fuss about what we wear. Those who make a fuss about what we wear really don't care about us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pussyinboots Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 Well - yes and no. A LOT of society is that shallow - but not all. Unfortunately, as with many things in life, you only find out who your real friends are when they are confronted with something that challenges their own predjudices. It's far, far easier to criticise or condemn someone else, than it is to rethink your own ideas about things. It's a protection mechanism. People fear things that they don't understand or that threaten their conception of 'the norm' - which is usually rigid ideas of conformity instilled in them from a young age. It also challenges their own insecurities about themselves, which are compounded by the constant battering from the media as to what a man should be and wear - and what a woman should be and wear. I'm not saying that we should be teaching our 4 and 5 year olds that men should wear skirts and heels - but - as an adult, you have a choice. Sadly, many people do not question or modify these notions as they mature. Which means in effect - that they do NOT mature. Much of it has to do with their own lives and how much they have experienced. Just to make my point - my husband and I live in a rural area where many of the local residents are retired senior citizens - and many fought in the last World War. Most of these folks wouldn't care less about seeing a man in high heels - they have seen far, far worse in their lives - and they know the TRUE meaning of bad! It's possibly an extreme example - but it makes my point. You have my sympathies on this. As a woman I would not be bothered at all - in fact - I applaud guys who have the courage to reject the narrow minded stereotype of 'manhood'. There is far more to being a man than just his shoes or trousers. I know this might sound silly - but a lot of women can feel threatened by a guy who may look better in heels than they do! What's even more worrying, is that a lot of women still think that if a man has feminine tastes, then he must be gay. Oh Dear!! When has it ever been the case that putting on a different pair of shoes instantly alters your DNA? (I have no problems with gay men I must add). Sadly in this instance - it would seem that your so called 'friends' were probably more worried about what others would think of them being associated with you - rather than being true friends. I have two old sayings that I stick to in life: "Those who mind, don't matter - but those who DO matter, don't mind". The other? "There's n'owt so queer as folk"! So to answer your question. You're individual and different - not wierd. Besides - do YOU really want to know someone who is that bothered about what clothes and shoes you wear? "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls just don't have the time...!:icon_twisted:" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiodave Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 Well said, Pussyinboots. Kikepa, I too could be considered average in most ways. I'm an engineer, I'm also learning guitar, I'm a big fan of the Beatles, I like camping, model airplanes, bicycling, theater, and movies. Yet I've met folks who will ask me if I saw some TV show like American Idol (as if EVERYONE watches American Idol), and if I say I don't watch American Idol, those folks look like I just grew a third eye. You can't please them all. We all have our own quirks that make us unique, and that's what makes us individuals. True, wearing heels might be a more unusual quirk, but in the end, they are just shoes and they don't change who you are. Sure, there will be the ignorant masses who can't get past that and think it's too weird, but there are others who may be intrigued by a guy who's not afraid to be himself and be different. A very good friend of mine helped me realize that you have to be your own person. She was cool with me wearing heels, and admired my courage for wearing them. She also pointed out that you don't need folks around who bring you down or keep you from being yourself. So while your "friends" may have been nice, if they couldn't accept you for who you are, then you have to ask yourself if they really were your true friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aussieheels1 Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 pussyinboots - i love your attitude... i wish more people (male and female) have your attitude to life..... kikepa - i hear you.... and know exactly what you are saying...... i often tried to imagine if one of my friend came to me and told me something about themself that I find absolutely disgusting (this is different for different people, just think of whatever thing that is a friendship breaker for you)..... would I be able to stay friends with them.... yeah i know and obviously don't think men wearing heels is disgusting... but somehow for some people it is...... i don't think it is up to me to convert them or dictate to them what they have to accept or not...... i suppose, you can say it was my fault not being honest and upfront about this to them to begin with when the friendship was formed..... so i suppose, i don't blame friends that decide not to hang round once they know this part about me.... i would be sad loosing them but i can kinda understand their side too.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roniheels Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 Kikepa ... I know what you are going through. I have some friends who know about me wearing high heels and they accept me, include me, and are good friends in every sense of the word. There are others who, when they found out about me wearing high heels, in no uncertain terms, have as much as verbally told me they don't upprove of my "choices" and have "terminated our relationship." And in one regard, I am relieved that hey have. Some female friends of mine accept me and even make a fuss over me in high heels. I was on a date one night with another woman, I told her about me wearing high heels in public, and she insisted on ending our date immediately. The last four sentences that Pussyinboots said are right on the mark and those are great words to live by and I thank you, Kikepa, for this thread, and Pussyinboots for those words to live by. