evilscotsman Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 i dont know if this is the right forum but hey ill give it a bash. right basically after a about 10 months of knowing a person who incidently wears the sexiest boots i have known (this has nothin to do with her boots) i asked her out and she said although we spend all the itme we have spare together. continually meeting up for coffees movies meals dog walking nights out christmas shopping for each other, ive introduced her to my friends and they get along. Ive met her mum n dad and they like me been to hers for lunch which she prepared and we hug and br silly together all the time.... well anyway she said that from a purley selfish way she has never had a close male friend and that she wouldnt want to loose me and therefore she said no because when it ended she would end up loosing me and she didnt want to loose me. After not speaking to each other fo aweek we decided to meet up and chat about it. She claimed that she would marry me tomorrow if it was not for her selfish way but she didnt want the threat of loosing me if it ended. is this worth persuing and to try and change her mind? cheers in advance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shoe Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Point out that an end to a relationship need not mean the end of a friendship. Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danielinheels Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Just continue to grow your friendship with her. DO NOT try to force her into something that she's not ready for yet. That will push her away. In six months, or a year, or three years, she may come around. You've made your feelings clear, she's made her feelings clear, now it's time for the both of you to go forward knowing how the other feels. You have to not angle too aggressively for a relationship and she owes you the respect of not leading you on if she knows she isn't ready for one. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barbara Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 I would give it time. My thinking is that she likes you alot .Sometimes lovers start out as friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tech Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 If it happens, let it happen, if it doesnt, definately dont force it or try to make it happen as that makes things uncomfortable. Heels for Men // Legwear Fashion // HHPlace Guidelines If something doesn't look right, please report the content ASAP! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M-a Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 Give it time. It's all out there now so all you can do is wait and see. Although I would be concerned over the fact that she automatically assumes that you'll someday break up.. Hopefully it has got nothing to do with her feelings towards you but it still makes me sad for you (and her) to read that she has all this strong feelings for you and still is determined that it will eventually end. Maybe she's had some bad experience in the past and this is what makes her think this way? Good luck! “Sometimes you have to sacrifice your performance for high heels” www.heelsoholic.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sendra45 Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 go and treat yourself to watching the film 500 Days of Summer (2009) it is not about shoes, but worth a watch. The angels have the phonebox. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShoeDre Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 I'm sorry, but to me this is the most idiotic answer you could have received. Clearly you need to be less of a friend for her to be interested in you. After all, who would want to be with someone they would consider a friend. Furthermore, she would marry you if she liked you less. /end_sarcasm Sorry to be so sarcastic, but this sort of answer is inane. Find someone else who is not such a baby! Now my wife says, "This is woman code for the fact that she doesn't like you in that way." Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 I'm sorry, but to me this is the most idiotic answer you could have received. Clearly you need to be less of a friend for her to be interested in you. After all, who would want to be with someone they would consider a friend. Furthermore, she would marry you if she liked you less. /end_sarcasm Sorry to be so sarcastic, but this sort of answer is inane. Find someone else who is not such a baby! Now my wife says, "This is woman code for the fact that she doesn't like you in that way." Best advice, in my opinion, out of all posted here. It is obvious to me that ShoeDre's wife has it pegged. While she's a good friend to you at the moment, she probably doesn't consider you as being "potential life mate" material. One way quick way to test her commitment would be to make a date with another woman and tell her that you can't make an event with her because you will be busy on a date with this other woman. If she cares for you as a potential partner, she will reveal her true feelings at your next encounter. The danger with this approach is that she might not agree to seeing you again. However, the up-side of this is that you've only accelerated the inevitable -- that is, her severing her connections with you (dumping) when it is convenient to her. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puffer Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 ... after a about 10 months of knowing a person ... i asked her out and she said [no,] although we spend all the itme we have spare together. continually meeting up for coffees movies meals dog walking nights out christmas shopping for each other, ive introduced her to my friends and they get along. Ive met her mum n dad and they like me been to hers for lunch which she prepared and we hug and br silly together all the time... Is that a fair precis of your original statement, which was not an easy read? I may be an old fart with little understanding of modern relationships or misused language, but haven't you just spent most of the last ten months 'going out with' this girl - who you say now refuses to 'go out with' you? From what you've said, you've done more with her than have many people who are in a permanent relationship! I guess you mean that you now want a close/intimate/permanent relationship to the exclusion of others; am I right? For what it's worth, I think you are wasting your time if you truly want something more than casual friendship, however often you may do things together. I know a lovely couple (not young, but young at heart) who have great fun together and are clearly soul-mates - BUT she knows that she is selfish by nature and does not want to hurt him by 'failing' in the permanent relationship which he would like. So, they stay good friends but with separate lives and I can't help thinking that they both miss out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kneehighs Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 You fell into the dreaded "friends zone" with her, which means that somewhere along your initial communication lines, you failed to establish attraction. You have tons of comfort, but no attraction. Best thing to do now is learn how to playfully attract new women you meet. And most likely you are probably plagued with Approach Anxiety which makes matters even more challenging. Playfully attracting women really isn't as difficult as some believe it is. Last night I was "forced" to go out with a group of male friends to a bar on Third Avenue that reminded me of the type of bars I would go to when I was a freshman in college. Despite operating out of my comfort zone, I still kiss closed one beautiful girl and number closed another blonde from Germany and had other girls buying me drinks (women love to treat men well). And don't even start on the 3 girls I met out on my recent trip while in London! My guess is you probably need to learn about the psychology of attraction and start working on yourself to make yourself more attractive. Do you have some interesting life stories you can tell new women? Go back and think your life through, stories you've surely told others. Write them down. Figure out ways to tell the stories that designate you as an attractive potential suitor: --stories that demonstrate risk taking -- how you defied the odds --stories about how you traveled with an EX girlfriend -- implying other women already liked you. I tell a story of how I traveled with an ex and had my vespa tires slashed by locals in a foreign country, yet I was able to resolve the problem the next day by walking my vespa up the side of a mountain until I found a local hut with tires piled high into ceiling that could repair my vespa tires. (overcoming obstacles) --stories of survival -- I tell a story of how I was held up at gun point. It makes for a great excuse to press my finger into their stomach and hold it there. --figure out ways to touch the girl when telling your stories. When I tell the story of skydiving, I tell how you could steer the parachute in different directions by asking the girl to hold her hands out. Then I say if you wanted to turn left, you do this...and I touch her hands and move them as if they were turning the parachute. FYI, all my stories are true life events. Once you've learned to attract new women, then go back to your friend and apply what you've learned with other girls to see if you can establish attraction. I think that's probably the most realistic plan right now, barring any other information I have on you at the moment. Feminine Style . Masculine Soul. Skin In The Game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Shoot, KH, if he is successful with other women after doing all that you suggest, I doubt he will care a wit about the first woman....he'll be to busy with the others...... Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn HH Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 I tell the true story about Mickey and I--- After dating her for a few months, I said to her,"Did you ever think of marrying me?" She giggled and didn't reply. I waited a few weeks and ask her a second time. She blushed and didn't reply. After a few weeks more I ask her once again. She just looked at me and didn't reply. After asking her a fourth time she replied, "I have been thinking of quitting my job and going to Florida with my maiden Aunt". My reply to that was---"If you think that I am going to chase you to Florida to get you to marry you, it isn't going to happen. You had better make up your mind now or forget it. After a few days waiting I finally got my answer. She said to me that we better sit down and get serious about setting a date to be married. BINGO!!! Now look what it all turned out to become, 41 years of marriage, soul mates, and I wouldn't give her up for anything and she wouldn't trade me for a million dollars. It pays to be persistant if you are sure she is the one you want and well worth spending your life with her, and they said it wouldn't last. What do they know? Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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