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trickrider Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 I think your question has been well answered by several other posts, but I'll add my two cents as well. People come with all sorts of different ideas about what they think is the "norm" for a guy to do. For myself I have sometimes felt the sting of prejudice in my sports pursuits which focus mostly on men's gymnastics and horse trick riding. I also used to ride broncs in rodeos. Believe it or not, there are people who think those sports are "sissy" or "girly", and a surprising number think cowboys are gay. Of course most any "hypermacho" type of guy would be quickly reduced to a pile of aching muscles with just a few minutes of exposure to what I do or in the case of the broncs.... a couple seconds. My pursuits require me to be about as fit as possible and how that becomes "girly" is beyond me. I really think that some people's "ideal" perception of a guy is some loser with a beer gut. I am also disgusted how people write off women's gymnastics or women trick riders as not being strong, etc. because they are women. However, for every person who holds these attitudes, there are five, ten, or more who respect a person for their athletic accomplishments irregardless of their gender. Needless to say, it's not surprising that we run into the prejedices in regards to what a guy wants to wear on his feet. I don't wear heels publicly, although I do like to put a pair on once in awhile in private. However, I have small feet and I get a much better fit from wearing western boots and other casual shoes that are sized and labeled as "womens". Life is too short to worry much about other's perceptions, be true to yourself and wear what you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 boy, do I agree with you trickrider!! everything you say here is right-on in my view as well! life is way too short to try to "please" everyone in this world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SArmeah Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 Everyone has a great answer to this, and while I would love to weigh in about myself I will stick to the one thing I think is important that is implied by previous posters but not stressed. I think in all fairness you should have known this about your friends that turned away. I have a small group that knows and I have others that never will. I do not hold that against them, people are who they are going to be. While it might be easy for me to condemn and be dismissive to a friend that doesn't understand or agree with me, by me telling them in the first place (when I know them better that is) am I really being a friend to them? I am not saying that you shouldn't be yourself. Far from it. I am saying that when you decide to share something very intimate and personal about yourself, you should know who it is you are talking to. Don't mistake associations and kind gestures with friendship. Now you said you were friends with her for 20+ years... real friends? As in you know when her periods are or just frequent acquaintances. I do not presume to know, but I think if you can grab the jist of what I am saying you will have a different perspective on which to gauge why these "friends" turned away. Hope that helps. SArmeah - "No one cares how much you know, till they know how much you care" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve63130 Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 When life hands you a lemon, you have to figure out how to make lemonade with it. I would look at this turn of events not as a crisis or a problem, but as an opportunity. It's a chance to make some NEW friends, and hopefully some better friends, friends that will share your interests and approve of your choices. They're out there. You just have to find them. Keep searching, reject the ones that reject you, and move on. Good luck! Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B9HM Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 Hi, I can understand how you feel ,and it is too bad society is so narrow minded when it comes to men's tastes in clothing or footwear style.I believe it is the women who really cannot deal with men who want a change from the boring styles we ususlly wear.I havd loved heels since I was about 5 years old,and I am now 60.I am normal married male who do wear heels as much as I can when home alone.my wife knows about my little secrets,but like every women,thinks I am probably a little weird.Seems women can dress in our clothes as often as they want and that is ok,but if a man comes close to women attire or heels,we are sick in the head.Seems like to be a man, in their eyes, we have to appear as boring conservative in our attire as possible.They must be so unsure of their feminity that they feel threatened if a man likes to war heels or other things(reserved to women). I know some men would look pretty weird in heels while others can look good with proper walk and dressing style,same with some women,not every women look good in heels. Great subject you brought up. B9HM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyewok Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 Are you weird? Yes Are you odd? yes So am I and probbaly most people here. But everyone odd in there own way. The important questions are are you a Pervert? Are you a danager to people? Which I'm guessing no. The problems is its those two things that people have a habbit of asociating male heel wearing with That the thing that socitey really needs to change. I'm happy for people to think I.m a little weird. But It the thought of being labled a deviant that hurts. I can promise that I dont sit in my room obsseing over feet or doing unatural things to items of womens clothing or whatever else some people think us male heel wearers do. I can also assure you I have never hurt a woman and never will and treat them with uttermost respect. I can also asure that I'm happy being a man and have no intrest in being a woman. And this can probbaly be said for most guys on here (yes there are probbaly a few bad apples like any where). For any women that read this that may be unsure of male heel wearers. I encourage you to maybe get to know a few men on here. Maybe ask a few questions. I know some may be worried about being jumped on by some of us guys for dareing to disagree or worse getting banned. So If you do have any question or any opions you wanna share please feel free to PM me. I wont report or get angy, unless your out right rude or threating. At the end of the day you can only say your truely aginst something if you have seen both sides of the coin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aussieheels1 Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 hey Crazyewok..... i understand where you are coming from but in making your point, you also (to me anyway) somehow at the same time contradicted your point.... But It the thought of being labled a deviant that hurts........ I can also asure that I'm happy being a man and have no intrest in being a woman. And this can probbaly be said for most guys on here (yes there are probbaly a few bad apples like any where). you say that being classed as a deviant hurts (which I agree it does).... but then went on to prove you are not a deviant by listing a few example... however, these example demostrate your prejudice as to what a deviant is and i can assure you that there will be people who are in those groups you used as example... (eg men interested in being a woman) who may feel the same and wonder why they are classed as a deviant in your mind..... based on your earlier decription... they are not hurting anyone else or endanger anyone else... in fact they are not that different to us who want to wear heels as male in society... one might argue that they are pushing the boundary further but realistically aren't we all in the same boat..... sorry to be prudentic about this, and i admit I struggle with this internally (in fact, ironically, i "think" I'm prejudice against other male besides myself wearing heels or othere feminine clothing but that's a separate discussion)... so in no way am i having a go at you but more of a general commentary of my internal conflict which I think alot of us may have.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyewok Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 I wont get into a aguement as to what right or wrong. And I dont have much of a issue with people wearing heel as a fetish. Hell I know girls who admit they have a fetish for shoes. What I'm getting as It I dont want to be labled as a creep or a freak which people have to keep away from or treat as dangrous. I understand If a woman would'nt want to go out with me for heel wearing (I would'nt go out with a girl with short hair) but the idea is I would not want to be treated as a freak of nature or a creep. "And this can probbaly be said for most guys on here (yes there are probbaly a few bad apples like any where)." And what I ment by this is there are guys on here that I probbaly would'nt want to meet (luckly there in a minority), so I cant blame women for not wanting too lol I just would'nt want to be lumped in the same categry as them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 Lets face it! Any individual that does anything our of the "ordinary" can be classified as "weird." There is such a thing as being weird and then there is such a thing as being eccentric. The only reason any one of us would ever consider ourselves as being "deviant" or "perverted" is that is what present day society classifies people that crossdress and or role playing as members of the opposite sex. It is precisely this association applied to us by "normal people" that cause us to feel uneasy about our particular unorthodox dress habits. If it were not for this "looking at ourselves" through the eyes of "normal people" (SIC), and viewing our practices with the shame of association with habits that are by definition devient, we would not constantly be on high alert looking for any negative reaction or even reaction of approval. We are what we are and that's all that we are.....It will be decades before any one of us will be 100% comfortable appearing in public wearing shoes classified and marked as women's shoes. Regardless of how much or how little we discuss the way that the world "ought to be"........ Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aussieheels1 Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 agreed crazyewok.... well said Bubba... i think you hit the nail on the head re: the reason why we are constantly on high alert looking for people reaction.... i look forward to a day when either society allows or my confidence increase or my care factor decrease where i'm not on high alert for reaction when i'm on heels... basically, when most of us are not on high alert as to our choice of footwear is when we are accepted as social norm (whatever that means)..... thanks Bubba... somehow, i've never linked the 2 together even though now, to me, it so obvious.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blender Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 I would like to add my two cents to this, so I would like to tell you a true story of peoples double standards Names will be left out but this is a true story that happened in a place that I used to work in many years ago. Let me start Person A was best friends with person B for many many years they got on really well until person A decided that he was going to have a sex change, now that stirred up a hornets nest of comments about person A mainly about his sexuality?, nearly everybody shunned him apart from a handful of women that took him under there wing to give him advice on how to dress and apply make up as well as other things. person B called him all the names under the sun like what a freak he was and he should be burned at the stake for witch craft. This went on for some time until person b went missing and the police wanted to talk to him. it turned out that he was into little children who had many thousands of pictures on his computer. There was also another person lets call him person C that on many occasions would find excuses to dress up as a women for alleged fancy dress, he also was a major instigator of rumors and slander of not just person A but of person B. So go figure? who was the weird one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 Deviate from the path commonly walked and explore. Just because a mountain is there, people will climb it. We all have our differences be it hair or height, colours we like to wear. whether the deviation is an inch or a degree it matters to us it what makes us different and allows us to have different friends otherwise it would be boredom hell! It's the extreme, are we so extreme from the normal? what is normal? Hitler was extreme, Hindley and Bradley (the UK's moors murderous) equally and so many more. Blender is right in the tale. From the eyes of the beholder I'm weird and that's without heels. so for me who gives a ****. I'm used to it after 50 + years but it still hurts. Al Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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